I literally piss myself off. Why do i keep giving these posers that claim to love me but literally the first opportunity they get they treat like absolute shit and then get even more pissed about my reaction to that. Like why the fuck cant i just actually walk away and stay away. Why cant i see these red flags and say "okay B they are not going to treat you the way you want 100% of the time so leave them". Noooo i have to get attached and then be stuck remembering all the good because people cant be horrible and maybe im too walled off or maybe i am inconsiderate. Like hes losing his shit AGAIN because i stayed and went to see if i could get him off hook in a VIDEO GAME instead of escaping right away. AND I STILL ESCAPED! Hes mad i left discord because he wasnt even fucking listening to me and literally never does but never fucking realizes because HES NEVER FUCKING LISTENING.
BUT IM THE PROBLEM?!?
My fucking bad guy i shouldve brought my stupid shit to your attention so that you can say on voicecall that i get upset over stupid shit and brush off my hurt feelings that you 1. Didnt bother to listen to what i was saying again and 2. Literally tried to gaslight me because you didnt hear me into thinking i said something i didnt and kept getting upset with me and blaming me for getting upset.
Like am i a fucking idiot. This isnt even the first fucking time that hes gotten upset at me about that scenario of me seeing if i can save him. SAVE HIM. IN A VIDEO GAME FOR GODS SAKE THIS IS A GROWN MAN.
AND THE WORST PART?! My stupid fucking is brain is "igh maybe if i communicate better AGAIN about this he'll understand and change his behaviour this time" fucking no dumb bitch. He doesnt care. He doesnt give a fuck. He doesnt want to be alone and you have proven to love this asshole so much that you will believe his fucking lie of "i wont hurt you like that again i wont treat you like again it hurts me to hurt you" yet hes fucking justifying thinking horribly about me and treating me horrible because its just in the game??? Fuck you dude. You treat me like fucking garbage and i still think highly of you but fuck that.
If i want someone to fucking treat me like that i will speak to my fucking mother again.
Thank you for listening to my tedtalk
