Real Christianity, Lent, & the pitfalls of being an extrovert
Religion can be both personal and cultural. If it is cultural, it helps shape who you are, along with a lot of other things, but it does not define you. My Christianity defines me, it is the basis of who I am, and it is deeply personal. It spurs me to actively pursue the teachings of Christ, which in turn means I am actively pursing a change in who I am. I would say that a very basic principle of Christianity that all denominations can agree on is that Jesus lived as an example of what life could look like with a wholehearted devotion to God, and as Christians (roughly translated: Christ-followers) we are to pursue a life that looks more and more like His. Becoming a Christian isn’t a magic pill that instantly results in a perfect person. It is a journey. God cannot teach us by giving everything to us. He works with us on a human level- he knows that we need experiences to learn and grow. He understands that we are going to mess up, that we will never be perfect. He asks for us to just try, to trust that the Holy Spirit will help us achieve the goals He sets before us. He asks us to try to begin to understand the depth of His love for us, because He knows that is what will make the trying and the trusting even remotely possible.
Christianity is not a set of rules that we begrudgingly follow. It is a beautiful discovering of who you really are and were made to be.  Now this is where it gets tricky. Are you not already yourself if you aren’t a Christian? This seems to be pretty offensive for non-Christians, so I’m glad to say that no, absolutely not, you are you. However, we all know that we have problems, that there are things about us that should be dealt with, modified, done away with. We are people that have endured hardships. We are people who have been abused. We are people who are often called beautiful, but cannot see it for ourselves because of the lack of self-worth/esteem we are hiding. We are people who were made fun of that one time in 5th grade and will never forget what was said or how we felt. And most importantly, we are people who were not taught how to cope with the hurts of life; we buried them deep down inside for emotional survival or because we deemed them insignificant and trivial. Our human instinct is to bury and to cover up, but it’s a terrible one that ends up leaving us scarred with layers and layers of steel over our hearts. It seeps into our behavior, often unnoticed, long after the hurt has taken place. This is where the pursuit of Christ changes who we are. He doesn’t change our personality; He simply gives us the tools to take out the things that have damaged us, providing a way to become more “you” than you’ve ever been. We are human versions of iPhones, trying to get that iOS upgrade over and over. We work out the kinks and become better.
So what does being an extrovert have to do with any of this? It means that so many more people see your “kinks.” As was talked about before, I am still the “me” from before I allowed Jesus to guide my personal growth. I still have what some would consider an inappropriate sense of humor. I still like to use colorful language. I still like to go out dancing and have one too many beers to de-stress. I still want to have a relationship with a guy and not have to worry about figuring out how to keep my hands off of him. Those desires are not abnormal, but they are desires that I vowed to keep under control.
This is where a lot of people leave Christianity in the dust. These are the “rules” that get people worked up. I could write a whole book on this, but I’ll keep it simple: we all know that there are things that we want but don’t need. If you want to get into shape, you put down your temporal wants (unhealthy food, laying on the couch 24/7) and you focus on the long-term want to be healthy. You do whatever it takes, and it always involves doing things you don’t want to do but need to do. Eventually eating bad food makes you feel terrible and you want to hit the pavement (or at least you don’t completely loathe it). Sometimes your needs become your wants because of the benefits you experience. But even in these times, we can fall short. We get stressed out at work/school or we get really busy, and we forget how good our disciplined life was. We pick back up the french fries and let our runners sit in the closet. All the while, knowing the other way of life was better, but still very much enjoying the Netflix binges and the Girl Scout cookies.
Lately, this is where I find myself. Nursing school has selfishly taken every ounce of energy I possess. My thoughts are constantly trained on a disciplined life, but it has nothing to do with my spiritual journey. It’s medications and tubes inserted into the grossest of places and trying not to develop severe anxiety because I graduate in May yet feel like I know nothing. So the old me has slowly crept through way more than normal and because I am so forthcoming with every part of my extroverted self, everyone knows. I am never the spitting image of Jesus, but sometimes the old me completely dominates the real me and there isn’t even a good balance. Nowadays I say the f word frequently instead of sporadically. Nowadays I can’t go downtown and stay within my 2-3 beer max- I have 4 and want to make out with all the boys. A lot of what makes me “me” isn’t bad generally speaking; it’s only when I loosen the rope too much. Kind of like how Facebook isn’t terrible, but people always take it too far by spending 3 hours on it or treating it like their personal diary.
When you are around people who know your heart and your devotion to Christ, something like this isn’t the end of the world. We go through phases and our friends know that we will find our footing again. But when you make new friends and you realize that they don’t know the parts about you that matter and probably have a totally wrong idea of you- well it kind of hits you in the gut and you realize you need to reprioritize.
That’s what Lent is about for me this year. Refocusing. Taking the time to pull back the reigns. And, most importantly, to remind myself what is truly important in life; to simply rearrange the items on the shelf. Regardless of stresses I’m enduring, I have to strive to get back to the real me. I can be the me that goes out to a bar, but maintains my moral code because my spiritual growth is much more satisfying than a hot make-out session in a bar bathroom. I like that me better. She’s not quite as entertaining, but better still.
So, I guess this is a public proclamation of my intentions, but also an encouragement for anyone that feels like they’ve really been blowing it. Sometimes we blow it big time and other times, like me in this case, we simply let our character get a little fuzzy around the edges. It’s all a part of the journey, a part of learning, a part of becoming better humans. So lets forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and remember that the purpose of life is to live it, and that will always include falling short.
turnnoffyourmind
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