lillie

AFFECTION 

• For chris, limited affection. Has too many enemies to be completely affectionate, he really doesnt need people knowing he has a soft spot in general let alone the idea someone could take advantage of that and put her in harms way. In private, constant holding her. Wont even let her walk around his house without being by her side, likes to know shes safe at all times or he just cant function at all. He genuinely hates not being able to let everyone know that hes hers so he makes up for it by being very possessive in private. 

• sunny most of all craves feeling safe. She only has her brother at home and in no way does he communicate any form of affection other than his unwavering hatred of chris and anyone who annoys her. She doesnt see her brothers defense as safety, it only makes people want to cross him out of amusement. Thats exactly why chris stays away, sunny prefers it that way. She knows hed be there as soon as she needs it, he makes her know shes always safe. She doesnt like being affectionate and she keeps to herself but in terms of chris its the only time she feels she can fully relax and be comfortable. She loves how close he wants to be when its just them.

BONDING 

• With sunnys high knowledge of almost every topic, chris loves to be able to teach her things. How to roll, how to act in certain situations, how to fight. Sunny doesnt make him feel dumb for his lack in academics and he loves feeling like he has an equal. The sharing of knowledge is his way of bonding and feeling closer to her. Its a non burdening way to share what goes on in his mind.

• Sunny just loves being in his environment. Sneaking out for car drives, going to new places and for once not feeling the weight of having to socialise because its not the same with chris. Its just existing together rather than having to entertain or perform for each other. 

COMFORT

• Chris has a history of ruining things by saying the wrong thing and not thinking. Whenever he feels hes on the edge of creating conflict with sunny or saying something even vaguely harsh, he just kisses her. Its a way to shut himself up, show sunny its not her and that he doesnt want to lose her. If sunnys mad at him fully, and he knows he cant kiss her, he really struggles. He knows her boundaries so he wont push them, but he’ll let her get everything she wants her to say out before even being close enough to kiss her. Hes big on physical affection with sunny because it finally means something.

• Sunny knows chris struggles with his anger, and shes been surrounded by angry men her whole life. The easiest way to know shes still safe even in those high tension moments is with chris’ hands. Just holding his hand gently of feeling him holding her lets her know hed never use them for anything aggressive. she use to find any hand movements and gestures to be triggering but now its the easiest way for her to find comfort. 

DREAMS

• Chris never saw himself having a future, going from high risk situations to the next, he was sure it would eventually be the last one. He cant rely on that anymore, he wants safety and he wants that with sunny. He wants her to be happy and he believes only he can keep her completely safe. 

• Sunny wants a private life, one thats calm and secure because shes never had that. Shes lived in fight or flight and she doesnt want that to be her entire life. Before chris, she never felt she could have that. She truly feels eventually they can have that together, but she knows its a matter of time. 

EMERGENCIES

• His number one priority is always sunny, he will let himself be a punching bag as long as shes safe. Chris would use every ounce of energy in his body to defend her if he had too. Hes probably at his most confident when he is actually protecting her, hes skeptic a lot of the time and is convinced that calm never lasts long, so when there is actually something to defend her from he feels its more logical somethings gone wrong for him but he knows he can handle it no matter the situation. 

• Sunny can only close in on herself, it takes her so long to feel even remotely okay after any dangerous situation because shes always waiting for the next one. She tends to just let it play out, feeling that its inevitable. Chris is determined to help her to look after herself, he can help her when hes actually there but in order to hide his soft spot for her, he cant be there all the time. Chris knows she can take care of herself, but shes reached the point of feeling theres no point in it anymore. Hes working to change that. 

FAMILY 

• Chris has a comfortable family, theyre relatively well off and he doesnt need the money yet, but he knows he will when he has to move out. His brothers havnt got themselves stuck in that business or those groups unlike chris, but now he cant get himself out of those. He keeps his family safe from risk but they worry he cant keep himself safe. 

• sunny only has her brother. Their dad drove their mum away through his anger and mistreatment of her but when she left he didnt feel he should be left with the responsibility to look after them two so he left. Her brother ends up taking his anger out on her despite his only drive being to keep her safe. sunny sees it as an excuse to be violent than there being any truth in that statement. 

GIFTS 

• chris has like an INSANE amount of money saved up. it was originally to fund his life after moving out but now hes fully willing to spend it on sunny as a way to apologise if hes been an asshole. he'd buy her ANYTHING, fully willing to buy her a pet, a car, hundred dollars shopping spree, anything. 

• okay chris is so whipped that he sees her being around him as a gift and im not exaggerating. would endlessly say thank you for her existing in his company if he wouldn't get embarrassed from it. sunny loves to buy him flowers, he acts all stupid like its a weird gift for him to be receiving but he loooves it. its a little piece of sunny for him to keep around when shes not over and he'll just stare at them and daydream about her. 

