star

you didn't reply, just gripped his t-shirt and pulled him into the small, dimly lit room. you guided him to the sofa, making sure he was seated before heading to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit you kept under the sink, just in case.

your apartment was small, small enough that you could still see him from where you stood. he was hunched over, his growing hair falling into his bloodied face. a pang of hurt hit your chest. you hated seeing him like this.

you made your way back over, kneeling in front of his exhausted body. "what happened?" you asked again, fingers sifting through the contents of the box.

namgyu turned his head to look at you, the movement clearly painful. "fucking hajoon," he muttered, then hissed when you touched his brow with the antiseptic wipe.

you were careful with the cleaning, trying to avoid the worst of the cuts while still making sure they were properly cleaned. "i told you to leave him. he just wants to piss you off," you said, gently moving his hair aside to get a better look at the damage.

"i’m not gonna sit there and let him talk about you like that," he seethed, like he was reliving it all over again. he shook his head, sitting back with a wince. "it's about time someone shut him up."

you didn't need to ask what happened next. you’d figured it out the second namgyu mentioned his name

hajoon was someone who frequented the club, no matter day or night, he'd be there and most of the time, it was to bother the women staff. his vulgar comments had gotten him removed from the building more times than you could count, and yet he always seemed to worm his way back in. you didn't want to know what he'd said tonight to leave namgyu in the state he was in.

"let me see your hands," you said softly, gently taking his scarred ones in your own. you cleaned his knuckles carefully, wiping away blood you hoped belonged to hajoon, and then pressed a hello kitty sticker against his skin, laughing as you did it.

"cute," you smiled, looking up at him from where you sat.

he didn't say anything, only shook his head with a quiet laugh. his eyes lingered, though. on the blanket that had slipped from your shoulder, revealing more skin than you’d intended. the dark marks from the night before still bloomed across your skin.

you didn't move to fix the blanket, only tilted your head with a smile.

"don't look at me like that," you said, voice low.

"how can i not?" he replied, just as quiet. his eyes hadn't moved from you.

he leaned in, legs closing the space, surrounding you. his fingers, cold against your warm skin, traced the curve of your collarbone, then the side of your neck, before settling gently at your jaw.

"look at you."

his touch was soft but burned your skin from the inside out. the room suddenly hotter than it was before. you leaned into his touch, craving it more than anything else in the world. namgyu titled your chin up gently, your eyes fluttering shut as he pressed his lips against yours.

it wasn't rough and hurried like the night before, it was slower and filled with everything you both couldn't say. a silent thank you and a quiet you're welcome. his other hand slid up to rest in your hair while yours clutched the front of his shirt, pulling him closer until there was barely any space left between you.

the kiss deepened for a second, your breathing stopping as he tightened his grip. he tasted like mint and blood and exactly what you needed.

when you finally pulled apart, your foreheads rested together. your breaths mingled in the quiet, heavy air.

you spoke up, voice breathless, "stay tonight"

namgyu only nodded, pulling you back in again and kissing you like he wasn't potentially harbouring a concussion. when you were around, it was hard to think of anything else.

you fell asleep like that, tangled limbs on the sofa, namgyu's hands resting against your unclothed skin while your head lay on his chest, his heartbeat loud in your ears. the world felt still when it was just the two of you. no outside noise from your overbearing, cold families. no thoughts of debt or missed payments. just namgyu and you. nothing more.

but peace never lasted long with namgyu and you were always reminded of it the hard way.

