MIMI

i wish things could change between us. not in a hopeful way, not in a clean way. i mean the kind of change that comes from staying too long, from standing too close, from breathing the same air until it starts to feel damp and wrong. i swear you’d get sick of me. sick of how near i’d stay, how i’d learn the shape of your days and press myself into them until there was no room left. you’d be disgusted by how far i’d go just to keep you looking at me, by how little of myself i’d leave intact if it meant i could belong to you. i’d rot gladly at your feet if you let me. i’d do anything to be yours. but worst part, i think. is not the wanting, but how certain i am that i’m not worthy of it. how every part of me already feels like it is apologizing for existing near you, like im begging forgiveness just for wanting what you never offered. but i can tell you— “someday a great grief will do come for you and then you’ll know it too, you can’t love someone like I do, that’s all I can say to you.”

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