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i've received a few asks/messages regarding the content warnings and portrayal of some themes in red card. after sitting with them for a while, rereading the chapters myself and thinking about them as both a writer and a reader, i wanted to say a few things:
first of all, thank you to everyone who reached out i genuinely appreciate it ❤️
after going back through everything i realized my content warnings weren't as clear or specific as they should have been and that i also completely forgot to include the broader themes in the masterlist. that's entirely on me and i'll be updating both the chapter warnings and the masterlist accordingly asap so readers can make informed choices before starting the story
i also want to clarify something that's really important to me regarding the ed themes in the story:
romanticizing eating disorders or self destructive behaviours was never my intention when writing this story, nor is it where the story is going. i genuinely don't believe that's what i'm trying to say through it but i understand that with where the story currently is, it might not be fully apparent yet but the direction of the story is quite the opposite.
i also want to say that i didn't approach these themes lightly. while crafting reader’s character, i spent a lot of time researching eating disorders, their long-term psychological and physical effects, and listening to the experiences of people who've lived through them, including former models who've spoken publicly about the pressures of the fashion industry. if i was going to write about these subjects, i wanted to do so with as much care and respect as i could. that doesn't mean i got everything right, but i hope it shows that these themes were never included casually or for shock value.
this might get a little spoilery but i'd rather explain my intentions than leave room for misunderstandings.
reader's eating disorder is meant to be portrayed as something that's become painfully normalized to her. she's lived with it for years, and it's become part of her routine, her work, her relationships, and unfortunately even the people around her have become desensitized to it such as her team choosing to ignore it as long as she's successful.
a big part of what i wanted to explore in her pov is exactly that, how her illness is so deeply embedded into her life that she stopped recognizing how destructive it really is, and that normalization is meant to come from reader's perspective, not from the story itself or from me at all. portraying it through the perspective of someone who's normalized it is very different, to me, from asking the audience to normalize it too, and that distinction has always been important in the way i've approached writing reader
after receiving those messages, i went back and reread the chapters with one question in mind:
if someone only read these chapters, would they understand that the story does see these behaviours as harmful? would they understand that they're a consequence of the life reader has been living, even if those consequences haven't fully caught up with her yet?
i spent a long time thinking about that because those are questions i think are worth asking myself whenever i write about sensitive subjects.
i came away feeling that the story is communicating what i intended, and while i still understand why i made the storytelling choices i did — particularly writing from the perspective of someone who's lived with and normalized her illness for years —i also completely understand why those scenes can be triggering or interpreted differently depending on who's reading them. readers can only react to what's currently on the page. everyone brings their own experiences with them and that can lead to different people experience the story in different ways, and i don't want to dismiss that at all. i don't expect everyone to interpret her the same way i do and i understand why some readers might have a very different experience with them than i intended.
i also think it's important to say that, to me, reader's eating disorder has never existed in isolation. it's one consequence of a much bigger wound she's been carrying for as long as she can remember. as stated in the story, she started working at a very young age in an industry where her body quickly became a product before she was old enough to understand what that meant. over the years, that of course shaped the way she saw herself until she stopped feeling at home in her own body altogether.
for me her story has never been about vanity or achieving a certain body but about someone who's become so disconnected from herself that she no longer knows how to exist without hurting herself in one way or another.
her eating disorder began as something encouraged and rewarded by the environment she grew up in, but over the years it stopped being only about work and it became another way of punishing herself.
that's why, to me, her eating disorder isn't the entirety of who she is. it's one expression of a much deeper wound. my hope has always been that these scenes are read as part of that much bigger picture
the first three chapters are only the beginning of a much larger arc that she'll go through but i also understand that nobody can read future chapters today. because of that it's my responsibility to make sure readers know what kind of themes they're walking into before they start reading, regardless of where the story eventually goes and i'll be updating the warnings to better reflect that as i said before.
i also wanted to mention is that i've always struggled with content warnings and tagging and i know that sounds silly considering how important they are in this site but it's genuinely something i still struggle with and i'm still learning. i was very new to tumblr when i started posting red card and even now i second guess what should or shouldn't be tagged.
i've never really liked asking for beta readers or people to check my work beforehand because I've always felt like that's my responsibility as the writer so i always add the tags i feel are necessary but ofc i may be wrong. so if you ever notice that i've missed an important warning or that something should be tagged more clearly, i would genuinely appreciate you letting me know!! i'll listen and update things.
thank you guys for sharing your perspectives and concerns with me and thank you for all the love you've shown to red card <3 it genuinely means more than i can put into words.
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summary: dina’s crazy ideas lead ellie on a trip to italy during the summer. she meets you, a charming girl who’s visiting her grandparents and who turns her world upside down in the span of a few hours.
author’s note: it’s been a WHILE since i’ve last posted something, so i’m back with this 8k words one shot where nothing really happens but it’s cute. hope you like it and happy pride !!! <3
• • • •
a citrusy smell hits ellie the moment she steps into her house for the summer. she scrunches up her nose a little as she sweeps her gaze over the place. everything is mostly white; the walls, the floors and the decor, too. there’s a few pops of color here and there, which she appreciates. otherwise she’d go insane.
the other thing ellie notices is how quiet everything is, although she attributes that trait to the small town she’s in. it’s nice, she decides, a needed contrast to the bustling city of new york, where she’s currently living.
she steps further into the house, eyes scanning her surroundings with curiosity. jesse and dina, her best friends, are close behind her. they’re bickering about something ellie isn’t interested enough in to pay attention to.
the idea of vacationing in italy came from dina, as per usual. “we should totally form a band”, was crazy idea number 27. ellie and jesse vetoed it. “let’s sign in to a cooking class and open a restaurant together”, crazy idea number 28. vetoed. “summer holiday in italy, who’s in?”, crazy idea number 29. vetoed at first.
ellie, with her humble earnings as an artist who had not booked an exhibition in months and jesse, a photographer who had just burned through his savings to buy a decent camera equipment because wedding season was coming, completely turned down her idea without even thinking twice about it.
dina was the most financially stable out of the three. she worked at her mother’s beauty salon doing waxing. not her dream job, but the money was good and she had more freedom than most people do in their workplace — freedom meaning she decided when she wanted to work and not get fired.
the thing is, dina really wanted to go to italy with her friends. the 15% success rate on her previous wild ideas wasn’t encouraging, but she made an effort and came through with a full cost breakdown for the trip. according to her plan, if ellie got a job at the beauty salon, she’d have a stable income. jesse would have to sell some of his nerdy figurines, “do it on behalf of your friendship, even if it hurts,” dina had told him.
the rest of the logistics to cheapen the trip actually made sense, much to ellie’s and jesse’s surprise.
“the best part is—you ready? tell me you’re ready for it,” dina had told them excitedly.
“just tell us,” ellie replied with a roll of her eyes.
