Tired is as Tired does

and I just couldn't do it to my girl Noelle...

Someday, I will crush my kindness and play the weird route, but that day is not today...

apple autocorrected Gibby to Ginny...

grrrrrr...grrrr...

RUFF....grrrr....GRRRR

and i think he's really cute! i've just seen him walking around campus, but he has a kind smile and eyes, and he's smiled and said hi to me a few times

well today... he came up to me while i was doing homework and introduced himself to me!!!!

he told me he's seen me around campus and he liked how mellow (HA) and smiley i always was and we talked for a bit (i struggled through the conversation and it was awkward but i did my best)

and now i'm kind of happy but surprised and the next time i see him i'm gonna wave and call him by name,

i don't like being angry at all, but my angrynnoyance levels have been building up all year long,

i'm the president of a club, and my officers are very not good at responding to me, like it feels like pulling teeth just to get them to respond

i had one time where i emailed them and messaged them on groupme like five times before getting a response (and that's not five times within a few days, that's messaging them, waiting a few days, and then messaging them again)

i finally had to dig up one of their phone numbers because they just weren't responding and i heard back from them within seconds. their excuse was that they got a new phone and hadn't put groupme on it yet, but i also sent them lots of emails??? get your excuses together

anyway, i texted them almost two weeks ago to plan an event and i have had to text back and coax them out like they are feral kittens i'm trying to give a home to

the problem one just made up an event, and said they gave me our code to reserve a room on campus at the start of the year (they are our room coordinator, so they were the only one given the password by student involvement). I have asked for the code repeatedly throughout the year. I have never been given the code.

also, anytime they do come to an event, there's always some reason they have to leave early, and that's fine but like... that's why I always check in with them on the times and dates... so they don't have to leave early?!?!?

it feels like the club is dying and i'm the only one who cares, and that's probably the truth honestly. i hope i'll have people who want to be officers for next year, but i don't know if i will

and im ready to sleep so long and so hard,

like literally i think im gonna sleep like ten hours every night i am so tired and ready for a break,

school is exhausting and ive had body image issues flaring up recently which makes classes more draining mentally,

i've been pondering my gender identity and it's possible that i'm not cisgender,

i really have no idea though :/

i relate a lot to some stuff demiboys talk about feeling, but i haven't had the "oh my God that's me" realization that i did when i learned about my mental disorder(s)

also, i'm not sure if i relate to demiboys and he/theys because my gender isn't entirely all man or if it's just that i feel so distant from society's perception of a man...

i'm gonna keep on pondering and maybe one day i'll have an answer.

if i do end up discovering myself more and identifying as a demiboy, i know it'll be something i keep closer than my gayness, which may be influencing how i don't fully identify with it

it was about ERPs and was made by some ERP company idk,

and...

the main character of it posed like foot fetish sonic fanart!!!!!!

so my sister (even though she's called me the r and f slur before) is super smart and amazing, and her professor liked her essay so much and thought it contributed such good knowledge that she offered to help her develop it into a published paper

then, she emailed her this semester that she showed it to a colleague of hers in Ireland to ask whether he had seen her observations before in the academic sphere... and he liked them so much he decided to put them in his next annotated version of the book she wrote about.

like... what?

why is a fully grown adult man who is a respected academic taking the ideas of a student he has never met who has no connections or prior work in academia to put in his book!?

apparently, her professor just told her "oh wow, how cool that your ideas will be used by such a respected academic!" and from what my sister says it sounds like she won't be credited and she won't be published.

sometimes she is paranoid, so it's possible she just interpreted her professor's words with a false double meaning but still,

how could someone just decide to take someone else's ideas without permission?!?

not having a super all-consuming stressful goal like i did last semester with internship recruiting,

cause now i just don't know what to do, i feel as anxious (maybe a bit less) as i did last semester but i'm still trying,

also, the world has gone to shit and been shit for too long,

at least i've started a volunteer thing this year (which is actually using my tax skills, too ^O^) so i feel less like i'm doing nothing,

i just had the nastiest fart...

i'm tired. and i have to drive 2 and a half hours for an interview tomorrow, and then 2 and a half hours back home

it's my first interview not on zoom or a phone call, and it's the first interview i've had in a little while, so i'm pretty nervous about it

being nervous about something important to you can be healthy :) but not the way i do it haha

another thing making me nervous is the fact that i need this job, like i have no idea what i'm going to do if i don't get it

...