here nor there

boy oh boy do I love patterns.

It’s because they ring so very hollow.

There is a selfishness in the actions of so many of the heroes that is … disappointing even if it is understandable on a certain level.

We have Vision, a being of logic and possessor of the Mind Stone itself, who despite everything that’s happened decides that it’s perfectly fine to turn off his transponder and go dark to meet up with Wanda.  There’s no consideration as to what could happen if he was/is needed and is unable to be reached.

Then we have Steve Rogers, Captain America himself, who says the words “we don’t trade lives” after he was willing to trade numerous lives and relationships to help one man. (And Bucky’s innocence isn’t in question here, what Steve was willing to do in order to hide the truth/protect him is)  Steve who moved the battlefield to Wakanda in order to try and save Vision and, in turn, traded the lives of numerous Wakandans for a chance that, in the end, didn’t even pan out.  Steve who says “we don’t trade lives” but obviously means “we don’t trade our lives”.  Steve who loses in the end anyways with Bucky crumbling away to dust despite everything and everyone he sacrificed on the alter of saving his oldest friend.

(And that’s not even counting how Wakanda itself was portrayed in IW)

There’s Rhodey who shows us the depth of his heroism in Civil War by looking at his injuries, at all he’s sacrificed in the face of what he considered right and said ‘yes, this was worth it, my pain, my loss, was worth it because we did good’ only to have that moment stolen from him by the narrative having him backtrack on his stance.  Even if this can be chalked up to his worry over Tony disappearing there were other, better, ways to frame it.  Ways that would have shown his worry and his fear and his willingness to work with whoever he had to in order to get his best friend back without re-framing his outlook on things.

And we have Wanda who despite railing against Stark’s selfishness and willingness to destroy for his own greed and ego cannot even entertain the idea of losing Vision no matter the losses others will surely pay.  Wanda who rails about the death of her parents and the destruction of her home country but cannot fathom putting the rest of the universe first.  Wanda who refuses to act until she’s staring down the barrel of a gun named Thanos and then it’s too late.

There’s Peter Quill who promises Gamora one thing and then cannot deliver.  He loves her and can’t bear to hurt her and that’s understandable.  It’s just unfortunate that in doing so he also invalidates her choices and leaves her to the one fate she never wished to face.  Dying for Thanos’ goals, sacrificed by his twisted version of love.

Even Thor who chooses revenge over a direct kill.  Who wastes an opportunity to take Thanos out in one blow in exchange for the chance to make him suffer.

Infinity War shows us the selfishness of so many of the heroes and then juxtaposes them against the unselfishness of the others.

Peter Parker who goes to space only because it’s the right thing to do.  Because he wants to help, wants to be a hero and save people. Because he sees something going wrong and he can’t not try and help.

Gamora who is willing to die to keep Thanos from reaching his goals but is murdered instead as a part of those goals.  His twisted version of love validated in a way even as she protests it.

Tony Stark who sees his worst nightmare laid out in front of him and faces it head on.  Who is willing and ready to die right then and there to keep the Time Stone out of Thanos’ reach.

Stephen Strange who has his sworn duty but sets it and his own life aside for a chance to settle Tony into the correct endgame.

And what happens to most of the unselfish heroes besides Tony?

They die.

Taika Waititi: Powerfully creative, Knows himself, Good humored, Takes his work and his relationships with other people seriously, Intentional as a creator

John Mulaney: Publicly supportive of his wife and other women in his life, Crafts humor without taking cheap shots at people, Supportive friend, Willing to laugh at himself yet confident

Andy Samberg: Uses platform and humor to publicly call out toxic masculinity and white privilege, Self-aware, Willing to cede the floor to others, Good friend

Will Smith: Very intentional about what type of actions he takes as a husband and father (if you haven’t watched him on The Red Table, you should), Good humored and professional, Dedicated to his craft putting in the hours and energy, Generous with his emotions and vulnerability, Responsive to others emotions and vulnerability

I read somewhere that one aspect of Toxic Masculinity is believing that being part of a “We” will erase the “I”; that selfhood is threatened by relationships with other people. It reads then that Healthy Masculinity (indeed, healthy people in general) create a “We” that enhances the “I”; that we can become more powerfully ourselves through relationships with other people. 

i have seen thor fans upset about the fact that thor’s weight gain and every other symptom of his immense depression and grief was played for laughs for the entire 3 hour movie when every other character was allowed to grieve and process on their own terms and with respect

can y’all stop acting like you’re fucking woke for defending chubby thor 

chubby thor is not the problem

dog.

Then on top of it we’ve had numerous generations who were able to have everything on their adult checklist: House, spouse, kids, job security, career, car by 25.

However, due to entering an unstable economy, uncertain job market, but with technological advancements that afford more flexibility, and creativity for their lives compared to their parents, Millenials are going through another growing phase right after their college years. As many can’t afford the adult check-list that their grandparents or parents did at their age. Millenials are taking their time because they literally cannot afford to buy a car, a house, find a spouse, have kids, while struggling to pay off massive debt while working for companies who either have no jobs or little loyalty to keep them for 30+ years like they kept their parents, when they can find someone “younger, dumber, and cheaper to replace you” (<- my baby boomer boss said this proudly to me).

However instead of sympathizing with the generations they helped cripple, Baby Boomers and Gen Xers who are still in power, sneer at Millenials and Gen Z for being vapid, selfish, lazy, frivolous, bucking the system, etc., because they still hold us to these old expectation. These “‘back when I was your age I had x,y, and z/I got want have because I worked hard’” statements that show a failure to understand that most *are* working hard with a really shitty situation. While choosing to ignore that they helped cripple us, Baby Boomers/Gen Xers, havent realized that times have changed, and therefore cultural expectations should as well.

However there is light at the end of the tunnel: As expectations have failed to get with the times, you can exploit this. Just get through your 20s, and once you’re in your 30s, Boomers and GenXers will naturally assume you have your shit together and will leave you alone. Seriously, the moment I turned 30 it was like a huge pressure to preform was off of me. Suddenly the decisions I made were considered “bold” and “living my best life” when in my 20s, those same decisions would have been met with derision from the 40+ crowd.

I absolutely hated my 20s due to this mentally that I needed to accomplish something significant/hit all these arbitrary milestones that don’t make sense to me to stress over because they were frankly unattainable to me. Now in my 30s, it’s a lot easier to breathe.

So chin up, take your selfies, make your shit posts, stay out late, make your mistakes, take years to find your dream job,do those “extraneous” hobbies, classes, whatever makes you happy.

She must have been doing this forever right?

She started quilting at 50 and only started the body of work that’s got her in demand at 65.

Not only do you have a long time for you to work things out, if you find somethign you enjoy, you’ve got AGES to develop it, if that’s something you want to do.