you'll be sorry that you messed with me

closed starter for @steadythora location: the middle of the ocean note: uwu

Thora knew the importance of action, but she also appreciated her capacity for forethought now. She had rushed ahead when the Kossith first appeared outside of Haven and she had gotten herself captured. She would not make the same misstep again. Thora didn't start exploring or planning immediately when her chains were removed, instead she centered herself. All her pain, all her loss, and all her feelings of inadequacy following having her personhood stripped in the worst way was given to the flame in her mind. She became one with the void again, a clearheaded warrior capable of breaking through the insurmountable obstacle of her capture.   When liberation came, Thora moved with clear and unbridled intention. The Kossith could take her braid and her sword, but she would not let them have any more parts of her. She refused. She took what makeshift weapons she could get her hands on before her exodus from the Kossith ship. Thora was prepared to go, but she felt his weave before her eyes recognized his approach.   There was a sharp breath as his arms raised. Thora's shoulders tightened slightly, weeks of captivity having shed what quiet parts of her had come to relax at his proximity. One more thing the Kossith took. She couldn't even raise her eyes to look into his. "No, of course not," she responded with a sharp, sardonic, bark of a laugh and a curled lip. "But I'm alive and I can still fight if I have to. For now, that has to be enough." Thora flexed her battered knuckles a few times before reaching out to touch Eldar, but like him she never made contact either. She probably would've laughed at the ridiculousness if seeing him again wasn't so difficult. "I'm sorry I failed you, Eldar. But if I can get you back in one piece, that'll be a step toward making things right."

@steadythora Location: Caer Glas Notes: IF you wanna wait this can be after The Road quest uwu

"I hadn't thought about Avalon until recently. My parents—the ones who adopted me—hated magic. Talking to them about other realms filled with elvhen was never an option." Hakon wasn't a blademaster, but that distinction didn't matter much to her. Thora felt empowered to share the way of the sword with anyone who wielded a blade. She owed it to herself, her future, her heritage as a swordswoman, and to Oswin. Thora had hoped there were some secrets she had that would benefit him despite his many decades on her, so naturally, Hakon's questions were a bit disarming. "I'd wager my situation was similar. A parent from Iskaldrik and one from Avalon. Or maybe they were silver already. Who knows, why bother wondering now?" she waffled a bit before huffing, realizing that she was beating around the bush with her response. How did she explain that she missed it despite technically never having felt it? "Before, it seemed like a wasted effort. Now? It's more like a lost dream."

Althea studied Thora with the sharp gaze of a woman who had seen hesitation turn to ruin more times than she cared to count. The flickering torchlight cast long shadows across the stone walls, the scent of myrrh and burning cedar thick in the air. There would always be moments, the moment, when a blade either found its edge or dulled from disuse.

If doubt was the first step, then Thora's task was never taking it. She needed to be assured of herself and her skills, especially when facing unfamiliar forces. Just as she would lunge into battle against an opponent she had yet to study fully, she could not hesitate if she had to face a witch, an elvhen, or any of the other beings of great power who lived openly here in Lysara. If she were to ever be able to face the Aetherians again, Thora needed to be able to handle anything.   "I'm not used to being noticed. In fact, I used to prefer not to be. But I do recognize that was a weakness. I won't hide again, not from myself or the worst of what being a legionnaire will throw at me. I'll conquer every tool I have until I'm the strongest blade the Legion can send into battle." As instructed, Thora did hold her head high and stood a little straighter. Sometimes, the support of someone admirable was enough to make all the difference. Dark battles were coming ahead, and hard choices would need to be made, but Thora had been growing since she began trekking from her lost home to this place and she would continue to grow still. She just needed to trust her gut and remain steady on her path. "When they watch now, they'll see a warrior who doesn’t yield or give up. I'll be the sword that cuts through the Dark, no matter what form the Dark may take."

