Sturgis Podmore

Ella’s heart filled with guilt as he blamed himself. How could he possibly take her biggest mistake, her darkest point, and logically find a way to blame himself for it? She shook her head, tears sweeping down her cheeks. “Please don’t blame yourself for this, Sturgis. It was my fault and mine alone. I made the choice to do what I did, okay? I don’t want you to think it was in anyway your fault.” Her voice was pleading, the last thing she wanted was for him to think he had caused her to stoop so low. Sturgis didn’t deserve that kind of guilt. Ella met his glance for a moment, before leaning against his chest again. Could she actually be done with all of that? Or was this just a dream she’d wake from at the sound of her alarm? The sound of his heart beat was enough to convince her that he was really there, and that she was not alone anymore. “I know.” She said after a moment of silence. “I love you, Sturgis,” She mumbled into his chest before looking up to meet his gaze once more, “Okay? I love you.”

Sturgis shrugged and looked at her. "It's not just your fault, and you know it."He sighed and held her close. "I don't want to fight over this, all I want you to know is that I love you too, I love you and that's all I've ever done and all I'll ever do." He smiled and kissed her lips. "There, now you know my biggest secret." He grinned. "I'm a huge soppy person." He stroke her cheek. "But it's still the truth."

Ella choked on a sob as she buried her face into his chest. Sturgis’s arms felt like home around her and she never wanted to leave. She tried to give herself an out from telling him what else she’d done. Maybe if he didn’t care about her stripping, he wouldn’t care that she’d had sex for money, that she’d slept with the people who’d killed his father. Deep down though, Ella knew she had to tell him. If he ever found out from someone else, she wouldn’t be able to fix that. “There’s more,” She whispered, looking up at him through her wet lashes. The best she could do was lay all of her faults out for him to see and allow him to make that choice. If there was anyone the brunette trusted not to expose her, despite if he stayed or left, it was Sturgis. She’d known him for a long time, been his friend and his lover, and she believed he was the most loyal person she’d ever met. “When the stripping wasn’t enough I-” She looked back down, pulling slightly away from him, that way he wouldn’t have to push her away after the truth slipped past her lips. “I started taking money for…other services.”

Sturgis looked at her, he was in shock, of course he was. But he wasn't sure how to get everything he felt in words.. Not that he was ever good with words... He was that much better with actions. That being sad he needed to let her know, that of course he didnt like what she had done to get by, but he blamed himself. They were having a good life before he screwed things up... "Ella.. I'm not saying. that I like what you did.. But I am to blame too.. We.. I screwed it up and I left you hanging... but that doesn't mean I'm going to push you out again." Sturgis looked at her. "I'm too bloody happy that I am with you again, I did stupid things too, and you did what you needed to do to get by... You don't have to anymore now, you know that right?"

"I suppose so, makes sense we’re friends, being extremely odd and all." Mac looked to Sturgis at his side and grinned. "It’s awful. I blame Moody, sending us off to do his bidding."

Sturgis snorts and nodded "We're odd but still brilliant." he grinned at his friend and walked through the town. "I know! I've not been away for a while though."

"Thanks," She mumbled, grabbing her shirt off of the floor and slipping it back on. "About two months or so after that night," Ella paused, running a hand through her hair, "My family was attacked and none of them made it. I lost everything within a few weeks, the flat, the little money they’d left behind. I had nothing and I couldn’t find work." She said, shame filling her voice and expression. "I was desperate."  She looked to the floor again, taking a deep breath before sitting at the edge of her bed. "I started working as a stripper, in Knockturn Alley. It was the only job I could get and I was still barely making ends meet." She felt tears filling her eyes from all of the emotions that were surging through her; fear, sadness, shame, and she hadn’t even gotten to the worst part yet. Ella was sure that she was breaking her own heart this time, the only comforting thought about that was that if, no, once he left, at least he wouldn’t have to carry around the guilt of breaking her heart anymore.

Sturgis didn't know what to think of what he'd just been told. Not really sure how to react to her words, but seeing her so upset, it was more than he could take. The last time, that he was aware of, when she'd been this upset, it had been his fault, this time it wasn't and he was able to do something about it. He wrapped his arms around her tight and held her in his arms. "I know I can't make things better, to make them come back. Or to unbreak your heart. What I can do is promise you that I'm never ever letting you go again, Ella, I meant what I said earlier. I made a mistake and it made me lose you, I'm not willing to go through all that again. I love you, and nothing you've done could change that." He whispered in her hair and kissed her head softly.

"But I care about what I did, Sturgis and I can’t do this without being honest with you about it." She said quickly, looking up to meet his gaze. She moved her hands to the clasp of her bra and struggled to hook it back together. "I’m not pulling away, I’m being honest with you. And I’ll understand if you don’t want to be with me, okay? I won’t blame you for it this time." She turned away from him before looking back over her shoulder. "Will you hook this back together for me?"