"the following players have been eliminated. player 230, 286, 299, 331, and 401. end of the list."

you gazed around the room in confusion. when had they even had the time to get rid of so many players? the room had been quiet since the last game ended. all the remaining players looked around in the same stunned silence, and only then did you realise, namgyu and myunggi weren't among them.

your heart raced in panic, brain scrambling to recall the numbers just called out through the speaker. you remembered 230 being thanos and felt a dull ache in your chest. the lively boy who once lit up the club was gone now, forever.

thankfully, neither namgyu nor myunggi were part of the fallen. relief passed through you, just for a second, before the doors to the common room slammed open with an abrupt bang.

namgyu rushed through the crowd, arms flailing in the air. "listen, team o! when we were in the bathroom, those fucking x bastards tried to kill all of us!"

his face was soaked in blood, trailing down the sides of his temples and onto the collar of his zipper. it stained the numbers on his chest, the giant blue patch a stark reminder of what he'd chosen to become.

you watched as the sleeve of his zipper slipped up while he spoke, revealing the bracelet that always sat around his wrist. pink, yellow, and blue, far too bright for the eye and ridiculous on someone like namgyu, but he'd promised hanuel he'd wear it forever, or until the thread snapped. now, it was stained red from whoever he had hurt.

you felt bile rise in your throat and forced yourself to swallow it down.

your eyes searched through the bloodied crowd for myunggi, finding him standing near the back, hidden from the others. like namgyu, his face was smeared in crimson. it was a look you wished you’d never had to see. his eyes were sad but distant, as if he were dissociating from everything that had just happened.

o voters began shouting, accusing the x team of everything under the sun, the x team yelling right back. you couldn't bring yourself to care. you didn't hear them. you were too focused on the two men across the room.

namgyu caught your eyes. there was the same hollow look myunggi had, but on namgyu, you also noted that familiar look of regret.

you waited for the room to quiet down, for everyone to gather into groups and begin planning for the night. gihun had warned them that when darkness came, the chaos would continue. those who wanted the money would fight taking out as many players as they could. it made sense now why 001 had pulled you aside hours earlier and told you to hide.

namgyu sat alone. his body was physically shaking, thanos's cross necklace clutched tight in his hand.

he still had that distant look in his eyes, mixed with something else, the creeping high from his pills.

you hesitated, then quietly approached. you sat on the edge of his bunk. "hi," you said softly.

he didn't reply, but he acknowledged your presence with a glance before turning back to the cross, fiddling it between his fingers. you’d brought namgyu back down more times than you could count, had seen him in the worst of his addiction, and stayed through to the other end. somehow, you always knew the right thing to say and yet now, you didn't.

so you settled for the obvious. "are you hurt?" you asked, praying the blood on his skin didn't belong to him.

again, he was silent for a moment. and then, finally, he looked up, his facial expression alone made you want to double over in pain. you’d never seen him look so haunted. "in what way?" he asked dryly.

you swallowed thickly. "what—" you paused, then continued. "what happened?"

he laughed dryly. "that asshole you keep staring at killed him." his eyes dropped to the stained fork that lay beside him.

you froze. time paused, but your heart rate quickened. "myunggi?" you said, voice barely above a whisper, afraid to ask.

his eyes darkened. "you know his name?"

you hesitated. "he's my brother."

namgyu scoffed, loud and bitter, you were surprised myunggi didn't hear it from across the room. "the same brother that abandoned you exactly when you needed him?" he laughed to himself. "and now he's here, killing people, truly a nice guy."

"i—" you couldn't talk. couldn't find the words. your mouth was dry. "he never used to be like that," you said quietly. "i don't know what happened to him."

"why are you defending him?"

"i’m not," you hissed. "do you think this is easy? i’m fucking scared, namgyu. we have a child back home who's waiting for us, and i'm here, waiting for you to come back to me." you stopped, breathless. your hands were shaking. "i'm just trying to keep it together so we also don't end up dead while trying to remember the boy that raised me" your voice broke at the end.

"come here," he said softly, reaching forward for you and taking your hands in his own. his thumb traced the back of your hand. he held on tightly, the warmth of his skin giving you the comfort you needed. you could sense he wanted more, to embrace you in the way his body craved. but not with so many eyes on you. not when your vulnerabilities were used against you.

"i’m sorry," he said. "i'm trying, i am, but fuck, i don't know what this place is doing to us."

you didn't respond. you knew exactly what he meant.

