Quill & Scroll

1. Instead of victimizing yourself, make use of what you’re feeling. Cry. Write. Reach out to a friend. But don’t stomp your feet and make a sad face hoping someone will save you. Be realistic. Pick yourself up.

2. Don’t be afraid to say you are excited or irritated. If there is good reason, there is good conversation to be made.

3. Get a notepad and a calendar. Write your goals on your notepad and write on the calendar specifically when you’re gonna do them. You will not get them done otherwise.

4. Stop the idea that texting first to make plans is bad. We’re all lazy. Friends want to hang out with you but just don’t take initiative. Be the friend that makes all the plans. Who cares. Life’s short and you need to make use of the people who are available to you at this moment.

5. Don’t lurk on people’s social media. Not the person you’re jealous of. Not the person you pity. Not your crush or your ex’s. Life is organic. Relationships are organic. Get to know someone in real life. With every post you see, the more your brain manifests ideas that you can’t even confirm about someone.

6. No matter how old you are, your voice is important to someone. Speak up. Be passionate.

7. Laugh at awkward situations instead of getting mad at yourself. Not only does it help you, but everyone around you too.

8. Charisma is overrated.

9. On that note, try to get to know everyone, including shy people, extroverted people, and everyone in between. Be warm. Be a light. People are interesting and they always have something to offer to you.

10. If someone needs help, give it. Not just a push, but give like you mean it. Wholeheartedly make someone understand what it is like to be recognized and supported. This applies to both paying for a strangers meal and when a friend comes to you after a hard day.

11. Don’t reduce yourself to traits. You are you. Every part of you comes together to make a unique person. Don’t depend on being the “artist” or the “good runner.” Yes you are that, but you are also a million other things. Recognize all of who you are and don’t compare yourself to others.

12. Two things you need to do more to make you feel warm and happy inside: eating breakfast for dinner and having long hugs.

13. Be thankful for everything. The drink you are slowly sipping on. The tree in your yard. Your family. Your bed.

14. Go out and listen to live music. You’ll find something meaningful.

15. People will insult you. Respond kindly and try to hear them out. It’s the most you can do.

16. If you want to make positive change then do it. Don’t let the past 5 minutes or 5 years define you. You don’t have to explain yourself to people who question or mock you. Be the best you.

This has come up a few times recently, so I wanted to give some advice on giving and receiving negative feedback!

Giving:

Alright, you just saw a presentation and it was terrible. Now you are asked to give feedback. What do you say?

Well, at the very beginning, you thank the person for their presentation, the work they put into it, or something like that (whichever is appropriate for the situation)

The first and most important point is to always refer to the thing, not the person! It was not a good presentation, but you wouldn’t tell the person they are a bad presenter.

Next, kind of related to the first point, you want to convey that the bad performance is temporary and they can work on it and change it. Otherwise they might just give up on being a good public speaker or presenter. This can be done by phrasing your criticism as “next time, …” or similar.

Be constructive. You could say “the presentation was horrible” or “shitty” or “abysmal”, but that doesn’t help the person at all. What was wrong with it? Did they miss the topic? Was the font way too small? Did they mumble and look down all the time? Be specific!

Related to this, if the criticism does not already contain this information, tell them how exactly they can improve. Don’t just say “you need to improve your public speaking”, tell them “try working on looking at your audience. It might help to choose a fixed point to look at instead of looking down”. Also phrase it as “work on X” or “try to Y”, not as “never ever look down during a speech”, this just creates more pressure! 

Lastly, and probably already well known, mention the positive aspects as well. It is up to you if you start with the positive and follow it with the negative or vice versa. I like to sandwich the negative feedback in between two positive aspects, especially if the person has very low confidence or seems anxious and scared.

So, this is how you criticise in a constructive way, but what if you’re the one being criticised? And what if other people don’t follow these rules?

If you receive feedback, thank the person giving it. They are (in most cases) trying to help you improve. Even if you disagree completely with what they say, it is still valuable information for you about what impression your work leaves on some people.

After that, the first step is the same as above, essentially - do not take it personally. Maybe you got turned down for a job, got a bad grade or just gave a crappy presentation because you did it last minute and barely slept. You, as a person, are not a failure just because of this. Even if someone tells you “you didn’t do a good job” or “you failed”, this still refers to one specific behaviour of yours, for example during a presentation, not to your person as a whole.

Stay calm! You don’t have to defend yourself, just listen, nod, and say “okay” and “alright”.

Do not focus on the now and here. Ask yourself how this can benefit you in the future. Learn from your mistakes and pledge to not repeat them. Did you write too small on your flash cards and couldn’t read it while presenting? Did you forget to add sources for your images? It’s okay, now you will surely remember it the next time.

Request explicit and constructive feedback. If someone just tells you that it was bad, ask them why they feel this way and how you can improve. Remember, you want to get better.

I have seen this before, so I feel like I should mention this: Do not talk badly about yourself, neither before nor after receiving feedback. A guy from a seminar I was in barely finished his last sentence before he started saying “Oh my God, I know that was bad, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t prepared enough, I did terribly, …” – Apart from the fact that his presentation was completely fine, this usually leads to one of two outcomes: 1. Your audience feels bad for you. They don’t know what to say, they try to cheer you up and be positive, but they will hesitate to tell you what you can improve out of fear to hurt your feelings. 2. If it was something very important, like an oral exam or a job interview, it will probably affect your grade or chance of getting hired. In an oral exam, it would show low confidence in your skills and your teachers might think that you did not study enough and are therefore scared. 

As always, feel free to add something in the replies or reblogs if you have another useful piece of advice.

Have a wonderful day and take care of yourselves!

A room in the library at Queen’s College, Oxford University

1/100 • 25.04.2017

Started setting up a new bullet journal since I’m not satisfied with the one I’m using right now. This is one is already looking a lot better so I’m pretty happy.

I’m going to try and do the 100 days of productivity challenge, I want to be more productive and I also want to post more, so this is a win-win situation.

✧ 8TEEN - Khalid ✧

At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school.   At age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare.

At age 28, Wayne Coyne ( from The Flaming Lips) was a fry cook. At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter.  At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker.  At age 37, Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs. Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39, and got her own cooking show at age 51. Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team, didn’t get the Editor-in-Chief position at Vogue, and designed her first dress at age 40. Stan Lee didn’t release his first big comic book until he was 40. Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career to pursue acting at age 42. Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his first movie role until he was 46.

Morgan Freeman landed his first movie role at age 52. Kathryn Bigelow only reached international success when she made The Hurt Locker at age 57. Grandma Moses didn’t begin her painting career until age 76. Louise Bourgeois didn’t become a famous artist until she was 78. Whatever your dream is, it is not too late to achieve it. You aren’t a failure because you haven’t found fame and fortune by the age of 21. Hell, it’s okay if you don’t even know what your dream is yet. Even if you’re flipping burgers, waiting tables or answering phones today, you never know where you’ll end up tomorrow. Never tell yourself you’re too old to make it. 

Never tell yourself you missed your chance. 

Never tell yourself that you aren’t good enough.