HONESTY

• he doesnt want to be a liar. but he does. he sees it as protecting her, if its not endangering her and the truth doesn't yet impact her directly (he wouldn't lie about betraying her like being with another girl - he wouldn't do that in the first place) then he will lie and consider it a white lie or just bending the truth. it tends to be where they arguments originate from, sunny doesnt like being left in the dark as it just makes her feel vulnerable. 

• she lies about herself, what shes thinking, how shes feeling etc. people see her as weak anyway and she doesnt need to keep providing them with evidence to back up that point. she knows she can be honest with chris but its still a little difficult 

I LOVE YOU

• hes not good at specifically saying it. his way of it is in physical affection, gift giving, acts of service etc. he thinks he doesnt even deserve to say it, shes just so loveable it feels like hes like overwatering a plant if he tries too hard, hes desperate not to force her to feel any type of way. theyre also not dating so he keeps that excuse but if he ever did say it, hes not letting himself leave the conversation as anything except her boyfriend. until hes confident she wants that then hes not saying it

• she struggles, too shy in general let alone the pressure it would come with. she feels its almost burdening the universe to make sure he ends up betraying her because thats what everyone else in her life has done. she doesnt want to “curse” him by saying it

JEALOUSY

• yall know exactly what im gonna say - he gets so extremely jealous that he doesnt even know what to do with himself. his limits himself to protecting her when its an actual threat, but one is someone flirting with her or looking for too long, he doesnt know how to treat the situation. shes not actively in danger so he kind of has to let it play out even if it killllsss him. he'll be extra touchy when they hang out next tho.

• sunny started going to parties more because she likes just being in the same room as him even if they have their rules about not talking. but hearing the girls go on and on about his past with them or how much they wished they could be with him just crushes her persona of having well controlled emotions. she spends a lot of time thinking about whether or not she should ask chris for them to stop hiding them from everyone but shes yet to brave that conversation 

KIDS

• chris is way too scared to even think about having kids. he knows he'll want whatever sunny wants and thats as far he can think without having a mental crisis

• sunny is really similar. living life in and next to risk has made her never feel comfortable enough to actually settle so she cant even picture herself as a mother figure (despite the fact she'd obviously make a great mum)

LISTENING

• Hes a very obvious listener, if you think hes listening he is, but if you think he isnt then he definitely isnt. He makes it obvious, staring directly into sunnys eyes and giving her his undivided attention and completely shuts up. If his eyes dart away to something else, he has no clue what was said. Sunny gets the better end of this treatment, he does his best to always listen especially when she isnt the best at verbalising her feelings

• Sunny isnt good at verbalising her feeling but chris is a whole different ballpark. He doesnt even want to wear his emotions on his face because hes always on a look out for any threats. When hes with sunny hes much more able to let go of the tension so when she is “listening” to him, it tends to be more giving him the space to just breathe properly. 

MORNINGS 

• Sunnys brother knows that chris is there, but he sneaks out anyways. Chris has an irrational fear that if he leaves before she wakes up then something will happen to her or she literally wont wake up. He has to say goodbye before he goes, which works well with sunnys needs too. She felt abandoned all the time anyway but sharing her space with chris has made it much more difficult to be in spaces where she can feel his presence but hes not actually there. Shes much more comfortable when she knows hes gone and in what emotion he left so she knows hes okay and that he will come back. 

NEEDS 

• Chris has never been good at being by himself, while refusing to open up to them he will always be in the company of people, whether theyre family friends or strangers at a party. He’ll always be emotionally and a little physically distant but its different with sunny. When theyre together he has to be a physically close as possible as if she’ll evaporate or even he himself will. 

• Sunny hates being with people to a new degree, its the most uncomfortable thing in the world for her. She hates feeling at threat of anything serious or just embrassment. For her to not spiral with overthinking, she needs to know that chris takes her seriously. He has to listen when she talks, she wants to be his number one priority at all moments otherwise she will pull away completely feeling as if he never cared it the first place like she was just a joke to him. 

OTHERS 

• Chris is highly protective over everyone in his life (if you couldnt tell already). He has his ways of keeping constant tabs on everyone to make sure theyre safe but is also the reason he doesnt have many close friends. He doesnt want to care about too many people otherwise the amount of protection he can give lessens. He wont let people in due to fear something will happen that he couldnt save them from. 

• Sunny refuses to be close to people, feeling like theyre just gonna walk out any second. She’ll act like she prefers being by herself but she just feels as if anything else is a waste of time. She always has the idea in the back of her head that chris will leave her too. 