“What is your honour if it is based on your pride? You don’t deserve to wear our armour if that is your attitude.” If she didn’t want her stew anymore that was up to her because she wasn't getting anything else from the kitchen tonight. “If pride would make me conduct myself as a self righteous prick who thinks they are better than everyone else, that because they have a title they should die differently, then I shall see it gone. It is clear we stand for different versions of what a blademaster is. I want no part in what you represent because you disgust me.” Jon loved his country just like she did, but she helped out for selfish reasons that were currently on display. As she spoke about what he did or didn’t do his grip tightened around the pots handled, his eyes turned to what looked like red gems as his temper was reaching a high. There was a crumpling sound as the metal in his grip was being compressed in a way which would leave the handles in such a way that the pot would need new ones “Do not speak of what you know little about!” His eyes began to budge out of his skull as they grew in a way to resemble a fly.

"Fortunately, whether or not I'm fit to wear this armor or sport my heron-marked blade isn't up to you. If I let some man tell me what I deserve or what I should represent, I'd never have gotten anywhere." As it turned out, he was no different than any other Guild member quipping about how her sword was too big for her, or her father who protested her desire to fight to the point of estrangement. Even as he angered visibly in front of her, crushing metal as if it were nothing, eyes bulging in a rather monstrous way that she had never encountered, and weighing down the air with a presence that sent chills down her spine, Thora did not back down. "I know battle, I know darkspawn, and I know blademasters. Your disgust is a compliment because the approval of a disgrace is worse than worthless, it's an insult. Pride is the basis of honor. If you can't face your own actions with a head held high, live every moment without regret, then you're wasting yourself. Especially as a legionnaire. I am real fucking self-righteous, and rightfully so. Maybe my refusal to abandon my pride is why I survived my Joining to continue following the way of the blade. Maybe your quickness to abandon yours is why you survived your Joining to make my soup." Soup that she no longer had any interest in. Knowing true hunger was the only reason Thora didn't flip the bowl to add insult to injury. While she starved in the Lostlands defending the refugees, he must've been safe here in Caer Glas Keep tending to pots and pans. Intimidating as he may have been, Thora had faced down worse with just as much conviction.

There was a part of her that wanted to accept Thora's help. The woman didn't need to offer any assistance at all, but she had. They were in this together, weren't they? They had become legionnaires together along with Althea. They had fought a battle together that brought them closer than they ever could have been without it. Contrary to what she would have said outwardly, she trusted the blademaster with every fiber of her being. Not because she had to, but because she wanted to. Because Thora had given her no reason not to trust her.

Thora knew what it meant to prove oneself even when there wasn't anyone watching. Strength was relative and it came from within, so having too many dependencies often felt like weakness. She got it, and struggled with such feelings herself. Without Kari by her side, Thora would feel incomplete, a fact that was often thrown her way to goad her into fighting on her own two feet instead of atop the back of her companion mount. "Caring for people, genuinely caring about them beyond duty or purpose, it's tough. Sets you up for pain and disappointment when you can't always save them. It's tricky and I'm not always the best at expressing myself outside of a sword fight. But … I'm glad you know where I stand." And that was the best she could do for Aradia. No, the witch didn't need her, that much she had proven already. At least now she knew unequivocally that Thora and Kari were allies, so she added, "I don't want to hold anything back. Our lives are too short."   Since the Joining, Thora had thought a lot about all that remained unsaid between her and those she cared for. She wasn't the conversationalist type, but she did make a concerted effort to be more forthcoming with her deeper feelings as sour as doing so tasted in her mouth. "I'm settling in here, and will likely die in this country. I haven't traveled further east than Eterna, so Haven is the closest thing to a steady place I have. Pretty much everything I care about is here. So long as I'm watching the Wall with you, Aventia won't be repeated here. For that, you can count on me and Kari too."

As expected, Kari gave him a huff immediately. Eldar never expected anything less from the direwolf considering who her companion was. Or maybe she just despised the thought of Thora actually liking someone that she found insufferable. Then again, the elvhen wasn't even sure if she liked him that much. Or as much as he liked her at least. Saying those words out loud was not something he was ever going to expect from her so he had given up on that a long time ago. The best thing he could do was just stay around as she had requested. The last thing he needed was for her to think that he was going to just disappear again. They had gotten everything out in the open so now communication was going to be easier. He hoped there were still threats on the table though or else this just wouldn't have the same appeal.

