/Butterfly/She,Her/20-something/A place for all of my fandoms to come together and become one in my mind. Literally, theyâll eventually blur together with the amounts of reader inserts I read/Requests now Open!
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Guess whoâs a new fan of Starkid and their amazing shows!! Or, I should say, guess who rediscovered them after accidentally being shown AVPM way way too young haha.
But hey! Now Iâm an adult! No one can stop me now!! I plan to rewatch the AVPM shows at the end, since I know I like them and thatâll be a good way to loop back to the beginning. Iâve also seen Cinderellaâs Castle, since it caught my eye when it released. Iâm currently making my way through Hatchetfield stuff in order, Iâm almost done with Nightmare Time Season 2, one more episode to go. NPMD is next! I love connecting all the dots between characters and events across timelines, and seeing everyone do amazing work without taking themselves too seriously is the best combo. And as a musician, I love noting all the underscoring that plays, and listening for all the old song callbacks they use.
I canât wait to keep plugging along through their shows, Iâm so excited!
I keep thinking about how funny it is that Lauren Lopez is literally making her west end debut but she doesnât get to bow. Like she has to stay in character and yell and scream and be carried off stage. She literally directed the show and she canât bow
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Edit: yes i fucking know they're fan favorite individually đđđ i'm talking about them as a DUO, as in; their chemistry together on stage, about their characters together.
personally I headcanon that Paul's special interest is film and he reviews movies online in his spare time. reasoning: he brings up film unprompted in guy. he's at least somewhat online based on the one line from the opening number of guy (but we don't know what he does online). he wrote movie reviews as his job in an earlier draft of guy and while obviously that isn't even remotely canon anymore I think it'd be fun to repurpose that, except its not his job its just something he does for fun.
I dont think Paul is all that active on social media, but that man absolutely has a letterboxd. he has Opinions on movies. you can't go to a theater with him to see a movie he's already seen because he will talk the whole way through making sure not only do you notice the subtle little details in the film but you understand what they mean. (Emma finds this endearing and likes hearing him yap and seeing him get all excited and passionate about movies he likes. but they still can't go to theaters because everyone else would get mad at him for talking)
oh paul matthews my beloved sopping wet cat of a man đ
first piece of fanart i made for the fun of it in months shout out to tgwdlm reprised, got to see it in london on sunday with @comical-specimen and it was fucking amazing
you're too young for me!dex's life and morals all fall apart the second his eyes land on you. your laughter catching his attention and his mind doesn't register when his body does full 180° degree turn towards you. you're probably too young for him but you look so goddamn breathtaking in that short dress. and your smile? he can't look away.
you're too young for me!dex who feels his brain short circuit when you sit next to him. 'one more shot of tequila please!' you say to the bartender and look over at him, tilting your head to get a better look. he looks you up and down closer now, remembering your features - plush lips, pretty doe eyes, flushed cheeks, messy hair. he could give a detailed explanation of how you look like just in matter of seconds.
you're too young for me!dex who goes absolutely batshit crazy when you wrap your soft arms around his neck and plant a little kiss on his lips, inviting him inside your place after he walked you home. dex hesitates, oh he hesitates so bad. he knows how wrong it is but how can he say no to a pretty little thing like you. he curses and enters your apartment, picking you up while you guide him to your bedroom.
you're too young for me!dex who gives you the best time of your life, only focusing on your pleasure all night. he touches you like you're fragile, he kisses you so softly you feel like you're in heaven. 'look at you' he mumbles, looking at your fucked out face. oh he's so obsessed over you already, the way you sound, the way you smell and how soft your skin is. dex is consumed by you. he wants to be ruined by you.
you're too young for me!dex gets so shy when you initiate something first. yes, he may tire you out too much but you like kissing him a little too much, so you push him against you one more before you fall asleep. 'you're so sweet to me' you whisper as you pass out, too overstimulated, hangover and tired, but satisfied. dex melts at the sight of you and desperately hugs you to his chest. he stares at you softly snoring all night, watches every time your eyelashes flutter, every time your body twitches.
you're too young for me!dex who gathers all information about you and your personal life in a span of a few days. you already tell him lots about you but he wants to know everything there is. he knows every time you're upset with the way your jaw clenches and eyebrows furrow together. he kisses your forehead and offers to take you out on a date, or order takeout and watch your favorite show.
you're too young for me!dex who just can never get enough of you. he claims he's not too touchy but who is he lying to? his hands are constantly on you no matter where you are. dex loves to wrap his arms around your waist, pressing you to his back when you're cooking and plant his face in the crook of your neck which is his favorite part of your body. he enjoys hiding his face in there, especially when sleeping or waking up to you.
you're too young for me!dex who gets so jealous and possessive every time someone approaches you with the intention of hitting you up. to him that's every guy that looks at you. 'I'm not jealous' he claims and gets so grumpy when you tease him about it. when you try to kiss him he pulls away on purpose, it makes you laugh more, knowing he won't be able to resist against you longer than ten minutes, max fifteen if he tries real hard.
older boyfriend!dex who just loves to spoil you endlessly. be it with gifts, dates or kisses and affection. only thing you complain about is him not leaving you alone (you don't want him to leave you alone). you feel his eyes on you when you're home, laying on your couch and reading; when you're out with friends, or when you leave work late at night - you know he's always watching and the thing is - you let him. you let him have that 'control' over you because the end of the day you have him wrapped around your finger.
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bf!dex who puts himself to sleep by eating the soul out of you. he swears he doesn't need medication or any other clinical method to silence the overwhelming thoughts that insist on keeping him up at night, that's why he has youâand that sweet pussy of yours, of course.
he'll go down on you almost nightly if you let him, thick fingers stuffed knuckle deep inside you and curling repeatedly against that sweet spot of yours that he recently found out makes stars explode behing your eyelids, eager mouth blabbering nonsense into your pussy the whole time.
he can make you come more than three times with his tongue and fingers onlyâthe most he has ever achieved without you threatening to pass out beneath himâand probably won't even register your tiny whimpers of "dex, that's enough" until you start kicking and pushing at his shoulders, forcing him to break away from the mess he made between your legs.
he'll climb back on top of you with the most relaxed expression you've ever seen on his face, eyelids heavy already and chin dripping with your arousal. dex drops his head to your chest then, humming a sound similar to a content little cat, then proceeds to sleep like a baby for the rest of the nightâsnoring and everything.
đźtags: project Hail Mary, HEAVY angst, pining, fear of dying, anxiety attack, fainting, soulmate AU, grief, hurt/comfort, potential happy ending, hopelessly in love, mostly following the canon story, attempts at humor
đźw/c: 8k
đźa/n: this idea came to me so randomly, but i loved it so much i have ignored all of my other wips for it (except for the breaks to write smut) thank you to all my friends who listened to me and to birch @lostinwildflowers for reading it over and helping me tweak it (p.s. if you cry from this blame birch as well b/c a few of the angsty lines are hers!) this fic actually feels so personally b/c writing this much for one fic is rare for me. i love ryland, sue me. <3
summary: .đĽ Ý soulmates are destined to be together, right?
To say you are excited would be an understatement.Â
Your heart is so full it may burst, thereâs heat beneath your cheeks, and a feeling of happiness that radiates from your very being. One quick glance at the time, date, and coordinates engraved on your wrist tells you that everything in your life is about to change in the most meaningful way. Why? Because today is the day you finally meet your soulmate.
Itâs something of a habit of yours to check your markings constantly as if you still need to make sure they are there. The map that leads you to them. Maybe it's just silliness or anxiety. After all, it is a universally accepted rule of the universe and fate is always kind in this regard. The only reason two soulmates may not meet is death, and in that scenario, the marking disappears.
So, you know without worry or doubt that your fated other half will be here waiting.
The location is one you've known for years, a beautiful flourishing park in San Francisco. It's a lovely spot, with vibrant flowers and trees with roots sunk deep into the ground. The kind of place so perfect that people choose to propose, and some eventually marry. There's a gorgeous fountain in the middle of it you've been to several times.Â
People say it's bad luck to visit your soulmate location before the given time and date, but many times you have allowed yourself that indulgence. You have sat at that fountain and imagined the day they would be here, waiting for you. Will they bring flowers? Chocolate? Or maybe do what your father did for your mother and arrange an orchestra (A bit over the top... maybe, but she loved it.)
