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I love feeling like im faking this disorder like... who the fuck am i faking it for??? My partner who feels terrible for exposing it to me to make them feel worse??? I cant fucking stop eating i hate it so much and im genuinely shocked im hovering around a slightly below average BMI still because i just WONT FUCKING STOP AAAAAA

I gotta get back into my fasting. I keep gaining and i cant stop myself. They gotta be proud to call me their partner or im just a worthless parasite. If i cant be of any use or value to them at least I can look pretty...

I hate the way i experience most of my dissociation. I feel entirely detached from my feelings and actions as if ive been faking them all but why would i fake all this... i dont get that... why does it feel so wrong..

I should get into exercise so i can be pretty enough faster, i wanna look good in all the outfits they send me for once

I gotta starve till they have someone they can actually be proud to call their girlfriend, till i can be someone who they don't have to lie to the face of to tell me im pretty. I love them. I love them so much im willing to tear myself apart for them even if they dont ask for if