hey look ma, i made it.

her voice was his guide, his eyes finding hers as she took his face in her hands. daehyun listened to what she was saying, focusing on the words to lend him strength. deep breaths, he reminded himself once again, and this time it was slowly working. he could feel himself calming down completely, even able to manage a smile at what she said. with a flustered look, he replied, ‘ my heartbeat will be hard to control then, ’ he agreed. ‘ should we go out for korean bbq? won’t you be celebrating with others... ’

‘ you should.. get up there soon. i won’t screw up, i promise. ’ the fear of messing up the first performance since he took a two-month break was so strong, it was almost as if a bucket of ice had been dumped over his head. cold sweat dotted his forehead, seeping through the fabric of his bandana. not good, he thought to himself, following her advice and taking deep breaths. the comfort of having someone close kept the urge to throw up at bay, but he still needed to focus on one random object--in this case, a mic stand right in front of him--to steady his heartbeat. ‘ i won’t fall or trip or forget the steps, ’ he said after a few silent minutes, when he was feeling calm enough to look her in the eyes. 

‘ they look rich. of course, i like them. ’ he has been rambling on and on about some guy he met and it’s a wonder the person he was speaking to wasn’t tired of him yet. he has been munching on the last of his pizza slice, mind wandering aimlessly and mostly unaware of the other’s reaction to his story so far. ‘ and you should hear his voice. ’ he continued dreamily.

he’s as quiet as a fire truck, so it wouldn’t be a surprise if the other saw him sneaking behind their shoulder, with hopes to give them a little bit of a scare. kris wanted to pay them back for not noticing his arrival, and a harmless little jump wouldn’t make them mad, right? he sure hoped not. ‘ boo! ’

‘ i know, i know, but it was still a good movie. ’ he was trying his best to keep his tone level, not wanting to start an undue fight over something so trivial. it was no one’s fault that they were late for the movie and missed the first few minutes, but did he want it to ruin the rest of the day? absolutely not. ‘ how about ice cream? ’

‘ there’s a shop down the street where they sell plastic rings. ’ it made sense in his mind to say something like that, but as soon as the words were out, kris’s lips were pressed shut, silently judging himself for speaking before thinking. even his effort to salvage the situation was fruitless as more words rushed through his lips. ‘ i mean, there’s also a shop that sells croissants. you can really buy anything down the street these days. ’ he was not in panic, no, he just would like to be buried in the sand in this moment. 

‘ i'm fine, ’ he said, downing his second glass of water and fixing his hair as if it hasn’t already been styled just thirty minutes ago. he knows the dance routine, knows his cues and is aware that once he’s on stage with the main performer, he’ll forget how his heart was beating too quickly and he could hear the pounding in his ears. he’ll forget how he can barely breathe, but right now the feeling was all he knew and it’s getting harder to focus. the coldness in his stomach was a very potent threat. ‘ i just need a minute. ’ 

‘ so what’s it mean when every dream i have’s about you now? ’ it’s not like he can blame the other for that when it’s his own mind to blame for dreams. kris was well aware of that, but really, would it hurt to replace the other’s adorable face with puppies jumping over clouds for one night?

‘ it’s so hard to choose! ’ he took his time looking at all the clothes in the shop. it’s a sin, he thought, that they all had to look good when he has promised himself he’ll start saving instead of spending. but when he’s out with the other like this, all his impulse control just flies out the window. ‘ i’ll have to buy them all. ’

‘ if these walls could talk, i hope they wouldn’t say anything because they’ve seen way too many things. ’ he’s frantically scrubbing the walls in question after his latest disaster in the kitchen. he’s no cooking expert but flour shouldn’t end up sticking everywhere, right? ‘ i hope you don’t talk. ’ he added, embarrassed chuckle following his words as he wiped the surface clean. 

‘ no phones. let go. cut all the strings tonight. ’ when kris comes up with plans like this, he questions how he has been working as a sober companion for almost two years now. it’s hard to ‘cut all the strings’, as he had just said, but honestly, with how the other has been dealing with things, kris figured it was time for an intervention.