Either way, as your body moves a little too fast through the gate of the park, you know with every part of your being life is about to truly begin.Â
It is only a few minutes until the fated time and as you look around the picturesque location that practically screams romance, you try to spot them. Someone, anyone, around looking as happy and thrilled as you.
Strangely enough, the park seems to be empty today, which is quite odd since it is always full of life with families, friends, pets, and all sorts of activities happening. Maybe fate had something to do with it? As if this is supposed to be a moment just for the two of you though that sounds a bit much even to you.
Even stranger, as you approach the massive fountain in the middle of the park that you always dreamed your lover would be in front of, you are confronted with a peculiar and somewhat concerning visual.
There are people standing around, but they don't fit in at all.
Official looking people, the type you would see in a government building or maybe in a spy movie. The one that sticks out is a woman with long faded red hair and a neutral expression. There's a small silver tablet tucked into her side. She and the others around her are all appraising you, as if they have been waiting for you.
What is happening? You look through the crowd of faces, you see no happiness or bliss. None of them are your soulmate of which you are certain.Â
You're frozen, your hands clutching the green cross body you wear as your eyes frantically look around trying to find them.Â
Everyone has always told you that the minute you see them, you will be overcome with feelings of overpowering happiness and love. Some people cry, others fall to their knees, the stories of romantic reactions are endless.
Yet, as you continue to struggle to find them a devastating thought surfaces in your mind.
Are they not here? No, they have to be here. Surely, all these years they have been thinking of you as you have them. That's how the world works, it never occurred to you to expect anything else. You'll get your happy ending, right?Â
If that isn't correct, then...
Before you can spiral further, the mysterious woman takes a step towards you and speaks.
"My name is Ava Stratt and I work for the government. I have some important information that I believe pertains to you. May I please have your full name?â
Your voice is meek and you are afraid, but you quietly say your name.
"Noted. Now, may I please see your wrist to confirm your identity?"
"Confirm my identity⌠what? Excuse me?"
"Your wrist, please."
You don't know what's going on, but her voice doesn't leave much room for argument, and you just want to know what is going on here, so you hesitantly stretch your arm out enough for her to see.
She inspects it with narrowed eyes and then looks at a man behind her who is holding what appears to be a photo that you can't see. He nods and she looks back at you as if something is now confirmed.
"Alright, I apologize for the formality and I know you must be confused, there is a lot to discuss. So, it would be best if you came with us back to a secure facility."
"Huh? No! What is even going on here? I'm here to meet my soulmate, I don't know what all you people are doing here, but this is not..." you struggle to speak, your mind races. "Today is my day to meet my soulmate, please leave me alone. They're looking for me.âÂ
Ava takes a deep breath then, as if being forced to say something that causes her deep discomfort.
"I know this will be incredibly difficult to hear and I am deeply sorry, but he is in fact not looking for you nor will you find him.â
He? Your soulmate is a he and he's not⌠coming?
âWhaâ Why would you say that?â
âI can explain more at a later time, we have prepared the information in an organized mannerââ
âNo!â Your voice seems especially loud in the deserted park, all of your patience now falling to the wayside in the wake of this impossible situation. âYou will tell me what is going on now! Where is my soulmate? Why are you here trying to take me away? I'm not going anywhere. I'm waiting here for them.â
You're rambling at this point, your fingers balled into fists, but your eyes are resolute. You mean what you're saying. The only way you leave this park is if you're kicking and screaming.
The woman releases a heavy sigh and simply says, âAlright, but I suggest you sit down. You're already in an emotional state and what I have to explain won't be easy.â
You don't like it. You decide right then and there you don't like her either, but you agree that sitting down may be best. So you do.
Thankfully, the fountain is surrounded by simple benches and as you find a spot, the woman follows behind you, sitting as far from you as she can. It takes a moment as if she is rehearsing the words in her brain, but eventually she opens her mouth and begins.Â
âThis is complicated and I'm sure you will have questions, but please try to be patient... Firstly, your soulmate's name is Ryland Grace. He is a molecular biologist that was recruited for the Hail Mary Mission. Perhaps you have some awareness of him?â
âRyland⌠Grace,â you whisper, "tasting your soulmate's name on your lips for the first time. âYes, obviously, heâs myâŚâ
Of course, you know that name. Everyone knows that name. He's one of the astronauts that went on a one way mission to space aboard the Hail Mary. Only a year ago, the probes that held the secret to saving life on Earth had landed and the world rejoiced. Ryland literally saved Earth and found the solution to stop the sunâs dimming.Â
âJudging by your reaction, I am going to take that as a yes. I made a promise to him on the allotted date and time; I would be here to inform you of his absence. We would have found you sooner, but such is fate's way.â
âBut Ryland is... the astronauts never⌠returned from that mission.â You say the words slow as if your brain is still processing, still taking the time to protect you from what that means.Â
So, he really is not comingâever. Oh god.
âYes, which is why I'm here instead. He sent some messages for youâmanyâactually and was adamant you get to view them.â
âMessages for me... all the way from space?âÂ
âYes, that is why we want to take you to a secure facility. We have set up a proper viewing area and there is certain⌠classified information on the files that prevent them from simply being given to you.â
âWait, no can't I at least see some of the messages now?â
âI'm sorry â That would not be wise.â
âPlease,â you beg. âMiss Stratt I've waited my whole life for this moment. You've just told me my soulmate whom I love with every piece of me is no longer on this planet. I've dreamed of this day for years⌠Please give me⌠something.â
Stratt purses her lips in displeasure, but relents.
âFine. I will show you one of the messages, but for the rest you must come with me. Is this understood?â
You nod vehemently.
Stratt places the tablet she was holding on her lap and starts taping away before handing it to you.Â
"We have categorized every message he left for you. This is the first of many. I'll give you some privacy."
You watch as she walks back over to her people and then gaze down at the tablet in your hands which are visibly shaking.Â
The screen is open on what seems to be some type of video log. It's paused, but it shows Ryland sitting down with his face close to the camera. Youâve seen him many times before, but have never really looked. Itâs like seeing the sun for the first time, the pull you have towards him is magnetic, even through this virtual medium.
Without thinking about it, you reach out and brush your fingers over the screen, as if you could somehow reach him through it.
Ryland looks devastatingly handsome and your eyes rove over every inch of his face as if trying to commit him to memory. His hair is cut short, like in many of the photos you've seen of him, but his blue eyes are different---tired as if he has seen too much. Ryland has deep blue eyes covered by golden rim glasses that look adorable on him. You can only see some of his chest, but heâs wearing some blue shirt with a science pun.
He is perfect, everything you could have ever imagined and your heart breaks that this is your first⌠"meeting."
Taking a deep breath, you mentally prepare yourselfâas much as one possibly could in this situationâbefore slowly clicking play.
[Video Log 1]
Hello, my name is Ryland Grace and umm Iâm your soulmate, believe it or not. Iâm going to assume that if youâre getting this message, it's because someone has talked to you and explained the... utter insanity of my situation. I'll still give you the quick rundown for my own sake.
So, I happened to become the baby daddy of astrophage, helped get a mission going to save the planet, and uhm ended up going on that mission apparently? Still fuzzy on why I did that... Suffice to say, I'm not really ideal relationship material at the moment.
Itâs been a rough few weeksâdefinitely not anything I had in my five-year planâbut my memories have started coming back at least.Â
Unfortunately, I don't have any memories of you because we never got the chance to meet. We never will... God, I wish I had memories of you.Â
Sometimes when I dream though, I know it's of you, I can feel it, but I never see your face, just this⌠sense of overwhelming love. Then I wake up and I'm trapped in a fudging metal box again. But it keeps me going even when Iâm devastated at the realization that Iâll never get to see you, which feels like all of the time.