It was nice to finally let that wall down around Eldar. He knew her, barbs and all, so finally being comfortable to be honest was … nice. Even in high-intensity situations as a job, it helped Thora stay grounded to know that despite sharing his time with a person who was still a mystery to her, he showed time and time again through actions what his priorities were. To Thora, Eldar was the real soul in his body, whatever human he wanted to protect could fuck right off. Eldar was exactly who she needed him to be all on his own.   That's why she gave him the courtesy of showing her feelings through actions as well. What did she think of all his teasing and goading? The implication that he stood to gain no matter the outcome of the job? One hand slid up his chest and around his neck until her nails were threading into the hair at the base of his skull. They harshly pulled as she syphoned magic from him just to shoot it back into his side with her other fist. "As charmed as I am by you, you're only half as charming as you think you are. Remember that before you start acting stupid again," she says, gut-punching him as a follow-up just for good measure. "Don't even joke about that. I need the money. It's not like you ever pay for drinks," Thora chides with a smile, holding Eldar close for a moment longer before finally giving him some space. It was equally annoying and satisfying that his body turned to steel when she got like that.   "You're too distracting for your own good though, and most strangers can't tell how irritating you actually are until you're a few sentences in. If you can distract me for a few seconds, you can distract anyone. So that's our strategy. Run your mouth, and before he gets wise, I'll have pinned." Thora turns her back to Eldar, only looking at him over her shoulder while still keeping her voice soft. "I'll do the heavy lifting, so I doubt we'll need your strength. Just your tongue. This way, I'll have more than enough energy to keep you in check on our return trip."

Blademaster had been a title he had earned, one that for many years of his life gave him pride. But Jon had never held himself above anyone else, the title would denote aptitude with a blade but there is no accounting for a blademaster personality. Maybe there should be, because she was leaving a sour taste in his mouth. “This armour means you might die in piss and shit coated battlefield defending those who will never remember your name. It means that if you are lucky enough to hear the call you can be sent off with compassion. Do not sully the title of blademaster and legionary with your childish notions of what you think is honor. What you describe is not honour but vanity.” Jon was normally so kind and gentle but this woman had struck a nerve thinking she was better than everyone else. The more she prattled on about her dying without honour the more the demon inside bubbled with rage.

"If dying in piss and shit as fodder for the Dark is your idea of honor, then yeah the black armor fits you way better than it fits me. I'll sully mine until the day I die," she says, scoffing as she pushes the bowl of stew away. Suddenly, she lost her appetite. "What I have is pride. Yeah, pride, the very pride I staked everything on to earn my mark, to risk life and limb to protect all the Iskarans that made it here, and to fight every peril that wanted to rip Iskaldrik away from us. I faced every challenge, I shed blood, sweat and tears, just like I vowed to do. Where's your pride? Left behind in the muck somewhere? Rotting in some darkspawn's piss and shit?" With her hands pressed against the table, Thora rose to her feet looking at the other blademaster as if he weren't towering over her. "Childish? Vain? That's rich coming from a blademaster holed up in Lysara while I fought with every other brave soul at Nornwatch Keep. On the King's Road, all through the Lostlands and right up to the end when we arrived, I never wavered. I upheld my oaths with every breath. If I had died, I would've died with my head held high. Can you say the same if some darkspawn stabs you in the back while you clutch your soup ladle?"

Thora answered predictably. A faiman trapped in a nation that hated her for merely existing; her story had been retold countless times over. Every citizen of Lysara knew the fate of those born with magic in Iskaldrik, rumors and stories were rampant but the truth was far more gruesome. Althea didn't involve herself with efforts across the border, her pursuits were both academic in nature and for her own personal gain. She wanted power, enough power that something so trivial as a mine couldn't frighten her.

Thora knew her hangups were holding her back now. She was a master swordswoman, but she wasn't the best warrior she could be and she wouldn't be until she could reconcile every facet of herself. Blademaster, legionnaire, refugee, protector of Haven; it was all a lot to digest in such a short amount of time but the one aspect of herself she needed to start with was her elvhen heritage.

