I'd rather be honest and myself than impressive...

Just a random rant about technology. I've had this macbook pro for about 8 years now. I love it, it's been really good to me for this long until now.... I can't update the system at this point because it's apparently too old... So that's one thing which also mean that my music cannot be updated properly unless I buy the songs from iTunes. And to top it off I have to deal with it shutting down randomly every 10 minutes or so when I use it. I count myself lucky when I can use it for 39 minutes straight. Anyhow needless to say this has caused me a lot of frustration...

Wtf?? Are you ashamed of me or knowing me. I don't understand peoples actions sometimes.

So I sometimes have this reoccurring thought that's basically a waste of my time but I don't quite understand how you can completely detach yourself of someone. As far as a romantic relationship, I can understand it, I've done it. But when it comes to a really close friendship I have a hard time. I had a friend in my life, a best friend. I had known her for 10+ years. We went through a lot, a great big friendship, an out of city move, an out of province move, we reunited and then she let go. I was going through a really rough time in my life with my parents health but I was also in a great place in my life where I finally found an amazing guy and I was moving in my very own place. We had talked so many times about how much fun we would have when one of us would have our own house but it didn't quite go as intended. I have to say I have my own faults. At points I was very quiet due to my parents health and other issues. I was extremely busy with work because of a new job promotion and moving in was going on. I kept checking in here and there and got minimal responses. She didn't open her arms as much as I thought when the move was happening which really surprised me since I had been there a lot when she moved out. We attempted to make plans to get together but either we already had other plans or her work schedule didn't work. I randomly received a long and hurtful text saying that she deserved a better best friend and that I always seem to put dicks before her.. Anyways there was a lot of back and forth messages where I was trying to understand and let her know that my door was always open. She made a date for coffee that she cancelled a few hours before and I never heard back from her, other than subliminal messages or pictures on social media. I don't understand how you can share such a close bond and memories with someone and just break it off. I put my trust once again in someone who broke it. But I can honestly say of anyone, I didn't think she ever would. I'm working at letting go but sometimes it still hurts and sometimes I still miss our friendship. I don't think I'll ever find one that was like that.

So first thing, I know I'm not the only one but sometimes it certainly feels that way where I have such a hard time with change that it causes me anxiety. The kind of anxiety that just seeks up on you. Two months ago, my parents moved in with me since they're transitioning to a new place, both my parents are sick so they basically took over the main floor of my house. I remember clear as day dreading having to move my stuff in the basement and having to get used to it. Slowly but surely I got used to it, other than the old married couples couch I have, you know the two seater kind with a middle section where you can't cuddle ( yeah I hate it)..Anyways they're moving out tomorrow and as much as I can't wait to reclaim my own house I feel so much anxiety from having to move my things upstairs again and having to change my routine and coming home and being completely alone. I had a mini panic attack at work today just randomly thinking about it. I'm really hoping this is the last big change for me this year, I don't think I can take much more, but that's a subject for another time.