Iâm sorry about that by the way? The words 'I'm sorry' can't even begin to cover how... apologetic and guilty I feel about that. Youâre probably so disappointed right now. I mean Iâve disappointed a lot of people in my life⌠Uhm, youâll find out that I had interesting theories about water and life that I ironically helped disprove, but I never thought you would be someone Iâd disappoint.Â
You'll give me some grace though, right? Youâre my soulmate, after all, youâre hard wired to love me.
This might seem cynical, but for years I didnât believe that. I always wondered if it was really true, I mean Iâm a man of science, yet Iâm supposed to believe the universe is busy making sure people have other halves? It sounds ridiculous. Yet, the proof is engraved on my wrist and all around me.
Actually, when I found out the sun was dimming and that the planet was pretty much going to go to shit in a few years⌠You were my first thought. The planet that my soulmate lives on is going to be uninhabitable. I wondered what you thought about it and if you were scared. I hated that.
Maybe thatâs the reason why I helped Stratt in the first place. Sure, it was exciting at first as a scientist and I wanted to help save humanity, but uhh I knew if I didnât help there wouldnât be a world for us.
Sorry, this has gone on pretty long, I donât really have anyone to talk to out here and I like to think you wouldn't mind listening. But, I guess Iâll just end this by saying I love you, Iâm sorry, and uhh I hope it's enough to know that I was on earth and I did want you.
If I had the choice, Iâd still be with you. The day we met would have been one of the happiest of our lives. I planned to give you a ring, big swingâI know. It would have been the first meeting, but I just figured we would both just be ready for that. It wouldn't have been in a 'golly lets hop down to the court house' type a way more a... You're my soulmate and here's something that signifies how wholly in love with you I am.
Oh, fiddlesticks, Iâm starting to cry, I really donât want to cry again. Wow, this is getting depressing and I should probably be focusing on saving the planet, so let's wrap it up!Â
Ah, by the way... there are some videos of me online...Â
College days... I wouldnât look at them; I tended to not use my head too much then. Peer pressure was a bad influence on me and I may have woken up naked on a lawn wearing lab goggles once. Not great experience wise.
Anywhoo, I love you, Grace out.
Youâre not sure when the tears first began falling down your face. Maybe it was at the start of the video when you heard his voice for the first time. Maybe it was when he talked about having no memories of you. Maybe it was when he said 'I love you' for the first time. Or perhaps it was at the end when you realized how real this is and how fucked up.
The sobs rack through your body as grief grips your heart tightly like a vice. So much sadness has washed over you like an ocean at full tide and itâs all you can do to clutch the tablet in your hands. This is your soulmate? This is what youâre missing out on? Youâve only watched this one recording of his and you already know he is incredibly sweet, heartbreaking, and funny in a way that made you laugh through the tears. Why in the world is this man cracking jokes as he explains heâll never get to meet you?
God, you figured that must just be the kind of guy he is. He was thinking of you, wanting to cheer you up even as your hearts broke together. You can tell heâs a good man, practically sense itâhe is your soulmate after all.
Yet, as the situation truly dawns on your heart you canât stop shaking. The tablet falls from your hands and lands with a thump on the bench. Thereâs a throbbing in your forehead and despite the fact you're dressed for summer, you are hot. This is all wrong, so wrong, in a way that knocks the wind out of you and leaves you cold.
Suddenly, you can't breathe and your body feels weak as if it might give out. Where are you again? And has your vision always been this blurry? What in the world is going on? You look up to the sky, as if you'll somehow be able to gaze far enough to see him out there. Your lover out there among the stars never to return.Â
At the thought, you try to stand; but your legs are wobbly and you can no longer think. You can't remember how to breathe.Â
This can't be real. Your soulmate is no longer on this Earth... its all too much.
Thereâs shouting in the background, people rush towards you, and then gravity no longer holds you up.Â
It all goes black.
Waking up is a slow process and somewhat confusing. Your head still hurts and your entire body feels like jello, but you at least manage to prop yourself up and look around. You're in a small room that's pretty much empty save for the bed and a night stand. It somewhat reminds you of a hospital room, but before you can think much more about it the door opens.
Youâre not surprised to see Eva Stratt walk in. She looks just like she did the moment she opened a can of whoop ass on your life, perfectly calm.
âHello there. You gave some of us quite a scare today,â she says calmly as she comes to stand by your bedside.
âWhat happened?â
âYou fainted. You donât remember?â
You frown, trying to remember exactly what happened. You recall finishing watching Rylandâs video and then your cheeks were wet from tears⌠After that it is all a blur which must be when it happened.
âKinda, sorta? Is that bad?â
âIt is most likely standard. We took the liberty of having you examined by one of our doctors. They believe you simply experienced too much emotional stress to the point your psyche shut down to protect itself. Predictable, really.â
You make a face at her.
âOhh right, so predictable, that happens to me all the time. Just like last Tuesday, I think.â
Stratt sighs and crosses her arms over her best. âI'm sorry if I seem.. uncaring it is just my way as in my line of work I must remain objective. I only meant to say that you received extremely distressing news and reacted in a very human way.â
âRight. Your line of work being the woman who organized the project Hail Mary,â you mutter, recalling seeing her face many times on the news.Â
âPrecisely.â
Any other time, you might have wanted to have a conversation with her about that, but now that you are awake there is only one thought on your mind.
âWhen can I watch the rest of Rylandâs videos?â
âThe doctor doesn't recommend it for now. There's concern it could cause another blackout and he still wants to examine you furtherââ
âNo.â
Stratt blinks. âIâm sorry?â
âI don't care about any of that. Ryland left messages for me.. I have to read them. Is it gonna hurt like fucking hell? Yes. Should I probably have a therapist on speed dial? Absolutely. But I have to know everything he had to tell me. Please.â
She watches you carefully as if trying to figure out the puzzle that is you. âYou understand severe mental stress is a serious condition?
âYes. I accept the risks, I'll sign something if need be, just let me watch my soulmates messages!â
There's a beat of silence where she's clearly thinking over your words against whatever the doctor has told her.
Fortunately, you win out.
âYou'll have to watch them while laying down and I will have you checked on intermittently to monitor your status. If I believe you have become dangerously compromised, we will stop them at once. And yes, you will have to sign legal paperwork that prohibits you from talking about anything in the videos that is not public knowledge.â
âI canât tell people that Ryland is my soulmate? But, my family and my friends all knew today I was supposed to meet them andââ
âNo, you can tell people that he is your soulmate. In fact, the government would like to release a joint statement to that effect. So, that is not the information we are concerned with getting out.â
Your eyebrows furrow as you feel she is dancing around something.
âWell, if everyone already knows he went on this mission and what he did, then what is the âpublic knowledgeâ I canât say?â
Strattâs mouth goes in a thin line.
âYouâll see. Will you sign?â
âFine, whatever gets this moving.â
Stratt clearly wasn't a woman to push your luck with.
âAre you ready to get out of bed?â
âWell, let's seeâŚâ
You inhale and exhale slowly as you move your legs to hang off the side of the bed. âCâmon, you got thisâŚâ
After what feels like forever your feet touch the ground firmly and you stand up. Stratt eyes you warily as if she's afraid she'll have to call someone in or intervene herself.
Thankfully, your legs don't give out and you raise your hands up in victory.Â
Stratt purses her lips together in what could be construed as amusement and waves you forward out the door.
As you follow behind her, you realize you're in a large building with many doors and winding hallways. You wonder if Ryland has ever been here.
She leads you to a large room in which there's a huge projector that takes up an entire wall. Thereâs a comfortable brown looking couch in front of it with a few blankets strewn across it. There's also a small table that has been laid out with snacks, drinks, and tissues.
They truly were prepared for you and someone put a lot of effort into considering your comfort.
âHere is the remote. I've currently arranged the videos in the order of the most⌠critical. You can watch them all eventually, but I believe these are the most pressing, alright?
âBy pressing you mean?â
âThey will give you a clear and immediate understanding of where he is and was now. Once you have finished those, come find me."
That sounded ominous, but you nodded.
