tfw u get an ultrasound and ur ovary turns out to be the happiest motherfucker alive

i am visiting my parents and we were driving in the car to the shops to buy fresh sheets for my brother who is going on a date tonight with a boy who looks exactly like him and is staying over after their date. my brother sent screenshots of their texts to everyone in our family where they talk about how excited they are to see each other naked. in the car we were listening to fleetwood mac greatest hits and mum and dad were telling me about a rich boy who used to be friends with my other brother who is now 'a pothead'. 'dreams' came on and mum and dad kept talking and i thought about how it is one of my favourite songs and mum said something about an instagram of a pile of weed and then 'i love this song' and i said 'turn it up' and dad stopped what he was talking about about to say 'it is a great song' and turned the volume up and our conversation faded away as we all listened to 'dreams' in silence in the car, just the three of us.

7. “I am smoking two cigarettes!”

a month ago i had an ultrasound and the technician was talking to me about the avengers age of ultron and the new jurassic park movie and what other movies he’s excited to see and i just said ‘um’ a lot while he probed around my ovaries. there was a chaperone there supervising and she spoke very quietly so quietly i couldn’t even hear her, just murmurs, and then there was silence for a bit and then the male technician started laughing and then he turned the monitor towards the chaperone and she started laughing and i thought ‘wtf’ and then he turned the monitor towards me and said ‘that’s your ovary’ and i said ‘huh’ and he pointed and the picture on the screen was a grey blob with three black blobs inside it forming the shape of a demented smiley face and he said ‘you have a very happy ovary’ and ‘a perfect smiley face’. the chaperone said ‘i have been here for 9 years and i have never seen anything like this’ and it was the only thing i heard her say. i just laughed and grinned a lot and thought about sharing a laugh with two strangers and how nice that is even when one of them is handling a medical probe inside your vagina.