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It's not like this was her first time stealing clothes from Jisoo, but it's sure to be her first time holding an iPod she doesn't recognize. She had only found out it was from Jisoo when the raven had told her that she could use it to find something informative for their project since Chaeyoung had forgotten to bring her laptop along with her.

And of course, Chaeyoung, being a forgetful person, had also failed to realize that she had taken the iPod along with the sweater. Damn her forgetful mind.

Chaeyoung sighs, stomping her feet on the floor the moment she arrives. How is she supposed to return these now? She had promised to spend her time at Lisa's house to help the Thai pursuing her best friend's once in a lifetime love life tomorrow.

And even if she attempted to return it tomorrow along with Lisa, she knew Jisoo wouldn't let her go so easily, and Lisa would end up drifting away in the process. Then Lisa would tease her endlessly for being such a whip at Jisoo. As much as she hated it whenever Lisa teased her about it, it would be a lie to say she didn't get butterflies in her stomach whenever she saw the smile on the raven's lips.

Chaeyoung's kryptonite, after all, was Jisoo's warm cuddles, sloppy kisses on her cheeks, and smiles.

I'm sure Jisoo wouldn't mind me holding her iPod for the weekend, right?

Yeah, It's not like Jisoo would die for not having her iPod for the weekends. After all, the raven wasn't really interested in playing games on her iPod unless it was used for listening to some songs Chaeyoung didn't know about.

Speaking of music, Chaeyoung's eyebrow lit up and she glanced at her best friend's iPod. If there was something Chaeyoung was so curious about and eager to find out, it would be Jisoo's taste in music. Sure, they've been friends for the longest time, but Chaeyoung had never really caught a glimpse of the older girl's music taste.

Though she does hear Jisoo humming some songs, she's only sure that it was just some piano pieces created by some famous pianists that Chaeyoung isn't really familiar with.

Chaeyoung lets her fingertips collide with the screen and go to Jisoo's spotify account.

Okay, knowing Jisoo, the raven woman, would probably find no sense in purchasing a premium account when you can just browse some playlists to play the song you like, but then everyone has a surprise under their sleeves.

Chaeyoung widens her eyes in disbelief when she sees the word "premium" in bold capital letters beside Jisoo's weird username.

Okay, that's totally a first.

She doesn't expect that, nonetheless. She shoots her eyebrows up when she sees the recently played songs.

Okay, she had totally not known that Jisoo adored Doja Cat.

Chaeyoung couldn't help, but find herself smirking as she recalled one time Lisa and she had a bet about Jisoo having at least one sinful song on which the raven listened.

Apparently, it looks like she won that bet they had. Chaeyoung took a mental note to tell Lisa about it tomorrow.

The next thing she did was to listen to anything she wanted. The perks of having a rich friend? They can use their Spotify account without fear of being charged.No, really, Chaeyoung was just kidding, nonetheless. She's going to start using Jisoo's account starting today.

And she did as she cleaned, because after all, cleaning without music is kind of boring, right?

Chaeyoung takes the broom, lip-syncing as she swings the broom, just like any musician would do whenever they are in the moment.

If only anyone could see, her sister or mother, they would have laughed their ass off once they caught Chaeyoung in the moment. But they wouldn't. They wouldn't, because no one was in the house aside from her, and Chaeyoung took advantage of that.

For minutes that almost turned into an hour, Chaeyoung kept her pace until she furrowed her eyebrows at the song's turning from energetic to sad.

It's not like Chaeyoung hates sad songs.

She'd just like to skip it, because she's cleaning, for goodness sake, and she doesn't have time to get fake sad during the cleaning. Okay, she does have time, but she scheduled it for a very late night.

So she takes the phone to skip, only to find a playlist that had her... name?

Chaeyoung felt her heart skip a beat. She knew the name Chaeyoung could be anybody's name, but maybe, just maybe, it was for her, because after all, she hadn't seen anyone with a Chaeyoung name interacting with Jisoo except her.

Chaeyoung takes a sharp breath. She taps, and when she sees all the songs, some of them are familiar to her, while others are not. And Chaeyoung isn't an idiot.

Okay, maybe she is, because she's blushing over something she wasn't even sure was for her. Although, she does feel a sting in her heart when she realizes this was all a love song and it's for somebody who's not her.

I Like U - NIKI

Sweet - Cigarrettes After Sex

Adore you - Harry Styles

Fallin' All In You - Shawn Mendes

Best Part (feat. H.E.R.) - Daniel Caesar, H.E.R.

Baby I'm Yours - Artic Monkeys

This is how you fall in love - Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler

I Love You 3000 - Stephanie Poetri

Paraluman - Adie

I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You - Charlie Burg

It takes two - Fiji Blue

we fell in love in october - girl in red

Rosie - John Mayer

Wish You Were Gay - Claud

I wanna be your girlfriend - girl in red

I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry

Cool for the summer - Demi Lovato

Chaeyoung smiles a little, almost sadly, and just when she was about to put the tablet down, and perhaps sigh in sadness, a knock was heard from her door.

She yelped, holding her chest in the process to ease the adrenaline rushing to her spine.

"Chaeyoung? It's me, Jisoo. Can you open the door?" A familiar muffled voice was heard from the door.

"Jisoo?" Chaeyoung mumbled, as if processing. "Jisoo? Soo!?"

"Yes, it's me," Jisoo says, "I think you got my tablet."

Chaeyoung freezes. She glances at the tablet, and if Jisoo finds out about her snooping into her spotify account, she's doomed.

"Uh-- yes, I'm coming!" Chaeyoung shouts, taking the tablet as she closes all the tabs hastily. However, she wasn't sure if this would be enough to destroy all the evidence. "Hold on,"

After a couple of seconds of speed exiting all the tabs. Chaeyoung takes a final glance at the mirror before fake coughing and finally opening the door for her best friend.

"Hey," Chaeyoung rubbed her index finger against her thumb. "You should have waited for tomorrow to come, ya know."

Jisoo smiles, walking inside before diving into Chaeyoung's bed. Chaeyoung purses her lip, following along, but not to the bed. Instead, she walked to the desk, and gave the tablet to her best friend.

"You used the key at the mailbox?" Chaeyoung asks, recalling about the key Jisoo and her used to hide so if ever one of them gets drunk, they'll still have a home to return to.

"Yeah," Jisoo replies, propping her cheek at her palm as she watches Chaeyoung. "I sent you a text about me coming a while ago, but you didn't respond."

"You did?" Surprised by new information, Chaeyoung takes her phone out only to find three missed calls and Jisoo telling her about coming over.

"Sorry," She says quickly. "I didn't notice it. I was too engrossed in cleaning around the house."

And also vibin on your spotify account.

Jisoo doesn't say anything. Instead, she just stared at her best friend. Normally, in this situation, Chaeyoung would stare at her back, but how can she stare at her back when everytime she glances at Jisoo, she thinks of the person Jisoo has fallen in love with.

"What?" She didn't mean it to come out nervously.

"Nothing," Jisoo replies, smiling as she sighs fully into the bed. She signaled Chaeyoung to come over, which Chaeyoung obeyed.

And before Chaeyoung could realize it, she was already engulfed in a fragrance that she dearly adored. She smiled, engulfed back.

"You smell so good, Soo." It wasn't planned. In fact, Chaeyoung just blurted it out. At this point, she's going to tape her mouth.

She hears Jisoo laugh at that. And god, just like every puppy love sick out there, she would always find Jisoo's laugh her favorite sound.

Then her laugh died down. Chaeyoung could feel Jisoo's grip on her growing tighter

"You saw it, didn't you?"

Fear of getting caught, Chaeyoung's breath halted. "What?"

"That playlist."

"What playlist?" It was the nervousness that talked, nonetheless. Chaeyoung hopes it wasn't too obvious.

Jisoo's grip around her loosened and sat up. Chaeyoung could feel an intense atmosphere from Jisoo and the fact that she doesn't know what the raven was feeling at the moment was not helping at all.

"You saw it." Jisoo wasn't asking. She was stating the fact and the fact that she could see through Chaeyoung amazes the blonde.

"Okay, fine." Chaeyoung breathes and realizes just how long she has been holding her breath. "I saw it."

All of a sudden, Jisoo smiles, almost shyly. And Chaeyoung hated that stupid smile. Are they going to talk about their crushes now? Because Chaeyoung doesn't find any amusement in Jisoo talking about the girl she likes.

"Did you listen to it?"

"I didn't."

"Why not?" Jisoo asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

At this point, all Chaeyoung felt was irritation, and sadness. She sat up, mumbling.

"Just because," She says before finally taking the courage to get out of the bed only to be held back when she feels Jisoo's hand on her.

"ButIMadeItForYou-"

"Huh?"

Jisoo clears her throat. A blush appears on her cheeks as she glances away.

"I made it for you." She mumbled.

Dazed and stunned, Chaeyoung doesn't say anything. Instead, she only stared at Jisoo in shock. Okay, first of all, she didn't expect that. Second of all, she has been crushing on Jisoo since elementary grade and has been showing her adoration, but the thing throughout that year was everybody knew but Jisoo. She was so dense.

"Can you say anything back, please?" Jisoo pleaded in anxiety.

"This was for me." Chaeyoung finally says, as if she was stating a fact.

"It's just for you."

"You like me?" Chaeyoung blurts out, her gaze steadying into Jisoo.

Jisoo nervously glanced at her best friend before looking down. The way Chaeyoung had stared at her was something that she couldn't comprehend.

"No," She finally says before gathering all of her courage. She glances up to meet her best friend's eyes and when she sees how dejectedly Chaeyoung looked. She widened her eyes.

"No! I--- I mean," She stands up, taking Chaeyoung's hands into hers. "I mean, I love-- I love you, Chaeyoung. I have been in love with you for a long time."

"You're in love with me?" Chaeyoung asks, her eyes were bloodshot.

Jisoo only smiled. She could totally understand why Chaeyoung has been acting like this. If only Lisa hadn't talked her out of this back in highschool, she wouldn't have realized just how lovesick she was for Chaeyoung.

"I am." She says, bravely. "I'm sorry it took me long to--"

"No, it's..." Chaeyoung didn't get to finish what she said, because the next thing Jisoo felt was Chaeyoung embracing her.

She hadn't said anything. Chaeyoung hadn't said anything about liking nor loving her back. Oh no, was she late? No.

There was silence engulfed between them and Jisoo's head was filled with negative thoughts. If only she had been early, she wouldn't have lose Chaeyoung in the first place. Damn it.

"I understand that you don't feel anything for me anymore, Chaeyoung." Jisoo was aware of her voice cracking down, nonetheless. She continued to speak and embraced the blonde back.

"I was too late. And I'm sorry for being late. This was my fault." She continued, "But even though you don't feel the same anymore, can I just love you still?"

Jisoo bit down her bottom lip, keeping her tears at bay as she caressed the blonde's hair.

"You idiot," Chaeyoung finally mumbles, breaking away from the embrace as she wipes her tears. "You think I'd lose feelings for you when all I ever felt whenever I'm with you is paradise?

We did not kiss. Although every time our eyes locked together, I would be the first one to break away. I would feel my hand brushing against her, and when I did, I felt the want to touch her. 

Some mornings, I would end up waking beside her. Her hair would pile up in my face and I would try to breathe in as much of her as I could. 

