Yup, this is a marriage related post.
Are you one who seeks marriage? Finding it hard in the worldly part of it? You know the luxury, lavish and money stuff.
Read on if you please (and if you want something to use to convince your parents to go on the Islamic view of marriage)
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Sharing this story because as much as I get marriage related questions on my inbox, I get it also in real life. May Allah make it easy for each and everyone of us. Amin
Since most of those are financial/money related queries, regarding the mahr or anything related to the expensive wedding stuff. Here’s a story that would make you realize how a believer should be in regards to money to his family.
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Muslim Ibn Sabih Kufi says that he heard his father saying, “Mughira Ibn Sho’ba RA and an arab youth both sent proposal for marriage to a woman at the same time. That Arab youth was quite handsome and beautiful as compared to Mughira Ibn Sho’ba RA. The woman replied to the proposals to both of them saying, “You both have sought to marry me. I cannot give a final verdict to any of you till I meet and talk to you both. Therefore, if any of you wants to marry me, he must come to me at such and such time so that I can reach a conclusion and select my life partner.”
Upon receiving the message, both the men went to meet the woman. She made them sit at a place where she could not see them but hear both of them.
Mughira RA got impressed when he witnessed the Arab’s youngster’s beautiful body, excellent youthfulness, good shape and soft-speech, losing hope of any success in the presence of such a competitor. He told himself not to pin any hope as every woman wanted a handsome, beautiful and attractive husband, and his competitor possessed all such qualities which he did not. He thought to himself, “When the woman will see me, she will definitely select the Arab youth, and I will only face defeat.”
Mughira RA was thinking all this as he suddenly asked the Arab youngster, “Brother, you have been gifted with beauty and soft-speech. Do you have any other qualities?” The youngster boasted, “Why not, I have such and such qualities.” Thus he mentioned several qualities, counting them on his fingers. Then he fell silent.
Mughira RA asked, “Okay, tell me how do you conduct your financial dealings?” The youngster replied, “It is excellent, I do not miscalculate even a single penny as I minutely maitain my accounts in detail.”
Now, Mughira RA began to say about himself, “But I am different from you. I leave an unattended pouch containing thousands of dirhams in a corner of my house. My family members continue to spend as much as they require from this pouch and I do not know how much money has been spent and how much is left behind. I come to know of the exhaustion of the money only when they demand more from me.”
The woman was attentively listening to the conversation between the two candidates. When she listened to what Mughira RA was saying she said, “I swear by Allah! This man deserves the most to marry me, and is more acceptable to me as he will not torment me while getting confused with his finances, and I do not like this Arab youth who will hold me accountable for every penny.”
Afterwards, the woman married Mughira Ibn Sho’ba Radiyallahu Anhu.
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Subhan’Allah, let this story reach families who are so keen on the financial stuff in marriages, sisters who are so keen on the physical attributes of their suitors and brothers who are so worried with their finances that they live as if they do not want to part from their worldly gains.
Let us take a moment and understand that Mughira RA makes his family spend out for charity and spend what is just needed for them, as let us remember that his family are also practising Muslims who abide to the rules and regulations accordingly to Islam.
Remember that the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalaam said that “Without a doubt, when a Muslim spends money on his family while considering (the action as worship), it is an act of charity”. [Ahmad, Bukhari and Muslim]
There is a big difference to a person who is generous and are too keen on his finances, being too keen on your finances shows too much attachment to the worldly life. - and this is the point that the woman raised when she said that the arab youth would held her accountable for every penny.
Spending for the sake of Allah should be so sincere that the left hand doesnt know how much the right hand has given and vice versa, for all that they intend is to spend for the sake of Allah, and indeed Allah said in a Hadith Qudsi that Spend on charity, O son of Adam and I will spend on you.
But spending too much in weddings is wasting too much money, when such big amount of money can be given to charity, let us all think twice on how we should spend what we have earned or gained for such actions will be for sure asked by Allah on the Day Promised.
My dear brothers and sisters, take a moment and reflect from this story. Ponder hard.
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And we pray that Allah blesses us with such good understanding when it comes to worldly things and our acts of worship.
Amin.
Zohayma
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Story was taken from Kitab Al Azkiya: 38; Nisa’ Zakiyyat Jiddan: 63
