Starting Over 18

Holy shit....time flies. I joined Tumblr at 18 confused af about life and looking for a way to emotionally process and document my journey.  Now, I’m re-reading my blog at 26. 

Observations: 

a.) I’ve changed a bit. For better and for worse. 

b.) Wow, was I emotionally aware. I miss that. Life got in the way.

c.) I regret dropping out of college :(

d.) I’m still figuring things out....specifically, my life’s purpose

*Literally as I’m writing this, a song I’ve never heard called Soul Searchin’ by The Horace Silver Band started playing on the Spotify Miles Davis playlist. If this isn’t a sign, I don’t know what is. This song articulates my current mood better than I can. 

What is the meaning of life What does my purpose involve Do we live but to die Or can the puzzle be solved

What have I done up to now Could it be all done in vain If my life were to end What would humanity gain

I'm soul searchin' For the real true values My mind's workin' So it's up to me to choose

I've found the meaning of life I've found my purpose therein Just when we think it's through That's when it really begins

I'm takin' a hold of myself I must assume full command If i'm through reaching my goal I must construct a new plan

I'm soul searchin For the real true values My mind's workin' So it's up to me to choose

I'll make a study of life I'll get the books off the shelf I must open my mind So I can study myself

What brings the greatest of joy What makes me happy my friend When I can find a way That I might help other men

Jealousy is something that I've struggled with my entire life. It stems from deep insecurities. I just came across an awesome article. If any of you guys are dealing with similar issues, check out the quote below and the article associated with it.

"While identifying your jealousy is worth doing, there aren’t a lot of practical steps you can take to get rid of it. The only way to really remedy this whole thing — the source of your jealousy — is to concentrate on yourself. You need to practice some major RADICAL SELF LOVE, baby! Learn to love & value yourself — then you won’t be constantly seeking people to weigh yourself up against. Stop comparing yourself to other people, for your own sake.

Make a decision right now: that you will put yourself first, & that your personal happiness & security are your top priority. Then go about making that your reality, in a 100% healthy, constructive way. Work on yourself from the ground up, in a holistic manner. Start journalling & sorting out your feelings. Read up on the concept of radical self love. Listen to what your mind & body are trying to tell you, then act on it. If you need to see a nutritionist, a therapist, a spiritual guru, do it! If you need to get in touch with your estranged family & clear the air, start now! If you need to cull negative people from your life, please go right ahead!"