To love and be loved.

Since I was twelve, I’ve had this habit of destroying myself, going numb to the demons inside my head. I’d take shot after shot and lose count. I’d pop colored pills and dance myself into oblivion. I’d snort white lines until I believed I was beautiful. The most happy I’ve felt was when I was high with dilated eyes and mind in the sky. The most free I felt was when I had no thought of tomorrow or the pain inside my chest. - And that’s sad right? That the happiest I’ve been was when I was on the brink of overdose.

For people who want to use or are thinking of using: Drugs are not pretty. Drugs are not cute. Drugs are not an anesthetic. Drugs are blacking out an entire night and waking up naked in your boyfriend’s bed and his guy friends in the living room. Drugs are aching bones and bloody noses and bruises regularly. Drugs are dealers getting in your pants because they have your next fix and your bank account is at zero. Drugs are walking streets at 3AM alone because you just ran out and now you need to get it, no matter how late or how far you gotta go. Drugs are staying up for days while hallucinating voices not there. Drugs make you not trust a damn Soul, not even yourself. Drugs are doing things you’d never imagine just so you can get high. Drugs put you in the constate state of survival. There is nothing pretty about addiction. It is not an anesthetic; it is a form of self destruction for us ones who just want to numb the pain of our own minds. - S.V.

Addiction. Spending money on drugs instead of necessities. Emptying your bank account for a gram. Starving for days, high on the shit that makes you feel invincible. Stealing from family to make it through the week you say it’s for gas but it’s really for drugs. Giving your body to a man that sees you as a piece of meat just for 300 bucks a week you feel worthless. Addiction. Always wanting to quit but never knowing how. Addiction. Afraid to tell your family because you’re scared they’ll shut you out. Addiction. Snorting lines in your room alone because you have nothing better to do. Addiction. Feeling like the biggest failure for just trying to numb the pain. Addiction.