“i already found us a place to stay at for free! remember that old lady who comes to the salon and wants to set me up with her grandson? well, i was telling her about the trip and she told me she has a sister who lives in a small town in italy and she’ll come to new york in july to visit her, so her house will be available and she offered it to us!” she explained all in one breath, which was actually really impressive.
“are you sure this isn’t a scam?”
dina waved a hand at jesse’s question, “please, ruth is harmless. she made me facetime her sister and she showed me the house, it’s really nice!” she said. “c’mon, you know what they say: nicely wax a lady’s legs, get a house in italy!”
long story short, dina managed to convince them. flash forward a few months, and here they were.
“nice, huh?” dina says, gloating as she takes in the place. she mindlessly drops her bag near the entrance, making jesse almost trip on it.
“you can hardly smell the old lady scent,” ellie nods.
she hears jesse snort from behind as she goes to inspect the rest of the rooms. there’s a long hallway that leads to the bathroom at the end of it, and two bedrooms on each side.
“there’s only two beds,” ellie tells them.
“there’s an air mattress in one of the closets,” dina says from the kitchen. “go get your bed, jesse.”
“what? why can’t i sleep in one of the actual beds?”
“cause you’re a guy and we’re two ladies.”
ellie enters the kitchen just in time to see jesse roll his eyes. he’s leaning against the counter, arms crossed and with an expression on his face that says he already regrets the trip.
“ladies, she says,” he mutters under his breath.
“don’t be such a wuss,” ellie tells him, going over to the kitchen island to sit on one of the stools. “it’s not the end of the world. what if it’s comfortable?”
“i’m not a wuss, you’re a wuss. you sleep on the air mattress if it isn’t that big of a deal.”
“i won’t, and i’m not a wuss, i’m a lady,” she repeats dina’s words with a smug smile.
jesse shakes his head in disapproval, “i’m more of a lady than the two of you combined.”
“on some level, you’re right. i always felt like you were the lady in the relationship when we were together,” dina tells him, causing jesse to let out an offended gasp. “a real princess.”
her and jesse had dated on and off all throughout highschool and the first two years of college. they decided to end it when they realized it was a dead-end relationship and they always went back to each other out of familiarity and comfort instead of actual love. they agreed they were better off as friends.
ellie still believes they’ll fuck again at least one last time, especially on this trip. they’re too weak to resist their urges, and will probably do it just to be able to say they did it in a foreign country.
“we should buy food,” ellie interrupts whatever dumb fight they were about to get into. “i’m starving,” she says as she opens up the fridge. it’s pretty empty except for bottles of water, a few fizzy drinks and what looks like a bowl of prunes.
“yeah, me too. should we check google maps or go out blindly and get lost in these beautiful, aesthetic streets until we find a supermarket?” dina asks.
“let’s try to pass as locals and then annoy everyone around us with our american ways,” ellie proposes solemnly, and her friends quickly agree with her plan.
it’s hot outside. without the occasional ocean breeze, ellie is sure they would’ve melted away by now. the unbearable heat doesn’t make the town any less beautiful, though.
everything is bathed in a golden light that makes its way even through the leafy trees, not allowing them to cast a full shadow without stubborn rays of sunlight filtering through. there are teenagers biking down the cobbled streets, well-fed stray dogs wandering around and drinking water from bowls people left for them, old ladies chatting from balcony to balcony. it feels magical, in a way.
they walk around for a while, getting familiar with the town while jesse snaps a few shots. they’re mostly of dina, who wants a picture of her in every corner.
“okay, i’m gonna walk over there and turn around at the last second and that’s when you’re going to take the pic,” dina tells him.
“yes, dear,” jesse replies in a mock tired tone. he watches as dina sprints towards the spot for the photoshoot she conjured in her mind. “look both ways before you cross the street! jesus christ—”
ellie, knowing this will last a while, decides to wander off to the shops nearby. there’s a café at the end of the street. it’s small, but charming.
she fishes her phone out of her pocket and opens up the camera as she goes over there. ellie’s social media presence it’s not the best, but she likes taking pictures of everything. her instagram account mostly consists of pictures of paintings, her friends and cool spots she’s seen around new york, with barely any pictures of her face.
dina always gives her shit for it, and insists on ellie posting more selfies. ‘you’re letting it go to waste’ she always says. there’s actually more pictures of her on dina’s and jesse’s accounts than on her own.
once ellie takes a couple of decent photos, she checks them out, ready to favorite the best one to post. it’s only when she’s carefully inspecting picture number that she realizes she captured something other than the café. she zooms in on one of the tables, and that’s when she sees you looking straight at the camera. you’re smiling, and in the following photos you’re waving.
ellie looks up from her phone, and you’re still there sitting at the table, looking at her. her hands move on their own accord, almost dropping her phone in the process of putting it back in her pocket.
“oh—hi, i mean—ciao?” she fumbles with her words as she steps closer. “didn’t see you there, sorry—scusi? is that right? i don’t know how to say that in italian, sorry.”
you smile at her rambling, “i speak english, don’t worry,” you tell her, and ellie frowns as she wonders why you let her babble like an idiot. “how do i look?” you ask, and she doesn’t know what you’re talking about until you gesture at her phone.
right. the pictures.
“oh,” she says with an awkward laugh. “really good, actually.” she unlocks her phone and clicks on the first picture before handing it to you. “i can delete them,” she offers.
“oh, i don’t mind,” you say as you scroll through the photos. “i can move if you want to re-do them.”
ellie immediately shakes her head. not only she doesn’t want to inconvenience you any further, but she also really likes how the pictures turned out. “no, no. that’s fine. these are the ones,” she says, and then clarifies: “only if you’re really sure you don’t mind me keeping them, obviously—”
“i don’t mind” you interrupt her with a laugh. you take a moment to look at her before you speak again. “what’s your name?”
“ellie, what’s yours?”
you introduce yourself, going for a handshake. ellie can tell this is easy for you, meeting new people. there’s a certain confidence in the way you interact, completely relaxed and, clearly, not overthinking about the possible outcomes of the conversation and how you will act in each one, much like she is doing right now.
she isn’t exactly shy, but she’s not as outgoing as her friends. it usually takes her some time to warm up to someone and feel comfortable enough to relax around them.
“are those your friends?” you ask, pointing past her. you had noticed them when they were three blows down, their voices and laughter carrying through the streets and announcing their arrival.
“yeah — dina and jesse,” she says, looking back at you with a half-smile. “we got here today. we’re, uh, trying to get familiar with the town, y’know?”
you hum, and you seem to contemplate something for a moment before you speak again, “i could show you around.”
the offer lingers in the air for a moment, until ellie finally stammers out a reply. “wait, really?”
“yeah, i mean, i don’t live here but i come to visit my grandparents every summer, so i know my way around as well as the locals do.”
“uh, yeah, yes, i mean, if you don’t mind—”
“i don’t mind,” you repeat for the third time, a hint of amusement in your voice. “you’re the first person my age i’ve seen around here in a while, i’m not letting you out of my sight.”
ellie laughs, running her fingers through her hair. nervous habit. “yeah, all i’ve seen are either old people or kids.”
