Three Reasons Why This Blog Won't Be Successful
1. I suck. This is the simplest explanation I can give to anyone. I suck, so therefore anything I create will suck three times as hard. It's been universal law ever since Sir Norton Suckinstien first discovered the first signs of Suckage when all the classic Nicktoons were taken off the air. He noticed that everything around him seemed to be contributed this shitty force. He named that force "Suckage", a homage to his late wife.
So just remember I suck and that's the law.
2. Porn. Have you been on the internet recently and no I'm talking about this hipster, pizza-eating, cat-worshiping hole in the Earth site we inhabit. I'm talking about the whole internet. When you take all that in, you begin to notice something. The internet is filled with porn, actually I'm pretty sure there's porn out there of the internet being filled with porn. That's how much porn there is. And well I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested in watching most of it. When I sit down with my box of Kleenex's, coco butter, and laptop. I feel like a modern day Christopher Columbus, treading the seas of DP hoping to find a new land filled with busty Asian lesbians willing trade their land for ride on the Bang Bus.
Sad to say but this journey of mine occupies most of my time and all things including this blog would be neglected.
3. I just don't get you. Since my arrival to your planet I've yet to grasp the Tumblr culture. Between your fascination with food and this Man Frog who seems to be an idol of yours. You guys also seem to still be in the Dark Ages with your .gifs. Has the rest of the internet not told you? We have video now. It has sound and everything and it's not three seconds long. Unless you hipsters think Charlie Chaplin was ahead of his time with the silent films.
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