âAlrightâŚâ
âYou will not be disturbed beyond the agreed upon check in. Understood?â
âYes.â
âIf you wish to pause for a break at any time that is fine. We can have substantial meals brought in to you and the bathroom facilities are right outside this door. Consider this base your temporary home for the time being.â
âWhat about my job? My family and my roommate will be wondering where I am.. I should text them.â
âI've taken care of it all. Everyone knows you are in a safe place and you will contact them at the earliest convenience. The most important thing you can do is hear what Ryland has to say to you. On that sentiment we are in agreement.â
You blink, wondering how your overprotective mother and father would react to a scary government official showing up at their door. Or the way your roommate who is low-key into conspiracy theories would probably threaten to record them until she spoke to you.
Yet, the need to explain anything to anyone else seems far away and you ultimately are just grateful to Stratt.
âThank you... I don't know what to say. It seems you've thought of everything. I feel taken care of.â
âDon't mention it, this is my job and a favor being fulfilled to an old friend.â
Stratt places her hand on the doorknob, but hesitates for a second. She doesnât bother turning back to you as she says. âFor what it's worth, as someone who spent a great deal of time with Ryland, you truly do remind me of him.â
With that she leaves as mysteriously as she dropped all this on you.
You swallow hard, unsure what to think of her words and her distant yet generous demeanor.Â
Are you like Ryland? There were some soulmates who tended to be polar opposites, yet others who could finish each other's sentences.
You suppose there is only one way to find out.
Letting out a sigh you go over to the couch and lay down, adjusting a few times to get comfortable. You plan to watch as many videos as you can without stopping. You just have to know him better and this is the only way no matter how much it hurts.
Then with still a shaky hand and a tightness in your chest, you press play.Â
[Video Log 2]
Gonna throw a big question at you to start this message off, but uhh what are your thoughts on aliens? Have you seen WALL-E, E.T., Lilo and Stitch?Â
Yeah, well I've got something pretty cool to show you. Iâm hoping they wonât censor this part of my messages because you deserve to know.Â
[Ryland gets close to the camera and whispers]
We arenât alone out here.
[Ryland shifts camera to the side]
Rocky, Rocky.. Câmere?
Rocky: Yes Grace?
Rocky, meet my soulmate.Â
Rocky: Hello Grace friend!!!
No, no Rocky, remember we talked about this? We're making a message for my mate. My soul mate.
Rocky: Oh yes, hello very important mate of Grace!Â
He has been very excited to be in one of the recordings for you. He's told me a lot about his mate and every time he does I just think of you.
But uhh to focus, you're probably wondering why am I ever so casually making a video with an alien creature. Stick with me on this because I'm still processing myself.
Rocky is just like us, his star is dying and he came here with a crew to figure out why. We're working together and he's super smart and helpful. Doesn't really get boundaries the way you would hope alien species might, but that's totally okay. I respect cultural differences.
Rocky: Grace! What mate look like?
Well, I don't know buddy, I've never got the chance to meet them.
Rocky: Grace never seen mate? But love?
Yes, Rocky. I don't need to have them to know how I feel.. it's just in my heart.Â
Rocky: Grace, see mate soon?
âŚ..
Hey Rocky, remember earlier when you said there was something on your ship you wanted to go grab and show me?
Rocky: Oh yes!
âCan you uhh do it now?â
Rocky: But we make video for mate?
We can film more when you get back, I promise.Â
Rocky: Acceptable.Â
Okay, he's gone⌠Sorry about that, dude has expert hearing like some Harry Potter type stuff.
So uhhh Rocky doesn't know about this being a one way trip. Kinda feels like a downer to be the one on the team who has to admit their planet sent them on a suicide mission. That's why for his sake I've been pretending I'll go back to earth.Â
I mean the two of us are already heartbroken enough to fill an entire galaxy. Why should he be too?
Anyways, I'll make another video when he comes back in the meantime as always I love you.
Grace, out.
[Video Log 3]
SoâŚI bet you will never guess how my day here on the Hail Mary went. Now, donât get jealous or anything, but Iâm moving in with someone for the first time, yeah, itâs thaaaat serious.
Itâs Rocky and heâs uhh my new roommate.
I always thought you would be the first person I lived with, but here we are. I am now the first human to officially cohabitate with an alien, so that's... pretty cool.
Rocky is pretty much bossing me around and Iâm pretty sure he has cursed at me in Eridian numerous times, but Armondo is meditatingârobots are actually decent at thatâand weâre gonna be totally fine.
I wonder how soon we would have moved in together ifâŚ.you know. I kinda think things would have moved pretty fast, most of my friends once they met their soulmates things just took it off. I definitely would have been willing to do whatever you wanted. Thereâs no doubt in my mind Iâd be âdown-badâ as the kids say. I think they say that anyways.
Well⌠Iâve got like a zillion things to pick up off the floor and I can hear Rocky rolling around doing something that has me mildly concerned so..
I love you, baby. Wish you were here.
Grace, out.
[Video Log 4]
Hey, I have news. Itâs uhh big big news and I have to document this because I want to remember telling you this. I told Rocky the truth that this is a one way trip and that Iâd made peace with that which obviously was a fudgin total lie. How could I ever make peace with not getting to kiss you and love you?Â
And by some utter miracle Rocky told me that he can just give me some fuel to return to Earth. He said it really casually like you know as if he was just giving me something inconsequential. Like a stick of butter or cup of milk between neighbors, no biggie.
When in reality he is saving my life and that's just.. cool cool cool.
So, this whole you know star crossed lovers, never going to meet vibe weâve got going on? That's done with and uhh hopefully youâre going to be excited to meet me.Â
Lately, I've been wondering how you'll react when you show up and I'm not there. It breaks my heart, rips me up into pieces.
But, now Iâm coming home to you. Eventually, once I figure out how to save our planets exactly. IÂ promise.
So if you just wait a bit longer, Iâll be there and Iâll come find you straight away. I'm gonna be the guy who saved the Earth, so I feel like Iâll have that power now ya know? I can just wave my hand and Iâll get to come see you. It's the least they could do.
Iâm so relieved. Iâll get to know your name, hear your voice, touch you, kiss you, everything I think about late at night⌠and I do think a lot about you. Sorry, hope thatâs not weird? I mean weâve never met, but I imagine kissing you. Like a lot. I imagine what it would be like just to hold you and be in bed with you.
There are other things too, but Iâm assuming the government is going to watch these logs and its probably better we meet before having those types of talks.Â
But they will happen. We will make memories together someday because I have the best friend in the world.Â
Rocky: Did tell Mate you come home?â
Yes, I told them.Â
Rocky: Did you say Rocky give you fuel? What they think of Rocky?
Or course, donât worry, I always sing your praises to them. They're going to love you and be so thankful, don't even worry about it. You're basically their best friend too.Â
Rocky: Amaze. Amaze. Amaze. Now Grace and mate love each other long time just like Adrian and Rocky. Ok?
Yeah Rocky, that's all we want and you're giving it to us.
Now, let's go do some big science.
Love you, sweetheart.
Grace, out.
[Video Log 5]
So.. things have unexpectedly gotten absolutely terrible⌠As I told you in a few of the last blogs Rocky and I have been trying to figure out why Tau Ceti isn't dimming. I did the space walk, I did the collection, which didnât go so well, it went pretty dicey, but it seemed everything would be fine until part of the ship's engine broke off which was bad enough, but then and don't freak out⌠I almost died?
But uhh Rocky saved me⌠He sacrificed himself for me. I still canât understand why he did that. He must've been so afraid and now Iâm terrified, baby.Â
Heâs in his big ball and maybe heâs resting or maybe heâs already gone and everyday Iâm just praying. I mean if Iâve lost my best friend and the only person who loves me is light years away then what do I have out here?
I'm truly alone.
âŚ..
On the other hand, I figured it out. I figured out why life is the reason Tau Ceti is okay and Iâm breeding the Taumoeba so at least in that regard I can rest easy. Youâre going to live. I've found the answer for you that will save the Sun. I like to think you would be proud of me.
