First of all, you’re not alone. I have a writing coach (and therapist) primarily for the reason that I’m worried I won’t finish my dissertation.
If you’re not well acquainted with your illness, spend time getting to know your own body. This might include researching your illness, journaling, or just paying attention to what your body does. Your baseline is different than others (no baseline is truly “normal,” but it’s important to know how you function so that you can be more productive).
When I was in coursework, I was well acquainted with my epilepsy and breezed through courses because I understood what triggered my seizures: lack of sleep and stress. So, I functioned on an incredibly rigid schedule. Then in 2018, I came down with an infection that I never recovered from and was subsequently diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis.
You mention exhaustion and how one thing (such as a headache) can disrupt your schedule, which is common with a lot of awful illnesses. This is my annoyance with autoimmune diseases, hence why it’s important to understand your body and your triggers.
1. As mentioned above, listen to your body because it will guide on how to care for it. Sugar is a massive trigger for me, for example.
2. Don’t push yourself to work every day. Your body needs to recharge, especially if it’s under stress.
3. With that, rethink productivity. If I get an idea, I jot it down on a sticky note, but if I am in a flare, I don’t push myself to work. Productivity looks different for each person, too. Productivity is not working every day. You will burn yourself out if you do this.
4. Talk to your committee. I learned this lesson from someone on tumblr because I don’t like disclosing my illnesses to people. My doctors and committee suggested I take medical leave after five consecutive surgeries (Thanks, AS) and it did a world of good for my brain and body. But it wasn’t until my committee knew what was going on that they were able to appropriately support me.
5. Rethink what you want in terms of a job. I wanted a tenure track job, but since I was diagnosed with AS I’ve thought about employment quite differently. I have a wonderful job at a university that supports me. It’s not research-heavy (which has always been my dream), but I get to teach fun classes and I’m not stressed. There are other approaches to research outside academia, too. None of this means you have to give up your dreams, either.
6. This is a tough one: realize you probably won’t get better but you may not get sicker. Health isn’t a linear process; it’s cyclical. This though process has significantly helped me because I “gave up” things I loved and I resented that for a long time. Once I realized all of the new hobbies and activities that have come into my life, then I realized I can approach my health in a different way.
7. Lastly, talk to your doctor about a treatment plan to finish your PhD. If your doctor is not supportive, see if you can find a different doctor.
I hope that this helps and please know that you’re not alone. It sucks to feel sick and alone, especially during the PhD where we’re constantly told productivity looks a certain way. Let me know if you want to chat.
janainaart
yousharknotpass
theartofmadeline
dededos
