the talent.

Kim didn’t know if she could just up and leave- she felt like she wanted to, but she knew exactly how fast that could change when given some perspective. Maybe Stills was in the same situation?

She just figured he was guilty.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m telling you I don’t, moron. I’m sure I’d blame myself, too.”

stephen’s struck with the urge to give kim a hug, all of a sudden, which he finds troubling. a little stupid. definitely a no-no.

and then he’s out with it, because there’s only so much an already-anxious guy can bottle up. he sinks deeper into a shameful pit with each truly pathetic! word. if there were any chance at rekindling this, he’s sure it’ll read K.O. in bold, mean letters by the time he’s finished.

“Yeah, it’s a real achievement. I’ll be getting a letter from the Norwegian Nobel Committee any day now.” It’s clearly gone from 100% moping to at least partially a joke. Things did kind of feel like they did before. It was… nice.

“Look, if I found… someone, and had any idea what I wanted to do or how to do it? I’d be gone. I don’t blame you.”

Still kind of a dick move, though.

see, stephen hitched his wagon to the joseph horse prematurely. it’s not all bad, but the confidence undermining that existed in his relationship with julie exists here, too. maybe it’s just his type. he doesn’t know. he’d like to take time off from all of it.

and as for the band!  ---  he should have appreciated the simpler things when there were a few.

he can’t remember ever being this starstruck. maybe an endearing look on people with their shit together, but on stephen ‘the talent disaster’ stills, it’s, like, really sad. pathetic, even.

         ‘ why. ’ why are you here? why am i speaking? why have i not already scooby doo-ed it out of here? ‘ you’re. ’

        ‘ can guarantee you will lose it if you keep acting like it’s worse than it is. s’a fucking scratch, mate. you’re not dying. ’ 

it’s less a battle about the seriousness of a non-injury, and more about stephen’s inability to climb down from this energy. he’s worked himself into a tizzy.

Kim had some inkling as to that- if only going off his previous partner(s). She knew Julie was an absolute mess, but she knew basically nothing about Joseph, outside of that 1) he had a beard, and 2) He was dating Stephen Stills.Oh, also, he has a recording studio.

She rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah,” Too mean? Maybe. “That’s great. Congrats.”

         ‘ congrats on the non-existent love-life and lack of future prospects. ’ there’s no underlying malice, and it’s served with a teasing quirk of the lip, to boot. it almost feels normal for a minute. like they’re early 20s, returned to position as scott pilgrim’s drafted and unwitting emotional crutches.

        ‘ – seriously? ’ she’s half-tempted to accuse him of messing with her just because he doesn’t like her. she’s over it already. ‘ whatever. – what do you guys have? ’ 

stephen stretches across the table and pulls a laminated piece of paper from the collection behind the salt and pepper shakers. he sets it down in front of her, taps the page once, and presses his lips together ( borderline smugly ).

Good, they can both go back to what they’re good at. Kim wallowing in her misery while being bitingly sarcastic, and Stills being… good at what he does.

“Completely non-existent.” Wouldn’t it be more friendly to leave that where it lay? “So how is yours? Your relationship didn’t catastrophically implode?” She legitimately did hope that he was doing well.

stephen almost wishes it would catastrophically implode, but that would mean admitting to himself that he jumps from self-destructive relationship to self-destructive relationship with little consideration of the consequences. he latches onto partners who put him down with brutal ease, then tells himself it’s as good as he’s ever gonna get.

little heavy for idle diner chat.

that they’ve got to reach in front of him to grab the glass should be an effective tip-off about drink ownership, but stephen’s seen dumber. and he’s seen drunker. he’ll let them learn their lesson by taste.

         ‘ we could have started at pizza pizza and saved a whole lotta trouble. ’ there’s an unsubtle ‘i told you so’ between the lines, here. ‘ and money. ’

         ‘ you weren’t here for the whole set. god, were you? oh my god. ’ he’s pacing, he’s panicking, he’s inexplicably handling it solo. ‘ you were here for the whole set. you know we suck. ’ and to no one in particular: ‘ paul jericho knows we suck. ’

“Blow me, I didn’t have any coffee this morning.” Kim, unfortunately, was unable to tell the difference between a real, genuine compliment and a joke at her expense. “Well, I’m still working at the same hole in the wall with no future prospects, so pretty stellar. You?”

trying to beat kim at the misery game is dangerous and unrewarding, so he shrugs and zips himself right back into his make-believe contentment. the band is good. the boyfriend’s good.

Kim, as per usual, was either lost in thought or thinking about nothing at all. It was pretty hard to tell.

Whether it had been a while or not, her reaction betrayed no emotion besides ‘I am incredibly tired’.

“Stills.”

stephen hears her before he sees her, which he’s certain serves as some type of advantage. he can do mental prep. he can freak out!

it’s been a while, he thinks, and his brain supplies the soundtrack.

         ‘ kim? ’

         ‘ --- uh, we’re not open, dude. you’re early. ’ the unturned key in the door and ‘--OSED!’ visible just behind his head aren’t what he’d call minor context clues. ‘ i have to preheat the grills. ’

    balfour pauses. balfour reaches out to take stephen’s hand and inspect it. balfour sees the faintest of pink lines that might not actually even be a proper scratch. ‘ you fucking drama queen. i’ve had worse than that with a papercut. ’ 

       ‘ –you, like, know the definition of a pep talk, right? ’

   she’s heard him give them before and already knows the answer: not in the slightest. what the ████ happened to this guy that completely wrecked his ability to say something like hey, guys, we’re gonna crush this? that other band can’t play a single note right, and he’s out here sounding like they’re gonna die or whatever.

   envy didn’t totally take over this band all by herself just to have stills ruin it all with his depressing we’re doomed shtick.

stephen’s still ( ha ) a beat like he’s giving her call-out serious consideration. he drops his head into his hands, sighs heavy and long enough to raise genuine concern, and gives the general impression of someone who’s caved. you know, like, he’s gonna take the hint and chill out, or something.

and then he perks back up and carries on as if no one’s said a damn thing.