Learning to Cope

I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want you to do.

At least...that's what I say.

I know exactly what I want.

I want a lot of things.

I also know I can't have any of them.

I won't ask for what I know is just a pipe dream meant for someone else.

I want things that just seem impossible, but they shouldn't be.

I want to be able to communicate, but when I've tried it fell on deaf ears.

The feeling inside keeps building and building.

I try to express myself to someone who says I can, but it doesn't change anything.

They just make it worse.

I can feel it building in the pit of my stomach.

Rising and rising.

I don't know if I can stop it.

Maybe I don't want to stop.

Maybe the monster needs to be unleashed.

Maybe then I'll be taken seriously.

Maybe then they'll actually listen.

Just once, I would love to have a supervisor that actually believed in me.

Just once, I wish I could actually tell my supervisor what I'm thinking without fear of retribution.

Just once, I wish that I didn't dread going to work.

Just once, I wish that I didn't have to drag myself out of bed because of that dread.

Just once, I wish I had someone else to confide in at work without fear that my supervisor would eventually hear what I said.

Just once, I wish someone else would give me a chance.

Just once, I wish I was given the same opportunity as others.