nochu come tru

“What did you say?” You say with an awkward laugh, smiling as if you couldn’t hear him over the music. After all, that must have been what happened, right? There was no way you heard Jisung correctly.

A little less confident this time, he repeats himself. “Would you uh, go out with me? Like on a date?”

“I uh,” you pause. A date… with Jisung? 

You’re about to say no, but honestly, why should you? Jisung is a nice guy. He’s sweet, gentle, you’d be damned to say he wasn’t cute too. The two of you get along really well, and you’re both single, so you can’t really see a reason as to why you shouldn’t give him a chance.

Out of the corner of your eye, newly highlighted blond streaks catch your eye. Hyunjin’s dancing figure, bright eyes focused at you as he throws a wink your way. Feeling the way your chest tightens, you focus your gaze back to Jisung. 

“I would—I would like to go out with you, Jisung.” Your smile is soft, genuine because you’re sure you’d enjoy your time, but you can’t help but struggle not to stare back at the form on the dancefloor.

He flushes red, eyes wide, jaw basically hanging off his face. “R-really? Cus I totally thought you were gonna say no and I would have totally understood—”

Hesitantly, you place a hand over his, trying to provide some comfort. You’re not too sure of how well its working, though, since you can feel your bones shaking and your skin sweating in nervousness. Did you really just agree to go on a date with your friend? “N-no! I want to go out with you, I mean, you’re really great. Sorry if I sounded weird about it.”

“I just don’t want to make things awkward or lose you as a friend,” he frowns slightly, probably in anxiety. You feel his hand grip his glass a bit tighter. “You mean a lot to me, [Y/N].”

For some reason, even if you say the same thing, it makes your stomach turn in the worst way. Maybe its because of how sincere and innocent his eyes seem to shine, or because your own can’t manage the same look. When he grins at you, so grateful and full of affection, you feel as though you’ve made such a grave mistake.

——

Eventually, Hyunjin manages to haul you and Jisung to the dancefloor, and you’re pleasantly surprised that Hyunjin seems to be genuinely enjoying Jisung’s company. Maybe its because they both seem to be natural born dancers, or because they’re both a bit tipsy, but it makes you forget about Jisung’s and your date that you’d agreed to earlier. 

The only thing really looming over you is how Hyunjin’s hands seem to ghost over you here and there, like he wants to dance with you more personally, but he’s afraid to push the boundary. Thank God, because honestly you’re not even sure what you would do about that.

Jisung isn’t too observant of it, luckily, but he in his own way attempts to pull you in. Taking your hand gently, hyping up your dances. Its the most confident you’ve ever seen him, and you’re proud but in turmoil at the same time. You thank the alcohol in your system for keeping you generally upbeat the whole time—other than when you had to pee twice in five minutes. 

After a few solid hours of dancing, talking, and sobering up, you all finally decide to call it quits. Hyunjin looks a little beat, but even like that he’s gorgeous. Hair messy from running his hands through it again and again, clothes slightly disheveled, a delicate drop in his eyelids that make him look like he was in love with whatever he was looking at. Yeah, its not fair to the rest of you how he manages to glow even in such a state. Jisung is in a similar boat, his normally messy hair a bit frizzier, eyes squinting beause honestly he’s still a little drunk, and his sweater that normally engulfs his entire being is actually in his arm rather than on his shoulders. It’s nice to see him so free. 

Jisung gets dropped off first, giving you a silly smile that shouldn’t remind you of the Hyunjin you’d once loved, but it does. “See you soon, yeah?” You nod, giving him a loose hug and readjusting in your seat. 

And then there were two. 

Hyunjin, though no longer under the influence of alcohol, is high on happiness. He had even given Jisung a little nod that he paired with a wave, his lips upturned as he watches him retreat. Who would’ve thought all they needed was to drink and dance together?

Hyunjin pulls away slowly, glancing at you in the rearview mirror a few times. The silence that follows isn’t too different than what it had sounded like when Jisung was in the car, but it is noticeably quieter. You weren’t cracking jokes the way he had been, and Hyunjin seemed to be thinking of something to say to fix that. 

“So, did you like it?” Hyunjin asks, turned slightly towards you, but keeping his eyes on the road. 

You nod, before realizing he can’t see you, “Yeah, it was neat.”

“Neat?” He asks, eyebrows raised at your word choice. “That’s all? Damn, I thought I had done a good job.”

You chuckle, shaking your head. “No, I mean, you did. I thought it was really cool, sorry.”

He eyes you through the rearview mirror again, not quite sure if he wants to press asking about your awkward aura. He decides not to, though. Instead, he gives a proud look, “I told you I have taste still.”

“Yeah yeah,” you wave him off with a small laugh. 

Hyunjin had been nothing other than wonderful all night, and that’s why you can’t bring yourself to have more of a conversation with him alone. Something in you is afraid of enjoying his presence any more than you already have been. 

Your mind flashes to his fingers grazing your back briefly on the dancefloor, how intently he had looked at you over and over. How you’d been fighting a blush all night because of him. How it had taken everything in you to not turn around, grab his face, and—

You gulp, squeezing your eyes shut tightly to clear your mind. Instead, you try to focus on the dim street lights leading towards your dorms. Hyunjin seems to notice the silence, since he turns on the radio to some quiet RnB station. You feel bad, making things awkward when he hasn’t really done anything to deserve it. 

So you decide to do something about it. “Hey Hyunjin?” You start, trying to seem confident. He hums and glances to his side to see you for a second, before bringing his eyes back to the road. You take a small breath, and continue. “I really had fun tonight. Thanks for inviting us.”

He smiles, really bright this time, like he’s truly proud of himself. And it makes your heart betray your head and flutter. Did he have to be so charming? “I’m glad, I really wanted you to enjoy everything.”

The car slowly pulls to a stop, and you find yourself hesitating to get out of the car. Even if the seats aren’t the most comfortable, and the upholstery is getting a little sweaty, you don’t want to get out yet. You want to talk more, maybe laugh more. And it’s eating you up inside how you sort of prefer that Jisung isn’t here anymore. 

Hyunjin turns to you, like he’s feeling the same way. His eyebrows are scrunched up and he almost looks too good to look away from. Your stomach warms. This is not good for you. You see him open his mouth to speak, and you snap out of it. 

“So I should uh…” You trail off, pulling your sweater higher up on your shoulder, but not really reaching for the seatbelt buckle. 

Hyunjin shuts his mouth, nodding. He wants to say something. Say it, say it. But he mutes himself, barely able to pull his eyes away from yours. The air is so thick, it feels suffocating, but not in a bad way. Just, a lot of everything. It makes the hair on your arms stick up, and the air in your lungs still, its almost too much. 

“I um…” he tries, gulping down his fear, but it isn’t enough. He wants to, you want him to(o), but he can’t. He shouldn’t, really. You have a date coming up, for goodness sake. “I’ll walk you in. Text me when you’re inside and the door’s locked, though. Okay?”

You nod, the both of you getting out the car, and walking a little too close, and a little too stiffly, to the dormitory doors. You two stop at the steps, staring at each other in silence, not sure what to do. 

Maybe the alcohol isn’t all out of your system.

At least, that would explain why you reach out and place an all too soft hand on his cheek and pecking it. You barely even notice your actions until you’ve rushed inside the building and shoved yourself into the elevator.  Oh God, you press your back against the backwall, Why did he have to make everything so difficult for you?

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