sad stoner

I wouldn’t wish how I feel about my body on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. I want to crawl out of my skin I’m so uncomfortable with myself. I’ve even found myself looking into plastic surgery to change the way I look, which scares the shit out of me. Idk. I find myself wishing for a relapse so I can lose lots of weight. But I know how miserable it is. My energy level is already in the dirt. Just ignore this, I haven’t vented in a long time

I’m at the highest weight I’ve ever been at. I’m considering buying a scale just so I can finally monitor how much I’m actually gaining besides clothing sizes going up. I had to get rid of half of my wardrobe bc it’s too small. I didn’t throw them away bc I am determined to fit them again. I’m really hoping living with my husband means I stop binging, bc we’ll be living together in about a month and a half. But I’m going to keep restricting and fasting until then to hopefully kickstart things. It just feels hopeless but I won’t give up