Still Blonde

Anxiety is deleting the text message before you send it…  because there is a myriad of unforeseen disasters that can occur after the sending of one seemingly simple text message (if you send it to another human, anyway; if you send it to a small animal in the Amazon rainforest, you’re probably safe). One, the person could never respond. Or there could be a typo, and let’s face it, typos are the worst because suddenly instead of asking something innocent like, “What’s news?” you realize you’ve said “Let’s snooze,” and what person on the face of the planet is going to believe “What’s news” autocorrected to “Let’s snooze,” so they will assume it was the world’s worst attempt at a pickup line and you will never, ever, ever, ever be able to look them in the eye in real life again. Unless you use the standard “Wrong text feed, oops,” but then you once again have to consider the disingenuous nature of your current reality. Are you honest? Which is worse, really? Or there is always the possibility that in that exact moment they open your text message their dog, Count Dog-ula, prances back in from his appointment at the groomer’s wearing the most horrendous half-priced haircut Holly’s Dog-Hair Do’s has ever delivered and so they permanently associate your existence with bad doggie do’s, destroying whatever hint of a solid relationship you may have had (or were going to have in the future) with them. Or even worse—you send it, they respond, and you have to carry on an actual conversation.