@the auction
Bringing Connie as his date had not bee one of Kevin's better calls. His badass lawyer of a friend had managed to offend at least half a dozen people, threatened to get into bidding wars, and her presence had not achieved the main goal he'd had in mind - mitigating the sheer amount of skunk eye he was sure to be getting from DJ and her friends. DJ's friends who, true to form, thought he was a fuckboy (most memorably called fuck-boy-lesbian-lover) who had gotten bored with DJ and moved on to be the world's most ineffective gold digger with Connie.
Connie had said on many occasions that Kevin's arms would have to be at least twice their current size for her to be interested. Kevin had said on as many occasions that he was glad he wasn't into failed nuns. The mandatory Catholic-school-girl phase withstanding.
Fortunately, the auction was going to be over soon. Johnny and Devin were up on the stage, getting ready to introduce people. Melvin, armed with his munchkin hamster queen of a niece, had pretty much stolen Kevin's date, which had left him at the mercy of some old-as-god Latina lady who turned out to be related to Gail, Fanny and their cousin that Johnny had explained was named "Bunny" (so many sex jokes, so little time). He'd just finished having his arms manhandled and being told that he needed fattening up (said no casting director, ever) by Grandma Rosales, when the (either best or worst choice) emcees started talking. Looking around the auction, Kevin shoved his hands in his pockets and said to the people next to him (graciously not Grandma Rosales at this point, though he had the feeling that she'd be driving his bids up), "Just wait until they get started.”