To a degree, the two of them were quite similar. Neither of them could really properly express themselves. Sentiment was something that Aradia had always had difficulty showing others. She always chalked it up to the fact that her and Althea were always at each other’s throats about everything. The two of them showed their love in a different kind of way though. But then there was the other side of her that wanted to be that big sister type to everyone. She wanted people to depend on her because she never felt like she could help or save anyone. One thing that could always be known about her was that she never expected people to notice anything about her. The fact that Thora had noticed something and had gone out of her way to ask her about it had a strange feeling going through her. She wasn’t sure what it was, but it had to have something to do with that warmth that she usually felt whenever Althea gave her even a semblance of a compliment.

She could be intense, but that intensity served her well in countless battles. Emotions weren't a weakness, they were a strength and they propelled Thora into her rank as a blademaster. The women she traveled with to the blighted temple certainly did not lack passion, and she witnessed Aradia's strength firsthand, as she did the others. That's why Thora was a bit taken aback by the response she received.   "Yeah, that is a good thing to have in common. I've never gotten on with the cold, calculating types. Defending Haven together, I think, will be a good thing." She tried to put an emphasis on "together" but really, Thora couldn't fault Aradia one bit for taking a solitary approach to her problems. She could relate because she tended to do the same, another thing they had in common. "There's no arguing with that. A lot has been going on, I've barely had a chance to breathe. I'm not focusing on my deal either," she commented, clutching her fists tightly as she thought about the Aetherians. True, Thora was attempting to shed her hangups about being a legionnaire, but her hatred for the ones who stole her home still burned intensely. That was a good sign. "I won't push you, I probably wouldn't know what to do anyway. But we are the first line of defense against the darkspawn should they make their way to Haven. If you don't find a way to unburden yourself, your suffering will spread. Be careful." Not a full explanation and Thora still lacked the context to understand what Aradia's words meant. Still, she supposed it was enough. "Kari helps me all the time. If a blademaster can get another's help, then anyone can. I'd help you, or try to, if you asked."

There was no real reason for Eldar to be here. He had many things he could have been doing instead. Unfortunately, or fortunately in his opinion, he usually dropped everything when Thora so much as gave him a look. All she ever had to do was blink in his direction and he was going to bend over backwards for her in a heartbeat. Which was why he was even here helping her retrieve some stolen sword that had nothing to do with him. It was important to her though so he would put as much effort as possible into this. If he could even do that given their current position. One hand on his chest and the other covering his mouth. He was sure he had dreamed about a moment like this before. A brow rose as she spoke and he merely nodded his head at her orders. When her hand dropped, there was a smirk that graced his lips.

It's not like Kari needed any prompting to huff and look away. She did not enjoy seeing Thora like this. Affection? With a man? If they didn’t need to be stealthy, Kari might've actually stuck her muzzle in between them and upchucked her breakfast just to "kill the mood".   Thora, however, found herself more readily enjoying Eldar's particular brand of charm since she had some measure of faith he wouldn't bail on her anymore. She'd never admit that, though she did lean in as well, bringing their faces closer and her volume even closer to a whisper. "If this job goes south because you can't control yourself, I'll be pissed and take it out on you," she says, grinning and clearly already distracted. "A fight is more fun, but you are my partner in this. How distracting can you be, Eldar?" Discussing plans in detail was an important part of any mission. If Eldar could help acquire the sword without relying on violence, then it was only appropriate she investigate the how. She could still truthfully deny that being this close to him and putting her hands on him were unnecessary actions. Though Kari was judging them both.

Feeling nothing would be a respite. "Nothing" meant that each and every Aetherian knew the taste of steel and had met their just demise. Thora would embrace feeling nothing if it came after she was finished. And she certainly wasn't done. "Yeah, I think I'd hate myself even more if I let my hatred turn into grief. I'm done grieving, I did more than my fair share of it on the journey over. What I want to do now is take action."