At that moment, I knew my desire to kiss her was growing. But I didn’t know what exactly I was supposed to do. Every time we would share our lingering stares, I would miss her warmth, I would miss her laugh, and more importantly, I would miss her presence.

It was a strange feeling, but I’ve tried to convince myself in these past weeks that what I had for Jisoo was a platonic feeling that would immediately end. That the spark between Jisoo and me was just a quirk we had.

So it remained like that, lingering stares and all. But sometimes, people run out of the energy it takes to deny it.

And so I walked into Jennie’s room. 

Jennie was at her desk, doing the homework I vowed to help her with. I walked up to her, sitting beside the mattress just beside the desk. 

"I think you’re right, Jennie," I said, taking a breath. "I think I like– no, I think I… I love her."

I didn’t realize I was crying until Jennie held my palms with hers and engulfed me in a hug. 

"I know, let it all out, Rosie," She whispers into my ear. "I know you’re afraid, but give yourself a chance to be happy."

Maybe that was what I’d been longing to hear. And so, I put on my best courage to show and tell.

That night, when I was out of my shell, I slipped out of Jennie’s room only to knock at Jisoo’s room. 

She was in her headphones, which I guessed she was listening to some headbanger music like BLACKPINK, TWICE, and all those kpop groups she would talk to me about. 

Then I walked up to her, tapping to get her attention, which she returned to by taking off her headphones. She was giving me the look, the gentle look that she always gives whenever she finds me wanting to tell her something.

She was patient, she was gentle, she was everything despite her flaws. And at that time, I knew I couldn’t let the grip of reality make me let go of what was in front of me. 

"I think that I love you, Jisoo."

And then I leaned closer. I did it so slowly that she could have stopped me a million times before it broke free. But she didn’t.

Instead, she took a bold look at me and gently gripped my palm.

Instinctively, I kissed her. I circled my hand on her nape the way I wanted to.

I could feel her hands on my waist, making small circles, which I assumed were to ease me. And I kept going more and more, taking her lips into mine until I broke it off. 

I could see her panting, and so was I. 

"You’re gorgeous," She said. "Even more gorgeous than I imagined."

I blushed and put my hands in my hands, embarrassed by how bold I was. 

She took my hands off my face and looked at me.

"I don’t know what I’m doing, Soo," I said. "But I do know that l… I think I love you. You are the only exception."

"Rosie." I knew I should say something back, but my attention was on choosing Jisoo.

"Park Roseanne!" 

"What?" I asked, stifling a laugh at my best friend. When I saw how serious she was, I faked a cough and decided to ignore Jisoo for a while. I cleared my throat once again before speaking.

"What?" 

"Who got you smiling like that?" She inquired, raising an eyebrow at me as she shifted in her seat to check my phone.

"Nothing!" I say, trying to bite back the smile escaping, and turn off my phone. 

Of course, it wasn't nothing. But Jisoo wasn't nothing, and I also could not let Jennie find out about the reasons why I was ditching her these past weeks.

She raised her eyebrow at me, studying me for a second. I know my best friend really well, so I wore my best-nothing-look face to convince her. It seems it didn't work, because the next thing she said just proved how well Jennie Kim knew my behavior.

"That doesn't sound nothing," She said, and I bit my lip. "Anyway, back to my question! Swear you're going to answer it honestly?"

"Depends." I said, and she rolled her eyes. "But okay."

"What's going on with you and my sister?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." She said, shooting me a look I'm clearly familiar with, still.

"I don't know what you mean."

She arched her eyebrows, as if she was challenged. "Don't make me say it, Chae."

"I really don'-"

"I know you're ditching me for my sister," She said, and I know I'm caught red-handed. "So let me ask again, what's going on with you and my sister?"

"Nothing, Jen... We're just friends," 

"So, you guys are like mega bestfriends right now, because you just ditched me a million times for her?"

"I ditched you like six times, and that was all because you were exchanging saliva with Lisa."

"You ditched me," I heard something in her voice that I couldn't place."For Jisoo."

"Six times and that was all because you were exchang-"

"You've never done that to me before." She said, and I could see she was now frowning.

"Yes, I did. One time, I ditched a quiz bee fo-"

"That was different. You were excused, so apparently you didn't ditch it for me. However, in my sister's case, you ditched her for me. Do things for me that you haven't done for me. It's... It's like you're shining more and I want to know if-"

I could feel myself getting frustrated at the words I was exchanging with Jennie. I shake my head, "I don't get you. What's your point, Jen? Stop fighting around the bush."

"Do you like Jisoo?"

"Of course I do."

Jennie didn't say anything, but she still looked. She opened her mouth again, "No, I mean like like my sister?"

The sound of the TV running around us had been muted but still distinct. But the minute Jennie said what she said, the minute I heard the word like, my blood started beating so fast that my pulse was all I could hear. The skin on my chest felt hot. My ears burned. I did my best to calm myself, and when I thought I had, I opened my mouth.

"I..." I found myself unable to speak. "I don't know... Of course not. Not like that."

Jennie didn't say anything nor react. She was still staring at me, and for the first time in the years I had spent with Jennie, I felt terrified under her gaze. The thought of me loving somebody was beyond my imagination. And I don't even think Jisoo would like someone like me. 

I felt Jennie's hands on me. She was staring at me as if she understood what I was saying, but did she?

"Why do you ask?"

Jennie shifts, "I just want to know. It's just, you've been different ever since Jisoo came into the picture," She said as she took her hand from mine and started to explain things. "It's like you're... you're, um, becoming brighter than before."

"What?"

"The things you do for Jisoo, I've never seen you do that for me before." The things you never dared to try with me are the things you now dared to do with her," She said. "Whenever she comes into the picture, I've seen how you get all giddy, how you listen so keenly to everything she says, how you tell me you couldn't touch your paintings until Jisoo came into the picture."

"Just because I've done things I didn't do with you. That doesn't explain that I like her." All of a sudden, I could sense how defensive I was. "And I do get giddy and listen well when I'm with you. You're my best friend, Jen."

"What?"

"I'm saying that Jisoo is just a friend."

I looked at Jennie and she looked back at me. 

"Okay," I hear her say before she looks down at our attached hands. "Okay."

"Okay," I said back.

"You know that I care for you, right?" 

"I know, Jen."

"That I’m always here for you…"

"I know."

"Okay," She said, smiling softly at me. "Just know that it’s madness to throw away all your chances to be happy because something went wrong. To no longer believe in love just because you’ve seen how it went wrong with other people."

That night, after she said those words, I pretended that I didn’t think about what she said. I pretended that I had shrugged it off, and I guess it worked, because the next thing was she dropped the topic and decided to talk about the movies we were going to watch.

I don’t think she was convinced about what I’d said. Not at all, but she was considerate enough to not talk about it anymore. We stayed in what we called "comfortable silence" but I think what I had with Jennie wasn’t comfortable. At least, not for me. And we stayed like that until she realized the clock and told me that I should stay for the night.

I cleaned myself before changing into my usual pajamas, which I bought a few months ago in case there was an emergency and I needed a place to stay. I could hear the bed creaking when I landed beside Jennie, and when I did, it took me a few hours of attempting to sleep until I gave up and moved away from the room.

It was twelve in the morning and what Jennie said to me was bothering me, so I decided to visit the balcony to get some fresh air. I realized faith was playing with me when I heard a loud click from the living room, and there it was, the figure I’d been thinking about for hours, along with the scene I had with Jennie a while ago.

"Soo?" I called when I saw her tiptoeing around.

"Chaeyoung?" She called out, "Is that you? You’re awake?" I saw her move her head and could not help but suppress a laugh when I realized she didn’t spot me.

"I’m right here, you silly." I say to her as my eyes follow where she goes. "Upstairs!"

I could hear an inaudible murmur below her breath before she looked up and saw me. All of a sudden, the confusing expression she had transitioned to a sun shining so brightly.

I couldn't help but smile back at her. I followed my eyes, and when I saw her climbing up, she appeared beside me. A bright smile was still present on her lips.

I want to tell her just how pretty she was, but then, someone has probably done it. I shrugged off my thoughts before offering a smile back.

"So you’re headed to the balcony?" She motioned her head towards the big window. "What’s a girl doing on a balcony at twelve in the morning?" 

"Rethinking my life choices if having friendship with you was worth it." I deadpanned, and she laughed. 

"You kept sending me memes between my classes," I continued, eyeing her.

"Sorry, sorry," She says between her laughter. "It’s just– it reminds me of you."

I didn’t notice how mesmerizing her laugh was until now. And I surely didn’t notice my heart pounding so fast until I felt it with my palm. 

The heartbeat was roaring so hard like Hercules. I had never felt for anyone like this before. Not even with Jennie, and perhaps, maybe it’s because I’ve only seen Jennie as a friend, and it was a different case for Jisoo.

Jisoo was staring at me as she spoke about her day. Her eyes were locked on me, smiling as she told me stories that I hadn’t realized I had reached out my hand and tucked her hair behind her ear.

There was a feeling storming in my stomach that I couldn’t identify. Nonetheless, I didn’t speak any further as I leaned forward and grabbed her wrist.

"What are you doing?" She said.

I have always liked the feel of her wrist in my hand. I liked the way her perfume lingered all over me. I leaned forward and kissed her.

I don’t know what I was doing. Was I supposed to kiss her like boys do when kissing her?

Is she going to push me now that I’ve landed my lips on her? What are we going to be if tomorrow comes?

I should have been worrying about someone who might have seen us. I should have been worried if my best friend had seen us. But all I cared about was that her lips were soft. Her skin was without any roughness. All I cared about was that she kissed me back, that she took her hand off of the cement and instead, put it on my waist.

Jisoo was the first one to break the kiss between us. I was breathless and, more importantly, so full of sheepishness inside me when I realized what I had done. What we have done together.

I looked at my feet as if it was the most interesting thing and felt her hands on my cheek, caressing it like a baby.

"Why did you–"

"I should go." I cut her off, "Jennie would notice my absence if I stayed longer." I scurried with my feet away.

I didn’t take a glance at her face, but I was sure I could hear a sigh coming from her as she mumbled a soft okay at me. 

I hurriedly closed the door behind me and closed my eyes as I slid out, unsure how to calm myself, how to quiet my mind.

It was true that Jennie had told me about her sister a few months ago, but the thing was, I didn't know what she looked like. The only descriptions I got from her were that her hair was raven-like like Jennie's, her height is almost similar to Jennie's, and lastly, her personality is similar to Jennie's, but slightly matured.

To be frank, I don't know what to say about it. I don't know whether to imagine two Jennies or just imagine a person who similarly looked at Jennie. 

When we arrived at the porch door, I was greeted by the sight of the living room, where Lisa sat with someone I was not entirely familiar with. They were talking to each other, a smile present on their lips, but still I could notice the slight nervousness on Lisa's face.

"Jisoo!" Jennie screamed, almost like a little kid, and ran to the person Lisa had just talked to.

Jennie was an elegant, aloof sort of beauty. Jennie was cool. Jennie was chic. But Jisoo was the sort of beauty that felt as if you could hold it in your hands, like if you played your cards right, you might just get to marry a girl like Kim Jisoo.

When they both settled, they exchanged, "How are you?" Jennie finally looked at me, motioned for me to sit down, and introduced me to Jisoo.

"Jisoo, this is Roseanne, my best friend. Roseanne, this is Jisoo, my sister."

I've met thousands of beautiful people throughout my life, but Jisoo Kim was on a whole new level. Not even Suzy Bae, my senior from high school, could compete with her beauty.

"Hi." I say.

"Hello, you must be Rosie." She says, smiling as she sticks out her hand. "Must be tough to endure my sister ever since you've met her. Tell me, has anyone scouted you to enter Miss universe?" 

I blushed at the strange question, and I could only curse mentally when, from the corner of my eyes, Jennie threw me a knowing glance. Lisa was the same as her girlfriend, and when I took Jisoo's hand into mine, I could feel the warmth emanating from it.

"I'm too plain to enter. Thank you for the compliment though."

Jisoo smiled, and I realized I'd played right into her hands. 

That's when I started to take a liking to Kim Jisoo. 

+++

A week passed and I was here, laying in Jennie's bed as Jennie kept talking about what she would wear for dinner that night at Lisa's house. Multiple dresses were scattered beside me, and I was sure that even if Jennie showed up wearing nothing but a trash bag dress, Lisa would still be head over heels for her.

"I swear there is nothing decent to wear!" Jennie expresses her displeasure.

I sigh. I've heard that sentence a million times. 

"Or you can just wear the strawberry dress that Lisa brought for you." I say, not bothering to look into her eyes.

"But I want to wear it on our date next week." 

I didn't say anything. Instead, I just continue to stare at Jennie's ceiling. I knew our conversation would just go in circles like it always does, so I just stared until I fell asleep and woke up only to see the person Jennie had been pinning on me about.

"Sorry, should I say good morning or good afternoon?" She asks, peeking cautiously from the door. "Did I wake you up?"

I smile a little. "I didn't realize I dozed off," I say, rubbing my eyes. "Where's Jennie?"

"She said something about going to Lisa's house. They were about to have a movie marathon there." 

"Oh," I say, that bitch didn't even tell me, and just left me under her sister's care.

I could feel my cheeks heating up. The least Jennie could do was to let me know that she was going to go see Lisa and not leave me alone here.

"Say, I'm going to some cafe downtown. Do you want to come with me?"

Thirty minutes later, before I knew it, Jisoo and I sat together, and the guy behind the counter came up to us, momentarily grinning as if to charm Jisoo and I. 

"Do you want menus?" He said.

I could see Jisoo in front of me, smiling as she shook her head, "Chocolate is fine." Then she looked at me. I blushed, although I don't know why, and just said, "Strawberry please."

The man nodded, flashing a charming smile at Jisoo. It seems that he was hitting on her, and I don't know whether Jisoo is acting dumb about it or not. She seems to not notice it. 

"Thank you for this, unnie." I say. The least I could do was to be polite to my best friend's sister.

"Jisoo," I hear her mumble. I hummed, unable to respond.

"You can call me Jisoo." She said as she laid her back on the chair.

"Jisoo." I say, trying out her name under my tongue and it came out so natural.

"Yes?"

I blushed, shaking my head to signal that it was nothing. I can see her grinning. 

"So how did you and Jennie meet? I hope she doesn't have to wrestle you to be friends with her."

I laughed at that. "We're actually partners on some geometry projects for a month. Then I told her that I could handle it by myself, but in the end, I couldn't as she was forcing herself to step in and help, which I'm glad of."

"And why is that?"

"I'm terrible at math," I admitted, sheepishly smiling."Never, ever good at it. Our project was involved with art, and math and art are not my forte that much, so let's just say it was a disastrous project, but we survived."

Jisoo shrugged. "I saw some of your other work. It wasn't awful. In fact, you're really good at art. However, there are some things that need to be tweaked and improved. Your hands are nice, I like them."

"Please don't tell me Jennie was the one who showed it."

"Oh she did, she did it, and bragged to me."

"Remind me to strangle her when we arrive at your house."

"It was not that bad, really, but sure." She grinned.

I blushed. Art was a hobby I don't visit that much anymore, but I do a lot of them. Most of them were just plain sketches that I did at Jennie's house and sometimes forgot to bring them to my house. Until now, I still think my art is not that important.

Before I could say anything, our orders had arrived, and again, I saw how the guy flashed another charming smile. This time, Jisoo noticed it, and didn't flash anything aside from pursing her lips.

"I've actually just seen this cafe around social media and I'm surprised they actually have chocolates here." She says, gasping and grinning as she takes a sip. And it reminded me of Jennie somehow.

"Is it good?" I asked, a little bit curious after I'd seen how she softly gasped. 

She moved her straw towards me and said, "Try it." 

I blushed when I noticed, and to be frank, I've lost count of how many times I've blushed around this woman. I took a sip and couldn't help but taste a little bit of the lipstick she used on my lips. The chocolate was indeed good, and I gave her a thumbs up.

She laughed. She sipped her drink once more, and I did the same with mine, which tasted strange. Maybe I was not hiding my expression really well, because the next thing I heard, she was asking me if the drink was okay. 

"If I were to compare Jennie's strawberry homemade milkshake to this, I would still choose this." I said, raising the milkshake a little bit and slumping my cheeks at the desk only to straighten my posture. 

I heard her laugh at me. "You don't have to be uptight around me, Rosie. And also, if you have some time, Why don't we paint together?"

"You do art?"

"I do. Ever since I was little."

"Jennie never told me that."

"That's because you never asked." She coyly said, with a hint of tease.

She takes a sip of her chocolate and can't help but notice her lips. Before I knew it, she handed her drink to me and said, "Here. Have mine." 

"Ah, you don'-"

"I don't mind. You seemed to regret your choice, and plus, I'm full."

I sheepishly looked away. That wasn't the reason why I was staring, and frankly, I also don't know why I was staring. 

"Thanks..." I mumbled under my breath and took a sip of the drink she gave me.

From the corner of my eye, I glanced at the window and saw how she smiled at me. She was smiling as she saw me sipping her drink, and when I decided to look up to catch her, I couldn't help but open my mouth to say something.

"What?"

"I really like you, Rosie." 

I didn't say anything. Instead, I looked at her sideways.

She laughed at me. "I know that's not something most strangers would say, but I don't want to be like most strangers. I really like you. I like watching you focus on something. I like how you just blurt out and do what's on your mind. I like the way your raven hair flows freely behind you and looks so natural on you. And to be honest, I like how you just became you, and took the leap of faith to choose something on the menu despite not knowing what it would taste like."

I blushed, and I could see how her grin grew.

"Plus, I can't wait to do art with you. Ever since Jennie told me about you, I have been waiting to hang with you. I want to see you shine, I mean." She said, and on second thought, I wonder just how much Jennie exposed me to Jisoo for her to become so interested in me.

+++

After a few days, I was thinking of Jisoo, and I didn't want to think of her at all. So I buried myself in the school's paperwork. But here's the thing I've learned for a couple of years: if you run, there's no point, because you have to face it in order to feel free. So I decided and when I was finally free for one night, for the first time, I invited Jisoo tonight to my house.

"You don't have a maid." Jisoo said as she was looking around the house I've grown up in.

"We do, but Mrs. Im would only visit during the morning and afternoons to clean."

I guided her somewhere, and there we found ourselves in the kitchen to ask what she wanted. 

"You have wine?"

"You want to get drunk?" I didn't mean to blurt it out; it just came out naturally.

She chuckled, "No, it's just... wine helps me work better."

I could not disagree with her. It's true, wine does help you work better. So, without a doubt, I went through the cabinets, trying to find the wind glasses, even though I had no clue where they were. 

After a few seconds, I thought I found it, but then I realized it was champagne flutes. I could not help but feel sheepish and slightly upset when I could not find what I was looking for. I was certain Mrs. Im once told me that it was here somewhere.

"I think I can't find the wine glass,"

"I wouldn't mind if you offered me to chug the bottle instead of sipping from a wine glass," she said, and I couldn't help but laugh, only to stop when I noticed her staring at me.

"Has anyone told you that you're more beautiful when you laugh?"

I bit my bottom lip, blushing. Lately, ever since she came, she has been taking all of her chances to shower me with compliments. 

"Jennie did, once." I say

Jisoo smiled before breaking our eye contact and taking a pair of glasses. I took the wine, and before I knew it, we had arrived at the basement, where I had kept the art materials that I had brought for myself.

I could hear the clink of glasses, and when I glanced at Jisoo, she was pouring the wine for me and for herself.

"Here," she said, and I took it, sipping as I started to pull on the dusty white clothes. Jisoo was helping me pull them, and after a couple of minutes, when we settled down, I gave her a seat. 

"I started art at a young age," she starts, glancing at me to acknowledge if I was listening or not. I glanced up and met her eyes. "I like to believe my grandfather was the reason why. We made a bet, daring me to sketch our neighbor's roof, and when I found it so perfect, I didn't stop bragging about it for days with Jennie, until my parents brought me some art materials I didn't know existed. Of course, when I had the skills, I immediately felt I ought to pursue it. My grandmother and some other relatives believe that my involvement in the arts is a disgrace to the family. I love them and hate them for that, but that's family, I guess."

I didn't say anything. Instead, I hummed and sipped my wine. I could feel her eyes on me. 

"I heard from Jennie that you stopped art because of your mother. But you managed to stand back, not because of your mother, but for yourself."

I wasn't mad at Jennie for exposing me to her sister like that. I understood, Jennie was bad at lying, while I was the opposite. I understood.

"I did. She was my main inspiration, and after she left, I didn't really have any more inspiration left, so I stopped. I don't really know when I started again, but I do remember waking up and just doing art sometimes, because fuck it. I wouldn't let my mother stop me from doing what I wanted just because she left." Although, I sometimes feel lonely to have no one beside me to cheer. My mother was with me throughout my discovery of liking art, and when she disappeared from my life, I felt like a stone left by a traveler only because he was interested in another stone whose value was greater than mine. 

Jisoo looked at me. She appeared to neither pity me nor feel uncomfortable with all that she'd had growing up that I didn't have. A family's warmth, a complete family that will always be there for you, and a life where your only problems are just your life career and don't involve two asshole parents. 

I expected her to say something, something like, "How sad." and then give me the pity that I don't need and life stories that contained their flaws to make me feel better (though I'm sure it wouldn't make me feel better), but she didn't. Instead, she said something I never expected.

"All the more reasons for me to admire you the way I do," Jisoo said, raising her wine glass towards me. "To you, for being absolutely fucking great."

I laughed, clinking my glass with hers, then drank with her. Before I knew it, I was now facing the white board. I can feel Jisoo's eyes on me.

"I..." I don't know what to say. I had so many ideas before, and now that I faced the empty canvas to pour my imagination into, they suddenly disappeared.

"What you feel is what you're going to pour."

"What if you feel empty?"

"Then you express empty."

I glance at her. I had no words to tell her, but when I looked at her eyes, she looked at me, flames of adoration were present. 

"Jennie Ruby Jane, that's your sister's English name." I said to her. She raises her eyebrows at me. "What's yours?"

She blinks and says nothing until after a long time.

"I don't have one. I'm only Kim Jisoo, from South Korea, and a loving sister of Jennie Kim," She said. "And yours? Is it really Park Roseanne?"

I glance at the canva and move my hands. I try to focus on the bold stroke I just made and confess the truth. "Park Roseanne is my English name. However, my real name is Chaeyoung. Park Chaeyoung"

I didn't really hear any reactions from her. She didn't say anything like, "So, you're from the states?" or. "Why did you change your name?" She didn't ask any questions regarding of my name or where I live. She didn't say anything until she said. 

"That's a beautiful name, Chaeyoung."

I couldn't help but feel the tip of my lips rising up. My dad has always thought of that name as beautiful, but the kids at my elementary school kept saying how old-fashioned and ugly it was. For the longest time, I kept moving my hands and focusing my eyes on the painting I was doing for the first time. This is the first time I felt so motivated, and it's all because of her.

"Thank you," I said, and decided to express my feelings. "No one has said that to me before."

I glance at her. She glanced back at me. I could not help but feel myself smiling at her. She smiled back. 

I turned back to the canvas, which was now filled with something, and I realized how much I missed painting. 

+++

After that evening, I noticed how much time I had consumed. I invited Jisoo to stay for the night. I didn't want her to go home at this hour. I could see how she was getting tipsy, and so was I. I twirled my arms around hers, holding her close to me, and led her upstairs, where my room is located. I can't let her sleep in my father's bedroom.

"Where's your father?" She whispered.

"Work," I didn't want to say that he rarely comes home. I don't want her to fully see how lonely I am. "You can borrow my pajamas. I have just the perfect one for you."

We walked straight into the closet. I watched as she looked around, taking in the surroundings of the bedroom where I grew up. 

"Can I ask you something?" She said, 

"Sure," I replied.

She takes a seat on the corner of the bed. "Have you brought anyone here?"

"Jennie?"

"Anyone,"

I thought about it. I did make Jennie stay here, but that was during our second project together, and we had to film some places that were very quiet. Since then, I was always the one who visited their house. Aside from that, I never brought anyone here. I thought there was nothing interesting here.

I could feel myself naked under her gaze and decided to confess the truth. "Aside from Jennie, that would be just you." 

She hummed, and I continued to find the clothes I would lend to her. After a couple of minutes, I found it.

"Ah," I said, "Here." I handed it to her.

She took it from me and looked at it. "The color is gorgeous."

"I know," I said. "I stole it from my neighbor back when I was in New Zealand, but don't tell anyone."

"I hope you know by now that all of your secrets are safe with me," Jisoo said, as she tried to see herself in the mirror.

I think for her, it was a throwaway line. But it meant a lot to me. Not because she said it, but because when she said it, I realized I believed her. 

"I do," I replied."I do know that."

When you realize that you can tell anyone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is, "You're safe with me"- that's intimacy.

I could feel the goosebumps embracing me. And after I heard her say that, I could not help but feel the urge to hug her and never let go. It made me so appreciative.

"I think it will not fit me," Jisoo said. "I'm not as skinny as you, Chaeng-ah."

"Nonsense. Try it on. I bet it will, and if it does, it's yours."

For the first time, I felt a desire to give her a lot of things. I wanted what I had to be hers. I wondered if this was how it felt to love someone. 

"All right," Jisoo said, as she threw her shirt on the bed.

As she pulled on her own clothing, I found myself staring at the paleness of the skin stretched across her ribs. I gazed at the bright whiteness of her bra. She was just as skinny as me. I followed the curve that ran along her hips. Jisoo was still beautiful.

+++

The moment our eyes met, I knew from the start that Jisoo was just going to end up like anybody else.

But then she comes again, in my porch door with that dorky smile all over her lips. I’ve always hated that type of smile, thinking that they were suppressing a laugh at me for some reason. But whenever she flashes those smiles, it makes me feel warm. Then she would shower me compliments.

"You don’t have to appear at my door everyday, Jisoo." I say, stifling a yawn. 

"If I don’t, you’re going to end up late for your first class," She says teasingly. "You should be grateful that you have me."

I rolled my eyes, smiling at what she said before I left the door. I could hear her soft footsteps behind me.

"Ah," She says from behind me. "I knew it, I should have come here sooner. Look at you! You didn’t even take a shower, and your first class is near."

"I just woke up," I whined. If Jennie Kim was a nagger, Jisoo Kim is worse. "And also, It’s not even seven-"

I winced when she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Yet- okay! Fine, I’m going to shower." I said in surrender.

Then she smiles at me, "Good."

When I’m with Jennie, I’ve always felt like the older one when we both knew the younger one between us was me. The feeling of needing to care, to do things, and perhaps, to always be there when she needs me. I’ve always felt that, but with Jisoo, it was a whole foreign world that I’m not used to.

As I came downstairs, all ready to go to school. I frowned at the figure I saw in the kitchen. 

"You don’t have to cook for me every time you come here." I say, tying my hair before I start to take the plates.

"I don’t mind," I hear her say. "I love cooking for you."

I pause mid-way. I took a glance at her and thought about the first time I invited her here. Just like before, for her, it’ll be a throwaway line. She probably doesn't know how nice that is, but I do.

I didn’t say anything further as I felt the warmth capture my whole body because of her words.

"Your hair paired with that hairpin looks good today," I heard her say and I realized she was looking at me. "I– I mean your hair totally looks good every day, but it's extra pretty today, you know? You should wear it often. You look– uhm, you look extra pretty. It suits you."

Before I could reply, she was already blushing. She hid her cheeks beneath her palm. I could hear her mumbling an apology and about how much of an idiot she was. Despite all that, my attention wasn’t on it. Instead, it landed on the hairpin I rarely wear. 

I thought no one would notice it, but she did. Jisoo noticed it. 

The next day, he drank himself to sleep, and I wondered where my mother could have gone off. My mother never liked the smell of alcohol, so I often witnessed my father getting scolded by my mother. Yet, she's not here.

A week later, my father's hobby of drinking got worse, and it stayed like that until he started to shout at me. My father had never raised his voice at me until that time. A month later, I got used to his shouting and saw my mother, whose presence I miss most. She was standing beside him, speaking in a hushed tone that I could barely hear from the stairs. I wished I could hear what they had been talking about, but then I stopped wishing when I saw how my father had shoved her away from him. 

I held a gap between my lips. Despite the distance, I could clearly see the guilt forming on his face, which I guessed was because of what he had done to my mother. My mother gasped, and all of a sudden, she wept on the floor as she moved her lips, spitting hatred words at my father. Then the guilt on his face starts to twitch, changing to hatred, just like my mother had.

I did nothing of the sort aside from witnessing the hatred they'd exchanged with each other, and it went on like that until I reached the age of eleven. 

At the age of eleven, she finally left me. She was at our porch door, ready to leave without hesitation. I could hear my father's voice behind me, calling her names, and I think she was not listening, because the moment I opened my mouth as I called for her, she turned to me. I knew my mother was never going to go on one of her so-called business trips. Not when I've seen how she almost took all of her belongings from the house, as if she was erasing the fact that she existed here. The fact that she's my mother.

I don't want that. I never want that. I want my mother to stay, and not for my father, but for her daughter. It was a selfish request, but I didn't know that at the time. I was just a young kid back then, begging for my family to be okay just like before.

The memory of my mother lying before she walked out of my life was still vivid in my mind. I remember her fancy vanilla scent on me. I remember asking about the places when her boss asked her to go to some places, even though I had no knowledge of them. I wasn't even sure if those places existed, but I tried my hardest to remember them so I could figure out how and where she was going. I remember how she reached out to tuck my hair behind my ear for the last time and whispered that she would be back for me. Then she kissed my cheek, longingly. I remember how watching her left me completely helpless. I remember how I cried for her as I let myself sprint freely to the car, never accepting that she was going to leave me forever. But she never stopped the car. 

I remember how I would wait for her every day at the window. I remember the disappointment I would get when I saw a black automobile only to find out that it was not her. I remember the pang of jealousy in me whenever I saw kids interacting with their mothers with smiles on their faces. I remember visiting my mom's old room, trying to feel her presence with me. I remember how I wept when I came to learn that my father had decided to move to Seoul, South Korea. And mostly, I remembered that I would cry only in the shower, where no one could see me or hear me, where I couldn't tell what my tears were and what the water was.

To be frank, I don't know why I did that. I just know that after a few months, I was able to take a shower without crying, and I stopped getting disappointed as I waited for her. 

Despite the promises she showered on me that day, she never showed up on our porch again, and since then, I've come to wonder if my mom truly loved me. Why did she even bore me with her stomach if she would only just leave me alone with my father? 

At that time, I could not help but wish I should have been born a bird. 

By the time I was sixteen, I was six feet one, with dark, shiny raven hair, long legs, light porcelain skin, and a chest that pulled at the buttons of my dresses. Boys at my school would whistle at me on my way, watching me walk down the hallway, and I would get the nasty glares of the girls that would befriend me in front of my face, but stab me savagely in the back. 

One day, a boy came up to me when I was left alone in my classroom. He grinned at me, though I didn't know why. He wasn't even handsome with his grin, but I think he thought he looked handsome because he'd been smiling for how many minutes, so I didn't dare break the confidence. He told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend, and to be honest, I never knew what to say back to him. 

Then he kissed me. I didn't want him to kiss me. I pushed him away, but he held onto my arm.

"Oh, come on," He said. "Be my girlfriend. I know you like me,"

The classroom was empty. His arms were strong and he gripped me tightly. At that moment, I knew he was going to get what he wanted from me, whether I let him or not. 

"You have this power over me."

Then he kissed me, and I felt like I was kissing a piece of shit coming from a cow's asshole. It was disgusting, but I couldn't move my body. It was as if it was paralyzed on its own. I wanted to tell him no. I wanted to scream at him that I didn't want his lips on mine. I didn't want him or this. And before I could realize it, his lips disappeared from mine, and I saw him almost fall off the ground.

I realized I had slapped him. 

I could feel my hand stinging from the pain. I glanced at him, and he threw me a pair of furious eyes, boring deeply into me. His cheeks were red, and when he caressed them, he hissed at me.

"You sick bitch! You should be grateful I kissed your slutty lips, you fucking weirdo!" He points at me, as if he really meant that I should be grateful. 

I flinched and didn't say anything. I could feel my tears building up, but I wouldn't show them to him. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of my tears. Instead, I just stayed there quiet as I bit the insides of my cheeks. 

"Oh god! Fuck, my face!" I heard him say. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. You will fucking pay for this, you fucking weirdo!" 

Then he left. When he did, I felt my legs couldn't carry me anymore, and I collapsed right onto the ground. I don't know why, but there was not an ounce of tears streaming down my cheeks. Instead, I just sat there in relief that I was able to break free from his grasp.

On the night of that day, I washed my lips a thousand times until I finally felt clean, but no matter how much I tried to rinse them with water, I knew the feeling in his lips wouldn't come off. And I felt disgusted. 

When the next day came, it was no surprise to be the center of attention after your classmates found out about your family history and how you used the boy they adored: motherless, miserable, slut, bitch, bitch, bitch, poor bitch, and how dare you use our oppa!

Wrecked-Park. That's what I would hear whenever I walked through the hallway. They sometimes call me that, and it makes me want to scream at them, tell them to shut their mouths, because I don't know why. They were speaking the truth. I was a motherless girl, and I know I don't have a reason to be angry about it, but I hated it when they called me names. So, despite the hard, annoying, and sharp words, I came to learn that wasting my energy on something irrelevant was useless, so I made it through high school mostly avoiding and rejecting anyone until I reached college.

By the time I was nineteen, I was familiar with the quote, "No man is an island." I've known that quote ever since I was in kindergarten, and throughout high school, I've proved the quote wrong by being partnered with some random kid in my class and just volunteered to do it alone.

Then, they would show me fake concern with questions like, "Are you sure?" I would nod, shrugging, as I knew really well that they were kind of feeling lucky to have me as their partner. I don't really know what the reason was back then, but throughout the years, I've come to guess that maybe I just didn't want them to see how lonely and miserable I was.

+++

When I arrived at my first class of the day, Mr. Lee, our homeroom teacher, announced that we would be pairing ourselves. He said that to make things fair, Mr. Lee decided he would be the one to decide with whom to partner.

Of course, I didn't have any objection to that, so I was partnered, and that's where I crossed paths with Jennie Kim. 

"You don't have to do this with me, Kim." That was the first thing I said.

I can see how her eyebrows furrowed as if she was foreign to it.

"Why not?"

"You don't have to. I can handle geometry, it's not a big deal." I said, though I'm not so sure of my words, but I work harder than the devil.

I can see how she scrunched her nose softly, "Why would I let you eat our project alone, Park? Wouldn't that be unfair?"

I raised an eyebrow, confused. "If you're worrying about the cooperation grade I'll give, I'll give you ten."

"And why would you do that?"

"Just because."

"I'll ask again, why would you do that?"

I look down, "To leave me alone."

"You're shooing your partner, give them ten points despite no effort?"

"Just leave me alone, Kim."

"That's nonsense, Park."

I finally sigh, glancing up to meet her eyes and motioning her to sit down. Jennie Kim was one of the famous students I've seen around the school, and I know that just by associating with her, it'll feel like I'm letting Charon paddle my way to Hades' realm. And I don't want the peace I'm building around myself to be wrecked just because I had some project with some cool girl.

"Look, I know you're trying to pretend that it doesn't make you happy at all, but I do," I took my books to my bag and stood up to walk out. "So be a dear and leave me alone to do our project alone."

"Do you not have trust in my knowledge?" She asks, and I frown at her.

"I do." It was true, I always tend to notice Jennie Kim's name in the top list.

"Then why wouldn't you let me help you?"

"Our conversation keeps going in circles, Kim."

"Then let me help you."

"I told you no."

"Then at least let me write our names and check if the answers are right."

"I have hands and a brain for a reason."

"Then at least let me provide the mater-"

And our conversation goes in circles until I finally sigh in surrender and agree. Between the stubbornness of Jennie Kim and Park Chaeyoung, I have admitted defeat to that.

I always found my legs giving up and tired as I walked towards Kim's house, but I endured it. Jennie Kim didn't need to know that, and so we continued our project that lasted a month. And throughout the project, I didn't expect to find the friendship I've been longing to have for years.

It turns out that Jennie Kim is not that hard to get along with. Turns out, Jennie Kim, who always had a cold expression on her face, can smile brighter than the sun does every morning. Turns out, Jennie Kim, who is rumored to be a party goer, loves to stay at home in her comfy pajamas. It turns out that Jennie Kim, who is portrayed as an evil, slutty, and cunning bitch, is actually a nice, brave, and strong ordinary girl like us, who makes mistakes and has flaws. It turns out that Jennie Kim, who is always portrayed as being dark as hell, is actually filled with unicorns. Turns out the Jennie Kim students idolize in our school is human too. Turns out Jennie Kim is actually a fan of Disney princesses. It turns out that Jennie Kim, who is rumored to be unaffected by any relationship she is in, is in fact heartbroken. Turns out Jennie Kim, despite the heartbreak, keeps trying to find love.

To be honest, I don't know why she does that. Why does she keep trying to find love despite the heartbreak that will embrace her in the end?

"I have something to confess. Someone actually asked me out two weeks ago." 

I could hear the voice and I knew that voice very well. I could hear her taking the seat in front of me, and when I glanced up, Jennie Kim was avoiding my eyes. Instead, she looked at her food with a sheepish smile on her lips. I knew this movie very well, I knew Jennie Kim very well, despite our friendship having just recently reached its second year.

"Who?"

"Well... Lisa," she starts, blushing more. "She asked me out."

Jennie Kim stopped killing her food before she placed her spoon down with a blush on her cheeks. I raised an eyebrow. Jennie hated fighting around the bush, and that's what she's actually doing right now. At this moment, I would have pointed out the new behavior she's showing, but I know my best friend is suffering at the moment, so in mercy, I didn't.

"Lisa, who?"

"Oh, you know, Lisa, Lisa, like Lisa... yeah." 

"Jennie, I don't know who this Lis-"

"Oh come on, are you really going to make me say her full name? Gosh, Rosie. You started your first year here and you didn't know who Lisa Manoban is?"

I faked a cough to hide the grin on my lips. Jennie was a fun girl to tease. 

"Chill," I say. "You didn't have to attack me just because Lisa Manoban asked you out or something." 

She blushed, and the next thing I saw, she was zooming out. I let it slide. This was an amusing sight, and it seemed like getting asked out by Lisa Manoban was not the only thing that happened between them. I know it. I can tell.

"She's different, Rosie. I mean, really, really, really different from the guys and girls I've been with."

I hummed, nodding as I urged her to continue. I've noticed countless ways in which Jennie Kim would describe her past lovers, but with this Lisa Manoban, I know I'm safe to say that she's different. Jennie Kim's expression says so.

"She looked at me, Rosie. And the way she did it made me feel as if no one had ever really looked at me before. Not even Jongin." She paused, taking a deep breath, and smiled as she stared at the food. "She's uhm... she treats me so nice. She listens well. She makes me laugh. She never forced me into anything. She would laugh at my jokes like a little kid... and it just felt so foreign and right with her, you know?" She laughed, the kind of giddy laugh that kids have when they're truly happy.

"That's great, Jen."

"It is..." She said, softly, and reached to catch her arm. "She's perfect, hubby. I know she has flaws around her, but that's what makes her perfect."

I felt a painful throb in my head and held it. I groaned as pieces by pieces of my memory began to slowly embrace me. I sighed, wondering if the ten pills I'd taken weren't enough.

I sighed once again in disappointment as I tried to stand up only to fall back on the bed. My feet felt like jelly and, for some reason, my head was too tight in pain for me to focus.

Fuck. Maybe overdosing myself was not the right decision in the first place. Maybe I should have just jumped from the building instead.

I didn't know what time it was, but because of the haziness in my head, I tried to grab some painkillers from the nightstand table and drank them with the hope of easing the pain.

I let my back fall on the sheets, letting whatever things in my mind go run. All of a sudden, a flashback came right through my mind.

"When is Jisoo coming back?" I asked, hoping he'll give me the answer I was hoping for.

Please tell me she's coming b-

"She quit." He said, almost shrugging, and folded both of his arms. "It's not surprising, Chaeyoung. After that scandal you two both had. Jisoo had to quit. She's your manager, Chaeyoung. Leave the girl to have a normal life-"

Teddy kept running his mouth, but I wasn't listening well. The only thing I've heard is that she quit. Jisoo quit the job. Did she give up? She gave up? She gave up on us? Why? Why did she give up on us? Was I not worth the figh-

"-I know you love the girl, Chaeyoung, but you have a career to keep and it would be a foolish decision to risk it." He said, almost grinning, as if I would appreciate him. "You should thank me for saving you from it."

Noisy.

It's noisy.

I tried to steady my breathing as I glanced at the ceiling, and all of a sudden, a flashback of Jisoo's face was present in my sight.

"Come on, Chaeyoung! You have been in that cage for too long that you forgot how to have fun! Try it." She says, shoving me to try the pink dress which I think is the worst dress she had ever picked.

"I swear you had the worst taste ever." I commented as I took a sharp breath. I heard her laugh, and for some reason, I felt strange in my stomach.

"You look beautiful on it. Come on." She pushed the pink dress against my chest, which I ignored. "Please? For your fans?" She pouted, and I stared at her for a second before I gave up.

"Alright, fine." I sighed grumpily and took the pink dress. For a brief moment, I believed I had made the correct decision when I saw her smile.

I turned my hands into fists and gripped tightly.

The way her lips would curl into a big smile whenever I tried what she wanted me to try. When she cooks me food and makes me smile, her eyes light up like the stars in the sky. The way her eyebrows would be so visible that will hint you that she was annoyed.

I didn't know how long I gripped tightly onto my hand, but I do know the intense pain I felt was not comparable to the pain I felt in my chest.

I knew I needed to let go and go out before I drowned myself in the sea called you.

"I know it hurts you too, Chaeyoung, but you have an upcoming schedule for you to attend to. For now, avoid posting something on your SNS and take some rest for a week." he says, turning his gaze at the laptop and continued to type something whatever I don't know of.

I only stared at him for a second before I turned my back and walked off. I was feeling a little bit tight and I needed some air for me to breathe. I hardly knew what I was going to say, so I knew the best way for me was to back away.

I slowly started to get up when I felt my head not be so dizzy anymore. I don't care about the slight throbbing pain in my head. All I cared was that I needed to get out, so I did, and I kept my hood on for the people to not recognize me.

Was this the curse of what I wanted? I don't know. Was I bad? I don't know. Where did I go wrong? I don't know.

I don't blame her for not wanting to be with me anymore.

After all the pain I'd caused her, I doubted she would come back. I chuckled bitterly as I continued to walk through the dark hallway. A man was sitting with a cup before him, but I didn't mind him, and continued to walk. I have been generous in my entire life, but why wouldn't they let me be with her?

She doesn't want you, Chaeyoung. She would never love you. Did you ever think she would love you? You're pathetic. A loser who is better off alone. You're a piece of shit. a bitch. You're the worst. You're the worst. You're the worst. She doesn't want you. Jisoo deserves better. You are not what she wanted. You are a piece of trash.

I didn't know how tight I bit my bottom lip until I felt blood oozing and lacing my tongue. I winced in my pain as I tried to wipe it.

Kim Jisoo was the only light I had in my entire life and now that she was gone, I came to question myself of what was the purpose of my life.

What was the purpose of living?

What is even the meaning of life?

What does it mean to live?

What is life?

At the corner of my eyes, I saw a light forming, and there I saw a billboard, and then I realized it was myself. I didn't smile, but I was sure if she was here, she would have been so happy and would have pointed happily and would have said how proud she was of me for shining so brightly in my career.

I am sick.

I am so sick of everyone.

I am sick of the neighbor I had next door. I am so sick of Teddy. I am so sick of myself for never being enough. I am so sick of my father. I am so sick of my mother, my sister, and everyone else. I am so sick of my pathetic self. Can't I just die?

Why did you leave me, Jisoo?

I didn't know where I was going until I realized a familiar porch door was standing before me. How long have I been out for me to finally arrive at my own home house?

For some reason, I was hesitating to enter, but I did it anyway. I walked through the porch door and just stood still in the middle of the hallway for a couple of minutes.

YOU'RE PATHETIC. WORTHLESS. A SCUM. A BITCH. YOU SHOULD DIE. FAGGOT. GAY. LOSER. DIE BITCH. PATHETIC. SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU. NO ONE WOULD LOVE YOU. SHE LEFT YOU. YOU'RE A LOSER. FUCK YOU. SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU. NO ONE WOULD LOVE YOU. YOUR FAMILY WOULDN'T EVEN LOVE YOU. FLOP. DIE BITCH.

For some reason, I didn't realize I was holding something until I glanced at it. The steel looked cold, and for a second, I asked myself whether I could successfully do this, unlike last time.

I chuckle depressingly as I turn around the gun that I was holding.

LOSER. PATHETIC. YOU DON'T DESERVE LOVE. ASSHOLE. INSECURE. ASSHOLE. SHE WOULDN'T LOVE YOU. NO ONE WOULD LOVE YOU. NO ONE WOULD ACCEPT YOU. WHORE. FAGGOT. GAY.

The words in my mind were overwhelming me as I slowly brought the gun to my temple.

It's noisy.

DIE. DIE. DIE. INSECURE. ASSHOLE. FUCK.HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA NO ONE WOULD LOVE YOU. SHE LEFT YOU. YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT. DI-

In this dark hallway with no lights, I am sure no one would notice my cold body. I felt my lips quiver and held the gun securely in my temple. No one would notice me disappearing in their liv-

Woof!

I glanced down and I saw a tiny brown color running towards me. I froze as my eyes lingered on him. He was smiling as he ran and before I knew it, he was starting to lick almost as if he was happy to see me.

"H-Hank..." I muttered, and there, I realized the coldless facade I'd tried to hold still was cracking. Slowly.

"Hank..." I whisper, bending down into my knees as tears began to fall down my cheeks.

Hank was barking in response, jumping as he tries to lick my cheeks. I started to mumble countless of apologies under my breath.

"I'm sorry, Hank. I'm so sorry..."

"Woof!"

"I am so... so sorry... Hank."

And before I knew it, I was in the hallway. I was weeping like a child to my dog as I mumbled countless apologies for trying to take the life out of me.

After a countless of apologies, I somehow ended up in my bed with my eyes puffy from the cryings I had. Hank was beside me, sleeping peacefully, and I kept my lips sealed as I glanced to him then to the window where the skies are seen.

It was exactly eight o'clock in the evening by the time Jisoo Kim arrived at the venue. The venue was big enough to support a lot of people coming in. There, she stood as she subtly moved to glance at a person who she hoped to see.

In the midst of the crowd, a blonde-haired woman saw her and smiled. She turned to her company, murmuring something in her ear with a smile plastered all over her lips. It took her a couple of seconds before she finally moved her feet, and shouted through the crowd. "Sooya, you came!" 

Then Jisoo turned. She never particularly liked loud people, but in this case, Lalisa Manoban, the one who called her just now, is an exception. A smile crawled into her lips before she made her way.

"Lisa, hey!" She opened her arms and, without a beat, Lisa hugged her tightly, as she predicted. 

"I miss you! I'm so glad you came!"

"Of course." 

Lisa flashed a smile. Her teeth were showing before she turned her back on Jisoo to call on someone. Jisoo hummed, following where Lisa's gaze was located, and there, she saw a familiar person she had seen during her time at Seoul College, but particularly didn't talk to.

"Jennie Kim?" Jisoo hadn't realized she had said that out loud. 

Lisa hummed, waiting for the feline eyes to come over, and when Jennie did. Lisa had this bright smile plastered all over her lips as she laced her hand through Jennie's waist and proudly introduced Jennie.

"Jisoo. This is my girlfriend, Jennie, and Jennie, this is Jisoo. Chaeyoung's bestfriend!" 

Lisa's voice was loud enough for them to hear, but Jisoo was totally sure it was so loud enough for the people at the back to hear. Jisoo raises an eyebrow in amusement before she offers her hand with a smile at Jennie.

"Lisa has talked so much about you, Jisoo." 

"Good things, I hope." Jennie laughed at that, which made Jisoo jokingly narrow her eyes at Lisa, who only grinned at the side.

"I'm parched." Jennie blurted out all of a sudden. "I should go fetch some water. Lisa, do you want one? Jisoo?"

"I'm okay, babe."

"I'm fine, Jennie."

"Alright." Jennie says, smiling at the two women before she excuses herself. 

Jisoo's eyes shifted and there, she saw Lisa was still staring with a smile all over her lips. She smiled a little.

"Lovesick, aren't you?"

"She's the best, Sooya."

"Mhmm... I'm happy for you, Lis."

Silence. Despite the unnecessary noises in their background, there was silence between them, and in that silence, Jisoo wondered if she could ever find the one. The one she could spend her remaining time with.

"How about you?" 

"What about me?"

"You and Chaeyoung. You guys fought."

Jisoo doesn't answer. Instead, she looked down at her fidgeted fingers. It was true. Chaeyoung and her fought a few days ago, but she wasn't sure why. It wasn't clear why, because Chaeyoung was just so confusing.

"Who's R?" 

Jisoo hummed, not quite getting what Chaeyoung had just asked. Both of them were in the living room, shoulders pressed together as both of their eyes were glued to the television. Today was movie marathon day and by marathon movie, it means they're watching anything that is related to Disney.

"I said, who's R?"

Jisoo blinked before she distanced herself to look at Chaeyoung, who had already looked. Chaeyoung’s voice was sour. Her eyes were cold and it was rare for the rays of sunshine to all of a sudden look and speak to her like that. Jisoo was sure her face was so confused that she gave Chaeyoung a look.

"What? What are you talking about?" Jisoo questions, still unaware.

A frustrated sigh escaped from Chaeyoung's lips, and it made Jisoo wonder what the hell she had done to cause Chaeyoung to act like that. 

"What's wrong, Chaeyoung?"

"Nothing."

"That doesn't seem like nothing." 

Chaeyoung's jaw tightened, almost annoyingly, and unfortunately, that didn't go unnoticed by Jisoo. What was wrong? She was sure the necklace she brought during her time back in Amsterdam had nothing to do with her best friend. Well, it did, but that was another story. Jisoo blushed at her reason. She wouldn't let Chaeyoung find out who was behind R.

"Why are you smiling? Stop smiling!" Chaeyoung said, sparing a glare before she turned on the television.

Jisoo raised an eyebrow, noticing the new tone. "What's your problem?"

"Nothing."

"Stop saying nothing when there is something, Chaeyoung."

Chaeyoung doesn't speak. Instead, she sucked a breath, and looked away. Jisoo was still confused and it was unfair. Why is she leaving her in the dark?

"Talk to me. You've been acting weird ever since I came back from Amsterdam. What's wrong, Chaeyoun-"

"You never called me with my nickname anymore."

Jisoo halted. She saw Chaeyoung spared her uninterested look before she stood up and hastily took her coat. That immediately alarmed Jisoo as she reached for Chaeyoung's wrist only for Chaeyoung to move it away almost harshly. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jisoo stood up from her seat, trying to grasp Chaeyoung's wrist.

Okay, she didn't mean for it to come harshly, but she was just so confused about why she was acting like that.

"What the fuck is wrong with me? Really, Jisoo? Me? Fucking me?!"

Jisoo sucked a sharp breath. Chaeyoung's face was filled with a scowl as she continued to speak.

"Why don't you fucking ask who that R on your neck is? Oh wait, right. Forget R. Maybe Nayeon could fucking tell you what's wrong with me." 

"I don't understand you, Chaeyoung. Nayeon was just a friend!" Jisoo moves her hand, explaining her point with distress.

"Sure. A friend." Chaeyoung muttered before she turned to walk away.

"Why are you like this?" Jisoo shouts from behind, trailing like a dog to it's owner. "Why are you acting like that!?" 

"You know damn well why I am acting like this, Jisoo! Don't you dare fucking say you don't!"

"Well, news flash! I don't! So fucking tell me what's wrong with you?" Jisoo halted before she took a deep breath and shouted. "Why are you acting like a jealous girlfriend when you're not!?"

For a split second, after those words left her lips. Jisoo somehow regretted it when she saw Chaeyoung stopped, turning, and almost flashing a look as if she was hurt by what Jisoo had said.

Somehow, Jisoo's lips quivered as she dared to stare right into Chaeyoung's eyes as she took a step in front of her.

"Why won't you believe me, Jisoo?" Chaeyoung whispered. "I told you. I love you more than anything in this world, so why can't you believe me?"

Jisoo stiffened when she felt Chaeyoung's hands on hers.

"You told me you adored me. You told me that you were going to wait for me, so when I told you that, I felt the same. Why wouldn't you believe me?"

Jisoo sucked her breath before she moved her hand away and folded it into her chest. She looked up at Chaeyoung.

"You don't love me, Chaeyoung. You don't," She bitterly chuckles. "You were drunk."

After spitting those words, Jisoo felt her lips dry, and she licked them before she could feel tears threatening to fall. It was true that Chaeyoung had been drunk when she said the words she had been waiting for almost her entire life, and Jisoo was never the one to trust a drunk woman.

"Is that what you really think?" Jisoo stiffly looked away and Chaeyoung let out a dry laugh. "I'll see you around, Jisoo." She turned her back around as she walked out of Jisoo's apartment.

"She told you?" 

Lisa shrugged. "Chaeyoung has been my bestfriend for so long, Sooya. I don't need a word to come out of her lips for me to know what has happened between you two." 

Jisoo hummed. "Sorry."

"Don't say sorry, Sooya. It's not your fault that you were hesitant. Though, I must tell you to not always let the doubt win."

Jisoo wordlessly nodded and just when she was about to open her mouth, she purses her lips when she sees a familiar pair of hazel eyes in the midst of the crowd. Both of them didn't dare to tear their gaze away and when Jisoo almost forgot to breath, she looked away. Her heart was thumping so impulsively.

"I need a drink." Jisoo said, almost hastily, and immediately walked to the snacking area without waiting for Lisa's reply.

By the time Jisoo drank a tequila shot without hesitation, she feels a presence behind her, and there, she sees Chaeyoung trailing behind her back with an unreadable expression.

"Hey."

"Hi."

There was a split second of silence between them and just when Jisoo decided to excuse herself from the awkwardness. She hears Chaeyoung speak.

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted the other day, Jisoo. I know I... I don't have the right to act like that."

Jisoo hummed. Chaeyoung nodded. It took them for almost a minute for one to speak again, and when it did, Chaeyoung, peeked her head up as she bravely spoke.

"About the thing I said to you the other day. I really mean what I've said to you, Jisoo. I know you don't believe me, so I'm going to prove it to you, " She says, almost running out of breath. "That I love you."

Jisoo doesn't say anything, and Chaeyoung starts to sweat bullets as her cheeks start to burn in red.

"Can you say something back?"

Jisoo feels her lips tugged up a little. "I don't like, Nayeon... If that's what you're thinking."

"Oh,"

"Relief, aren't we?"

Chaeyoung laughs a little at that. Jisoo smiles a little before she reaches out for Chaeyoung's hand to hold. She feels Chaeyoung stiffen from the touch.

"And as for R... It stands for Rosie, silly."

Chaeyoung paused, eating all the information she had just heard. Jisoo notices Chaeyoung's shoulders relax and burst into a sheepish laugh as she mumbles "Oh" over and over.

Jisoo smiled as her eyes never left the strawberry blonde. "I love you too, Rosie."

"Can I kiss you?"

Jisoo blinked, and before she could say a word, Chaeyoung leaned closer, clashing their lips together with no hesitation. Jisoo unconsciously wrapped her hand around the waist and pulled for their kiss to deepen.

When the air became an issue, Jisoo was the first one to break as she blushed, and felt Chaeyoung embracing her as she buried her face on the raven's neck.

"It's okay," she says as she sucks her breath. "I'm fine, Jennie. It's okay. It's been six months, I'm sure... I'm sure she's fine too." 

Jisoo knew she had said it with a tight smile because Jennie was giving her the look, the familiar look she had seen over the past few months, and honestly, Jisoo was getting sick of it. It was time for a change.

"Are you sure?" Jennie pulled her wrist to her chest and drew small circles on it. 

Jisoo nodded. She hoped her smile wasn't too tight for Jennie to notice, but then again, nothing goes undetected once you've got Jennie Kim's eyes locked on you.

"Are you really really sure that you're going to be fine? Because if you're not, I'm going to ditch the party and just have movie marathons with you." 

Jisoo scoffed a smile as she pulled her hand away from Jennie's grasp. That earned an alarming look from Jennie, and Jisoo noticed that, but she only gave her a kind smile.

These past few months, Jennie Kim has been nothing but a sweet, protective cheeseball to her, and Jisoo appreciates her best friend for always being there when she needs her most. However, she couldn't let herself become like this every time she saw her. Jisoo doesn't want to allow herself to be dependent. She refuses to.

"I am fine now, Jennie." Jisoo tangled her hand with Jennie's and smiled almost brightly, almost as if she had almost let herself be fooled for once that she was fine. when she was not.

"I'm fine," she repeated, but this time, she murmured it under her breath, and looked up with a slight crooked smile. She was going to stay strong today.

"Do you want me to fetch you some wine? I heard there's champagne here."

"I'm fine, Chu. It's just, I'm worried about y-"

"I'm going to get two champagnes for us, alright? Don't go anywhere. Lisa would be here soon." 

Jisoo forced her two feet to walk and left Jennie without waiting for her reply. Jennie was too much of a nagged today and Jisoo wasn't in a mood to hear such a nag. In fact, all she wanted to do at this instant was to focus on why she came here today: pose for photographers, drink some champagne, and let herself have a break for once. She's not going to allow herself to sulk in the corner just because the love of her life was standing right there.

Well, the ex-love of her life, that is.

Jisoo drank two shots of whiskey when she felt a lump in her throat. No, not today. She wasn't going to let Chaeyoung win today. Not now, not tomorrow, and never. She wouldn't give her satisfaction about what their break up had done to Jisoo. However, she admitted it did leave a hole in her heart. 

Jisoo closed her eyes for a second and tried to think about the beach house she had brought last year. Struggling, Jisoo tried to hear the waves in her ears. She pictured herself as she sat on the sand while she looked at the sun embracing the sea. She had tried to hum a song in her head, but when Jisoo did, the only song that came out of her lips was what Chaeyoung had taught her last year. It was Chaeyoung's favorite song, if ain't got you by Alicia Keys.

What was wrong with her? Sometimes, Jisoo wishes she could reset her memory of Chaeyoung and just delete them fore-

"Hi." 

Jisoo had stiffened up in her place when she heard a voice that had been hunting her for months. It was Chaeyoung's voice. Jisoo could not doubt it. She was certain it was Chaeyoung's voice, her favorite person.

"Hey," Jisoo said, turning around with a phony smile.

"How are you?"

"Cool. You?" 

Chaeyoung had stiffened in her position. That didn't go unnoticed by Jisoo, and she hated herself for how much she remembered. She doesn't need a fucking witch marble to guess, because until now, she still memorized how Chaeyoung spoke, how she moved, and more importantly, how she imperfectly tried to hide her emotions before Jisoo. Chaeyoung was still the book Jisoo had adored so much. 

"I'm fine. Actually, doing well..." Chaeyoung touched the rim of her champagne glass and smiled a little. She was not.

Jisoo flashed a small smile as she pretended to not notice. She was not here to emphathize. She was here to lose herself, fuck around, and drink some champagne for once in her life, and she's going to do that even if the love of her life is standing right in front of her. 

Who cares anyway? She was not Chaeyoung's anymore.

"That's nice. I have to go now. Bye, Chae-"

"Wait!" 

Jisoo halted her steps and stared at Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung was looking at the floor, almost like a shy school girl, and for once, it made Jisoo coo about how adorable she was.

"...I'm sorry." 

And when Jisoo thought she couldn't freeze any more, she was proven wrong. She felt she couldn't even lift an inch of her finger when she heard and felt how sincere Chaeyoung was. 

"I'm sorry, Jisoo." She repeats. Almost like she was pleading for her to comeback. Jisoo didn't like it a bit.

Jisoo tightened her grip on the monkey bar she was holding in her mind. She wouldn't falter. She wouldn't allow herself to. But when she saw that Chaeyoung was in a state to cry and could feel just how vulnerable and naked Chaeyoung was, she felt she needed to take their issue somewhere where eyes and the camera lens could not see them, so she grabbed Chaeyoung's wrist, and let her steps lead them their way.

Jisoo had let go of Chaeyoung's wrist when they reached the balcony. And when silence engulfed them, Jisoo sighed so loudly, reached out to ruffle her own hair, and felt Chaeyoung's eyes burning on her.

Jisoo turned her head and she wished she didn't, because as soon as she saw. She took the hanky from her pocket and gave it to Chaeyoung. 

"Don't cry," Jisoo looked at the flat view. "People will think I bullied  you or something." 

Somehow, Jisoo heard a chuckle and she smiled a little. She could still hear Chaeyoung sniffling, and Jisoo remembered so dearly how she would wrap her arms around her just to comfort Chaeyoung.

She hates this. She doesn't.

"How's Jennie?" Jisoo held back her head to turn. 

"She's fine," Jisoo smiles. "She's been a baby lately. She wouldn't refuse to leave me alone. She wouldn't even let me go out alone. She's like a glue stick to me." 

"Except now?"

"Except now," Jisoo repeats and chuckles. She hoped it wasn't too forced.

She heard no response from Chaeyoung, and when Jisoo turned her head, their eyes met. And for a split second, Jisoo wanted to know how it felt to be in Chaeyoung's arms again. Chaeyoung's eyes were burning red, her face was puffy, and Jisoo cursed herself for that.

I'm still longing for you. I hate you.

"I miss you, you know." Chaeyoung said, her voice almost strained as she stilled her gaze.

A bitter laugh escaped from Jisoo's lips. "Yeah. Sure you do." 

"I'm serious."

"You don't, Chaeyoung."

"I miss yo-"

"If you missed me, why didn't you come for me?" Jisoo snapped. Chaeyoung had pursed her lips as she stared down at the floor.

"Don't tell me you missed me if you don't mean it," She whispered. "It hurts me."

"But I mean it, Jisoo." 

Suddenly, Jisoo felt something warm on her hand, and there, she saw Chaeyoung's hand resting on top of her. She looked up slowly and met Chaeyoung's intense gaze. Oh how she missed those eyes staring at her lovingly. 

"I'm sorry for not fighting for us," She whispered and Jisoo let Chaeyoung play her fingers. 

"I'm sorry for not being there with you when you needed us to fight for the relationship we have. You were right, I was a coward for not fighting for us." Chaeyoung started to draw small circles as she continued to talk. Tears were starting to stream down to her cheeks.

"I was just so afraid to defy them, Jisoo. You have to understand that they were the only family I had at that time, and I didn't want to disappoint them... No child wants to let their parents down. They were against of our relationship when I told them about us... so I thought of leaving you in order to stop their disappointment in me, but it didn't work.

I just want them to love me for who I am, Soo, but they never did. They never loved me for who I am, and I'm sorry..." 

Without a word, Jisoo held her tears back, and pulled Chaeyoung closer to her embrace. For six months, Jisoo had always wondered what, where, and when she had gone wrong. What was wrong with her for Chaeyoung to leave her just like a rug? She had always thought she was the only one suffering from their break up, and their relationship didn't mean that much to Chaeyoung. Turns out, it did. Chaeyoung just happened to be good at being silent about it.

Chaeyoung was still sobbing uncontrollably into Jisoo's embrace and Jisoo was trying her best to whisper words that she remembered that would calm Chaeyoung.

"Hey, listen to me. Chaeyoung, it's alright. You hear me, It's oka-"

"No, you listen to me." Chaeyoung cuts off, pulling herself away as she sniffed and wiped her own tears. "I hurt you badly, Jisoo. You don't deserve that. You never do. My reason for what I did to you doesn't justify it. Still, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for breaking your heart."

Jisoo's eyes were tearing up as she listened and looked at Chaeyoung. This was her first time seeing this side of Chaeyoung, so desperate for forgiveness, so sincere, and so vulnerable. What happened? Jisoo pulled Chaeyoung back to her embrace and patted her head wordlessly. "I'm really sorry, Soo."

Jisoo didn't speak a word, instead she kept her position and held Chaeyoung close to her.

"I look horrible..." Chaeyoung murmured, pulling herself away to wipe off the smudged eyeliner.

Jisoo broke into a fit of laughter, and when Chaeyoung saw it, for the first time in the past six months, she felt warm in her stomach and pouted.

"Don't laugh."

"I'm not."

"You did." Chaeyoung narrowed her eyes accusingly and trailed her finger down to Jisoo's chest with a sad smile.

"Tell me something I don't know, Jisoo."

Jisoo smiled. "I forgive you, Chaeyoung."

Chaeyoung widened her eyes in shock, and Jisoo chuckled as she reached out and tucked Chaeyoung's blonde hair at the side. "Tell me something I don't know, Chaeyoung."

"I want us back, Jisoo," Chaeyoung muttered and took Jisoo's hands on hers. "I want us to try again. At a slow pace, or whatever you want, and this time I will fight for you, Jisoo."

With so much sincerity in her eyes, Jisoo knew Chaeyoung would fight for them, and so she leans closer and clashes their lips together. It's been six months since Jisoo got the taste of those lips and until now, it still felt sweet and beautiful. She adored every inch of it. Chaeyoung had circled her arms around Jisoo's neck and tightened them. She had missed Jisoo's lips too, and she was ready to risk it all just to get to taste those lips.

She was ready to risk everything for them to try again.  Jisoo was worth it. She was worth it. Their relationship was worth fighting for.

When Jisoo had pulled from the kiss, she spoke something and that was enough for Chaeyoung to cry more, but instead of sadness, she cried in happiness.

The moment Chaeyoung took off from her car. Chaeyoung abandoned everything in her car and ran to the entrance only to be greeted by the sight of a doctor performing CPR on the unconscious patient. Aside from that sight, there were people groaning in pain, some were crying, and there was blood. Blood was just everywhere: on the wall, the floor, and on their bodies. The sound of chatter, shouting, and groans of the patients was enough for the hospital to turn into something chaotic and Chaeyoung could not help but feel anxiety heightened inside her.

Jisoo. Jisoo. Jisoo.

Chaeyoung's mind was chanting the raven's name as she moved her legs and roamed her eyes around the area. Cold sweats were now forming on her forehead; her breath had become ragged, and her baby hair was stuck on her forehead. Chaeyoung's stomach was twisting in anxiety when she realized there was no sight nor trace of Jisoo around the area.

And just like that. A brunette wearing nothing but casual clothes stained with blood came out of the area. Her eyes were red from the tears and when she glanced over to where Chaeyoung was, she walked, her heart pounding constantly and said. "Chaeyoung."

Chaeyoung turned. Jennie's tired feline eyes flashed before Chaeyoung.

"Jennie... Are you okay?"

Jennie pursed her lips, trying to hold her tears back, and crookedly spoke. "I'm fine."

Chaeyoung didn't really believe her.

"Where's Jisoo?"

Jennie stiffened and Chaeyoung noticed that. Suddenly, Jennie glanced away for one second and turned to Chaeyoung with emotions that Chaeyoung couldn't grasp and said. "Can we talk somewhere?"

Without waiting for a reply, Jennie turned her heels. She knew Chaeyoung would follow and she was right. The journey to nowhere with Jennie in the lead had somehow made Chaeyoung feel her chest tight. The area was filled with patients accompanied by nurses and doctors, although not all of the patients were attended to. The hospital staff were outnumbered and just by looking at the situation made Chaeyoung feel desperate to see her wife. She needs to see Jisoo. She needs to know if she is fine.

"Jen? I don't really know where you're taking me, but I need to see Jisoo." Chaeyoung said. Her voice was filled with anxiety.

Instead of hearing a reply from the feline woman, Chaeyoung received nothing and when they finally arrived at the wing garden area, Jennie had finally turned her heels. Her lips were pursed and her body was tense. It looked like she was afraid of something, and Chaeyoung was really starting to get frustrated with the stress of not finding Jisoo.

"So, where's Jisoo?"

And there she was again: Jennie once again stiffened. Chaeyoung noticed this and, instead of sliding it off like before, she spoke. "Jennie?"

Jennie's strands of hair were blown by the wind as she pursed her lips. Chaeyoung could see the tear stains on her cheeks; her lips were turning a bit red from the biting; and her hair was haggard, unlike usual. Everything about Jennie just screamed drowsy and Chaeyoung could see it very well.

All of a sudden, Jennie burst into tears. That made Chaeyoung approach her as she opened her arms to embrace Jennie. As much as Chaeyoung's frustration grew time by time, Chaeyoung wasn't going to lie. The sight of Jennie breaking down was something she didn't expect to encounter.

"Jen? Why are you crying? You're making me nervous. Can you tell me now?"

Chaeyoung was starting to get uneasy and as much as she wanted to be patient, her patience was running thin as she tried to hold her ground.

"Jennie. Please-"

"Jisoo... she-"

"She's what, Jennie?"

Jennie purses her lips tight. Her eyes were averting it's gaze away from Chaeyoung and just when Chaeyoung thought Jennie was not going to speak anymore, Jennie finally opened her mouth and said, almost heartbreakingly, "She's dead."

"What?"

"She's dead, Chaeyoung. I'm... I'm sorry."

Chaeyoung stood frozen on the ground. Her gaze held Jennie tightly, as if she was waiting for the feline woman to crack a laugh and tell her that she was joking, but Jennie didn't. She never did after all those seconds Chaeyoung gave to take back what she said. Instead, she looked down at the floor, mumbling countless apologies.

"You're kidding me. Where is she, Jennie?"

When there was no response, Chaeyoung decided to take matters into her own hands and turned her heels to sprint. She had no time for this joke. Jennie is joking. She was just joking. Jisoo is not dead. How could she be dead when a while ago, Jisoo was just telling her that she would be home by dinner? That is just impossible.

Chaeyoung could hear Jennie's footsteps, calling for her name, but Chaeyoung didn't stop until she had arrived at the desk counter, hastily asking for the room of patient Kim Jisoo.

"Relationship?" Asked by the nurse behind the counter.

"Wife. My wife is Kim Jisoo. Where is she?"

"Ma'am-"

"Where is she!?" Chaeyoung exclaimed, and just when the nurse was about to make another word, she knew better, and said. "Room 336.

Jennie's lungs were breathless as she chased the strawberry blonde running like a hyena in the hospital, and she couldn't blame Chaeyoung for acting like that, because she would do the same thing.

When Chaeyoung finally arrived at her destination, she swung the door open and Lisa was there, sitting like a dead corpse as she stared at something that Chaeyoung could not identify until she stepped out and followed where Lisa was looking at: someone's body covered in white clothing.

Chaeyoung's breathing halted and her body was paralyzed in her position when she glanced at the name of the patient.

Kim Jisoo.

Time of Death: 12:01 AM

"No... No, no, no, no!" Chaeyoung shouted, stepping back until she felt someone's presence behind her. "You're kidding me."

Jennie's arms were wrapped around Chaeyoung, mumbling countless apologies in Chaeyoung's ears as Chaeyoung was struggling, shouting, and sobbing with Jisoo's name on her lips.

It was still hard to believe and Jennie was trying to control her tears. She doesn't want to add herself, because Chaeyoung needed comfort more than she did, and she's going to do what she's duty to do. Jennie's arms were wrapped firm until she felt the strawberry blonde dropping down on her knees.

Chaeyoung was still sobbing like a child throwing a tantrum and crying like her favorite sweater had disappeared before her eyes. And she was still going on like that until she couldn't breathe anymore from the overwhelming emotion.

"Chaeyoung?" Chaeyoung's head frantically shook.

"No Jennie... No... please..."

Chaeyoung was still refusing to believe it and Jennie was trying to keep her tears at bay. Lisa, who was on the side, finally stood up from her seat and hugged Chaeyoung tightly along with Jennie.

"I know she's alive there, Lis. She's alive." Chaeyoung mumbled into Lisa's embrace.

"I'm sorry, Chaeyoung."

That was all Lisa could say to her friend.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry. Jisoo is dead."

"She is dea-"

"Chaeyoung."

"Chaeyoung."

"Chaeyoung."

"Park Chaeyoung!"

Chaeyoung abruptly opened her eyes and said, "Huh?"

Chaeyoung was in daze and despite the lights being turned off, Chaeyoung could fully grasp the dark figure that was in front of her and it was Jisoo. Kim Jisoo. Her Jisoo. And Chaeyoung had to reach her hand for confirmation and fully cup her palm over Jisoo’s cheeks, and when she did that, a surge of relieved washed over her body, and she whispered, almost whimpering, "You’re alive."

Jisoo furrowed her eyebrows together and just when she was about to speak, she was cut off when she saw Chaeyoung, all of a sudden, broke down into a fit of tears. Panic then started to rush through Jisoo’s system as she sat up and leaned closer, almost protectively, and cupped Chaeyoung’s cheeks closely with both of her palms, and said. "What’s wrong?"

Chaeyoung was responding with nothing but sobs, and it worried Jisoo, because it wasn’t just an ordinary cry. Chaeyoung was crying as if something was really wrong and it looked like she couldn’t accept it, and Jisoo despised it when she couldn’t do anything to help Chaeyoung through it. So she pulled Chaeyoung into her embrace and caressed her hair gently as she mumbled, "Shh, It’s okay. Chaeyoung, it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m here, baby. Let it out."

Chaeyoung was still weeping in Jisoo's embrace and after a few minutes, still in Jisoo's embrace; Chaeyoung finally calmed down which made Jisoo to gently sigh in relief and hold her lover's pale face closer with a little comfort smile all over her lips, whispering, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Chaeyoung pursed her lips, biting them in the process, and looked away. Jisoo noticed the sudden action and nodded slightly. She then noticed a tear falling down from Chaeyoung's eyes and when she reached out to wipe it, Chaeyoung flinched. Of course, Jisoo noticed that, yet stayed mum and didn't talk. She knew the best thing to get Chaeyoung to talk was to be silent and let her take her time. After a couple of minutes of silence, Chaeyoung finally opened her mouth, and said.

"You left. You left me..."

Jisoo blinked in surprise and nodded slowly, urging Chaeyoung to continue, and said unsurely. "How?"

Cold silence was surrounding them and Chaeyoung was contemplating whether to proceed and tell Jisoo about her silly dream. She knew it was silly of her to cry over a dream, but it felt so real. It felt so real that Chaeyoung was sure her body was paralyzed when she realized the body laying in the hospital bed was Jisoo's. It scared Chaeyoung so badly, because she wasn't sure what she was going to do when she was going to lose Jisoo. It scared her. It scared her so badly that Chaeyoung felt so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions.

She didn't want to lose Jisoo. She doesn't want to lose Jisoo. She doesn't want to lose Jisoo-

"Chaeyoung?" Jisoo said, tugging Chaeyoung's hand into hers. "Look at me, Chae. What happened?"

"Jennie called me, telling me that y-you're gone, Chu. You're gone a-and... I was just so afraid that you were going to leave me, Jisoo. I was so afraid that you were going to leave me..."

Jisoo swiftly moved closer when she saw Chaeyoung starting to tear up again and opened her arms for Chaeyoung to embrace her, which Chaeyoung did without hesitation.

"Hey, it's okay now. I'm here now, Chaeyoung. I won't disappear. You hear me? I won't." Jisoo started. "I won't."

"Really?"

Jisoo pulled slightly away with a smile plastered all over her lips and said. "Really. Now, let me get you some water down-"

"But you said you won't leave me."

Chaeyoung was pouting, yet she was serious. Jisoo only smiled in response before she started to draw small circles on Chaeyoung's hands as she spoke, "I won't leave. I'll just get you some water, alright? I promise I'll be back right away okay?"

With final reassurance, Chaeyoung finally let Jisoo go and Jisoo stayed true to her words because she immediately came back to their room with a glass of water in her hand.

"Told you I'd be back real quick." Jisoo said, a grin flashing on her lips, and handed the water to her wife.

"Drink that slowly. Ma used to tell me it helps you feel better when you have a bad dream." Jisoo started and wordlessly reached for Chaeyoung's scalp to massage it.

Her fingers ran through it softly. Chaeyoung closed her eyes as she felt how Jisoo moved her fingers, stroking them for her to feel better. After the strokes, Jisoo began to move her fingers and began to draw small circles on Chaeyoung's temple and smiled in relief when she saw how Chaeyoung seemed to relax her body.

"Do you feel better now?"

"I do. Thank you, Soo..."

Even though Chaeyoung could not see that much, she could feel Jisoo's smile.

"That's good." Jisoo said and placed a kiss on Chaeyoung's forehead before she stopped her fingers and laid her body. Chaeyoung was still sitting up on the bed and when she saw Jisoo tapping the sheet beside her, Chaeyoung smiled and slowly let herself fall into Jisoo's embrace.

When she did, Chaeyoung looked up from the embrace and whispered. "Thank you."

Jisoo smiled a little as she reached one hand to play with Chaeyoung's hair, "When you wake up, I'll still be here." She tapped the sheets with her other hand, "My mouth is slightly open and I am breathing fine. So stop thinking about it, okay? I won't disappear."

"Okay."

With Jisoo's final kiss on her forehead for today. Chaeyoung looked up from the embrace and saw the raven already closing her eyes.

"Jisoo?"

And just when she thought the raven would not answer anymore, she was surprised when hears Jisoo hummed in response.

"I love you." Chaeyoung said and saw Jisoo fluttering her right eye and smiled lovingly.

"I love you too."

Chaeyoung smiled shyly and when she felt another kiss on her forehead again, she knew Jisoo would still be there when she wakes up and, she wanted to thank God for that. Before Chaeyoung knew it, her eyes starts to feel heavy, and unconsciously fell asleep around Jisoo's embrace.