Matthew

Every time I talk to my roommate I feel my pineal gland calcify and my third eye close a little bit more

Last night she asked me how many days there are in a year and I said “why do you not know that?” and she said “why the fuck would I need to know that?”

She’s getting ready for work rn while listening to the Carrie Underwood song from the Super Bowl at full volume

Last night she was telling me about a car accident she was in years ago and she said they had to use the “jar of live” and I was like. Do you mean the jaws of life and she said “you don’t know what the jar of life is?”

She’s sitting next to me scrolling through a facebook meme page scream laughing and showing me literally every post and saying “what’s wrong? Are you okay” if I don’t laugh hard enough

This is like the straight equivalent of Get Out

He committed to how pissed off he was

I love how petty this is

I hope he brought the video to traffic court to contest the ticket lol

I love the poetry that this gifset ends with him running into a police car.

This is a tactic called Uncivil Obedience: where you follow the law so stringently that it exposes the injustice the law causes.

This bitch is so fucking funny

x

i wonder what MY smell is????? when people wear my clothes or sleep in my bed…..what does it smell like?! WHAT IS MY SCENT

Reblogging because a dear friend of my Moms with mechanic experience told me the same thing when I got my license.

Forever Reblog 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 RIP

he’s trying to use a fucking Tide pen