Styme

It's 3AM. I thought I'd write here. I need to say what I feel. The guy today wasn't that different than the rest of the ones he sends me to eliminate. His house is cozy, it makes me feel calm, and there's a TV. I have some time before they find his body, I can take some things from this place, and there's food. There was a child in one of the rooms upstairs... about... 10 years old maybe? If my calculations regarding the rest of the victims are correct, he wouldn't have to wake up for a while. It would be too cruel of me to wake him up in the middle of all this to witness what happened. I'll refrain and avoid trouble.

I'm sorry... and I'm also sorry to keep repeating those words, maybe I do it because I think that at some point it will make them forgive me.

Have you ever thought that humans are just as capable of being close to angels as they are of becoming demons? Well, it's a rather silly question considering I'm alone with a phone. Still, talking to myself has become a pleasure. It's kind of ironic really, and most still choose demons... Though humanity is way more complex than just black and white to be categorized like that. I'm not the best person to classify people, let alone talk about demons either. I'll make sure to take the boy somewhere where he can be helped... I hope I don't get lost in this town in the meantime.

Everything seems quiet today. Well, it always seems to be, and to be honest I'm not sure if it's comforting or unsettling. After a while you get used to it. I mean, you have to get used to the strange feeling of uneasy silence. It was kind of hard when you come from a place that seems to be constantly buzzing. I need noise. The quiet gives you a lot of time to think, and lately I don't like to think as much as I used to. I better get some kind of music player before the anxiety eats away at me and my nails.

I could barely afford to get one of these things to write on, but my brain needs some kind of stimulation. I have no plans to lose what little sanity I have left, it's what still ties me to the thought that despite everything I'm still human. That's all I have left...

I'm so sorry for the lives I may have ruined. Maybe I should tell this to the people who were victims of the situation, and not some random notes app on the phone I stole, but I doubt that's really a good idea. They have good reason to disown me if they do... If they even realized that it was my doing what happened... I wouldn't blame their souls for stepping on my heels for the rest of my life, I haven't forgiven myself either...

It's still a bit cold. I got some new clothes. Money isn't the easiest thing to come by. To be honest it would have been easier to just wear some of the clothes of the guys whose camp I ruined a couple days ago, but I don't like carrying around the clothes of the deceased. It makes my stomach turn. It's not the most pleasant feeling to be precise.

It's still easy to imagine that I'm in some kind of fantasy book just like when I was in high school. Unfortunately this isn't just a simple dream. I'm running out of food... I'll have to find something to recharge my energy soon... I want to go back home.