to exist is to survive unfair choices

𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦  𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘴  𝘢𝘯𝘥  𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨  𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦  𝘢𝘴  𝘺𝘰𝘶  𝘴𝘦𝘦  𝘧𝘪𝘵.ᐟ 

" i don’t scare easily. "

" my story? who knows. it’s probably the same as a lot of people’s stories. "

" i know i’m not supposed to ask you questions because you’re technically important. "

" do you treat every business meeting like you’re being interrogated by an enemy camp? "

" you just wanted to meet me in person to see if i’m crazy or not. "

" hey. you don’t know me. "

" i won’t lie to you, we are in a bad place. "

" i can’t feel my body i’m so stressed out. "

" i’m like a brain floating through space with a phone in my hand. "

" sometimes you have to lose it to get people to take you seriously. "

" you sound like an ice cream flavor! "

" have a nice day, you fucking asshole! "

" i find stories for a living. that’s what i do. "

" i actually don’t even know what i’m doing here. "

" don’t look too surprised. "

" how’d you manage to keep such a delightful secret? "

" way to take advantage of a woman in need. "

" i feel it’s a bit dismissive to refer to them as unhinged woman and nobody. "

" people are just too used to their favorite cuddly men turning out to be monsters. "

" watching a beloved woman’s breakdown is timeless american entertainment. "

" i don’t know, family’s fight. "

" i have an easy fall guy when all this goes to shit. "

" chaos, it’s the new cocaine! "

" is there an alternative option? "

" i was emotional because no one was fucking listening to me! "

" sometimes women can’t ask for control, so they have to take it. "

" i will not sit tight! "

" you’re all over the news! "

" is this for real? "

" i refuse to accept any of this as reality. "

" i’ve been tied to disasters before. "

" cheer the fuck up! "

" i fucking love a tightrope, it makes me feel alive. "

" a working relationship is based on work. "

" we have always shown you personal and professional respect. "

" you have some something unforgivably selfish, "

" are you done? "

" you don’t have the power anymore. "

" guess what? america loves me. "

" america loves me, and therefore i own america. "

" seems pretty fucking simple. "

" are you actually trying to justify your actions? "

" i don’t need to justify anything. "

" we are doing this my way. "

" frankly, i’ve let you bozos handle this long enough. "

" was that an invitation or a command? "

" you don’t have the right to fuck with me. "

" oh, honey, bullshit. "

" you are so cocky! "

" i just put you in a great spot to negotiate! "

" i’m not a perky person! "

" i don’t want us to be the same! "

" i want a partner! "

" i will give you serious buyers remorse. "

" i can guarantee you are underestimating me, and i am really fuckin’ over people doing that. "

" that seems like something you might enjoy. "

" i see the research has finally begun. "

" i can relate to a good self-sabotage. "

" who do you partner with the 24 karat bitch? "

" i’m shamelessly bribing you with sugar. "

" this is a pressure cooker moment. "

" i fell asleep at the wheel. "

" i’m available, i’m accessible, and i’m awake. "

" it was a desperate move from someone who had their fuckin’ ego bruised. "

" i don’t call my mother ‘mama’, and also she’s a terrible cook. "

" yo, god here. "

" i’m gonna get more wine, would you like some? "

" yes, obviously it’s fucking bizarre. "

" this stupid shitshow. i’m exhausted. i’m just so exhausted. "

" come on, a part of you is trying to blow it up, admit it. "

" you know, not everything is a challenge. "

" i’m beginning to sense that you’re very frustrated. "

" i’m pretty sure that mother theresa had too many fucking wrinkles for HD. "

" i don’t mind paying someone what i think they’re worth. "

" my mom is awesome, and she is gonna love you. "

" i was a terrific twelve year old mom to my mom. "

" i am nobody’s backup. "

" seems like you wanna create this narrative about how you’re taking control, how you’ve been powerless. "

" you’ve always had power, and you know exactly what it looks like when a woman doesn’t. "

" i don’t think we’ve ever known each other that well. "

" she’s enamored of you. "

" why are you doing this to me? "

" i don’t have the answers! "

" you are not my sidekick. "

" i didn’t know that you needed me to hold your hand. "

" i need a partner. "

" sometimes partners hold hands. "

" i don’t have a fucking clue what i’m doing. "

" i do know that i think i like you. "

They encountered varying levels of villainy in their fields. Sometimes, it was those who took lives without any thought, acting only on insatiable urges. Other times, it was overly ambitious peers who trampled them to remove an obstacle to professional accolades. Sometimes, it was themselves. They yearned to be understood, even by someone impossibly terrible.

