Saul (or Paul) experienced some dramatic events that converted him from a persecutor of Christians to a believer in Jesus Christ. He had a powerful experience of the risen Christ during which he was blinded. His physical blindness is symbolic of his previous spiritual blindness.
For three days, Paul was practically lifeless. Not seeing, not eating, not drinking. This period reminds us of Jesusâ three days in the tomb. In many ways, going through a conversion is like dying - dying to old ways of thinking and acting. But after three days, Paulâs blindness was lifted, and he was filled with the Holy Spirit, as other Apostles were at Pentecost.
No longer a persecutor of Christians, Paul was a new person. He now felt compelled to learn more about Jesus and to share the Good News with other people. Paulâs conversion told the early Christians that even the most hard-hearted person can be called by God and be radically changed.
Have you ever been suddenly aware of Godâs presence and calling in your life?
I have been struggling with the habitual sin of masturbation after my last breakup which was nearly 4 years ago. My previous relationship may have started out with efforts to keep God at the centre of my relationship. But it slowly fell apart. God was slowly being removed from it as we fell into the sin of lust.
I had my first sexual intercourse with my boyfriend then. So much for saving my virginity for marriage.. I gave in to the pressure.. thinking that he was the one for me. Iâve always seemed to be that âgood Catholic girlâ all those years before. When I still spent my every Sunday or weekends at church singing in the choir and praising God.
That soon changed as I began working as a full-time hotel receptionist as well as studying part-time. I was busy with work, studies and my relationship that I found no time for God. No time to pray. I often relied on my own efforts to get through. I still am doing it till this day. One and a half years is not a short period of time, but long enough to develop a bad habit.
Despite having changed jobs, going for retreats and confessions. I still struggle with the sin of lust. The sin of masturbation. I always thought that I wasnât hurting anyone when I fell into the sinful act time and again.
I am aware of why I constantly fall into this temptation. After being revealed the truths during my encounters with God at the retreats I went to, I am still unable to accept Godâs love for me. I keep looking for love in the wrong places.
I always had the desire to be touched, embraced and to be safely held by someone (to be loved). I always have been and still am envious of couples. Being in a relationship is something I crave for. But I know deep down that I am not ready to be in one.
I canât even let God love me and love myself. So how can I be in a relationship and love another?
Back to the reflection question:
One of my friends had opened up about his struggles with the sin of lust for the longest time (years). This has affected his marriage as his wife caught him. This caused his relationship to be at risk of breaking apart.
This was Godâs way of slapping me awake to say: â if you continue down this path you are taking, you are hurting your future partner.â I immediately froze when everything made sense. Because if I am going to continue to indulge in the sin of masturbation, it will soon become a habit that will be difficult to get rid of, which will hurt your loved one in future. Because itâs not being faithful to the one you love.
So yes, I am suddenly made aware of Godâs presence and calling in my life. And what calling would that be?
Another one of my friends have been facing things alone. Her momâs health is not doing well, and talks about her passing have risen. I felt the need to reach out to her and be there for her. I find the need to pray for her and her family, in turn I have encouraged her to turn to God for comfort.
Difficult as it is, it is an invitation to die to my sin of masturbation. To die to old ways of thinking and acting. To be a light of Christ to others; In light of supporting my friends in need, I need to keep them in prayer and encourage them to turn to the Lord with the truths Iâve been revealed through my encounters with God.
Itâs not going to be easy, but I will start by saying this prayer:
Dear Jesus, following you is an unending journey which we must turn our back to sin and focus on living out Christâs message. Sometimes it is an easy journey, sometimes it is a struggle. Help me to find your light in the Scriptures, in others, and within myself. Amen.