"i won't let anything happen to you," he whispered. "not from him or anyone."

you nodded, tears in your eyes, scared to let them fall. "promise me you won't do anything stupid tonight," you said.

he was quiet but nodded, and deep down you knew he was only doing it to appease you. you just prayed that when the time came, he wouldn't do anything he'd regret.

both junhee and you lay hidden beneath a metal bunk bed. the lights had gone out just minutes ago, casting the entire room in darkness. even squinting, you struggled to see but you could hear, and you wished you couldn't. screams erupted from all corners of the room, bodies hitting the floor with loud, sickening thuds as beds knocked them off.

junhee cried quietly beside you, hands protectively wrapped around her stomach. you held her close, shielding her eyes from the horror outside. every time a person came near, their footsteps pounding against the floor before darting off again, your heart stopped. it was somehow scarier than the games themselves.

you stayed like that for what felt like hours, until your ears perked up. namgyu's voice called out from somewhere in the dark, your name a chant on his lips.

you looked at junhee, then back out again. and before you knew it, you were crawling out from under the bed and standing amidst the chaos.

"namgyu!" you called, loud enough to hear above the screams. "namgyu!"

you found him, tucked in the corner between two beds. player 380 cowered in front of him, the fork that killed thanos clutched between his fingers, pointed in her direction in a threatening manner. you rushed over just as namgyu moved to pounce, fear flooding your body.

"namgyu!" you cried, grabbing the back of his zipper. "c'mon."

he fought you at first, pulling away and turning the fork toward you. his face was unrecognisable, twisted with horror and something darker but when his eyes landed on you, he froze. the fork trembled in his grip, the flickering lights casting shadows across his face.

"please, let's go," you said over the noise, tugging at his sleeve. "please, namgyu." you begged.

without waiting for a response, you yanked him under the bed. he was shaking beside you, his weight heavy as you wrapped your arms around him to stop him from moving. the blood on his hands soaked into yours.

junhee lay to the other side, still curled in on herself in attempt to protect her unborn baby, her eyes scrunched up.

namgyu gripped your hand tightly, his entire body weighing against you. he opened his mouth, then shut it again, then said "i dont even — " he choked on his words. "i feel like i can't breathe"

you gently hushed him, stroking the sides of his bloodied face with your shaking fingers. he closed his eyes against the palm of your hand, melting into your touch, like it was the only thing grounding him.

the lights flickered back on, a warning-like buzz overtaking the speakers as the doors opened. the guards entered, firing their guns into the air, shaking all three of you where you lay. none of you made a move to rise, you only watched in terror as the other players fought off the guards, stealing guns and killing as many as possible.

"retreat," the woman repeated through the speaker, sending all guards speeding toward the slowly closing doors, leaving one behind.

when the room was left only with players, all three of you rose from the floor, standing on shaky legs with fear.

"everyone," gihun shouted, moving across the room with a gun in his hand. "don't be scared, gather round, please! we're not trying to hurt you."

you watched as hyunju fired a shot toward the security cameras, knocking them out with one bullet, while the rest of the x players collected the guns and magazines from the dead guards.

they were really doing it. they were fighting back. and yet all you could think of was the end goal. it was likely to fail, you could sense it.

"everyone," gihun said again. "we'll now head up to the masked men's headquarters. we'll capture the ones who captured us, put an end to this game, and make them pay!"

you looked at junhee. locking eyes, both wearing the same expression, part fear, part disbelief.

"anyone who knows how to use a gun and wishes to join us, please step forward."

no one dared to move. you gripped namgyu's hand tighter, your fingers digging into his skin. you weren’t going to let him put himself in danger again. not that he looked like he was going to, anyway.

once enough players and guns had been gathered, the group left through the small door on the left.

you watched as they left, teary eyed as hyunju and gyeongseok exited through the door without once looking back. fear but determination on their faces. you wished you were half as brave as either of them. you should’ve been out there helping, you knew how to handle a gun, had been taught far too young by a father who shouldn’t have been in way of one. but instead, all you did was stand back and hope they made it back alive.

you’d only known them for a few days, and yet the thought of them not returning made your chest ache in a way you couldn't explain.