“most people here are over 50,” you nod. “there’s not many people in their twenties who choose to vacation in this town.”
she shrugs her shoulder, “it’s a funny story.”
you pull out the chair next to you and pat the seat, “i’m always in the mood for a funny story.”
that’s how ellie ends up telling you all about how this trip came to be. she has never been the designated story teller from her group. dina knew how to keep people entertained by adding little comments here and there, and jesse’s way of speaking and ability to maintain eye-contact always hooked people in. ellie, on the other hand, has always been the quieter one. she doesn’t exaggerate things, nor does she gesture wildly when speaking. yet, you seem interested in what she’s saying.
you haven’t looked away from her, and, ellie, who’s usually not very good with eye-contact, hasn’t looked away from you either.
you laugh at all the right times and ask questions out of genuine curiosity, which helps you get to know a little bit more about ellie’s life back in new york. she asks you questions, too. stuff like where are you from, what did you study, and what do you do for work.
she finds out you live in boston, you graduated law school two years ago and you’re are currently working at a library in your neighborhood. you’re an only child, just like her, you think cats are out to get you, and you know the waxed lady’s sister. it turns out she’s friends with your grandparents, which doesn’t surprise ellie in the slightest. in small towns like these, everyone knows each other.
“oh, and this café belongs to my grandpa, who’s not really my grandpa but an italian guy my grandmother married ages ago, so he’s, like, my honorary grandpa,” you tell her.
“oh, really? how did they meet?”
“on a cruise to the bahamas,” you say. “they kept in touch afterwards, and about a month later she moved here.”
ellie whistles lowly, “a month? that’s fast.”
you shrug, a half-smile on your face. “when you know, you know.”
she hums, unable to argue against that. love has never come easy to her, and she has already made her peace with the fact that maybe it just isn’t meant for her, but she does believe in it.
“it was so weird,” you continue. “you should’ve seen her when she came back, so painfully in love and giggly. my grandma, a sixty year old woman, giggly. i’d always seen her as this serious woman who had no time for trivial things such as love and having a partner after my actual grandpa died, but there she was — giggly and in love with some italian guy.”
ellie snorts, “and they got married?”
“yeah, about a year and a half later after she moved here,” you smile as you reminisce. “he proposed while my parents and i were visiting—after having already gotten our blessing, obviously— he got on one knee and everything, he still needed our help to get up afterwards, but still,” you laugh, and ellie joins you as she imagines the scene. “he proposed in a field not that far from here, i can take you there. it’s gorgeous.”
ellie’s smile softens, “sure, i’d like that.”
dina and jesse join shortly after, and you already feel like you know them personally by how fondly ellie had talked to you about them. conversation flows easily between the four of you, which doesn’t surprise ellie in the slightest. she knew from the moment you started speaking that you would get along with her friends.
at one point, you offer them free iced coffee to fight the heat, and pastries.
“i don’t really like coffee, so, nothing for me,” ellie tells you when you stand up.
“plain coffee?” you ask to make sure.
“coffee in general, actually,” she says. “never been a fan.”
you make a face, “not even a harmless cappuccino?”
ellie grimaces, and dina rolls her eyes.
“she drinks matcha.”
“oh,” you laugh. “okay, that i can’t offer you, but there might be a starbucks in bari, which is, like, 20 miles from here.”
ellie huffs at your teasing, and mentally curses dina for revealing such a vulnerable thing about her, “i don’t need starbucks.”
“i’ll bring you a soda, then,” you say with a grin.
she watches you go behind the counter, and her eyes stay on you for a moment before looking back at dina and jesse. they have that look, the one they usually give her when a pretty girl exchanges more than two words with her.
she rolls her eyes, and decides to pay attention to you again instead. you catch her gaze, sending her a smile before continuing with your work.
“need some help?”
ellie doesn’t wait for your reply, she stands up and goes over to you, happy to leave her annoying friends behind.
“you can pick the pastries if you want,” you tell her, already preparing the second iced-coffee. “i’m sure you know your friends’ taste better than i would.”
she nods, carefully inspecting the pastries display as if were the most important task in the world. there’s lots of things to choose from, but her attention is caught by a specific one.
“croissant?” she asks you, pointing at it.
you let out a chuckle, “cornetto,” you correct her gently. “plain, chocolate-filled, apricot-filled, custard-filled, or pistacchio-filled, a recent customer favorite.”
“cornetto,” ellie repeats to herself, and grabs three chocolate-filled ones. “did i offend an entire country by calling them croissants?”
you laugh, making the last iced-coffee. “pretty much. you’re lucky my grandpa isn’t here, he’d beat you with a cornetto until you learn the difference between one and a croissant.”
“the difference being…?” ellie trails off with a small laugh of her own, as she grabs the coke-cola you’ve left on the counter for her.
“cornetti are much better than croissants.”
“ah, of course,” she nods with a smile. “so, what, are you in charge of this place during the summer?”
“just today. no one seemed to be coming in so i told my grandparents to go home and that i’d handle it. they’ll be back in, like, twenty minutes, probably,” you say, checking your watch.
she helps you bring the drinks and pastries to the table, where her friends are waiting and pretending not to have been watching your interaction. ellie sends her friends a look, one that clearly means “don’t start”.
it’s hard for dina and jesse not to start. they know ellie better than they know themselves, and they can definitely tell when she’s interested in someone. she gets this particular look on her face, to which dina refers to as the blue moon look, because it’s so rare it almost never happens.
ellie is as picky about people as she is about food. she’s always been the type of person who keeps their circle small with only a few friends she can fully trust. for her, truly liking someone even as a friend is already a transcendental accomplishment. taking a romantic interest in someone? extremely rare. blue moon rare.
fortunately for ellie, dina and jesse don’t make any comments that would make her want to crawl into a hole an die. unfortunately for her, she can practically hear them inside her head going crazy and teasing her relentlessly.
you seem blissfully unaware, which is something she is extremely grateful for.
another thing she is very grateful for is cornetti.
jesus christ.
“you look like you’re about to have an orgasm,” jesse points out before she takes a sip of his coffee.
“honestly, i might just be,” ellie replies with her mouth full, her eyes closing in bliss as she savors the pastry.
you snort, “better than a croissant?”
ellie nods, “yeah, yeah. so much better.”
it’s half an hour later when two elderly people walk in, words that ellie cannot comprehend coming out of their mouths. it takes her an embarrassing amount of time to realize they’re speaking in italian.
the woman beams when you stand up to greet them, immediately opening her arms for a hug. ellie smiles softly at the fact that she can recognize some of your grandmother’s features on you.
as you keep talking to your grandparents, ellie’s phone buzzes in her pocket. she pulls it out, and sends an unimpressed look to her friends when she sees it’s them talking in their groupchat.
dina: ellie on a scale of one to ten how mad would u be if we leave you alone with her
ellie: i’d kill you
jesse: Don’t be a pussy
jesse: We’re trying to do you a favor you know
ellie: i didnt ask for it !!!!
ellie: drop it
dina: blue moon
dina: blue moon
dina: blue moon
dina: blue moon
dina: blue moon
jesse: Blue monk
jesse: *Blue moon
ellie: ENOUGH
ellie drops her phone on the table just as you return, immediately catching her attention. she smiles at you, her previous exasperation quickly forgotten.
