My Thoughts to Free

Tonight I go to sleep with memories

I feel like I'm falling apart trying to keep myself together. I need a squeeze a hug or someone to just tell me everything will be okay. For someone to say it's not you, you're not crazy, you're not too much. I'm so tired of being fucking nice and being around such negativity. It's draining me I feel so drained and that I'm going backwards from what I'm trying to be which is happy and positive. I hate that within this past year alone, these past 9 almost 10 months it feels as if I've lost so many friendship and I know some of them where my fault and I wish I could go back and fix them. I hate screwing up. I miss how things were almost two months ago. I know I need to not let this bother me but it does I'm so frustrated and I don't know how to not fall apart everyday. I'm trying so hard. Breathe Mari, breathe.

There's no point for me to be here anymore.

Maybe you're right. It's all my fault. I'm the reason we didn't work out, and I'm a reason for everything else. It's always been me..maybe for once I wanted to be fought for and loved the way I did for everyone else. But maybe I should just stop caring about everyone and no longer put my emotions or how I love out there. Bc in the end it's my fault things don't work out and it's my fault for people leaving. Maybe I should just give up on love all together bc in the end all its done is tear my heart, mind and soul into a million pieces.

Time to put on a smile and pretend to the world I'm not falling apart