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notes. so sorry it took so long for this chapter, i was really struggling with namgyu’s character this ep 🫩 act two, s3 coming soon!! also pls let me know if you’ve asked to be added to the taglist before & i haven’t added you, i’ve missed so many comments 😭

the lights flash manically, blinding you as you scan the crowd again for anyone you recognise. you trip over your own feet, stumbling over the legs of other players who are also desperately searching. screams erupt, the panic is terrorising. you swear you’ve never felt fear so strongly.

you step back, hands shaking. you have the urge to hide, to cover your ears and somehow escape. no one calls out for you. your breaths become uneven as you reach out to steady yourself. you’re going to die. it's the only thought in your head.

a hand breaks through the chaos, grabbing your arm and pulling you forward. your feet struggle to keep up, racing through the room toward an open door. the unknown player pushes you in, slamming the door behind you.

you double over in an attempt to catch your breath. the fear is still overpowering, but there's a flicker of relief knowing you’re safe behind the now-closed door. you feel eyes on you and look up to find the person who saved you staring back. their hand is still on your arm, clutching tightly with a shaky grip. it's the same player, 246, the one who was on your team during six legs. the only one, besides myunggi, who showed you any kindness.

you try to smile, to show gratitude, but the gunshots outside stop you. eyes wide, you stare back, frozen. 246 loosens his grip but doesn't let go completely, staying by your side in silent comfort. the gunshots ring out, and the room falls into an eerie silence, somehow more frightening than the music. the doors click open, welcoming the players back into the arena.

you try to ignore the blood coating the floors, attempt to keep it from touching your shoes but fail.

you look up at the unknown man, a tight smile on your face. "thank you," you say, bowing.

he brushes you off as you both take your place on the spinning circle. you stumble as it starts, again knocking into the player beside you. you search the crowd knowing exactly who you’re looking for, their panicked expressions burn into your brain, their faces blurring together.

and then you see him. namgyu, also staring back at you. he's standing beside the one you now know as thanos. the memory had come back to you in the late hours of the night before—his skilful rapping in the underground nightclub, the many drinks you’d served him, and namgyu's obsession with his music.

namgyu looks at you, his expression unreadable, as if he's trying to fight off the emotions bubbling inside him. his eyes flicker over you and then away. he lets out a breath and wrings his hands. you want to reach out to him for the first time since you arrived in this unknown place. you need his quiet comfort, just something to tell you that everything is going to be okay.

the game continues, each number more complicated than the last. you stay close to the kind player. you don't talk, but an unspoken pact passes between you. we'll stick together. after each round, you search for namgyu and myunggi, a wave of relief crashing over you every time you see them still breathing. sometimes you catch namgyu’s eyes, and sometimes myunggi attempts to reach you, but neither ever makes it far.

you’d finally found hyunju again, saving her and another younger girl's life in the process. now, your team larger than when the game began, you all stand together as the floor once again begins to spin beneath you.

"seven," the woman announces.

it's chaos, each player in your group glancing between themselves. too many of them to fit in one room.

player 456 speaks up first. "five women and two men, go!"

you glance at 246, unwilling to leave him until he nods.

"go, i’ll be okay! i'll see you after this game," he says with a confident smile, taking off in the opposite direction with the other men.

you have no choice but to run with the rest, crashing into panicked players as you scramble toward an empty room. the flashing lights blind you, your breathing ragged as you push yourself to keep up. you don’t turn back, throwing yourself into the room and into safety.

you hear hyunju call out for the young girl, looking up from your bloodied shoes just in time to see myunggi slam the door behind him.

you watch in horror. myunggi turns facing each person in the room, an exhausted but calm expression on his face. the girls pleading eyes peer through the gap on the doorway. you can't look, can't watch as the guards take her life so effortlessly. hyunju screams out, attempting to open the door as the echo of a gunshot ricochets through the air. you hear her body hit the floor with a thud. you feels the tears pool in your eyes as hyunju screams for the girl, youngmi.

hyunju turns from the door, gripping myunggi by the collar and shoving him against the wall. "it's your fault," she yells.

myunggi stares back at her, tone bitter and cold. "don't kid yourself," he spits. "if i hadn't come in, you'd be dead too."

