Stupid Shit I've Heard On Dates

"Well match keeps sending me your profile so I am going to try to get your attention."

Excerpts from profile of a guy that messaged me: "It's difficult being James Bond...I recently moved to one of the nicest beaches in the Bahamas. I spend my days swimming, lunching, communicating with my team...I am looking for a woman who has the fortitude to commit to paradise."

Excerpts from profile of a guy who made me a "favorite": "My divorce is going to be final in August...I have a cat but I'm probably going to give it to the ex...what's the phrase again? Lady in the streets but freak in the bed?"

"Yeah, I write to some of the girls on match and tell them, 'I think you're being too demanding!' It probably pisses people off, but I don't care."

[From a match.com profile] "80% of the time I'm wearing a collard shirt."

"I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I’m pretty much the LeBron James of the elliptical."

Me [horrified]: “Erm, no. You’re right about that.”

"A woman who likes superheroes? Does that mean you read comics or have you just watched the movies?"

"You look tough. I’m interested."

Source: Pinterest.com

"If you have any sort of **Body Modification**, don’t bother. Or already have kids. I prefer to make my own."

Hello. :)”

"you look really good I like your profile can I buy you a drink sometime"

Source: Megan McLaughlin on Pinterest.com

Source: Pinterest.com

"Hi, How are things? What type of scotch to do like? Do you goto comic conventions?"