how we fell apart đĽ
a few words too many. l Holland March
Holland March [The Nice Guys] x Reader
warnings : alcohol; big fight; lots of nasty words; some blood; tears; Holly; Holland behaving badly
note : when fear takes control, we destroy what we love.
a/n : "How We Fell Apart" is almost a twin version of đ a few ways to break your heart đ [masterlist]. This time, someone else will break our hearts. But will we ever be able to mend them?
[Ryland Grace masterlist][main masterlist] [how we fell apart series]
The front door slammed into the wall hard enough to rattle the picture frames hanging in the hallway. You shot up from the couch immediately.
âHolland?â
A second later, he stumbled into the living room smelling like whiskey, cigarettes, and the damp night air. His tie hung loose and crooked, the collar of his shirt stained with blood. There was a small cut on his cheek and a bruise already darkening along his jaw.
Your stomach dropped. âOh my God.â
âIâm fine,â he answered automatically.
âYou donât look fine.â Your eyes scanned him carefully, searching for more cuts, more bruises.
Holland shrugged and tossed his jacket onto a chair, nearly losing his balance in the process. âThe other guy looked worse.â
âThatâs not funny.â
âWas it supposed to be?â
You stepped closer and quickly pulled the other chair out for him. âSit down. Iâll get the first aid kit andâŚâ
âI said Iâm fine.â This time his voice was firmer.
âJesus, Holland, youâre bleeding.â
âAnd youâre overreacting.â
There was something rough in his tone that made you stop mid-step. Still, you quickly convinced yourself he was just exhausted. It was well past midnight, and the state he came home in made it obvious the night had gone badly.
Carefully, you reached for his hand. âPlease, baby. Let me help you.â
But he yanked his arm away so sharply you actually flinched backward. âI said stop.â
Silence. Time seemed to freeze for a few heartbeats.
You swallowed hard. âWhy are you acting like this?â you asked quietly, even though it felt like you were standing on thin ice.
âLike what?â
âLike Iâm doing something to you. I donât knowâŚâ
Holland let out a bitter laugh and headed for the kitchen. âBecause apparently everyone thinks I need saving these days.â
You frowned, confused, but followed him anyway. âI never said that.â
âYou didnât have to. Itâs in your eyes.â
He grabbed a glass and filled it with water. That was when you noticed the skin on his knuckles had been split open.
âHolland⌠SweetieâŚâ
He swallowed a few mouthfuls before setting the glass down against the counter with a sharp clink.
âWhat?â he snapped suddenly, spinning around toward you. âYou got another speech prepared? Gonna tell me I drink too much again? Or that I get punched too often? Or maybe I screwed something else up, huh?â
Your lips parted in surprise, and for a moment you couldnât answer.
âIâm worried about you,â you finally managed quietly.
âYeah? Iâm getting a little tired of that, sweetheart.â His jaw tightened. âYou turning me into some kind of fucked up project you wanna fix?â
âWhat are you talking about?â
âYou really donât know?â His eyes darkened as he looked at you â anger, frustration, fear all tangled together. âYouâre always trying to fix me. Change me.â
âThatâs ridiculous.â
âYou think so?â He planted his hands on his hips, staring at you.
âYes.â You stepped closer despite every instinct telling you not to. âI love you. Iâm trying to help you. Support you.â
âHelp me? Support me?â Holland mocked with a sharp laugh. âWow. Thatâs sweet. Here I was thinking you were just trying to repair everything broken inside me.â
âHollandâŚâ
âNo, go ahead. Be honest for once. I will too.â His voice rose as he held up a hand, ticking points off on his fingers. âYou want me sober. Responsible. Reliable. Someone you can count on. You want me toâŚâ
âI want you alive!â you cut in suddenly.
That shut him up. Tears burned painfully behind your eyes already. Your throat felt so tight it hurt to swallow. How had things gotten this bad in only a few minutes? You were standing there like enemies when all you had wanted was to help him.
But Holland was too angry now, too deep inside whatever panic had taken hold of him. He had latched onto one fear and refused to let it go. When he spoke again, his voice had gone cold.
âYou want me to be someone else. Someone better. For you.â
âThatâs not true,â you whispered. âYou know it isnât.â
âYou thought I wouldnât notice?â He stepped closer. Slow. Predatory. âThe way you look at me. The way you lecture me. I see the disappointment every time I screw something up.â
âIâm not disappointed in you.â
âYou should be.â
You felt suddenly small in front of him. Vulnerable. He had to see it, but he kept going anyway, and every word hurt worse than the last.