I hope Rocky wakes up. I hope he can save his people. I hope I can see you soon. I hope we can be together on Earth soon.
It all just feels hopeless right now, but Iâm hanging on for you.
I dreamed of you again last night. You were holding me and it felt so fucking real that when I woke up and I was alone⌠I just wanted to give up.
But, I wonât give up on you or Rocky.
Did I mention I love you? Cause I do.
Grace, out.
[Video Log 6]
[Ryland & Rocky Sing Love Will Keep Us Alive by The Eagles]
I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely
Now you've given me the will to survive
When we're hungry, love will keep us alive
Don't you worry
Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes
Now I've found you
There's no more emptiness inside
âŚ.
Hey, sorry for the uhhh random karaoke courtesy of Rocky and I, but I wanted to do something special to give you the news⌠Clearly as you can see our Rocky friend survived! I know absolutely nothing about Eridian biology, but I still believe it was a miracle.
I donât know if Iâve ever been more relieved in my life. I cried a lot. Thought of you. Cried some more.
So, now that we have our solution and we are each taking the answer back to our respective planetsâŚÂ
Weâre partying, baby.
Thank you for listening by the way, it helps a lot. I know youâre not watching these in real time, but it still gives me this sense of being heard. And I know you will someday and I feel a connection with you through that.
I like to think that when I finally come back to Earth we can watch them together. Iâll probably cry and youâll tell me that I shouldnât cry while watching videos of myself.
Anyways, I canât talk for too long. I plan to show Rocky Green Day next.
But everything is okay, it's more than okay.
Tomorrow I begin the journey home. I love you. I love you. Wait for me.
Grace, out.
[Video Log 7]
Wow this is⌠this is rough, Iâve practiced this multiple times already in my head, but this is the first time Iâve actually had the strength to turn on record. Um, a lot has happened in the past several hours that is pretty grim.
I almost lost the ship due to the Taumoeba escaping xenonite breeder tanks, but I managed to fix it and stop them. So Iâm okay, but uhhh Rocky⌠heâs not going to be okay.Â
He wonât be able to solve the problem, wonât even know what the problem is, and so⌠heâs gonna die. A slow painful death due to radiation poisoning because I didnât foresee this happening.
I know I promised you that I was coming home. I told you that we would be together and I made you promises that now seem so insincere, useless, and stupid.
Iâm so sorry, but Iâve done the math and I canât come home to you and save Rocky. If I canât save Rocky then all the Eridians die too⌠So, I really only have one option where everyone lives.
Youâll probably hate me â if you donât already â and feel like this is just another thing Iâm choosing over you. Another way I'm disappointing you and letting you down when I was supposed to make you my world.Â
But, another part of me says that this is what you would want. Because even though we canât be together youâre still on Earth alive, but I know without a doubt he will die and his people. And I think once you see all the messages I've made to you with Rocky⌠you would want them saved.
I think I need my brain to think of things that way to deal with this guilt and pain hanging on my chest. Iâm going to send all the messages Iâve made so far and everything Earth needs to survive in the probes soâŚÂ
Holy Moly, I'm the worst soulmate ever. I bet you wish the universe picked someone else, huh? Someone who could keep their promises? A nice simple guy who didn't accidentally become the worldâs hero?
I wanted to give you a sweet love story. Thereâs not been a lot I wanted in life besides my research and teaching, but I wanted that. The wedding, the big house, the children, this big full life⌠I'd come home to you everyday after teaching and we would be happy. That would have been enough for meâŚÂ
For a second I thought that could really happen. Please forgive me, sweetheart. I won't be there to make it up to you.Â
I love you. Iâve loved you for light years. Iâve loved you from another galaxy. Whatâs more fudging romantic and heartbreaking than that?
Youâre going to live my love and everyday I know that is a day it was all worth it. Promise me that you'll try to be happy and that you'll know there are things out there worth being brave for.
This will be the last time you ever hear from me, your soulmate.
Iâm so very sorry.
I loved you. So. Much.
Grace, out.
After watching the recordings of Ryland, you cry more than you ever have in your life and then some more. Youâre amazed at these logs he has made for you, the time he spent thinking of you, and talking to you. Ryland Graceâs sacrifice is known around the world, but seeing it through this lens, knowing he was thinking of you? Itâs so much to take in and it just blows you away when you try to process it.
There are many moments where you smile, laugh, and simply gaze in wonder at your soulmate.Â
Yet, the grief is still overpowering, and you wonder how you will ever be yourself again. You walked into that park expecting to find love and instead fell off into an abyss of heartbreak. Though even through the sorrow, there is one resounding thought: Ryland loved you without any doubt. The same way that you have been pining for your soulmate, he has been yearning for you from a galaxy away.
The number of tissues you go through could fill an entire dumpster, yet every time you reach for one there is another and another. Someone comes in often when you're asleep and cleans up. The snacks and drinks are refilled, and you get a sense that they really understand you're actively grieving.Â
It's not until hours after watching the final video of Rylandâs goodbye do you dare to venture out of your cave. Your eyes are puffy, cheeks tear stained, and your legs still a bit uncertain, but something inside you manages to find the strength. Itâs late and you arenât sure you even know the way back to the small bedroom you woke up in.Â
You just want to tell Stratt you watched the specific logs she wanted and watch all of the rest in between those.
As if on cue Stratt finds you immediately and appraises you with knowing eyes. You get the feeling that despite her not outright saying it, youâre being monitored at all times.
âYou look like you've been to hell and back.â
âI have,â you say with quiet certainty. âIâm still in disbelief, honestly.â
âHm. Come with me, we have more to discuss now that you have the full picture.â
You frown, what else could she possibly have to tell you? All you want to do is get back to that room and press play as that feels the only way to be connected to Ryland.
âI mean what else is there to say? I get it, he's not coming back ever. I get it.â
âJust trust me,â she says waving you forward as she begins walking down the hall.
âThe same way Ryland did?â
She pauses at that but continues on.
You begrudgingly follow her to a small room with a simple table and chairs. On the table lay some stacked papers, a manilla envelope, and a pen. Both of you sit down and you try to resist the urge to peek at what they say.
There is something you want to ask her.
âHave you seen the recordings?â
âOf course, it was necessary to view them to understand all aspects of the mission.â
âWhat did you think? What am I supposed to do with this? Everything he said to me, how I factored into his experience.â
âI think⌠you have simultaneously suffered a profound loss and a truly astounding love.â Â
âWell... that's one way to put it.â
Stratt observes you silently for a second before clearing her throat.
âNow, firstly, I need you to sign what we discussed earlier. I assume you understand my meaning.â
Stratt pushes the lengthy piece of paper towards you and places a pen on top.
âYeah, the general public canât know about Rocky, I get it, aliens equal mass hysteria yadayada,â you say as you grab the pen and sign.
âPerfect. Now, Ryland, also had some personal effects, things that were in a storage locker.. Would you like those items?â
âOh yes, please,â you breathe, the thought of touching something that Ryland once had his hands on might at least dull the ache in your heart the tiniest bit.
âAlright, that can be easily arranged. Lastly, I have something for you that is solely yours.â
Stratt picks up the manilla envelope and hands it to you.
Eyebrows raised, you open it slowly and pull out a thin rectangular piece of piece. You nearly drop it as your eyes read a number so big you think they mustâve added a 0 or two on accident.
âWhat the heck is this?â You say in disbelief.
âAll of the astronauts were to receive compensation through some method. Whether it be to family, friends, or charity. Ryland never got to pick his but I believe he would want it to go to you.â
âNo⌠I canât accept this. Itâs too much money; Iâve never even considered having that amount of cash. Just no. Besides, this belongs to him, I can't just takeââ
It's too much for you and it causes guilt to swirl in your stomach.Â
The small piece of paper seems to scold your hands, and you drop it back on the table as if it burned you.
âThe money doesn't even begin to touch his sacrifice. No amount ever could,â Stratt says.
âYes, but this is money that is only here because of Rylandâs sacrifice. It's fucking blood money, how could I ever feel okay about this? Spend any of this without immediately feeling like the worst soulmate?â you whisper, tears brimming your eyes.
