playing god.

wait, no, that’s not what i meant! it’s not like anyone really knows who god is, anyway, but i was just trying to joke around. who’s ben, though? a new actor? i spend all this time on social media and yet i know nothing. i’m basically jon snow! phew, i’m relieved! you just have some very intense and loving fans, i guess! 

All work and no play makes Ely a dull and sleepy thing. Anything going on around these parts worth checking out? A girl can’t subsist on wine and Animal Crossing alone.

I always recommend seeing an off-Broadway show because there’s typically something new every month. Or go see an amateur improv troupe perform and make intense eye-contact with one of the actors the entire time to see how they feeling perform under stress, that’s always a fun day out for me.

you don’t have to stay away from them, just be cautious is all. good, i’m glad to hear that. many men forget the importance of lower body strength. apparently, they’re a little too busy with their huge arm muscles to be doing squats and lunges. how about this – we share your fans. they can love me for being the cutie that i am and they can love you for your dedication to squats. 

well there aren’t exactly swarms of instagram models hanging around me, so i think staying away from them will just be returning to the default setting. exactly, few things make me more uncomfortable than seeing guys walk around new york with big ass arms and then toothpicks for legs, the proportions are comedic. and that is a pretty good compromise. 

Your loss. I’ve been told I have deft fingers able to loosen even the toughest of knots.

I’d be a disaster if I were famous, that’s for sure, so I’m not sure if I’m one to judge. I can’t imagine not being able to go to a club without having prying eyes on you. And I don’t know whether you want to brag about being compared to a murderous robot. Unless there’s something you’re not sharing, St. James.

Wow, the understated innuendo there was masterful to say the least, Sebastian. Unfortunately for you I am 1) in no need to be loosened up as stated before and 2) not gay, if I’m going to shatter the illusion of subtlety. 

I could see that. You’re a little too self-serious and austere to be getting called bitchy by most. Someone would need to help you loosen up a little first.

Fine, I concede. You’re the ideal model for how to adapt to fame–hard-working and uninvested in any drama. Potentially a robot, but, if so, your secret’s safe with me.

I’ll take that as a compliment. And I don’t need ‘help to loosen up’, I’m just not reckless and irresponsible. 

“you could have a gene kelly in singin’ in the rain moment! that’s iconic.” rachel clapped her hands frantically. only she would think it’s socially acceptable to disturb the fluid movement of the crowd on the sidewalks to reenact a scene of an old movie. “if i saw you do this, i’d join right away.” she added a playful wink. “even though the umbrella is a good idea, i’d be too scared to forget it… like at the second i take it outside of the house. do they disappear or am i just cursed?” 

i have no clue who ben and god and spell are, but you might just be the king of nicknames at this point. i mean, you truly are legendary if you have been called both! you might be having what all the instagram babes are dreaming of! i’d say, who cares which category you fit in! just enjoy the attention, it’s fun. unless it is linked to body image issues, in this case… i’m so sorry. it’s not fun.

good, you don’t need to be. most of them are superficial and only show interest in you if they can acquire clout. squats are important. not only are they great for the lower body, but they’re amazing for the core too. no, it’s fine, really. i would rather you didn’t @ me. your fangirls might come after me and i don’t need that.

noted. i will continue to stay away from any instagram models that come my way. i’m very aware of the benefits of squats, there’s a reason i do them so often. hmm, true, they can be pretty intense. but saying that, a lot of my fans are young lesbians who would probably start to fangirl over you and leave me in the dust.

I literally just sent out the memos stating I was crowned “thicc bitch” so its not your fault it hadn’t got to you yet. You should, own who you are its all any of us can do. We aren’t our pasts we are our futures.

Ahh, yes, sorry, I’m sure once I check my mail I will be overwhelmed by the flood of memos telling me exactly that. And I appreciate the pep talk there, very thought provoking. And that wasn’t sarcastic, I’m aware that it probably sounded like it was.

In my defense, most people confuse having taste with being bitchy. I figured, why not just lean into it. Most guys don’t seem to mind.

Regardless, I’m not saying that you should seek validation. I’m just saying it has to be fun. Everybody thinks they know celebrities inside and out. Has to be amusing to see what they get wrong at the very least. But you do you. I’m sure you think taking the stage every night is validation enough or some other hokey platitude.

True, although I get less ‘bitchy’ and more ‘asshole’. Two sides of the same coin I guess. That’s something I’ve observed during my time in the Broadway community, there’s typically a gay and straight version for most words.

And just like that, my future is sorted. 

No one can ever say I didn’t give back to the community, look at me, offering job security. 

playing god. for jesse st. james

I’ll appreciate that reminder. To be honest, I never was that into Channing Tatum outside of Step Up. But Matthew McConaughey – homeboy can like… get it. That’s dope, Jesse. I think every little girl wanted to be Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of Genovia when they grew up. Are you starring as the hot brother or the hot jock who plays Mia?

I can’t say I was ever that into Channing Tatum. Saying that, Step Up is cinematic excellence as far as dance films go. Everyones a good rags to riches story, especially little girls. I’m the hot brother, though I feel like there may be some controversy over my casting as rehersals progess because Michael’s meant to be Jewish and the closet thing I’ve gotten to Judaism was the synagogue I used to go pass when I had to catch the ferry to the city back in high school. But, alas, such are the trials and tribulations of acting. 

i can believe it. you know all those instagram models with the small waists and bug butts? slim thicc. you? slim thicc. go spread the word. this isn’t the first time someone has taken credit for something i’ve said, so sure. go wild. 

i can’t say that i’m well versed in the world of instagram models, but i get the gist. i don’t think i’m anywhere near as extreme as some of those women are, but i suppose my thighs are pretty big in proportion with the rest of my body. i do a lot of squats. well when you phrase it like that, i feel a little guilty. if i mention it on twitter i’ll @ you. i feel like that’s more morally upstanding of me.

Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called that, nor will it be the last. As they say, takes one to know one. In any case, that’s probably a safe bet. But I know that if I had any claim to fame, I’d want to know what people were saying about me.

If I were talking to anyone else I’d say that being repeatly called something like would probably have you want to do some soul searching but you seem pretty content and if it isn’t broke, why fix it? I don’t feel the need to gain validation through the opinion of my followers, if they didn’t like me I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t interact with me positively. 

I should be in charge of all your decisions. It’d be great fun and you know it. 

If I ever reach the level of mainstream fame that would require a manager for things other than booking auditions, I’ll turn to you.

i’d be so pissed if i was famous and my fanbase was a bunch of dumb 12 year olds. 

i wouldn’t call them ‘dumb’. plenty of my fans are great people who aren’t twelve and are just people who love theare and love the performances i give. and i like to think i haven’t given anyone a reason to not like the way i perform. my audience is actually a lot broader than you’d think.