"It's your fault! i could've saved her!" hyunju screams at him, voice cracking.

myunggi shouts back, just as angry, "there was no time!"

you watch in disbelief. this wasn’t your brother staring back at you. the boy you were raised with, who raised you, would never have a hand in ending someone’s life and then act so nonchalantly afterwards. your mind plays the sound of youngmi’s lifeless body hitting the ground, the noise the bullet made as it exited the gun and found her. you felt sick with disgust and sadness.

the woman on the speaker welcomes you back into the room. each player walks to the centre quietly, scanning the bloodied floors and walls. you try to remain calm, you have a team now, you’re not alone but it's difficult. the next round you could be like youngmi.

"now, the final round will begin"

the circle spins. no one speaks, awaiting the last number. the room darkens, the music stops and the circle halts.

"two"

you stood still. everyone is already teaming off with another which leaves three. you, hyunju and your new friend, gyeongseok. you look between each other in a panic, someone has to get left behind. you lift a foot to step back when a hand grabs your zipper pulling you forward. it's namgyu, his grip strong and familiar.

you twist and turn, navigating through rushed and fearful players towards an empty room. there's only so few left and still many players looking for a team. namgyu throws open the door, pulling you inside in a hurry just as the lights stop flashing and the game is over. there's silence until again gunshots cut through it, you lean against the wall breathing heavy as namgyu does the same.

you stare at each other with wide eyes, gulping down air in attempt to breathe. namgyu presses the palms of his hands into his eyes, shaking his head with a groan. he looks up, eyes soft when they land on you. he hesitates but then holds out his shaking hand, you don’t think twice before sliding yours into his feeling the instant comfort from his touch.

he finally speaks up, "you're safe.”

you step out of the room and back into the arena, still side by side but no longer hand in hand. it doesn't take long before you’re ushered through the confusing staircases and back into the common room. it's not as quiet as you would've expected, not after everything you just witnessed and almost experienced.

namgyu takes off toward thanos, who's deep in conversation with player 125, leaving you standing alone. you glance around and notice that everyone you’re friendly with is already engaged in hushed, tense conversations. their discomfort stops you from approaching.

a moment later, you spot the girl myunggi seemed to know. she's sitting alone near a bunk, her head resting between her bent knees. you hesitate, then slowly make your way over and quietly take the seat beside her.

"hi," you say, breaking the silence.

the girl looks up, startled by your appearance. she pauses before replying, "hi."

"you've been looking at him since we got here," you say, your eyes flickering toward your older brother. he's sitting alone, staring back at you both. "do you know him?"

the girl doesn't answer right away. a flicker of sadness passes over her face before she finally nods. "yeah. we were together."

it makes sense, the way they looked at each other earlier. their eyes held too much history. quite like you and namgyu.

"you aren't anymore?" you ask gently.

the girl looks down at her stomach, then back at you. "i'm pregnant," she says quietly. "he didn't want to be involved."

your breath catches in your throat, blood rushing. you look at myunggi across the room, who's still watching you. it scares you, to know the years have changed him, to realise the brother you loved and missed so dearly is no longer the boy you once knew. how could he abandon his unborn child? that would never have been in his nature before.

before you can reply, player 222 speaks up again. "do you know him?"

"he's my older brother."

the girl looks at you, startled. "he never mentioned he had a sister."

you smile sadly, pretending it doesn't hurt as much as it does. "that doesn't surprise me now," you laugh lightly. "he wasn't always like that."

the girl nods. "i know," she says softly. "that's what makes it hurt more."

both of you sit side by side in silence, each lost in your own memories of the boy across the room. around them, the world continues, players talk quietly among themselves, trying to make sense of the situation, while you sit still, sharing your grief.