“everything okay with your grandparents?”
“yeah, i was just telling them i’m going to show you guys around,” you say, returning the smile.
dina and jesse share an imperceptible look, before she clears her voice. “yeah, about that…” dina trails off.
ellie snaps her head at her, “what?”
“we’re kind of beat,” jesse continues, “we’re gonna go shower and probably nap for a bit. jet lag is crazy,” he chuckles.
“oh!” you say, and you turn to ellie, “what about you? are you tired?”
“she’s not,” dina cuts in before ellie can answer. “energy of a toddler on a sugar high, this one,” she adds with an awkward laugh.
ellie drops her face in her hands in embarrassment, but recovers before you can see her.
“you can totally go with your friends if you’re tired,” you tell her, ducking your head to meet her eyes. “we can exchange numbers and we can reschedule—or not,” you say with a small smile. it had been your idea to show them around, and you didn’t want to make them feel obligated to accept.
“no—yes. i mean, yes, i want to go. i’m not tired at all,” she says quickly. “we should still exchange numbers, though. just in case.”
she surprises her friends as much as herself by her suggestion, not expecting it to come out. she smiles, trying to hide the sudden nerves that had rushed through her and to ignore the proud looks dina and jesse are most definitely giving her.
“yeah, i think so, too,” you say, biting back a smile. then, you look at dina and jesse, who are unblinkingly staring at you two. “i’ll see you guys soon?”
“yes, definitely,” dina replies instantly.
she doesn’t really want to leave, and she’s definitely not tired, but ellie needs the push and be left alone with you. she just hopes her friends gathers up the courage and actually make a move, although with the phone number exchange situation she thinks there might be a higher chance of that happening than she originally believed.
as dina says goodbye to you with a hug, jesse walks over to ellie as she stands up from her seat.
“see you back at the house, williams,” he says, going for a handshake. when their hands break apart, ellie notices he gave her something.
gum.
she arches an eyebrow, “really?”
“just in case,” he shrugs. “you need to be on your A-game, okay? minty fresh at all times. who knows how this little tour might end?”
ellie rolls her eyes, “god—shut up, will you?” she shoves his shoulder as she checks if you’ve heard him. luckily, dina’s keeping you busy by talking your ear off. “wanna get going?” she asks you, to which you immediately nod.
dina and jesse wave at you, twin smiles on their faces that turn into mock teary expressions the moment you turn around. naturally, ellie flips them off.
neither of you notices when jesse pulls out his camera and snaps a picture of two of you crossing the street. ellie’s hand is hovering over your back as she checks both sides, and you’re just looking at your phone as if getting run over isn’t even a possibility.
“you should be more careful,” she tells you.
“what do you mean?” you ask, shooting a quick glance at her.
“you just crossed the street without checking if someone was coming.”
you wave a hand dismissively, "i was just saving your number, i can multitask. besides, cars usually stop when someone crosses the street.”
“key word usually.”
you roll your eyes, amused. “don’t worry about it. people here are really nice to pedestrians, i promise it’ll be fine.”
you lead her through the narrow streets with no particular destination in mind. every little corner of this town is worth seeing, and ellie is realizing it as you keep moving.
there’s a soft smile on her face as she takes everything in, and she thinks she could totally live in a place like this. it’s quiet, but the perfect kind of quiet. she can hear the sound of cicadas in the distance, and she prefers it a thousand times more than the incessant honking of new york.
“it’s pretty, isn’t it?” you ask, noticing the look of wonder on her face. “i didn’t like coming here when i was younger. i found it boring,” you tell her, much to her surprise.
“really?”
“i was fourteen,” you clarify. “i didn’t understand the language, and didn’t enjoy silence as much as i do now. i just wanted someone to talk about one direction, you know?”
ellie snorts, “you were a one direction fan?”
“don’t make fun of your tour guide.”
“i wasn’t making fan of you, i was just asking!”
“with that judgy tone?”
“it wasn’t judgy, i was just surprised—”
“what were you a fan of at that age, huh?” you interrupt her.
ellie laughs at your inquisition, and she takes a moment to think as you both keep strolling down the street.
even though the weather is not as hot as it was before, the heat still classifies as unbearable for a girl like ellie, who usually spends most of her summer days inside her apartment and under the AC. she decides to tie up her hair, a few strands falling at the nape of her neck given its short length. you try not to stare at her biceps as she does so. you barely succeed.
“i was a classic rock fan when i was 14,” she finally replies.
now it’s you who laughs, “of course you were.”
“what?” she chuckles, her eyes quickly trailing over your face before she looks ahead again. “what’s wrong with that?”
“it’s just so fitting. of course you had cool interests at that age.”
“you think that made me cool? i was the resident weirdo. my music taste matched a 50 year old dad’s.”
you shrug, a smile tugging at your lips. “well, i would’ve thought you were cool.”
she just laughs, her eyes crinkling at the corners. the “tour”, as jesse had called it, continues like that—talks about trivial stuff and an embarrassing amount of laughter spilling out from both of you.
ellie isn’t exactly sure how long you walk for, all she knows it’s been a while. by living in new york, she’d grown used to walking long distances, but she’s not sure if she’s ever enjoyed it as much as she’s enjoying it now.
eventually, you slow down and stop in front of a church. ellie shields her eyes from the sun as she looks up, taking in the details. although it’s not as imposing as the typical cathedrals seen around europe, this church has its own charm. her attention zeroes in the asymmetry of the towers that rise on each side. while one looks like it’s an inch short of touching the sky, the other stops abruptly halfway there.
“it’s unfinished,” ellie says, glancing at you before looking at the towers again.
“the architect made it look like that on purpose,” you tell her, following her gaze. “the one on the right represents the soul ascending to heaven, and the one on the left represents mortality and earthly imperfection. our flawed existence, basically.”
ellie hums at your explanation, contemplating the church in silence for a moment.
“looks cool.”
you snort at her ineloquent reply, “yeah, it does,” you agree. “let’s go inside, yeah? it’s really pretty.”
you momentarily grab her hand to lead her to the entrance. the touch lasts an approximate amount of six riveting seconds, but ellie feels it for the next following minutes.
she clears her voice, “it really is pretty.”
the ceiling is a deep blue with golden stars painted across it, which have faded a bit from the passage of time. her eyes move to the walls, then the statues, and finally set in the round, stained glass windows.
ellie stays there for a moment, mesmerized by the way the sun made the colors of the windows pop. it’s then when the artificial sound of a camera shutter makes ellie glance over her shoulder, and she catches you with your phone still halfway up. she raises her eyebrows at you, wordlessly demanding for an explanation.
you sputter for a second, “now we’re even.”
it takes ellie a moment to realize you’re talking about how you met, and the multiple pictures she had taken of you.