âYou know what?â His jaw clenched tightly. âWhat youâre doing to Holly⌠thatâs not fair.â
You blinked. âW-What?â
âShe got attached to you.â His gaze dropped away like he couldnât bear looking at you anymore. âYou let her think youâd always be around. That she could rely on you. That you two were⌠friends or something.â
âI never lied to her. How can you even say that?â
Dragging Holly into this felt like a punch below the belt.
Holland shook his head. âYouâre playing house, and eventually sheâs gonna need you. Then youâll leave.â
âThatâs cruel.â
âCruel?â he scoffed. âYou know whatâs cruel? When you finally realize Iâm exactly as messed up as you expected, that you canât fix me, and you leave anyway.â
Tears spilled down your cheeks. You wiped them away quickly with the back of your hand.
âYou wouldnât be saying this if you werenât drunk,â you said, voice trembling with emotion. âI donât know what youâre so scared of that youâre trying to hurt me first, but this isnât you.â
Something flickered across his face for half a second. Regret or pain. But the damage had already been done, and when he spoke again, it felt like the final blow.
âMaybe you should find somebody you actually deserve.â
The world stopped. The silence afterward was terrifying.
You stared at the man you loved as if he had suddenly become a stranger. Your mind went completely blank. You couldnât force a single word out.
You didnât hear the floor creak behind you.
âDad?â
Both of you turned toward the hallway. Holly March stood there in her pajamas, eyes still sleepy, but awake enough to understand exactly what she was seeing. The shouting must have woken her.
âWhat happened?â she asked quietly. âAre you fighting?â
Neither of you answered. It was you who moved first. Slowly, mechanically, because you couldnât feel anything anymore, you reached for your coat hanging beside the door. That sobered Holland up almost instantly.
âWait,â he said.
You ignored him, trying to push your shaking hands through the sleeves.
âDad? Whatâs going on?â Hollyâs gaze darted between the two of you, panic and confusion spreading across her face.
âSheâs leaving,â Holland muttered.
And the second the words left his mouth, he felt sick. Because it sounded real. Too real. The moment you grabbed your keys, he finally stepped toward you.
âHey, hey. Wait a second...â
But you couldnât even look at him anymore. You didnât want him near you. Didnât want him touching you, speaking to you, looking at you.
Holly shifted nervously on her bare feet. âBut⌠youâre coming back, right?â she asked softly. âYouâll come back to us?â
That stopped you for a moment. Your fingers tightened painfully around your keys. You didnât know what to say. Promises wouldâve been cruel. Giving her hope only to rip it away later. Your silence was enough. Hollyâs eyes widened. She didnât move as you opened the door, letting freezing night air spill into the house.
âBaby,â Holland tried again, his voice quieter now. Almost pleading. âPlease.â
But it was too late. Too many blows had landed for you to stay. A moment later, all they heard was your engine starting and your car disappearing down the empty street.
Holly slowly turned toward her father, fury burning in her eyes. âYou ruined everything,â she said accusingly.
âHollyâŚâ
âI hate you!â she screamed. âYou always do this! She loved us! She was ours! And now weâre gonna be alone forever because you canât stop being scared!â
âBabyâŚâ Holland looked at his daughter with naked shame. He stepped toward her, but she backed away.
âYou said those things to her⌠How could you?â Her voice cracked. âYou wanted her to leave! Youâre a fucking coward!â
And the worst part was that she was right. He knew she was.
He watched Holly disappear into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her, and all he could think was that she was absolutely right. He had been so terrified of getting hurt that he struck first. Even when you were vulnerable. Even when, like always, you had only been reaching for him. You had never done a single thing to hurt him, and he had thrown every cruel word he could find directly into your face.Â
Holland collapsed heavily onto the couch and dragged both hands over his face, feeling them shake. Then he looked up. Your sweater still lay over the back of the couch. Your earrings rested on the coffee table. The book you had been reading while waiting for him was still there.
Everything was there except you.
And suddenly the house felt unbearably empty. He sat alone in the dark, feeling like someone had ripped his heart out and thrown it into a blender. Every word heâd said echoed mercilessly in his skull until it made him sick. He couldnât believe this had happened. That he had done this. But he had, and now he had to live with it.
He ruined everything.
Exactly like he always knew he would.
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