Few fates remained for them when dealing with men like Doctor Lecter. He was only curious about which path each would choose, based on their own experiences. What does that mean for the other? He offers a small, civil smile.

one  person  it's  impossible  to  display  any  neutrality  toward  is  doctor  hannibal  lecter,   regardless  of  how  clarice  might  try.   

he  intrigues  her,   she  won't  lie  about  that,   but  there  are,   perhaps,   more  complicated  feelings  regarding  hannibal  that  she  refuses  to  acknowledge   —    &   more  still  that  she  remains  unaware  of.   

whether  that's  merely  due  to  the  existence  of  her  own  blind  spots  or  an  unwillingness  to  more  closely  examine  those  parts  of  herself,   clarice  can't  quite  say.

will  graham  is  another  person  she  can  see  hannibal's  impact  in,   in  much  the  same  way  as  the  doctor  has  impacted  her.   that's  what  makes  his  response  so  very  interesting.   

it's  a  question  she's  asked  of  herself  more  than  once,   &   while  she'd  like  to  claim  that  she  can  remain  neutral   &   do  her  job  the  way  she's  expected  to,   she's  uncertain  of  whether  it's  really  the  truth.

neither  she  nor  will  graham  have  walked  away  from  their  time  spent  with  hannibal  with  any  ability  to  remain  neutral.   it's  because  of  this  that  she  first  begins  to  think  that  she  and  will  are,   perhaps,   more  alike  than  she'd  have  wanted  originally  to  admit.

❝     i  know  how  to  do  my  job,   sir.   were  i  compromised,   i'd  recuse  myself  entirely.     ❞    the  lie  slips  off  her  tongue  so  easily   &   so  convincingly  that  it  surprises  clarice.   she  hopes  that  will  doesn't  yet  know  her  well  enough  to  have  earned  the  knowledge  that  clarice  starling  has  very  rarely  let  anything  drop  once  she's  found  herself  so  thoroughly  involved,   even  when  ordered  directly  to  step  away.    

𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦  𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘴  𝘢𝘯𝘥  𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨  𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦  𝘢𝘴  𝘺𝘰𝘶  𝘴𝘦𝘦  𝘧𝘪𝘵.ᐟ 

" i don’t scare easily. "

" my story? who knows. it’s probably the same as a lot of people’s stories. "

" i know i’m not supposed to ask you questions because you’re technically important. "

" do you treat every business meeting like you’re being interrogated by an enemy camp? "

" you just wanted to meet me in person to see if i’m crazy or not. "

" hey. you don’t know me. "

" i won’t lie to you, we are in a bad place. "

" i can’t feel my body i’m so stressed out. "

" i’m like a brain floating through space with a phone in my hand. "

" sometimes you have to lose it to get people to take you seriously. "

" you sound like an ice cream flavor! "

" have a nice day, you fucking asshole! "

" i find stories for a living. that’s what i do. "

" i actually don’t even know what i’m doing here. "

" don’t look too surprised. "

" how’d you manage to keep such a delightful secret? "

" way to take advantage of a woman in need. "

" i feel it’s a bit dismissive to refer to them as unhinged woman and nobody. "

" people are just too used to their favorite cuddly men turning out to be monsters. "

" watching a beloved woman’s breakdown is timeless american entertainment. "

" i don’t know, family’s fight. "

" i have an easy fall guy when all this goes to shit. "

" chaos, it’s the new cocaine! "

" is there an alternative option? "

" i was emotional because no one was fucking listening to me! "

" sometimes women can’t ask for control, so they have to take it. "

" i will not sit tight! "

" you’re all over the news! "

" is this for real? "

" i refuse to accept any of this as reality. "

" i’ve been tied to disasters before. "

" cheer the fuck up! "

" i fucking love a tightrope, it makes me feel alive. "

" a working relationship is based on work. "

" we have always shown you personal and professional respect. "

" you have some something unforgivably selfish, "

" are you done? "

" you don’t have the power anymore. "

" guess what? america loves me. "

" america loves me, and therefore i own america. "

" seems pretty fucking simple. "

" are you actually trying to justify your actions? "

" i don’t need to justify anything. "

" we are doing this my way. "

" frankly, i’ve let you bozos handle this long enough. "

" was that an invitation or a command? "

" you don’t have the right to fuck with me. "

" oh, honey, bullshit. "

" you are so cocky! "

" i just put you in a great spot to negotiate! "

" i’m not a perky person! "