“that was an accident!”
she covers her mouth when she hears her own voice echoing, the quietness of the church making it sound embarrassingly loud.
you laugh, loudly, and if ellie’s voice had echoed through the entire church, yours echoes through the entire square.
“that was an accident,” she repeats, this time in a much more appropriate volume as a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. “let me see it, at least.”
you don’t put up any resistance when she reaches over and grabs the phone from you. in the photo, ellie stands in the middle of it with her head tilted back towards the stained glass windows, and her hands clasped behind her back. you can only see her side profile, a particular ray of light shining on her features while everything else is overtaken by shadows.
“huh,” ellie says, still looking at it. she glances at you, and sees you’re closer than expected, looking at the picture over her shoulder. it takes her aback for a moment, but she carries on. “i like it.”
“good, because i was planning on posting it.”
“you wanna post me on your instagram?”
you shrug, acting nonchalant. “i wanna post a good picture on my instagram, you just happen to be in it.”
ellie bites back a bigger smile, and nods. “sure. make sure to tag me, though.”
you smile back, taking your phone back from her hands and immediately open instagram. she tells you her username, and you hit follow before you start going through her account.
she groans dramatically, throwing her head back in despair. “don’t look at my pictures while i’m here. ‘s embarrassing.”
“why? they’re good! very artsy, very good,” you muse, just as you click on a mirror selfie of her with dina and jesse at what appears to be a bar. you like the picture before you keep scrolling down. “a lot of faceless pics, though.”
“oh, not you, too.”
you chuckle, “who else gives you shit about it?”
“dina,” ellie rolls her eyes. “she keeps bugging me about posting more pictures of my face.”
“well, yeah, i agree with her, and i’m gonna help.”
“you’re gonna help,” she echoes, an unimpressed look on her face.
“mhm, c’mon. there’s more places to visit and many, many pictures to take.”
the tour around town continues with cute spots, and, as promised, you take pictures of ellie in every single one. some are candids, which she doesn’t mind, but there are other times where you make her pose.
ellie hates being aware of the camera, and would’ve complained about it if you were literally anyone else, but it was you, and, even though you have just met, she already feels an unbearable desire to please you.
approximately an hour and a half later, you finally take her to the field you’d told her about. the vast greenery welcomes you, and ellie feels how peace settles within her as you two sit down on the sunbleached grass.
neither of speak for a while; you’re with your eyes closed as you listen to the silence, and ellie is busy watching the clouds pass by.
she doesn’t notice when, a few minutes later, you move to pull out your phone and snap one last picture of her. this time, you remember to mute your phone to not let the shutter blow your cover again. you drop it on the grass once you’re done, and lean back on your hands as a contented sigh leaves your lips. ellie looks over at you at the sound, smiling softly.
“thank you for showing me around today.”
“thanks for letting me,” you reply, returning the smile. “i hope i didn’t tire you out too much.”
“nah, it’s fine. i’m not tired at all,” she lies easily, waving a hand dismissively.
in all honesty, she was exhausted. her legs were a minute away from giving up. she’d do it all over again if you asked her, though.
“look,” you suddenly say, snapping her out of her thoughts. she follows your gaze, and she sees two guys laughing as they sit down the shade of a tree. “the blonde one’s blushing so badly i can see it from here,” you murmur, amused. “it has to be a first date, right?”
“looks like it,” she says, and tries not to think about the fact that they’re doing exactly what you two are currently doing. if that’s what you considered a date, does that mean you thought of this as a date, too?
ellie has been on dates before. not as many as the average person might go on, but she has, at least, the slightest experience in the matter.
the dates had gone well — not great, but not terrible, either. none of them prospered into a second one, and ellie felt like she was done trying at the age of 23. hookups? she wouldn’t give that up. but dating? yeah, she has been pretty much over it for a couple of years now.
ellie didn’t feel comfortable. it was as if her awkwardness intensified to an astronomical degree and she couldn’t fully concentrate on what was going on. she tried her best to ask follow-up questions, to appear at least somewhat interested in what her dates were talking about. she barely succeeded.
the girls weren’t the problem — they were interesting, but ellie didn’t click with them. also, she absolutely dreaded the part where the girls expected her to open up, to give them some information about herself. she tried to give them something, but it wouldn’t go further than how her day had been.
she had always struggled with intimacy. physical intimacy she could handle, but emotional intimacy was a whole different story. letting people know what she was thinking, what she liked, what she didn’t like, how she was feeling — she’d rather die.
which is why it’s extremely curious how now, sitting next to you, she comes to the realization that she wouldn’t mind if you considered this a date. she wouldn’t even mind if you asked her something, either. anything. she’d answer it.
she doesn’t seem to realize she’s already been doing that since the moment you met.
“you need to post every single one of these.”
ellie looks at you, and she sees you’re scrolling through the pictures you took of her. she shifts closer, her shoulder bumping into yours as she looks at the photos, too.
there are some that ellie would never in a million years even think of posting, which are, mostly, the ones where she’s smiling. she needs to keep her cool, mysterious persona alive, and those go against it. much to her disgrace, those are the ones you like best.
“this one’s my favorite, though,” you say.
you’re talking about the first picture you took of her back in the church. ellie can agree it’s a nice one, but what she likes the most about it isn’t the picture itself, but the memory attached to it — the sheepish look on your face when the shutter of the camera exposed you and, especially, the way you had laughed afterwards.
“so, should i post that one?”
you shake your head at her question, “this is the one i am going to post, i already told you that. you will post every single one of the others.”
ellie laughs, “every single one? isn’t that a bit much?”
“mm, no. i don’t think so. i think it’s vital.”
“vital,” she repeats, still amused. “okay, you’re the expert.”
your smile turns smug, “that’s good, you’re learning.”
the evening passes slowly under the warm italian sun. ellie is in no rush to leave, and, by the looks of it, neither are you. at one point, you find yourselves sprawled on the grass, shoulders touching as you stare up into the sky.
“i still can’t believe i’m here,” ellie speaks up after a while.
“in italy?”
“well—yeah, actually, but i meant here with you,” she says, and you wait for her to explain. “i’m not usually the type for person to just… tag along to a stranger’s plans. i don’t even talk to strangers,” she adds with a self-deprecating smile. “i mean, most of the ‘wild’ things i’ve done are because dina came up with them and made me do them.”
you hum, “but you still did them, right? that’s what matters.”
ellie tilts her head, “yeah, i guess.”
you roll your eyes, but it’s painfully fond instead of annoyed. “give yourself some credit, ellie.”
“i give myself plenty of credit.”
