Bakugo: okay, since we’re living in dorms now, there’s some shit y’all need to know
Iida: it’s good of you to open up, Bakugo!
Bakugo: fuck off, I don’t mean me. I mean about Deku.
Uraraka: shouldn’t he tell us himself? It’s pretty rude to expose his secrets
Bakugo: these aren’t fucking secrets. They’re safety precautions.
Kirishima: so manly that you’re concerned about him!
Bakugo: I’m not. This warning is for *you*. If you don’t listen, it’s not my problem.
Bakugo: if you see him out of his room past midnight, do 👏 not 👏 approach 👏 him 👏 and call me immediately. I don’t care if I’m sleeping, wake me up and tell me where he is. Do not approach him.
Midoriya: this is a little dramatic Kacchan
Kaminari: I don’t get it. What’s the big deal?
Bakugo, grimacing: this little shit sleep-fights. It was bad enough when he didn’t use his quirk. I’m telling you for your own health. If you don’t want to spontaneously fucking die, do not interact.
Midoriya: it’s not as bad as it sounds.
Kaminari: I’m sure it’ll be fine dude
——————————One Week Later——————————
Bakugo: what did I tell you?
Kaminari: don’t approach him after midnight
Bakugo, turning to Kirishima: and what did he do?
Kirishima, sighing: approached him after midnight
Bakugo, to Midoriya: and what did YOU do?
Midoriya, tearing up: Detroit smashed him through a wall and destroyed the ground floor of the dorms
Bakugo, back to Kaminari: and where are you now
Kaminari, disturbed: in the hospital after briefly visiting god
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