Sturgis nodded and hooked her bra back together. He looked at her. "Can you just tell me?" He smiled a little. "You're only making it harder for yourself I think..." He ran a hand through his hair. He had no idea what she was trying to tell him, but she seemed anxious enough and it was scaring him a little. Okay if he didn't want to be with her? What could possibly be so bad...

"Yeah, I’ve had to deal with that weirdness for the vast majority of life, I know." Mac grinned, and started walking, glancing over at his friend. "Fantastic. It’s been far too long since we’ve done this, mate." 

"True, very true. It helps that you fit right in then." He grinned and fell into step with him. "I know, it's been too long since we saw each other or hung out."

Ella’s chest tightened with guilt at his words. She slowly pulled back from him, hands clutching her bra to her chest as she shook her head. “I can’t do this.” Her voice was soft, her gaze locking on wooden floor of her bedroom. Her hands left their spot on his waist as she moved off of the bed in a hurry. She couldn’t allow him to commit to her when he didn’t know who she’d become, she cared too much about Sturgis to do that to him. “A lot’s changed since we ended.”

Sturgis looked at her, shocked and not sure what to do. "Ella.. Of course a lot has changed since we ended, do you think I'm oblivious to that?" He sat up and pulled his shirt back on. "We've not been together for a long time nd I didn't expect things to take off where we ended.. But I don't care what you did, and I hope you feel the same about me.. Ella, we're going to find that out... I think.." He looked at her. "Please don't pull away again..."

Sturgis looked up at her and bit his lip before leaning up on his elbows and kissing her again. He didn't seem able to stop doing that, now that he had her back with him. He could feel himself harden by her mere touch and it was clear that she was still able to do the things to him that she'd been able to do in the past. "Ella, you're amazing." He muttered before running his hands over her sides and unhooking her bra.

"Oi, I’m not an idiot!" Macon grinned, shrugging. "And still the teachers seemed to like us. Well, most of them. I wonder how they managed that?" He raised an eyebrow. "So?"

"You're not? Could've fooled me." Sturgis laughed. "I know! We weren't teacher's pets well not even close,  but we were liked well enough anyway."

"Far too amazing to forget. All those years in the same dormitory and we never took advantage of it." Macon joked, before wrinkling his nose, smile still in place. "Ugh, no stop. That’s disturbing, bloody Mar." He grinned. "Sounds amazing. Off we go then? Diagon Alley? Hogsmede?"

He laughed and nodded. "Let's not go further with that part of the conversation okay, Marlene is such a weirdo, I love her, but she's a weirdo.." Sturgis laughed.  "To go hunt Death Eaters? Diagon Alley definitely."

Ella giggled, kissing him back deeply. “You’re too good for me,” She mumbled back, placing her hands on the bed on either side of him. Pulling at his bottom lip as she slowly pushed herself away from him, she moved to straddle his waist. Her hands left the bed and found the hem of his shirt, quickly moving to pull it over his head before she leaned over to kiss him again. “Merlin, I missed this.” She said, tracing her fingers down his chest lightly.

Sturgis grinned "Too good for you? It's the other way around, my love, not I but you are too good for me." He kissed her again and then let her pull his shirt off. He watched her climb back on top of him and grinned, kissing her once again, then pulling onto the hem of her shirt and pulling it off swiftly and throwing it on the ground. His hands found her waist and he rubbed her sides before following her finger with his eyes.

"Oh, yeah. That’s true. There’ll be records though, future generations will know of our disregard for rules." Mac grinned. "Honestly, we did nothing when we were separated either. Same rule applies to following Moody’s orders, I suppose."

"That's what I said idiot." He laughed. 'We'd do nothing whether we were apart or together, so they might as well have put us together." he grinned "So..."

madaleina:

Sturgis and Ella goofing off beside the black lake. Taken by Macon McKinnon, who had snuck up on the two of them.

darain39:

"Oh, how could I forget our fantastic, nightly hot sex?" Macon joked, grinning. "Honestly, I’d rather not try to imagine how my little sister and best friend reached that topic of conversation." He nodded. "It depends on the mood, doesn’t it? Would you rather break some rules and fuck with Death Eaters or visit a pub? Both sound lovely."

"Exactly, brilliant they were!" He laughed. "I have no idea how we got onto it, I do know she's the one imagining it." Sturgis laughed. "Hmmm.. How about we break some rules and fuck with Death Eaters and then visit a pub?"

"Dunno, he is supposed to keep track of them, isn’t he? I wouldn’t put it past the man to burn them out of vengeance or something, though." Macon laughed. "Really, we could’ve done more cauldron scrubbing as a team, it’s far too boring work to do alone." He shrugged, smiling. "Yeah, alright. It’s not too bad though."

"He should be, yeah, but I doubt he's keeping track at the moment." He laughed. "Exactly, it would've been a lot more fun and we still wouldn't have done shit. Just as we did now." He grinned.