Stratt eyes you carefully, her arms crossing over her chest.
âListen, Iâve read your file. You come from a big family of humble means, put yourself through college with some pretty hefty loans, and now spend most of your days helping others for a small salary. Is that correct?"
You swallow, not finding any inaccuracies in her statement, but before you can attempt to disagree Stratt speaks again, her voice quieter.
âPlease, allow me to do this kindness for you, for Ryland. I feel enough guilt over his fate, the least I can do is this. I mean do you not believe he would have wanted you taken care of?â
You look her in the eyes and find only solemn truth in her words.
âOkay. This is flipping crazy, but yeah I'll think it over."
âThink of the money as a means to protect yourself. Once the world finds out you are Ryland Graceâs soulmate. They will want a piece of you and the tragedy of your fate.â
âScrew that. Ryland and I have given enough to the world. I haven't even begun to process the grief in my heart.â
âCorrect. So, take the necessary time to heal⌠then you go out there and live the life he didnât get to. The life Ryland would want you to have.â
"Okay," you whisper, the weight of her words hitting you hard.
You stare down at the check and then your eyes flicker to your wrist.
âEva?â
âMy soulmate markings haven't disappeared. That means Ryland is still out there... somewhere."
"I am aware."
"Do you think he'll ever come back to me?"
....
.....
âŚ
An Unknown Time After Probes Were SentâŚ
âGrace, do ever think about mate?âÂ
Ryland turns and looks at his best friend. Rocky often asks about you and how Grace feels. The scientist knows it's because he can seem quite melancholy at times and Rocky has caught him simply gazing out into the ocean lost in thought.
After all, itâs been months since he landed on Erid and while Ryland adores teaching the Eridian children. Heâll never stop mourning what could have been, what should have been between the two of you.
 âOf course. I'm always thinking about them in some way. What they're doing, whether they're happy or sad⌠If they've found someone else.â
âRocky have something to tell Grace.â
âYeah?â
âErid engineers been working hard to understand human technology. Very different from Eridian.â
âYeah buddy, you told me. Donât worry, I understood it was a long shot from the start.â
âGrace donât understand. They have done it. The Hail Mary can leave for Earth in just a few days.â
Ryland inhales sharply, his eyes widening and pulse quickening as he processed Rockyâs words.
âRocky⌠I-I donât know what to sayâŚyou don't know what that means to me.â
âRocky do. You sad without Mate. Without hope. Must fix.â
âI'll never regret coming back for you, Rocky. But yeah⌠There's an immense hole in my heart that can only be fixed by going to them.â
âLeave soon as can. Rocky will miss Grace.â
âI'll miss you too, Rocky. Who knows, maybe someday you can come by the earth.â
âRocky like that.â
â...What if they don't want me Rocky? I've made them wait so long for me.â
âIf no like Grace, then stupid."
Ryland let out a soft laugh and gently patted the top of Rockyâs head. âThanks old friend, I needed that.â
Thereâs a beat of silence where they simply share a moment that can only be understood between two close friends.
âRocky, are you upset Iâm leaving?â
âYes. Very upset, but more upset if you stay.â
âWhat do you mean?â
âNot enough time spent on Erid. But no time spent with Mate. Must correct.â
Grace smiles, his heart welling with how much Rocky loves him as tears start to fall down his face.
âYouâre always right, Rocky.â
âLet's start get Grace ready to go,â Rocky says, heading back towards Graceâs small house in the biodome.Â
Grace watches Rocky for a second, just taking a minute to take it all in.
Then he finally stood up, his heart full and rich with love.Â
âJust wait sweetheart, it looks like I'll be keeping that promise after all. I guess fate has finally decided to show us some grace.â
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you need ryland grace inspo? Im thinking about those slutty glasses if his. Imagine going with him for his next eye test. His prescription has changed so he needs new glasses.
Imagine helping him pick which frames look best, and heâs getting more and more flustered under your scrutinising stare, and he gets pinker and pinker as you compliment how his nose looks sooo good in that pair, or how he looks sooo pretty in that pairâŚ
and maybe heâll want to you to tell him which pair looks best on him whenever heâs looking up at you from between your thighs, squeezing at your hips hard to keep your gaze focused on him, getting you all worked up just to stop and switch frames and ask again âwhat about these ones, baby?â
and iâd bet heâd be glad he got that eye test because now he can see your pretty expressions that much clearer! (Even through the lenses keep getting all fogged up!)
just some food for thought.
Ryland is an adult who teaches middle school childrenâs science, and pays his taxes every year. Yet heâs nervous to go to the eye doctor without you.Â
Maybe nervous wasnât the right word. More like shy, or timid is a better fit.Â
Going to the eye doctor literally means someone telling you âyeah your eyes suck, but hereâs a nifty invention that can help you see better for 40 dollars!!â So you can understand his resentment.Â
You both make it into a big day event thing. Going to have lunch afterwards and maybe a walk in the park later, ice cream included.
But thatâs only if Ryland can actually pick out a pair of glasses.Â
âDo you like these?âÂ
You turn to face him. Rylandâs wearing a gray shirt that says something about schrĂśdingerâs catâs escape plan. It fits just a little too tight around his muscles, meaning his biceps are on full display. But oh rightâ the glasses.Â
âI like you.âÂ
Ryland snorts and looks down, already taking that pair off and setting it back on a hook. âWell thatâs very kind but Iâm not asking about me.âÂ
âI liked the other pair on you better.âÂ
He takes a step back and points at the previous pair. They look a lot like his normal glasses, but this time they have a wire of gold around the rim.
âYeah, you look so pretty in those.âÂ
Rylands eyes dart to yours, he studied your face for a moment, waiting for you to take back your words but you never do. Of course not. You mean them.Â
âOkay, Iâll think about those. What about these?âÂ
He tried on another pair, but all you can focus on is how they immediately slip down the bridge of his nose, finding a home further down.Â
âTheyâre adorable.âÂ
âYeah but how do they make my face look?âÂ
He gestures around to his head, waving his hand around his eyes and you canât help but smile.Â
âBeautiful. I really like those. It brings out your gorgeous eyes.âÂ
Ryland scoffs. You have to be messing with him. But when he pull on another pair of glasses your answers never vary. Always âpretty,â or âGorgeous.â âBeautiful,âor âHandsome.â Even âstunning.â Ryland flushes at the thought that youâre doing this automatically. Thereâs no thoughts going on in your head other than the truth.Â
And the truth was heâs pretty.Â
âRy?âÂ
You come up behind him while heâs looking down at his old glasses, trying to compare two different sets to each other.Â
âHm?âÂ
âWhy do you care what I think? Theyâre your glasses. Youâre the one wearing them.âÂ
Ryland shrugs, his answer is immediate. âYouâre the one going to have to see me in them all the time.âÂ
Heâs not wrong, but the most comfortable thing would be wearing whatever makes him happy. That would make you even happier than he was just by picking out what he liked.Â
âThink we could try these out later?âÂ
âPardon?â You ask.Â
âNothing.âÂ
âNo, no. Câmon, tell me.â Youâre only making him repeat it because you couldnât hear him the first time. Whispering like heâs suddenly embarrassed.Â
âDo you think theres anti-fog spray here?âÂ
You look around, your eyes catching some near the corner. âYeah. Probably a ton. Why?âÂ
âNothing.â Ryland shakes his head and turns back to figuring out which pair words best. But silence and lingering with your thoughts only make you understand what he was insinuating.Â
âGrace.â You pinch near his hip and he squirms away. He wonât admit it but thereâs a proud smile on his face.Â
âWhat. There are other reasons glasses fog up! And now Iâll finally be able to see every freckle and mole on your body. Even the one whereââÂ
You pinch him again, looking around to make sure nobody heard. He was flustering you now. The roles were usually reversed.
