xo..Till We Overdose

“She wanted me to tell you she was sorry.” Lamar said quietly. I knew he thought I was testy and he probably regretted saying it right after he did.

The sensible part of my mind was still really angry with her. Why would I want to be with someone that hurt me the way that she did? I shouldn’t her, I thought to myself.

“You shouldn’t have talked to her.” I spat, despite all the mushy feelings my heart was feeling at the time.

“She was drunk and alone at a rowdy bar. Fuck knows what could have happened to her that night. I wanted to make sure she was okay.”

That’s my job, not yours, I thought to myself. It was my job to make sure that the person that I had grown to love was safe. But how could I admit that I still cared about someone who had hurt me so badly?

“Hawk would probably kill me for saying this,” Lamar chuckled, “But I’d be an idiot if I didn’t try to convince you to save this relationship.”

“Why should I forgive her?” I thought out loud. “She fucking betrayed me.”

“And you’ve been the most loyal person for your entire life, right?” He replied sarcastically. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, he was right. I had done a lot worse.

“It’s a little fucked up, sure. But what relationship isn’t a little fucked up?”

“How am I ever going to trust her again?” My defenses were up.

“She came to every XO party, every show, and not just for her job. It was for you. She loves you, and I don’t know how you can’t tell, cause it’s right in front of your eyes.” He picked up the bottle of spilled pills from the cushion next to me. “Look at you, bro. You’re a mess. You miss her like crazy and things won’t get better until you talk to her.”  

I stared at the ground. Maybe Lamar was right. Just as I was about to reply, his phone lit up on the table with Alexis’ name. I didn’t know he still talked to her.

His face quickly changed from excited to confused as he handed me the phone. I took it and put it to my ear to hear Alexis speak to me in a sad, shaky voice.

“Abel… can you please come to the hospital? I’m here with Scarlett…”

My heart sank. Suddenly, my body overcame any trace of intoxication it was under.

“What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s…I…can you just get down here? I’d prefer not to explain over the phone.” She was hesitant, which meant it was something big. Something was wrong.

“Okay.” I finally managed to say before ending the call.

I shakingly hung up the phone and looked up at Cash. He looked back at me, knowing that all the blood rushing through my face is gone and that I was pale.

“Scarlett’s in the hospital.” I croak.

“What happened to her?” Cash asked, looking like he didn’t want an answer. If her friend was reaching out, then he and I both knew that it wasn’t a minor issue.

“Her friend wouldn’t say.” I looked down at my feet for a few seconds; Thinking about how I had to move them. I had to go. I stood up in a frenzy. “I have to get over there.”

“But we were just about to go out!?” Hawk was beyond angry now. “She just wants your attention and she knows you’re going to give it to her.”

“Stop acting like you know anything about her. This is your fault, anyway.”

“Its my fault that she can’t take the heat when you invite her to come chill with us, and then indulges in her poor judgement to sleep with her ex? I didn’t make her do that, Abel.

I opened the door and took a final look back at him. “Shut up.”

I hurriedly made my way to the receptionist’s desk and asked for Scarlett’s room number… C62 on the fourth floor. Surprised and annoyed at how long the elevator was taking, I gave up waiting for it and took the stairs.

Almost out of breath, I reached the fourth floor. The drugs are not doing my body justice…

I recognized Alexis from all the way down the hall. My heart beat faster as I made my way down the hallway that feels like it

“You okay? Can you tell me what happened?” I could feel myself holding my self-control. So help me Christ if I start crying in front of this girl…

"She was in the bathroom and the blood wouldn't stop... then I saw the blade in her arm and... It just kept dripping off of her arm and it wouldn't stop."

Tears streamed down Alexis' face and I actually felt what she was feeling. The fear. The worry. She sobbed as she spoke. My own arms went numb for a few seconds at the thought of Scarlett doing that to herself. I covered my mouth with my hand, shocked that she would even do something like that to herself.

“Did you call her sister? Is she still in town?”

“I called her so many times but she didn’t pick up. Then, I called her dad’s room at St. Mikes Hospital hoping that he was still there, but…”

Oh, God. Scarlett’s dad. That must’ve been her trigger, I thought to myself. I finally pieced everything together. I shouldn’t have left her alone.

I had no idea how serious it really was. It must have made it worse that I just up and left like I did. She hurt me, but she was also hurting. The only thing left to do now was to forgive and forget; to help each other heal.

"Come here,” I pulled her into a hug. “It's okay." I tried to wipe her tears and comfort her before guiding her to the chairs against the other side of the wall. Acknowledging my attempts to comfort her, she followed and put her hand on my arm after she sat down.

“Thanks, Abel.”

She soon stopped crying and her breathing became normal again. We were both silent for a moment, reflecting. How was Scarlett going to bounce back from this? How was she going to deal with it now that her friend knows? How were her friends and I going to help her get through this?

"Did you know that she did that?" She looked up at me, speaking with a shaky voice. "Did she ever tell you? Because you guys seem…” She hesitated. “Seemed…really close."

I couldn’t shake the guilt for not trying to help by reaching out to someone when I found out; it didn’t feel like it was my place to say anything. She seemed fine. It’s only now that I knew she wasn’t.

"It kind of came out.. by accident. She told me not to tell anyone because no one knew. I thought she was getting better in the middle."

I should have told someone instead of trying to fix it myself. How could I ever have thought that I could fix this on my own? I put her in danger. I contributed to putting Scarlett in this terrible place.

"She's been doing it since we were in school but the last time she had to come to the hospital she promised that she would stop. They put her on meds and everything. I had no idea that she started again."

Alexis was the type of friend to Scarlett that Lamar was to me, and that I could tell right away. She looked up at me after she stopped crying with the most sincere expression I’ve seen from someone in a while.

“I know Scarlett hurt you, Abel. None of us liked Levi, and Sam and I were just as upset as you were when she told us what she had done. I’ve had my doubts about you in the past but you proved yourself, and I think she’s so lucky that she has….” She hesitates. “Had…someone like you in her life. She’s so regretful about what she did. It was such a mistake.”

I still loved her. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I had made mistakes, too. “She’s going to have to earn my trust back, and it might not be easy, but I think we’ll be okay.”

She looked relieved that I had said that, and honestly, I was relieved to have finally admitted it, too. I knew I would get endless shit from the boys about forgiving her, but at least Lamar and Hyghly would for sure be on my side. Hawk and Cash would come around eventually; well, I knew that at least Cash would. It wasn’t about being a softie. It was about being a person with real feelings. I don’t want to lose her over something that I had done time and time again to other people. I couldn’t hold this against her.

I held her hand to comfort her again. "She never told me why she does it. Do you know why?"

"I feel like I’ve already said more than I should have.” She bit her lip. “I think you should ask her.”

I needed to know. If I was going to help her, I needed to know everything that was going on. No more secrets. I made it my responsibility to get her to talk to me. I wasn’t going to push Alexis to tell me anything; I needed Scarlett to tell me herself. This would determine if it was really worth staying and trying to work things out for. No more secrets, I kept repeating to myself.

I decided I would take her straight to my place after she was discharged. I made a mental note to discuss precautions with Alexis about her place. She would need to scope out the place to make sure there were no blades or triggering items for Scarlett once she was ready to come back to her own apartment. The only thing worse than being here right now, was imagining that Scarlett ended up here again in the future.