“i think you’re full of shit.”
ellie’s mouth falls open in mock offense. “you’re rude, did you know that? does your grandma know? i’ll tell her.”
you laugh, “you can try, but you’d have to learn italian to communicate with her — she refuses to speak english anymore. says it’s rude to her husband and this beautiful country that took her in.”
“wow, that’s… kind of romantic, and a little bit insane.”
“it’s what we should all strive to have.”
ellie turns her head to look at you, a hand resting on her stomach and the other mindlessly plucking blades of grass, “a partner who gives up their mother tongue to speak your language?”
“sacrificial love,” you correct her with a gentle smile. “and i don’t mean we should sacrifice something huge that would make us miserable — i mean doing stuff we wouldn’t usually do, but we’d do it for the right person.”
ellie falls silent for a moment, processing your words. she hums, her eyes leaving you to look up at the sky again.
“i think that’s what love is about — willingness to sacrifice your own comfort to do something for someone else. what do you think?”
she isn’t sure what she thinks. her knowledge of love is severely lacking, but the more she thinks about your definition, the more she agrees.
“i’ve never really thought about it, but i like the way you described it,” she says.
silence takes over after that, neither of you feeling the need to fill it. you lay next to each other for another fifteen minutes. no more words are exchanged, just enjoying each other’s company is enough.
“it’s getting dark,” you point out after a while, turning your head to her as she does the same. “we should probably head back.”
“yeah, probably,” she muses, but makes no effort to move at all.
her eyes trail over your face, and she doesn’t care if you notice. you cannot possibly expect her to act normal when there’s such little distance between you.
ellie feels warm all over, and it isn’t because of the summer heat. she feels it inside, a soft feeling spreading through her chest as her gaze flicks between your eyes and your lips.
“do you hear that?” you whisper.
ellie blinks, her eyes flicking back to yours. “hear what?”
“music.”
she pauses, but the only sound she hears is the pathetic thumping of her own heart. she closes her eyes, eyebrows furrowing in concentration as she tries to pick up the sound of whatever you’re hearing.
nothing happens for a moment, until, finally, ellie hears it. it’s faint, barely there, but she can hear it.
“how do you feel about making one last stop before i free you to go back to your friends?”
ellie looks at you, and the smile on her face is already enough of an answer. she loves her friends more than anything, but she isn’t in a rush to go back to them, not when the option to spend more time with you was available.
night has begun to fall, and the streetlights flicker on as you move towards the music. you tell her that, during summer weekends, it’s common for the town to get together in the main square and enjoy an evening of live music.
ellie’s breath catches slightly when you finally arrive at the piazza — fairy lights hang from balconies to balconies, casting warm light over the people dancing.
it looks like something out of a movie, and ellie can already tell she’ll feel nostalgic about this specific moment in the future.
she follows you mindlessly as you step into the makeshift dancefloor, brushing past locals and other tourists who look like they’re having the time of their lives. ellie’s pretty sure she has the same expression on her face, like she has just stepped into an alternate reality where nothing can go wrong.
the band starts playing another song just as you finally find a spot that convinces you enough to stay. ellie recognizes it instantly, it’s alright by jamiroquai.
i need your love, i need your love, i need your love.
“don’t you dance?” you ask her with a small laugh. you’re already moving to the beat, waiting to see if she’ll join you or stay still for the entirety of the song.
ellie grimaces, “i’m not the best at it,” she leans in so you can hear her over the music.
“i’m not asking you to perform the nutcracker or anything, y’know.”
she rolls her eyes, but there’s a smile tugging at her lips. she looks around for a moment — everyone is in their own little world. when her eyes flicker back to you, you’re still smiling at her.
“come fly with me eternally, you and me, we were meant to be,” the guy sings, and ellie loses her train of thought when she notices you mouthing the lyrics.
you don’t wait for her to make up her mind, you just grab her hands and move them to the beat until ellie reluctantly starts dancing on her own with a look of mock annoyance on her face.
yeah, yeah, alright
let’s spend the night together, wake up and live forever
“that’s it,” you say, laughter spilling out. you don’t let go of her hands, you actually pull her closer. “you’re a natural. did you ever think of telling me you were this gifted?”
“shut up,” she tells you, but she’s also laughing.
i see your eyes hold the key to my paradise
summer in your smile
well, it makes me feel so real
the longer she dances with you, the looser she gets. she even makes you spin, and you clumsily try to not bump into the people around you.
“shit, sorry,” you hastily apologize to a woman, who’s definitely too drunk to care about you almost stepping on her toes.
ellie doesn’t realize a lot of things until they hit her all at once; the fact that you’re closer than you’ve ever been before, the way one of her hands had wandered down to your waist and the other somehow ended up cradling the back of your neck.
take my hand, as one we will stand
you know it’s now or never to say hello to forever
she can’t help it, her eyes flicker down to your lips just as they did back in the field. the band keeps playing, everyone around you keeps dancing and singing signing along, but ellie’s not paying attention to any of that.
when she drags her gaze away from your lips, she expects to meet your eyes again. her stomach flips when she notices you’re too busy staring at her mouth.
she takes that as a sign, and, before she can talk herself out of it, she leans forward. you meet her halfway, and ellie can feel you smiling when her lips press against yours.
she can’t hold in the small chuckle that escapes her before she deepens the kiss, bringing you even closer than before. you go willingly, your mind completely empty except for the repeated “oh my god’s” and “fuckfuckfuck’s” echoing through your head.
you don’t know how long the kiss lasts, but, once ellie pulls away, you desperately wish it could’ve lasted even longer. forever, even.
your eyes lock, and her sheepish smile almost disarms you entirely. you can’t comprehend how someone can be so cute and so unfairly hot at the same time.
“i don’t think i wanna let you go back to your friends now,” you say, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.
“i don’t wanna go, either,” she admits. “…maybe you could come with me? the four of us can have dinner. we can cook, or we can go somewhere. i don’t care.”
“do you think they’ll mind if i’m there?”
ellie snorts, as if the idea is completely ridiculous. if anything, they’ll be so happy they’ll be bouncing off the walls. “trust me, they won’t.”
she threads her fingers through yours, and smiles gently before leaning in to kiss you again. this one’s shorter than the first, but not any less sweeter.
“let’s go,” she mumbles, barely pulling away from you. “you’re going to have to guide us, though, because i don’t know where the hell i am.”
you laugh, as if guiding her through town wasn’t the thing you’ve been doing all day. you give her one last peck, because why not, before you start leading her out of the crowd.
ellie pulls out her phone with her free hand, and uses the last seconds of her battery to text her friends. she needs to give them a heads up in case they’re doing something she definitely doesn’t want to interrupt.
ellie: coming home
ellie: be nice to our guest
dina replies almost immediately.
dina: GUEST?
ellie: yeah
ellie: please don’t be weird
ellie: PLEASE
jesse: Did you hook up with her
ellie rolls her eyes before she quickly types in her reply.
ellie: who do you think i am
jesse: A. horny lesbian
dina: they definitely made out
dina: i feel my blue moon senses tingling
jesse: Blue monk
jesse: Aha amiright ladies
ellie’s phone dies before she can reply, and she figures that’s for the best. she would’ve gotten tired by typing the amount of insults she wanted with just one hand.
she focuses on you, and the fact that you’re still holding her hand. you keep shooting glances at her, and every single time your eyes meet hers. neither of you has been able to erase the dumb smiles from your faces. it’s embarrassing, but oh-so-good.
then, a thought suddenly hits her, and she’s opening her mouth before she can even process it.
