Currently Wishing I Was Somewhere Else

WOOOW that’s embarrassing. Every time I’m alone and hear footsteps coming towards me, I continue what I’m doing hoping the person is coming to talk to me for some reason. They never are coming to talk to me lol. I hate being in new places. I know nobody and I have no friends damn I’m pathetic asf.

I will never be kenough 😭😭😭

I don’t know why every time I feel good for a little while I think it’s finally gonna last and then I’m like no suicide is bad but then it comes back worse and I’m like what was I saying about killing myself? That doesn’t sound like me

I’m tired of wishing I was dead.

I never really took getting clean very seriously. That’s mostly because what I consider a relapse is pretty drastic. It’s started to sound like a really good idea today. Part of me wants to use it as a punishment; doing it when I break my restrictions. I’ve noticed only certain things motivate me enough. I don’t think sh will ever not be on my mind.

It’s my birthday tomorrow. I wanna do nothing so I can cry about it later.

They said id feel better after a couple months seven years ago.

Why am I still like this?

I’m hopeless.

Does what I do in the game effect what happens to me when it’s over?