âtags: ryland/gn!reader, ryland is cute, attemps at humor, fluff, fluff, fluff, insomnia, vivid nightmares (not detailed), cuddling, shared bed, not established relationship, but friendly friendly ;), nah this is wholesome totally cute soft vibes babyÂ
âw/c: 2k+Â
âa/n: i wrote this b/c I was having a bad day and ryland is a soft comfort to me. As always thank you so much to birch (@lostinwildflowers) the best for reading it over <3Â
âsummary: grace is having trouble sleeping. you offer a solution.Â
Stillness clings to the air as you walk through the halls of the Hail Mary. The ship hums all around you, a never-ending chorus of mechanical workings that you are used to after these last weeks aboard. The cold metal flooring beneath your feet is a trusty anchor in the never-ending space around you. The clock in your room indicates its lateânearly one in the morning on Earth.
Time does not always seem relevant when you are traveling through an unchanging void, but it gives one a sense of structure. A vague reminder that life is supposed to be something other than a one-way space mission.
So, you and Ryland try to stick to a routine for a sense of normalcy and overall sanity. All crew meals together, designated personal times, and then in individual quarters by ten or so.Â
You tend to be a deep sleeper and never wander out of the dorms this late. Yet a lingering feeling about a certain dirty blonde crew mate had prevented rest from coming to your door.
Ryland Grace is on your mind.
Something hasn't been right about him the last few days.
The usual beacon of odd facts and sarcastic quips has been withdrawn.
Ryland barely touched the appetizing space dinner you worked so hard to rehydrate earlier. You even offered to play a game of chess with him despite the fact you always lose and most of the time is spent with him giving you a history lesson about the game itself. The man hadn't even cracked a smile.
The worries swimming around in your brain are confirmed when you see in the computer logs that Ryland left his room an hour ago. An entrance had then been logged in the ship's crew lounge. There isn't much privacy on a ship designed to track every moment you make.Â
Sure enough, Ryland is sitting on the floor right in front of the massive window on the left side wall. The observation bay. Minus actually doing a spacewalk it's the most intimidating viewing on the ship.
It's a truly awesome view of space; the endless charcoal sky paints the universe with only glimmering stars and planets daring to disrupt it. It's jarring seeing it day after day, yet there's a beauty in it that you revere.
The âdon't go crazyâ room helps too for when you need a reminder that there is something more than that.
You approach Ryland slowly, mindful of the fact he has that look on his face, the one he only gets when he is lost in thought. That tends to be the case quite often, so you are used to it. Itâs essentially his default face and it gives you a quiet moment to observe his stunningly handsome features.
It takes Ryland a moment to even notice you and when he does you're already lowering yourself down next to him. You bring your knees up to your chest as you offer him a small smile.
âHey Grace, you good?â
âOh⌠I thought you were asleep," he mutters. "I never see you leave your dorm this late.â
You shrug. "I was. I noticed you were not. Why are you over here so late? Is everything okay?"
Ryland averts his eyes from yours, gazing out into the abyss as if maybe its boundless wonders can hide the emotions stewing in his heart.
âSuch an insane view, isn't it? It's truly something to be able to see this. I've had many colleagues who would step over each other for the chance."
"I mean it's pretty spectacular and you're right about that, but why are you passing up sleep to come see it?"
"I wanted a private viewing, you can be chatty during the day and I need the dramatic feeling of sitting here all alone,â Ryland lightly teases.
You roll your eyes. "Well, now I know you're avoiding my question.â
Ryland lets out a huff, his hand fidgeting with his bright orange pants.
âI'm trying to keep the mood light and avoid engaging in any unpleasant or heavy conversations. I'm being courteous."
Youâre not surprised at all. Ryland is exactly the type to hide whatever is bothering him under some sense of politeness towards you.
âWell, don't because it's not necessary. You can be honest with me. I'll listen to whatever it is."
"You don't need the added stress. I can be a lot of added stress on a person, I've been told," he says as if he actually expects you to think that way of him.
"Nope. You don't stress me out. The only way to stress me out is by hiding when you are not okay. I swear."
Ryland finally glances at you before finally shifting his body to face yours. You notice now thereâs dark circles forming under his blue eyes and his shoulders are slumped from exhaustion.
"Alright, alright, if you insist... I justâŚI haven't been sleeping lately. I either get insomnia that causes me to stare at the ceiling for hours or once I finally fall asleep, I have vivid nightmares. It's perplexing."
You hum as you listen. You surmised it might be something of the sort, but it does cause a pang of guilt in your chest. Sleep comes so easy to you out here, yet Ryland is not even getting that brief reprieve lately.
"I'm so sorry. That sounds terrible, you deserve to be able to rest."
Ryland sucks in a breath and shakes his head once. "It's fine, I'll just stay awake forever. It makes my mind sharperâif anything I'll probably be able to figure out this whole saving the world thing faster. I'll set a world record for saving it on no sleep. Wonât that be something?â
He is pretty much just rambling now, the exhaustion evident in his tone.
You sigh.
There he goes again using humor to deal with his uncomfortable feelings instead of facing them. Maybe if this was any other situation, you would urge your roommate to report it to the Captain or you will.
Unfortunately, it is just you and Ryland on the Hail Mary. The two of you have to rely on each other and be able to help one another out, especially in moments of distress. His resistance is not helping anything, yet you know he needs to be handled gentlyâwhich is perfectly fine with you since heâs flipping adorable.
You ponder over the dilemma. The ship does have sleeping aids, but those are not a long-term solution and really are only supposed to be used in more of a medical emergency.
So, only one option seems plausible to you that can possibly provide some comfort and help to the struggling scientist.
"Listen, what if we try sharing a bed from now on? Like.. thatâs just our regular sleep protocol or whatever.â
Rylands eyes immediately snap to yours and he somehow practically falls over despite being seated on the floor. Given the man's reaction, one might think he had just been proposed to.
When he speaks again his voice is higher. "E-Excuse me? I might be too sleep deprived to hear you correctly."
"It's really not that far-fetched, we're together most of the day anyway. We can just convert one of the extra dorms, move another bed in there tomorrow. I mean I think it may help you sleep, ya know? The comfort of knowing someone else is there.â
"Iâno we can't just do that. Maybe I've considered that, but there are rules...," Ryland swallows hard, "or regulations about fraternization between crew members, I mean we can't just blur the lines, they keep us in check up here," he finishes, waving his hands in the air.
You raise an eyebrow. "Wait, you already considered it?"
"Well yeah... I find your presence comforting and you have a way of talking me down. I've considered coming to your door after a night terror. I just didn't wanna cross any lines or apply pressure in a way that could affect our relationship. It's too importantâyou're too important to me.â
âOh, oh. I see.â
For the first time, you have to look away from Ryland because if not you fear it will be too obvious how his words are making you feel. The heat beneath your cheeks and the way your heart is racing are too much. Youâre sure he just means important in a mission sense, right?Â
Though even if that is the case youâre still touched.Â
However, the thought of him too anxious to ask for help breaks your heart. You canât have that.
"Listen, weâre not exactly in a traditional situation where we can just call Mission Control for advice. Our particular situation requires improvisation like Jazz,â you say, pursing your lips.
 âBesides, I'm just talking about being in the same space and taking comfort in that. Maybe a light cuddle if we both want too. Nothing inappropriate or scandalous.â
At that the tips of Ryland's ears redden and he mumbles, "Uhh, umm, define light cuddles, please."
"Well... my arm around you or your arm around me. Big spoon and little spoon type cuddles. We can take turns, I'm good with either.â
"...I begrudgingly admit I quite like cuddling. It just feels nice to be that close to another.â
âYeah, I think so too, I can certainly see how it would be comfy.â
Ryland eyes you carefully as he runs a hand back through his messy dirty-blonde hair.Â
Sometimes he looks at you like this as if you're another equation on his white board that he really needs to figure out.
You hope he can.
âAre you sure about this? I feel like I'm asking too much.â
"I don't think it's too much at all, but we only do this if you're comfortable... I just thought it might help and Iâd do anything to help youâI mean that's what's expected of us as crew,â you add quickly, telling your own feelings to hush.
This is purely about helping Ryland and the fact you may have a crush on the adorable scientist is completely irrelevant.