“how far is boston from new york?”
you raise your eyebrows, “thinking of visiting me already?”
she shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. “if i go to boston and you happen to be there, i guess i wouldn’t mind seeing you.”
you shake your head in amusement, “it’s, like, a one hour flight. couple of hours more by train.”
“oh, that’s not too bad—wait,” she interrupts herself. “did you check already?”
“it’s general knowledge,” you roll your eyes, trying to hide the fact that yes, you had definitely checked the distance between your cities earlier while you were at the field.
ellie hums, eyeing you suspiciously. “right, right,” she says, clearly not buying it. “y’know, it’s crazy, i was actually planning a trip to boston after this.”
“were you, now?”
“yeah, it’s crazy,” she repeats. “chose that city randomly, too. don’t know why, i just felt boston calling out to me.”
you try to fight back the smile on your face, but it’s impossible. “you’re a dork.”
ellie shrugs with a lazy smile, not caring one bit about the insult.
“and you checked.”
when all you do is huff and not deny it, ellie’s smile turns annoyingly smug. she’s never been a cocky person, but this information strokes her ego just right, and it causes a surge of new found confidence within her. you don’t have time to process anything when, suddenly, she grabs your face with her free hand and kisses you.
ellie loves that your response to her kiss is almost instant, a contented hum leaving her when your hands come up to tangle in her hair.
“we’re in public,” you mumble against her lips when she backs you up against a wall, but you can’t even pretend to want to stop.
“the street is empty,” she replies, and dives in for another kiss. “everyone’s at that thing.”
“someone could—”, kiss, “—pop up any second,” you say, just to be annoying.
ellie huffs a small laugh, “i don’t think i care, do you?”
you don’t answer, and ellie’s smile widens when you pull her closer. by the back of her neck.
never in a million years she would have guessed that this is how her first day abroad would end. she can’t believe her luck, and the knowledge that she still has six more days of this fills her with excitement, which makes her kisses turn a little too eager. you don’t mind at all, and kiss her back with the same energy.
needless to say, your walk home takes a little more time than originally planned. ellie knows her friends will tease the absolute shit out of her.
she does not care one bit, though. how could she, with you by her side?
best friend ellie teaching reader how to swim and having a gay panic at how much physically contact and how little clothing is involved in the activity
in too deep 𓂃 𓈒𓏸
warnings : ellie williams x afab!reader. canon universe. oblivious best friends with feelings. swearing. lighthearted. no major warnings! i haven't done requests in so long, i feel kinda nervous eek.
w.c : 3.9k.
𓂃 𓈒𓏸
Summer in Jackson meant days spent by the lake, something that Ellie had participated in a multitude of times throughout her years so far spent in the safe community.
Everyone indulged–some more than others. Lake days tended to be slightly more popular amongst the younger crowd in Jackson, specifically those in their late teens and twenties. When Ellie had been just a few years younger–newly swimming–Cat had helped Ellie out of her shell, allowing her to spread her wings and grasp the idea that yes, Ellie could have fun moments, too.
Ellie had spent her summer of seventeen being kissed by Cat under the gazes of all of their friends, the grassy ground and lapping water serving as an oasis. Not entirely private, but comfortable.
Though things changed as time went on, days at the lake did not. Ellie was no longer being kissed, for Cat was no longer her girlfriend. Amicable still, and respected in quiet that didn’t need to be disturbed–the terms were just fine. Ellie and Cat didn’t really hang out much anymore, or talk frequently… but company would be shared by the water. A given, really, no matter the day or year.
These days, Dina and Jesse typically planned the outings, to which Ellie would be roused from her space to join them. Wyoming summers were pleasant, too, for the most part. The nights still got cold, however–so asses would be put into gear before sundown to make it home in time. As long as they were careful, Maria didn’t mind it. Let the younger ones have their fun, reminiscent of a world with carefree laughter and summers that might’ve been spent on beaches. As long as safety was a priority and job shifts were not flaked on–let there be lake!
This summer in particular wasn’t much different from the others that had happened so far. Ellie was a bit older, and more sure of her swimming skills than she had been at sixteen… but really, not much had changed. Not even the company.
Except for you, which had been the biggest change so far.
You had come to Jackson with a winter storm, though you were truly anything but.
In the midst of the harsh weather, just several months ago, you and your group had essentially been rescued by some of Jackson’s patrol people. The snow storm that day had been unrelenting, your fingers frozen so stiffly that you had genuinely feared potentially losing feeling in them forever.
Even with chattering teeth, and lips that had started to turn purple, you attempted to greet the people of Jackson with a smile. Your gratefulness went a long way, and if simple manners were all that you could offer in return at the time, then so be it.
Getting comfortable can be hard. Trusting safety can be difficult. Despite those things, and the other adjustments that come with joining a new community and meeting new people, you had found your place within Jackson rather quickly.
Found genuine friends, even.
For that, Ellie was grateful. A little disbelieving, too, that some girl–you–had suddenly shown up and liked to look at comics with her. Didn’t mind listening to the same albums on repeat, either. Your falling into friendship with Ellie had been like the warmth of the sun thawing frosted dew on the grass.
You fit into the small friend group like a piece that they didn’t realize was missing until your presence just worked. Plus, Ellie loved not having to be a third wheel anymore, despite how welcoming Dina and Jesse had always been with her. Ellie liked a lot of things about you being around, honestly. She wasn’t completely verbal about it, but it was shown in other ways. There was a photo of you–smiling and leaning against Shimmer’s stall–that was tacked to the board above Ellie’s bed. You had joined the visual space of her loved ones after a few months of friendship.
And now, as it was your first summer spent in Jackson, you were to have your first lake day with Ellie, Jesse, and Dina.
The four of you were lucky to sneak away alone, without any additional people tagging along or also heading there for their own plans that afternoon. The extra company wasn’t necessarily always minded, but it was nice to have some privacy, sometimes. Guards could be lowered, and all that. Jokes unrestricted. Inhibitions lowered.
The afternoon had been a good one so far.
The sun was bright, golden streaks of light reflecting off of the water. Dina had stripped down to her underwear and bra, and was floating peacefully on her back, eyes shut. Jesse idled nearby her, tracing his fingers through ripples on the water’s surface.
You had stripped down, too. Underwear and a tanktop were what had covered your body, though your flimsy attempt at some sort of modesty had been abandoned as you pulled off your top, opting to remain in your bra instead. The feeling of the wet material of the tanktop clinging to your skin had been driving you crazy. Sufficient apparel for swimming would’ve been brought, had any of you known that actually getting in the lake would’ve been feasible on this day. You had figured that the water would still be too cold for a proper submerging, and that the afternoon would’ve been spent lounging in the grass and dipping only your feet in.
