Submissive Headspace (or Cognitive Reframing for Submissives)
Sometimes my brain seems dead-set on fighting whatever is in front of me (for example, a chore, task, or punishment).
The other night I got home from work exhausted. I wanted to change my clothes, grab a glass of wine, and relax. But there it was, a pile of clean laundry in the chair and another load in the dryer. I considered asking him if I could put it off until the next night, but ultimately decided I did not have a valid reason so I reluctantly started folding laundry.
It did not take long for the negative thoughts to start in.
I hate doing laundry. Most of these aren’t even my clothes anyway. This is not what I want to do when I come home after a long day at work. I already work full-time and have to commute back and forth. I don’t want to come home and do the fucking laundry. I hate this rule…
It was about this time when I realized I was not in a submissive headspace.
To me, submissive headspace is like having a positive attitude, but for subs. Most of the time, submissives don’t have to work to be in this frame of mind. It tends to be their default. But sometimes, as on this particular day, those thoughts need to be consciously reframed. Reframing involves identifying and shifting maladaptive thoughts. Here is what that looked like for me:
What is it I want out of my dynamic? Do I want someone who cares about me? Someone who holds me accountable? Do I want someone who helps me do better and feel better? Of course I do.
If that is what I want, what do I need to do to make it happen? (Although the words I usually repeat are, “If you want to feel owned, Act owned”™ @instructor144)
If I want a Dom who will set rules to help me, then I need to follow those rules. If I want him to hold me accountable, then I need to be accountable. If I want a Dom who steps up and puts in the work, then I need to show him I am worth the effort.
Once I’m back in my submissive headspace I look at the laundry very differently. Now I see this as an opportunity for me to show him I want him to hold the leash. I’m thankful for that opportunity and I want to focus on showing him that I value his Dominance. It’s no longer a chore to be endured. It is an opportunity to tell him through action that I am proud to give him my submission.
This is brilliant. I had to scroll past it three times before I read it. You should read it now.