"i'm junhee," the girl says, cutting through the silence.

you smile, genuinely this time, grateful to meet someone who understands your pain and introduce yourself.

the vote comes again hours later. your answer, of course, doesn't change. you press the red button without hesitation, while namgyu presses blue, unable to look back at you as he does. since you arrived, you’d hardly spoken more than a few words, only brief glances and sharp sentences exchanged between you.

later that night, the mood is slightly more lively. everyone sits in groups, talking to the friends they've made or people they may have already known. you choose to sit alone. you can't bring yourself to make conversation with anyone. you’re truly exhausted, physically and emotionally. all you want is to get home to hanuel, wrap her in your arms, and never let go.

the tinfoil is unwrapped in front of you, the gimbap staring up. you know you have to eat, to preserve what little strength you have left for the next game, but you have no appetite.

you’re picking at your food when a player approaches. 001 is stitched into the green of his zipper. he smiles down at you, then leans over and speaks quietly.

"you should hide somewhere tonight."

you blink up at him in confusion. "why?"

he opens his mouth, then closes it again. "just trust me. find somewhere safe and stay there until the lights come on."

he doesn't wait for your reply, walking off toward a group you’ve seen him with before, junhee and gyeongseok among them. you don’t know what to think. but the last time someone gave you a warning, it turned out to be true. so you don’t take his words lightly.

you force down the rest of your food, unaware that the two people you love most aren't in the room. you don’t hear the shouts or screams coming from the men's bathroom just outside. don’t question why a fork would be included with your meal. don’t know that when myunggi walks back through those doors, you’ll never look at him the same way again.

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❪ notes ❫ . i struggled so much with this omfg, it feels so rushed but it’s the best i can do 🫠

you had only felt a panic so similar once in your life. it was late summer, the leaves slowly growing ready to fall in the next few weeks, the air turning colder. you were a college student juggling two jobs and a whole lot of debt when the test turned positive. you stared at it for so long your eyes no longer saw the lines. your trembling hands clutched it between your palms, the walls of the small bathroom closing in on you. you couldn't hear anything but the pounding in your chest. the same sense of anxiety you were feeling now. scared of the future, of the unknown.

when you told namgyu, he reacted how you expected.

"you can, you know—" he paused, unsure if he should continue. “get rid of it."

you didn't reply, didn't know how. of course a part of you had thought of it too. you weren’t ready to be a mother, not then. but as the weeks passed, you found yourself growing strangely protective of the small life growing inside you. in the end, despite the uncertainty, namgyu agreed it was your decision and so you kept it.

in the quiet hours of the night, the moon cascaded through your bedroom window. you lay with your head resting against his chest, his hands brushing gently through your hair. the silence was peaceful, the soft patter of rain hitting against the windowpanes.

namgyu breathed, and you felt his heart race under your cheek. "i'm scared," he said honestly.

his hands stopped, resting against your scalp as you turned to look at him. you didn't say anything, only gave him an encouraging look to continue.

"i don't want to become like him," he whispered into the darkness. "what if it's some fucked up genetic thing he passed down?"

you caressed his face, smiling softly. "you don't have it in you."

and yes, the anxiety stayed. the fear of not being good enough never left. but the unconditional love? that was something else.

the doors opening pull you back into the present. namgyu enters first, blood coating the soles of his white shoes, and you feel yourself let out a sigh of relief. his eyes scan the room, instantly landing on you, and in the same breath, he also exhales. you don't speak, don't move to embrace each other, only the lingering silence of knowing passes between you.

later in the evening while you speak with player 120, who you now know as hyunju and a few other players you’re beginning to know, you spot namgyu with the same group of people from the six leg game. he looks relaxed, too relaxed for someone who anticipated death mere moments before, he's smiling with the purple haired player but his eyes, you recognise them. they're wide, blown and staring. his smile is too big, the same kind he gets when the high is only beginning.

you can't stand to look at him any longer.

the announcement comes soon after, when everyone is less tense and more tired. the red-masked guards enter the room, guns strapped to their chests. it's silent when the center one speaks up.