" i don’t want us to be the same! "

" i want a partner! "

" i will give you serious buyers remorse. "

" i can guarantee you are underestimating me, and i am really fuckin’ over people doing that. "

" that seems like something you might enjoy. "

" i see the research has finally begun. "

" i can relate to a good self-sabotage. "

" who do you partner with the 24 karat bitch? "

" i’m shamelessly bribing you with sugar. "

" this is a pressure cooker moment. "

" i fell asleep at the wheel. "

" i’m available, i’m accessible, and i’m awake. "

" it was a desperate move from someone who had their fuckin’ ego bruised. "

" i don’t call my mother ‘mama’, and also she’s a terrible cook. "

" yo, god here. "

" i’m gonna get more wine, would you like some? "

" yes, obviously it’s fucking bizarre. "

" this stupid shitshow. i’m exhausted. i’m just so exhausted. "

" come on, a part of you is trying to blow it up, admit it. "

" you know, not everything is a challenge. "

" i’m beginning to sense that you’re very frustrated. "

" i’m pretty sure that mother theresa had too many fucking wrinkles for HD. "

" i don’t mind paying someone what i think they’re worth. "

" my mom is awesome, and she is gonna love you. "

" i was a terrific twelve year old mom to my mom. "

" i am nobody’s backup. "

" seems like you wanna create this narrative about how you’re taking control, how you’ve been powerless. "

" you’ve always had power, and you know exactly what it looks like when a woman doesn’t. "

" i don’t think we’ve ever known each other that well. "

" she’s enamored of you. "

" why are you doing this to me? "

" i don’t have the answers! "

" you are not my sidekick. "

" i didn’t know that you needed me to hold your hand. "

" i need a partner. "

" sometimes partners hold hands. "

" i don’t have a fucking clue what i’m doing. "

" i do know that i think i like you. "

dialogue prompts from the fifth season of fx's the americans.

the kids at school like it. i have to keep up.

you should have put a bullet in _____'s head a long time ago.

some days i wake up, i can't breathe.

you have to be careful.

you're going to make yourself sick.

i don't want it to get better.

vegetables. they're good for you.

the problem with putting your foot down: you just pick it up.

if i could do it all over again, i'd do it differently.

i want to help you with your nightmares.

you can't be afraid to be hit, and you can't be afraid to hit, ever.

relax your shoulders and follow through. feel the difference?

are you having sex?

i just don't think you're listening.

you seem really spaced out. something wrong?

i need to be able to make my own decisions.

you put yourself at risk. you trusted me.

we have to play by the rules.

sorry, i'm all sweaty.

don't look at me. keep walking.

sex muddies things.

i'll just be alone for the rest of my life. would that make you feel better?

how could somebody do something like that?

is it hard, pretending to be another person?

i never ask anyone's name. isn't that funny?

how do you think it will ever end, if you don't speak up?

the world just seems so messy right now. it's hard to figure out what to do about it.

is everything okay at home? are your parents fighting?

what is it? can you even tell me?

it's quiet and private down here. it's a good place to get things done.

do you think it would be fair to tell ______ the truth?

being in a relationship is complicated. you don't share everything. you hold back what you need to. everybody does.

you think they're gonna make me queen of the rodeo this year?

you did what you had to do.

in latin, it's called 'thingus'.

it's not about being soft. it's about doing the right thing.

i did what i had to do to survive. you do what you need to do.

you know a lot about a lot of things.

i'm sorry. i get interested, and i don't know when to stop.

maybe i'm just meant to be alone.

i just want you to be happy.

i know it wasn't easy for you to come back here.

i've been having these memories of my childhood.

to old scars, and new skin.

i like you. a lot. but i don't know how to do this.

i'm not who you were expecting, i know.

you do very well by yourself.

that can't happen, ever again.

this has been hard for me. for a long time.

i'm sorry you're spread so thin.

is there something wrong with me?

there is nothing wrong with you. ever.

talking to you is not safe.

you're softer today.

i feel like there's a whole other you i don't know at all.

you get that look sometimes, when you're troubled.

i've never lied to ______ before.

you've seen too much. you've done too much.

i'll miss you terribly.

✭  TRUSTSCHAOS.    people  do  not  like  me,   people   tolerate   me.   people  are  glad  when  i  leave  the  room.     i  don't  know.     i  don't  know  what  it  is,      I  GUESS  IT'S  JUST  ME.

independent  LAUREN  BLOOM  of  NBC'S  NEW  AMSTERDAM,      by  zanza.     est.   2020,   revamped  2026.