I hate that i found your t-shirt behind my bed.

Because i know its there

As a result of focusing on my eyes too much,

And wanting to feel my skin so bad,

That you just couldnt keep it on.

And as you leave my house in the one you left in my room last time,

I forgot it was ever on your body,

I was too busy taking over the role.

So maybe one day youll be at home looking for it

Maybe you already have

Where could i have left it?

Its on my body now,

Only because you aren't.

But I've covered it in tears and my scent,

you won't miss it much.

Or me.

Cause you can always buy a new shirt right?

And you can always go to her

And you can forget about me.

And ill find your lighters on my floor when i clean my room.

Maybe even an empty pack of your cigarettes.

And ill miss you more than ever.

And you'll only forget more everyday,

how i made you feel

While i sit here constantly writing about you so i always remember.

How do you do it?

You walk away with such a frigtening silence.

The doors used to slam.

Our throats stuck with tears, cheeks stained.

When did you lose your passion? and if you can recall where it left you i promise ill tear that place apart to find it.

Theres a song that goes,

"Id rather be alone than have you"

...and its true, it is.

But I'd rather hold my breath when you come around.

Thats a different story.

Id rather suffocate in your presence.

Your presence, I came up with ways to escape it.

I was your puppet.

And I broke the strings, and I despise myself for it.

Theres one string left

You drag me by it as you please but im so in love with you it feels less like dragging and more like im floating;

As i gawk at you, wide eyed, in complete admiration.

Then you hear the most silent thud, I couldnt even hear you dropping me to the floor.

I shook it off, and you're gone.

Again.

I won't even try to scream your name.

Im cutting at the last string with my only pair of scissors left just praying you wont see me.

Theyre not sharp enough anyways.

You probably watch me, try and escape my addiction to you from a distance.

You maybe even crack a smile

At the fact

That i thought

I could just get up and leave.

You didnt speak to me for months.

But you found me right where youve always left me

For 4 years now.

Tally marks on the floor

Dull scissors in one hand, our last string in the other.

And a sign across my lips that reads "please come back"

You'll take the scissors from my hand. And replace them with your own hand.

I always love a good old game of

"I'm gonna hold you until you think ill never leave and be gone before you know it"

Youre like a ticking time bomb

I constantly anticipate your absence.

And constantly anticpate for your presence in the mean time.

And I just so badly wish

Youd give me more time in between.

So maybe by the time you get back, i can build up the strength to break your worn out string youve tied around me.

And finally just fucking leave.

I lie here in your spot on the bed now;

Im bare, vulnerable,

Showering a cup of dried sunflowers with my tears.

I thought of you when i picked them.