Inner Thoughts

Nobody probably cares but if you feel inclined to, please give me reasons to continue my existence.

When I eventually die, more and more I think that nobody will really care. I'm nobody special, I don't think I've done very much of note with my life. If this was a medieval time period I'd probably be a common peasant. Upon death, gone and forgotten. The pressure of life gets to me every day. Death is something I fear not because my physical being will have come to an end but because a lot of people die in this world and almost all of them are forgotten after a year or so. I guess my life isn't really worth remembering anyway. Altogether I went though 8 years of college and university education. I am also self educated to varying degrees on certain topics. Didn't do me much good though, because the system bungled into any old job without a care in the world as to my preferences or whether I considered the job to be enjoyable or not. So here I am, a sales assistant in an alcohol store, aka peasant. I can't be the only one who feels like this, surly. Instead of doing something I enjoy in my life, I get to type numbers into a till, get shouted at by rude customers and do long and unfulfilling hours. Never thought I'd be required to calm drunk people down or try to catch thieves or wear a fake smile just to talk to customers. In case you were wondering, I dont enjoy it but we still live in a society that requires us to have money to survive. I absolutely hate that I need this job to survive. It makes me want to kill myself. There I said it. I'm just fed up of this whole situation. It feels like a larger force has dictated that this is my value, a nobody with depression and anxiety, possibly autistic, scrounging on retail jobs simply to just pay the bills. It makes me hate my own life because it makes me think, this is all I'm worth, that I've got nothing more to look forward to in my life because I'm going to be doing it all my life. People won't remember me when I die, how could they? My life is a failure. Who cares about just another nobody anyway?

At least 1 hour to go!

At least 1 hour to go!

At least 1 hour to go!