"congratulations to all of you for making it through the second game." they pause, lifting a hand that holds a small remote. "here are the results of the second game."

the room darkens. the giant piggy bank attached to the ceiling hangs lower as the numbers on the screen begin to climb. everyone stands up in curiosity, you included, stepping closer to get a better look. endless amounts of korean won fall into the glass bowl, taunting and tempting each player in the room. so close to touch and yet so far.

"in the second game, 110 players were eliminated."

your stomach turns at the guard's words. one hundred and ten humans, cruelly taken from the world.

"the prize money accumulated up to this point is 20.1 billion won. since there are 255 players remaining, each person's share is 78,823,530."

you don’t listen as the room erupts around you. you don’t care how much money is left to win or how much you’ve already earned. you’re leaving either way. you can't stand to be in the games for another second. you’ll find another job, take on extra hours at the hotel. there's no way you’re risking your life again.

starting from player 001, each of them steps up to vote. a stand with two buttons, x or o, is placed at the end of the room. when your number is called, you don’t hesitate. you step up and hit the red x.

the moment you press the button, the sound rings in your ears, sharp and loud. a ding so familiar. like the sound of a hospital monitor.

the monitor beeped a steady rhythm, tracking your pulse and heart rate. you were exhausted. the pain, although now not as bad, still lingered. the room felt still, so, so quiet compared to the hours before when the tiny human you birthed entered the world, kicking and screaming.

in front of you, namgyu sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair. his eyes were tired but glassy as he watched the baby girl in his arms sleep. he held her like she was glass, like one wrong move and she'd shatter apart. his fingers grazed softly against her pink cheek, looking down at her like she was the only thing in the world.

his gaze lifted to you. carefully, he moved from the chair and sat on the edge of the bed, positioning himself so hanuel was visible to you both. "thank you," he said, voice thick with tears. he looked down at the baby in his arms, then back at you. "thank you."

the memory dissipates as namgyu steps up to the podium to cast his vote. you hold your breath, every movement unfolding in slow motion as he lifts his hand and presses the button. o. your heart drops.

he turns to watch as player 125 takes his turn. there's nothing on his face that hints at regret, only determination and desperation. when his eyes finally find yours in the crowd, there's no sympathetic smile, no apology. it hits you like whiplash. the namgyu who once held his daughter like she was something fragile, the namgyu who loved you so fiercely nothing could break it, didn't look back.

you didn't know what scared you more. the games themselves, or how they were changing the man you loved.

the same night, namgyu approached your bunk, his dark eyes more hollow than usual, his shoulders slumped slightly as he leaned against the bed. you stared back, eyes sharp.

"you almost died," he said, almost accusatory. "they could've killed you."

you didn't reply. how could you? he was here talking about death when he had participated in the killing by voting to stay. you turned on your side, facing away from him while he reached out a hand to grab your shoulder.

you shrugged him off, replying, "i’m tired."

his hand lingered near your arm, not touching, but close enough for you to feel its presence. "i can't lose you," he whispered into the quiet air.

"you voted yes, namgyu."

his eyebrows furrowed, as if he didn't understand the language you were speaking. "i’m doing this for us."

you laughed, unamused. "there will be no us left." you paused, scared to say the next words. "they'll kill us."

he scrambled to reach out for you, to comfort you in the only way he knew how, but again you brushed him off, pushing him away from the bed.

"please just go," you said quietly. "i’m tired."

he lingered for a minute longer before finally getting to his feet and leaving. you could feel his gaze on you as he walked but you only shut your eyes, hoping your dreams would take you somewhere nicer.

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❪ notes ❫ . a shorter chapter as i wanted to focus more on their past, next chapter will be mingle!! also the warnings have changed on the masterlist as i’ve changed the ending 🫣