strategic impulse

let me take it

let me draw it inside myself

your suffering

fill me with your poison and let you be

unbroken

whole again

i care not of my own agony

so allow me to wear the chains

and i’ll watch you spread your wings to fly away

with the biggest

high.

Up so high I felt almost free.

almost.

But then I was smacked down. Didn’t even see it coming. And all of a sudden I was

plummeting.

And I hit the ground so hard.

I hit the ground so hard I shattered into a million pieces.

I couldn’t put myself together without the fingers to do so.

I couldn’t breathe as there were no lungs to allow it. I could not form straight thoughts as my mind was shattered.

And yet while I lay there and that familiar poison seeps through me again like it once did when I was a child. Like it once did when I was a child.

And yet you sit there. You read of others pain. And you do nothing.

Simply a dramatic

poet.

A person who’s over dramatic.

And they croak out “it hurts” from their bloody heap.

And you tell her

Try not to show jealousy so to not come off as crazy/clingy: actually come off as really standoffish and uncaring

Try to give space to avoid coming off as obsessed: actually comes off as cold hearted

Try to distance myself when angry to avoid making the other person feel bad: come off as actually being angry at them

First look and you were smiling my way

And I looked on through with nothing

much to say

But you kept on coming

With that smile everyday

Maybe this could be something?

No

I didn’t take the chance

Cut it off

Ignore it all

Don’t pretend it’s romance

Because honestly...

You’re just something that I wouldn’t do

But I’m kinda falling into you

And I can’t believe I’d even think of this but

You’re all that’s twisted in my brain

You know you’re making me insane

When you do those little things you do

No I didn’t think you were something that I’d do

But now I think I might be falling for you

You said “I like the way you smile”

And my knees were feeling weak

I thought about it for awhile

In the silly way you speak

You called me a cutie til my insides felt like jelly

And I felt my heart racing

But I always felt like I was chasing

Always running after you

That’s when I started to think

You’re just something that I wouldn’t do

But I’m kinda falling into you

And I can’t believe I’d even think of this but

You’re all that’s twisted in my brain

You know you’re making me insane

When you do those little things you do

No I didn’t think you were something that I’d do

But now I think I might be falling for you

Looking back now

In the flickering of the flames

A part of me wishes you’d never looked my way

A part of me wishes all you’d do is stay

We’re broken people and that’s just how it is

Your heart was broken when you sought me and now mine is breaking

Not enough give and too much taking

But all I know is now

You’re just something that I wouldn’t do

But I’m falling into you

All over again

And I can’t believe I’d even think of this but

You’re all that’s twisted in my brain

You don’t know you’re making me insane

When you do those little things you do

No I didn’t think you were something that I’d do

But now I know that I’m falling for you

You ever wanted to say something so badly you ache inside?

Draw shaky breaths and curse your mind

Because it’s running and running with words you don’t want to hear

You selfish shit of a person

Your mind stuck at 16

It’s painful to watch you

Stuck in time

Unmovable by your own mind

It’s sad really

I spend most of my time pitying you

Because you gave up so damn easily

On everything really

I’ve watched others fall so much further and get up again

But you just lay there

In blood long since dried

And as others pass you by they think

“Wow. Poor guy.”

And some of them maybe stopped to help you

They probably really tried

But they gave up when you refused to move

When you chose to stay put

And you aged in body but never in mind

What a fool

Honestly

I try to be kind

But I snarl when I think of all the time

You’ve wasted

Thrown away

Like you deserve it

One big wound left on your chest

But look at all of us

Look at the rest

Of the scars decorating our bodies

The ones we wear with pride

Because we stood up

We kept going

While you just laid there and died

You want pity? There’s no way anyone could understand?

Honey, you understand nothing

Because you stopped living

And you made that choice

To ignore it all and say

“I’m fine”

But you know you aren’t

Yet you refuse to get better

Because in being frozen you can’t hurt anymore

But that’s where you’re wrong

In being frozen you’re accepting ignorance

YOU are the one who will never understand

Once is never enough

And the best part in life is loving your scars

And I truly wish you could know that kind of love

For yourself

And maybe you will someday

Realize everything I’ve said is true