Peaches

My 8th grade son just came out to me as bi.

I was putting away the groceries, and he was getting ready for bed. He came to the kitchen to say goodnight, and he says, “Mommy, can I tell you something I’ve been wanting to tell you for like a year?” I try to sound cheerful because I really thought it was gonna be something bad, and I didn’t want to scare him out of telling me, “Sure, what is it, big boy?” He hesitates, “Ummm, I’m bisexual.” I breathe a sigh of relief, “Oh, oh, thank goodness. I thought it was gonna be bad. You didn’t have to wait so long to tell me, silly boy.” I hug him and say, “I’m bisexual too.” He’s surprised, “Oh, wow.”

I wasn’t really sure what to say after that because I had always thought if my boys were gay or bi that they would just tell me when they had a crush on a kid at school. For a few years, I would say things like, “When y’all grow up and get married, your future wife or husband...” And, we go to Pride with my Free Mom Hugs group, and speak fondly of my gay auntie in Los Angeles. I remember reading that meme years ago about how I don’t want my kid to come out to me, I just want them to bring their boyfriend or girlfriend home. So, I never really rehearsed in my head what I would say if there was a coming out.

So, I asked, “Do you have a crush on any boys at school?” And, he says no because he doesn’t think any boys at his school are gay or bi. So, I tell him that a lot of kids don’t fully figure out their sexuality until high school and sometimes adulthood. And, I say that it’s probably better because romantic relationships distract from school work anyway, while raising the mom eyebrow. And, we laughed. So, I tell him I love him and give him his kiss goodnight. I hope he sleeps well tonight feeling a weight off his shoulders. Though the weight should have never been there to begin with.

After he went to bed, I thought of so many more things I wanted to ask him, like if he told Grandma, his brother, or T yet. My mom is totally fine. She’s an old San Francisco hippie and knows about my bisexuality. She told me she wishes she could be a lesbian because she hates men lol! And, T is of course woke af because I wouldn’t have even gone on the first date with him 3 and a half years ago if he wasn’t. And, my youngest son, who is in 6th grade will be totally fine as well. He’s kinda gossipy, which we’re working on. But, I think if grandma, T, and I sit him down and tell him that he needs to keep his big brother’s business to himself, and that it’s only his big brother’s story to share with folks his big brother is comfortable with, them I think he’ll keep it in confidence. And, honestly, maybe my youngest will come out too. My mom and I always wondered about some of my youngest’s effeminate behavior since he was like 6. Maybe I’m just stereotyping and making assumptions. It’s just little things. He innocently has little girlfriends at school every year. So, I dunno, maybe I’m just making assumptions and he only likes girls. He’s also just 12, so that’s kinda young to figure out one’s sexuality anyway.