The water was cold, but the sun was warm enough to make you all reconsider. You had hesitated, still. Dina had been the first to suggest it, and then to act on it. Fuck it, she had said with a grin. And then Jesse followed her into the water.
The lake was most shallow closest to the grassy edge, though you knew that it dropped off to be deeper near where Jesse and Dina were swimming.
You stayed in the shallow, eyes shut and face tilted toward the sun. Really, you were hardly in the water at all. You sat with your legs stretched out in front of you, leaning back on your elbows. The water lapped over your bare thighs, the tranquil sound mingling with the faint scratching of Ellie’s pencil against pages–taking place just behind you.
Ellie was on the grass–her choppy, auburn strands only half dried. She was bent over her journal, sketching trees that were in her line of sight. She had been in the water earlier, having had a splash fight with Jesse while very deliberately preventing her gaze from flickering toward your form whatsoever. Now, with you just a few feet in front of her, it was proving to be a little more difficult.
Well.
It really wasn’t a big deal, Ellie silently told herself. Over and over.
She kept her eyes fixated upon her sketched tree, and only her sketched tree. It wasn’t a big deal. Dina was half-naked, too. But… Dina was Dina. And you were… you.
“Are you seriously not even going to get in?”
You forced your eyes open, head falling slightly forward so that your eyes could land upon the source of the sudden voice–Dina. She was no longer floating on her back but was instead upright, the water just below her shoulders.
“I am in,” you called to her, to which Dina rolled her eyes and threw her head back.
Her hair had been thrown up into a bun, some dark strands slipping free and ending up wet and plastered to her cheeks. “All the way in,” Dina replied, shooting you a pointed look. “You’re practically on all… grass and dirt. I thought you were excited to come.”
You heard Ellie huff behind you. Your eyebrows pulled together, a slight crease appearing between them as you glanced down at your bare legs. Sure, you weren’t in the water much… but you were still enjoying it.
“I was, I am,” you said. “I’m good like this, really.” Your sentence had started loud to bridge the distance between yourself and Dina, but had softened as Jesse started swimming a bit toward the shallow end, just so that you didn’t have to raise your voice.
“Are you sure you’re good?” he questioned, water droplets flying from his hair as he gave a quick shake of his head. “We can head back, you know. If you aren’t–”
“I’m fine.” You offered a smile–a genuine one. “It’s way too cold to go that deep, you guys are crazy. I’m perfectly fine to stay right here,” you continued, shifting your feet a bit to gently splash them against the shallow water.
“What about you, huh?” Jesse said, directing his words toward Ellie now. “Sulking because you can’t handle a splash?”
“Fuck off.”
A soft snort of amusement escaped you at Ellie’s dry response. You looked over your shoulder to catch a glimpse of her, seeing that she hadn’t bothered to look up from her sketching while quipping back to Jesse. Her pencil was held by her right hand, and she scratched at her chin with her left one–eyebrows furrowed.
Your lips curved on instinct at the sight of her–a soft, fond sort of look. Ellie caught your smile. Returned it.
Ellie’s cheeks were tinted a faint pink, a result of the time spent out in the sun. Something about the sight caused a flutter within your stomach, made your heels dig farther into the ground beneath you. The tops of Ellie’s shoulders had gone pink too, though they were now hidden from you. You had noticed it earlier though, after she had gotten out of the water and before she had tugged her t-shirt back on.
“Whatcha drawing?” you asked, craning your neck slightly to still peer at Ellie from over your shoulder.
Jesse gave the smallest splash in your direction–to which you didn’t even flinch–before wading through the water to move back toward Dina.
It was a detail that escaped yourself and Ellie, but everyone else was privy to it… the fact that it was honestly hopeless to try to engage in a conversation with either one of you once the two of you–yourself and Ellie–began speaking to each other. The world seemed to narrow down within an instant, causing scoffs and knowing eyerolls that you both were oblivious to.
“Mmm, noneya,” Ellie mumbled, giving you a brief side glance before looking back down at her journal.
“Whatcha drawing?” you questioned again.
“The trees. You really aren’t gonna swim?”
You managed a shrug, relieving your neck of the strain as you turned to look forward once more, watching as Dina dipped her hair under the water.
“You said it was freezing,” you replied, pulling up your knees a little and giving them a sway. “Plus, I’m good right here.”
Ellie swallowed, her green eyes flickering to the back of your head. She tucked her pencil within the pages of her journal and slowly shut it, recognizing something within you that she had previously been able to identify within herself.
Within a matter of seconds, Ellie had moved to plop down on the grass next to you. She brought her knees up, resting her elbows upon the tops of them as she peered into the lake. “What’s up for real?” she muttered, hesitating just briefly before deciding against bumping her arm against your own. Normally she would, maybe. But you also didn’t normally have this much skin on display.
“What’s up with you?” you retorted softly. You bumped your arm against Ellie’s as the words left your lips. Ellie nearly shivered. “You’re being quiet,” you continued, gaze flickering over Ellie’s side profile. “All… contemplative like.”
“Contemplative,” Ellie snorted, giving a small shake of her head. “You know this doesn’t count as a real swim? I learned that the hard way,” she said, and then mustered up the courage to give your arm a gentle nudge in return.
You opened your mouth to respond, but all that came out instead was a yelp of protest as yourself and Ellie were suddenly splashed by Dina. She swam closer with a grin, sending another splash in your direction for good measure.
“Don’t be boring. Come swim,” Dina taunted playfully, steadily meeting your gaze as she raised her eyebrows at you.
Huffing, you straightened out one leg, leaving the one closest to Ellie still pulled halfway up toward your chest. “I can’t.”
“You can. The water isn’t that bad. Don’t be a chicken. We’ve waited for this–”
“No, I can’t swim,” you relented, dropping your other leg to sit up straight.
“Wait, really?” Ellie’s eyebrows drew together, her gaze flickering over your face.
“I just never– There was never really a chance– I just haven’t been able to learn. There wasn’t–”
“It’s no big deal,” Jesse interrupted, using a large rock near the surface to pull himself out of the water. “Ellie can teach you.”
As soon as Jesse’s words registered in Ellie’s ears, her eyes widened. She was quick to shoot him a look of protest–a silent shut the fuck up.
“Really?” you asked, your voice pitched with enthusiasm as you focused your attention entirely on Ellie.
“No,” Ellie scrambled to reply, her limbs going slightly rigid.
“Sure you can,” Jesse said casually, sprawling his body on the rock to relax as he dried off.
“No, I actually can’t.” Ellie gritted her teeth, but you were already standing and Dina was beckoning you into the water.
Ellie’s gaze flickered to your back, to which she immediately regretted. She averted her gaze. Quickly. Not a big deal. