styrofoam dinners

Recently, two of my close friends joined Tinder. One graduated college and started work and found that meeting people, even just friends, was much harder. The other just broke up with his girlfriend and wanted something “meaningless to drown out everything meaningful” (his words, not mine). 

When each of them told me they started using the dating app, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed, even though I outwardly expressed excitement that they were putting themselves out there. At first, I thought the feeling of disappointment was in my friends, since I thought they were pursuing shallow connections when I thought they were “relationship people.” But now I think the disappointment was really in my prospects of finding love. Plenty of articles, or just the headlines we see in our news feed from which we guess the contents, explore the millennial’s battle to find love through social media. So I won’t get into that. It’s more that I think, ultimately, I’ll have to find my significant other through a dating app. Which makes me really sad.

Dating apps themselves are completely fine. I think the technology and possibilities are very cool. It’s more the people on the app. Show me a person who’s excited to use Tinder. All my friends who have joined just seem like they’re resigning themselves to use the app. While a lot of this aversion to Tinder is my fear of admitting that I’m less than happy, I feel like forcing strong connections through an online medium when you’re unhappy is a bad idea. I equate it to taking strong medication instead of taking the slower, but more effective improving-your-lifestyle-through-exercise-and-diet route. 

On top of that, because I’m not on Tinder, I feel like I am automatically labeled as either taken (not applicable in this case) or against relationships, as unemotionally unavailable. And honestly, maybe I am, but I would want other people to find that out naturally, instead of assuming so based on what’s on my iPhone home screen. This is infuriating because I would love to meet someone I thoroughly enjoy, but I hate that an app is the green light signal nowadays.

I don’t mean to shit on dating apps, but my grandpa used to walk a mile everyday to my grandma’s college campus to profess his feelings for her. And she didn’t even come down from her dorm most of the time. The point of this story is that I think Tinder has assisted in making us lazy, or scared, romantics because it’s so easy to pick up other people, or be ghosted by them. There’s no harm in expressing interest in people in person, just as there’s little (adjust to your own situation) harm in giving interested people chances.

1. Does natural selection still apply today? And if it does, is technology interfering with evolution towards a “better” human race?

I’m having some difficulty describing how I feel about this election, but these are the words of others that resonated with me the most-- in no particular order, except that of which I could find them. 

1. 

2.  “The trouble is that this new, American version of the disinherited has squandered their voice on a dyspeptic scream, a retro turn to racism and sexism, without anything resembling a plan, or a new vision for America.”

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/projects/cp/opinion/election-night-2016/beforei-pack-my-bags?smid=pl-share

3. “A bigger part of tonight’s story is that millions and millions of Americans are willing to vote for a candidate who has been endorsed by the Klan. They are willing to vote for a candidate who has displayed open contempt for women. They are willing to vote for a candidate whose base is openly hostile to people of color, immigrants and Muslims.”

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/projects/cp/opinion/election-night-2016/the-audacity-of-hopelessness

4. 

5. 

6.

7.

More haphazard photos from my recent trip to Cuba, taken in the countryside known as Viñales. This set also features one of my favorite photos from the trip of my sometimes grumpy, always fashion sister and my photo-eager grandma.

Haphazard photos from my recent trip to Havana, Cuba

Note: I realized that these photos aren’t very accurate because most of the city is rather dilapidated. Housing is a very big problem in Havana-- not just for the congestion, but for the lack of upkeep over the years. Generally, the only well-maintained structures in the city are tourist attractions. I just don’t think I took a good picture of the typical building in Havana, so I didn’t include any. The beaches are one of the best I’ve seen in the world though.

Ain’t Nobody’s Problem - The Lumineers

19 July 2016: My friend Christian and I challenged each other I to develop or refine a skill we’ve always wanted. He chose programming, I chose writing. Written an hour before the deadline, and so close to having to buy Christian a burrito, this is the sequel to the very angsty and wordy, original Sunday essay that I never posted. I’m excited and impatient to see how my religious stance changes (it would be something if I’ve arrived close to my full spiritual maturity).

Relative to my deeply Catholic family, I’m atheist. Relative to my best friend who laughs at church announcement boards, I’m the Dalai Lamai. And I’m the average of all my other friends-- a few devout Christians, some non-practicing (insert religion here), and the remaining equally confused or resigned as I am. On the entire spectrum of religious belief, I would say, I’m dead center.

At this point in my life, I tell close friends that I don’t believe in a god. At the same time, I thank the universe for all the good things in my life almost daily, and I frequently reflect on the recent sermons I’ve attended and spiritual discussions I’ve had. A recurring thought I’ve had to myself is that I could easily replace “universe” in my silent thank you’s with “God,” and I would be a have a pretty good shot at eternal life. Living Christian would be an effortless transition, if it weren’t for the believing-in-God-as-my-true-Lord-and-Savior detail.

Despite my attempts, I felt like a fraud at church, even though it did give me a sense of peace. And having no moral guidelines made my soul feel empty and values flimsy.

For much of college, I ignored my internal confusion and assumed I would settle into a less neutral slot in the spectrum naturally-- atheism would either turn out to be a phase or I would become the visiting aunt who comes to Christmas dinner after mass is over.  

But as I’ve grown older and have had somewhat mature discussions about religion with friends and family, I’ve learned that having a firm spiritual position is important. For making personal decisions and shaping your environment.

So, after 20 years of life (16 of them spent attending weekly masses), I’m tired of pushing my analytical brain to accept the existence of a god or an afterlife (and appeasing my family). I think we’re evolved organisms that have come a long way just by chance and that we’ll just be fertilizer for the plants after we’re gone.

But I don’t see that mindset as discouraging or empty, as some Christian friends have told me. Rather, I see it as winning the lottery, with atom arrangements instead of numbers, and I’ve only got a brief moment in the history of the universe to enjoy the arcade.

With the limited time I have, I strive to be happy, even if just content, and I do that by adjusting my attitude and/or my effort (I’m also grateful to the synapses in my brain that allow optimism to come easily to me). I’ve tentatively set my priorities, and I’m satisfied as long as I’m on the path to accomplishing those priorities. My golden rule is the Golden Rule. If I ever find myself lost in the moral department, I’ve surrounded myself with good people to help me. My religion is a very optimistic one that grows with me.

Lay Down - Son Little

The classics, with adjustments:

1. Maintain running and go to the gym more. 

2. Absolutely no meat for Winter Quarter (unless you go to someone’s house, and the parents only serve meat dishes). Meat stance TBD after 10 weeks. Eating generally healthier should organically happen. 

3. Seriously, seriously, seriously be a better student from now on. Don’t fall behind. Be a pescatarian Peter Back. Think of the grandparents.

Ongoing efforts*:

4. Don’t bail. Decide and commit to things better by saying yes/no confidently or taking time to double-check schedule or think things through. 

5. Be a better family member by keeping better contact.

6. Be honest with yourself and others.

New things:

7. Give good gifts on people’s birthdays and holidays.

8. Work on your accents and impressions. 

Basically, work towards being the “adult” you’ve always envisioned yourself to be.