PDA 

• Mentioned a little before but they have an agreement not to socialise or anything in public for both of their safety. Sunnys brother has a lot of enemies and so does chris and they dont feel its worth the risk. Everyone who vaguely knows them thinks that sunny is essentially banned from being around chris because of when she took his pills. 

QUARREL

• They argue somewhat frequently. Its because they both care so much and that feeling is new to them so they arent the best at treating it. Sunny worries chris is careless sometimes with his job as a dealer and chris is too hyperaware of who sunny is near (her brothers friends etc) and also thinks she is careless sometimes. They dont always verbalising their care for each other and leave that up to physically showing it (lol) and then they only time they communicate is to in effect argue. 

ROMANCE

• Chris prefers buying gifts as i think i said before, on both short and long periods of time that he cant be there, he’ll get her any kind of gift to show that he cares and how he wishes he could be there. It also gives sunny a little comfort that hes always looking out for her. 

• Sunny is working on opening up, chris understands her struggles with it. So every time shes a little reliant on chris, he values it more than someone else would, its a little bit of trust that she wouldnt give to someone else. 

STRESS 

• I feel like a lot if self explanatory from the rest of what ive said lol buttt an example of a time hes been stressed is when chris cant come over coz sunnys brother is doing a big deal or meeting and shes in the house with him. He really thinks its not safe but sunny refuses to let chris sneak in because if he turns up and they spot him, its even riskier for him. Chris really doesnt like the people she has to be around sometimes. 

TRUST

• Chris trusts sunny with most things except her ability to look after herself. Sometimes when shes feeling bad she struggles to care which chris is always hyper aware of. Sunny as ive said feels like chris might just walk away and not talk to her again so shes not good at letting him do stuff or be there for her all the time if shes struggling.

UNIQUE 

• Chris has a super cool black cat he has a really big soft spot for, no one really knows he has one because he wont let anyone come over buttt since sunny found a way to sneak into his house without his family seeing, she knows and adores him. Chris sometimes uses it to convince her to come overrr

• Sunny use to have instruments and she was really good at playing them. She really loved it and made her own music but then her brother unexpectedly sold all of it because he owed someone money :(

VACATION 

• They both wanna stay somewhere with a beach. Secluded enough they can enjoy each others company without stress and then it would have a lot of air since theyre both trapped in places that smell of weed most of the time. Chris is saving up to take her at some point if he can convince her brother to let him. 

XTRA

• One random thing i can see them doing is when they have the house to themselves, they dont use it to yknow be at loud as they want (they can kinda do that anyway because her brother wont walk in on them), sunny uses it as an excuse to show chris around the house like that tiktok trend where people would show their pets things they havnt seen before like the inside of the microwave I HOPE SOMEONE KNOWS WHAT I MEAN OR I SOUND CRAZY, but yeah sunny shows him random things and ends up yapping his ear off because she loves explaining things and chris find it adorable :)

YEARNING

• Chris thinks about sunny day and night, 24/7. Shes like a little angel on his shoulder thats just enough to motivate him throughout his daily activities. He always makes sure to know the next time he sees her so that he always has something to look forward too.

• Sunny doesnt find yearning a comfortable state to be in so she kind of forces herself not too. But when shes actually with chris shes quite clingy and attached at the hip to him but not verbally. As you can tell she has a bad fear of abandonment so it affects her “relationship” with chris a lot.

ZZZ

• Its got to the point they both struggle to sleep when they arent together. They are so constantly worked up about the other one being in danger or just leaving that if feels like they already have/are when they dont wake up and see them. They are literally obsessed with each other they both are just said of the consequences of verbalising and showing it all the time :( 

she walked as if her feet were heavy, gripping the side of her arm as if it would drop off. She didnt belong there. Not an ounce of confidence, unsure of even her own eye movements. Chris’ eyes met hers occasionally, they were hard for her to miss when they wouldnt leave her the whole night. 

He couldnt rationalise it. He felt an overwhelming urge to look out for her, watching her clueless wandering between rooms like a lost dog. She drank a little to calm her nerves. Stood next to groups of people monitoring and getting herself stuck inside her own head rather than including herself in the conversation. 

The glances were no longer passing ones, she held onto the eye contact, eventually stumbling over with a sense of determination. Chris sipped at his drink, watching as she used the walls to support herself. 

She stood directly in front of him, a little too close and she grew intimidated. She opened her mouth to speak, her hesitation overwhelmed her as she shut down what she had planned to say. Chris raised his eyebrows in question, watching her chest rise as she took a deep breath. 

“Youre the-the drug guy?”

“depends whos asking.” he brought his cigeratte to his mouth to take a drag.

“o-oh- you want my name?”

He shook his head and chuckled, “what’re you after?”

“um, a lot?”