"Okay, I want to if you want to."
âI want to. It would probably be good for both of us honestly.â
âRight, human touch is essential for connection, happiness, and overall health. If you think about its only logical and as long as we have clear communication and can set boundaries itâs something that could prove legitimately beneficial on this journey through space andââ
âGrace.â
âUm, yeah?â
âYou're making some good points, but maybe we should just go to sleep and talk more about it later. I'm actually pretty sleepy.â
âAh,â Ryland says, giving a quick nod and readjusting his glasses, âthatâs⌠smart, yeah. I am too.â
You nod and stand up, a yawn leaving your lips as you do.Â
Ryland watches you for a second before glancing back at the observation bay window.Â
For a second you wonder if he's changed his mind, but he gets up and inhales before brushing past and saying gently, âLetâs go.âÂ
The few minutes it takes to get back to the dorm feel impossibly long. Neither of you speak, yet youâre sure Ryland is thinking the exact thing you are. What sharing the same bed will feel like, if it means something more, what itâll be like to actually do it.
Once the two of you reach his dorm, Ryland stands to the side and awkwardly gestures for you to go in first before following.
You do so, a bit curious as if you have not actually been in his dorm before.
The layout is exactly the same as yours, but it's somewhat messy with papers and Rylandâs personal items strewn about. Itâs pretty much what you expected from him and somehow that puts you at ease.
ââSorry, I wasnât exactly expecting company,â he says sheepishly.
âNo need, itâs not really that bad,â you say easily, plopping down on his bed. âThe bed isnât messy so weâre good.â
Ryland doesnât really respond for a second, just kind of stands in his own room as if he is the guest.
"How do we...?" he asks, cleaning his throat.
Your answer is to simply scoot to the far end of the bed against the wall, laying down on your back and partially pulling the blanket over your body. There is a part of you that is nervous just like Ryland is, but you understand he needs you to lead right now.
Your crew mate watches your every move. Rylandâs eyes linger on the empty next to you and after a beat he says, âFudge it,â before climbing onto the bed next to you.
Ryland puts his glasses on the table next to the bed and then lets his body drop next to yours, turned on his side.
Itâs a tight squeeze especially with those damned broad shoulders of his, but after some adjusting the two of you make it work. You can see itâll be easier if turned on your side, so you do so.
It's definitely not because this is your ideal cuddling position.Â
Oh no.
Thereâs still some tension in the air, so you find it a bit hard to even focus on trying to sleep.
Ryland is breathing steadily behind you and your extremely aware of the heat radiating off his body. So, it is hard to not snuggle your body up against his muscular form.
This isnât about you. It's about his comfort.
"Hey, is this okay? I really hope youâll be able to relax now,â you say, breaking the silence.
âThis is more than okay, but honestly I-I think I could be more comfortable. Is it okay.. Do I have permission to hold you?â
His words catch you off guard, but you quickly nod, knowing you want that badly.
âYes, youâre more than welcome to hold me⌠permission granted.â
It feels a bit silly to say that, but you think he needs to hear it to allow himself to touch you.
Ryland wraps a shaky arm around your waist, pulling you closer to his chest in the process. Your body goes completely still. Grace is cuddling you it's a bit surreal considering the two of you have barely touched before tonight.
He is clearly nervous and you can feel him trembling, but you know how much it means to him. How much courage it took for him to do something on this level of intimacy.
Itâs enough to make you forget to breathe, but you force yourself to relax. Youâre just being cuddled by the sweetest guy in the galaxy. No biggie.
You focus on his scent, the way he smells like sandalwood and Vanillia. The way you feel so safe and special to be wrapped in his strong arms.Â
âUm, so is that better?â Â
Ryland exhales, his face completely calm as sleep ebbs at his consciousness. You can tell how relaxed he is and you internally squeal when his grip tightens on you and he makes himself snug against you.
This isnât exactly light cuddling, but you are more than okay with that. Seems he is too.
âMuch betterâŚÂ thank you, seriously.â
Whatever tension lurked in the air before is now completely gone, relaxed by how absolutely right this moment feels.
âOf course. Iâm happy to help,â you murmur. âDo you think youâll be able to sleep now or is the insomnia still getting you?â
âŚ
âŚ.
âŚ..
âDid you hear me, Grace?âÂ
Your only answer is the soft sound of Rylandâs snores against the top of your head. The man must've been spent because you've never seen anyone fall asleep so fast.
You let out a breathless laugh, drowsiness already pulling you as long too as your eyes close. Ryland is so warm, youâre so cozy, and somehow you wonder how you ever slept a night on this ship without him like this.
Seems the new protocol is already working for both of you.
Maybe it'll eventually turn into something more, but either way you're perfectly happy to be sharing this simple moment with Ryland.
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Smut! Fem!reader. Mdni. Oral.
thinking about Ryland stopping mid munch because you make him have ideas heâs never thought of before.
Ryland grace is a eater in the sheets.Â
And not in the he brings Cheetos into bed and spills all the crumbs in the bed kind of way, but in the way he licks at pussy. Sucks at your clit like a straw. Like someone whoâs trying to get the last of a milkshake.Â
His hair is messy and astray in all different directions while his chin drips of your arousal. He looks dazed and out of it. Thereâs a million different ways to put it, but most of all, he looked pretty.Â
âRyââ your breath hitches. Legs spread wide and over his shoulders. He paws at your stomach like it grounds him and his eyes stay on yours. Aching for approval. âItâsâ fuck itâs so good.âÂ
The praise keeps him on edge. Ryland eagerly laps his tongue into your pussy till breath fails to catch into your lungs. Moaning softly, itâs like the instrument for the room, bouncing off the walls in bemusement just for Ryland.Â
Just as you feel that small coil in your stomach start to form, the pleasure creeping up on you fast, itâs gone. With a: âshit.âÂ
Ryland fumbles to get up. Using your thigh to stand on his own two feet. âOh waitâ hold⌠hold on.â He licks his lips and frantically searches around the room, the mood from earlier turning sour.Â
âI needâ I need a pen. And some paper.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
Your voice is soft, sitting up on your elbows on his plush bed to find him frantically searching the drawer on his bedside table. It was so sudden. The way he stopped and seemed like he was in a whole new world. Your legs close with embarrassment. Were you doing something wrong?
Ryland uncaps a pen and starts writing on a stray receipt. Mumbling under his breath words you can hardly comprehend. If you look up a little more you can see various math problems, writing them at lightning speed.Â
âAnd if you take into account the⌠Put the remainder over...âÂ
âRylandâŚ?â Your voice is soft. And youâre so cold. Feeling like youâve been left out in the dust.Â
With sharp reflexes, Ryland finishes up in sloppy hand writing. The biggest smile on his face to where you could almost forgive him for such treatment.Â
âSorryâ Iâm sorry, I justâ I had and idea and when Iâm with you, doing that with you.â He gestures vaguely to In between your legs. âMy mind goes blank. Itâs so easy to think and relax right there.âÂ
âWhat did you come up withâŚ?âÂ
Ryland shakes a hand. As if even the thought was just an attempt or illusion, but his words speak something different.Â
âJust a small step into the formula of leaping into different quantum realms with the apex theory.âÂ
âOh.â The air is silent for a moment as you look at him with questions. So many questions because not one of his words made sense. But you donât ask. âWell then can youâŚ.âÂ
Your legs spread wide again. Knowing it was just Rylandâs overeager and reactive brain workingâ or not working. It was easy to feel less embarrassed.Â
âOhâ right. So sorry.âÂ
And before you can say itâs fine, his nose is hitting your clit right before his tongue licks out. Â
You start teaching Rocky curse words without Ryland knowing and one day, Rocky just LAYS the F-bomb down during a conversation and it ends with you and Rocky sitting together like kids in trouble, Ryland in front of you pacing and explaining Why it's never a good idea to teach an alien profanities.
"Rocky taught (Last Name) several."
"Ohhhh my God." Ryland groaned, rubbing his face as you nodded in agreement.
"I can swear like a sailor in Eridian." You confirmed with a smile.
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