marie

it’s been 2 hours after her earlier rest, found by her previous exhaustion. ellie sits awake, thigh still pressed together with yours —she thinks it’d hurt to move it at this point— hot skin of your legs fusing into one. you’ve fallen asleep easily, though you getting ready for bed woke her up. an ironic juxtaposition, if she must admit. the breath in her throat stings and her under-eyes feel raw.

she’d been trying to remember her dream, something about an insane doctor, precisely separating the skin from her body. it was like she felt it, the strange relief of air flowing over her raw muscles.

her tired eyes instinctively find your face, uncomfortably aware of her own nervous system now. the air releasing from her nostrils onto her cupids bow is too hot, jaw tight, palms growing sweaty.

she can’t help but be jealous of the peace your rest brings you, the cognition of her own mind only bringing her a quiet agitation.

ellie huffs to herself, almost wincing as she pulls herself away from you, moving instead to sit on the edge of the bed, feet clad in too tight athletic socks, feet dangling with the loose sheets. she reaches down, slipping her thumbs under the restricting fabric of the sock, peeling one off, then the other. they leave a small imprint around her ankles, which she subconsciously runs her thumb over.

she likes to think it cools her down, rolling her ankles while she stares at the rug below as she sits back up. her eyes automatically locate the dirt she’d left when she’d got here, then to the soiled converse beside her backpack.

the thought of going home flashes in her mind once again, but so do you. her gaze snaps back to your sleeping form, a trace of guilt reprimanding the overwhelmed part of her. she’s in no place where she’ll prioritize her need for comfort over yours.

—

after a few unproductive minutes, ellie stands up from your bed, and to your small connected bathroom, not bothering to turn on a light or close the door. she flips on the silver faucet, running the cold water over her beaten hands. she cups the water as much as she can between her fingers and palms, angling her head down while she makes a poor attempt at cooling her skin. she rolls her eyes at herself, wiping her hands on the rag and instead holding her hair out of her way with one hand, the other tapping the drain.

she dips her face in the small amount of cool water settled in the sink, flipping the faucet again and tapping the plug, watching the water circle down the drain. she looks up at herself in your mirror, feeling severely incongruous to the rather coordinated decor of your bathroom, even in the dark. she takes the hand towel, patting her face down with it and returning it to its original spot on the hook.

nothing ever could’ve prepared you for this, ellie hovering, equally as flustered as you.

it started in middle school. neither of you were necessarily popular, but both of your poor social lives did nothing to bring you together.

she’d glare at you whenever you raised your hand in class, you’d giggle when you were behind her in the hallway, and both of you could proudly say you hated each other then. but now it was high school.

freshman year you’d unfortunately found out you were in the same school. you’d found your own friends, she’d found jesse, dina, and a few others. you were both still losers with little to no knowledge of what fun was. you had hit some guys cart and vaped a few times throughout the year, but anything like that was practically foreign to you. not until sophomore year.

turning 16, you started drinking, you’d got into edibles, and found out how to get things through a friend of a friend. well, your friends friend was jesse. so when you showed up one day to his house, dina and ellie already there, you felt the redheads eyes burn holes into the back of your scalp. you timidly handed him the money in exchange for a baggie of edibles. you tried your hardest not to look at the girl behind him while he counted and gave you a rather kind “thank you” as you stuffed the plastic bag in your purse. you quickly got out of there, embarrassed.

then junior year came around. you were closeted but somehow word got around to ellie that you’re into girls. you assume it was through jesse or it was just that obvious. the idea of you being anything like ellie had her furious.

you began getting in trouble more, pulled over with friends, drug tested and searched on campus, warning and almost a fine for having nicotine at school. when ellie heard about that, she did feel a little bad. it’s just nicotine, after all.

it’d been long since either of you interacted with one another, you had come to the conclusion neither of you care anymore. not until she found out you were messing around with her ex, cat.

ellie had been pissed. not in the way you thought she was. jesse’d asked you permission to give ellie your number, who had been begging. he told you she wanted to warn you. set your past differences aside and help you from being hurt, or worse.

summer after junior year she’d got into contact with you and it was bewildering to say the least. she messaged you desperately, explaining things cat’d done to her, to others. you didn’t trust her but you confronted cat anyways, and of course she brushed it off. you assured ellie that whatever cat had done was in the past and you were confident she changed for the better. ellie eventually gives up convincing you.

it’s not until fall of senior year that you have your next encounter with ellie. it was the homecoming football game, and you’d been a mess. the night before you’d had a fight with cat about boundaries. how she’d let people flirt with her with you in the room. she’d pretend you weren’t together with a group of friends and they’d poke fun at you after she drops that you’re into girls. how she’d been distancing you from your own friends to the point where they’d been worried. you planned on cutting it off soon. you’d figure out when tomorrow.

sneaking alcohol into the game wasn’t exactly hard, they didn’t check your bags or anything, just your student id and stamped you to be let in. you weren’t there to watch a game, you’d planned on hanging out with friends, getting buzzed, then going home with friends and getting wasted. you’d found a few friends and were having some sort of fun, walking around drunk and greeting teachers like they couldn’t tell you were. but your phone was blowing up. cat cat cat. you’d declined about three calls already and were getting tired of it. you power it all the way off and stuff it in your purse. but cat finds you with your friends, grabbing your wrist as she realizes you’re not quite all there tonight. she starts yelling at you as you dismiss her complaints and try to push her off, your friends watching awkwardly in concern. dina’s walking with ellie, looking for jesse, and they stumble upon the scene. dina giggles a little but ellie scoffs at her, her legs moving before her mind as she interrupts the quarrel.

time moves weirdly when you’re not very sober. cat lets go of you and slaps ellie as they start yelling at each other, and all you can do is stand and watch. ellie pushes cat away with her arms before dina interjects and stops ellie. at that point cat’s storming off. you glance at your friends as dina tries to shut down whatever’s going on with ellie, then glance at ellie. you suck your gums for a second before nodding at your friends that they can go. you simply had to figure out why this mattered at all to the girl. dina gives up on reasoning with ellie and lets her have at it, leaving you two to talk. dina walks off and you assume it’s to find jesse. you’re still standing, only staring at ellie as you try to muster up some thought.

“i fucking told you, dude!” she exclaims, like this affected her more than it did you. you only give her a huff of a laugh in return as she shakes her head. you hold out some slushie to her, it’s blue raspberry and smells strongly of vodka. she scrunches her face at you and takes a sip before handing it back to you.

“..d’you wanna drink with me..?” you ask rather boldly. you didn’t wanna go home tonight, and you figured her house would be better than your own to sleep in.

“are you serious?” she blinks. you raise your brows lightly. she shakes her head and sighs. “i can’t. i have to drive home.” you blink, tilting your head like a suggestion.