He started pulling bags of pills out from his jacket pocket, running through the maths mentally. 

“enough to um, to kill someone?” she mumbled out quietly, fiddling with her hands.

Chris halted his movements, scanning across her body noticing various bruises and scars barely hidden by the hems of her clothing. He looked back and forth between her eyes, noticing her increased anxiousness. He handed over a few bags, shaking his head and pushing her hand back when she tried to hand over some money. 

“they deserve it?” he mumbled out, holding eye contact while he placed his cigarette back into his mouth. 

she nodded, still unsure of herself as she fidded with both the bags and her money. “yeah. yeah, they do.” 

She now avoided eye contact, only looking up at him to smile in thanks. 

He watched as she headed towards the front door, following in order to poke his head out the doorframe and watch as she disappeared slowly down the street. He hoped that whatever piece of shit had been hurting her got what they deserved. 

“Did you hear about that girl in our year?” one of the girls in the couch wouldnt shut up. Spitting out various personal information shed been entrusted with as she downed her drinks over and over. 

“She like took a bunch of pills and like fully tried to OD”

“Who?” chris interrupted the other groups conversation, breaking his usual bout of silence. 

“Some girl, i dont know” she mumbled out defensively. 

“Was she here last week?”

Another guy chimed in, “that nerd girl?”

“Yes, was it her?” he edged forward on couch, a clear sense of urgency as he pressured the information out of the group. 

“I think so actually! Her brothers a dealer so people think she took from his stash” she laughed as if there was any comedic value in what she was sharing. “Hes basically a murderer!” she gasped and tried to rally up the rest of the group to laugh with her.

“No her brother doesnt sell pills” another girl interrupted. “She mustve got them from someone else."

The silence was deafening. Slow turning of heads towards chris as they connected the dots between his panic and his pills on the table in front of them. 

He abruptly stood up, “whos her brother?”

His anxiety reached a new high, knocking on the front door before pacing on the porch. Her brother answered as he expected.

“The fuck you doing here?”

He scratched the back of his neck trying to swallow down his new found nervousness. “Im here for your sister. I just wanna talk to her.”

Her brother scanned chris up and down, eyes squinted to figure out his intent. 

He tilted his head in a gesture to let him inside, shutting the door behind him. "wait here.” he instructed, heading up the stairs. 

Eventually he came back down and led chris up the stairs. 

His eyes were full of guilt as he approached her bed, her brother stood in the doorway monitoring.

“go away, leo.” she commanded.

He passive aggressively looked between the two of them and reluctantly shut the door. He sat on the end of her bed, watching as she moved her knees up to her chest in a protective position. 

“I wouldnt have given them to you. If id known.” he whispered.

She merely nodded, still processing the fact he was in her house - her room. 

Chris took a deep sigh, “whyd you do it?” there was a hint of anger in his tone. “I thought it was for someone else- for someone hurting you.”

“It was.” she mumbled. 

“You dont count. Another person counts, not yourself. Dont ever pull that shit again.” 

She looked down at her lap, avoiding his intense gaze. 

“Why does it matter? You dont even know me.”

“I dont know you but i know the feeling.”

She looked back in his direction, eyes a little wider and mouth a little agape. 

“And it hurts like hell, but you-” he steadied his emotions. “You arent suppose to die yet. Youre smart, if theres no hope of happiness for you then theres no hope for anyone. Youre suppose to live.”

“‘M not smart-”

“Cmon just listen. Life isnt for everyone, why do you think i have to sell these pills? I havnt got a big bright future ahead of me. You can have one. Just stop being stupid and-”

The door slammed open, her brothers eyes wide full of anger.

“You sold her the fucking pills?” he yelled, chris stood up from his seat and stood closer to the wall near her. 

“Chris. Go home.” she forcefully instructed.

He pushed past her brother, beginning to sprint out the room before he could let out his anger on him. Leo managed to grip his shoulders, shoving him harshly into the wall and watch as he fell to the floor. He started to pummel his fist into chris’ face, gripping his collar to hold him up. 

The girl rushed out of her bed, pulling at her brothers clothes as she yelled at him to stop. Eventually chris managed to push at him, standing himself up quickly and holding his nose as he felt the blood drip from it. Her brother took heavy breaths, standing back in front of his sister in a protective stance. 

“Youre dead. Dont ever go fucking near her.”

Chris looked over to her as the tears brimmed her waterline, he wiped his blood and turned away to head back down the stairs. 

He didnt think he could ever forgive himself. He was lucky enough that she had actually survived it. He barely understood how she did. 

Chris walked himself down the street. The blood flowed down his face relentlessly, but he didnt care about himself even enough to even wipe it before it dripped down his shirt. Her blood was on his hands, he might aswell wear his own.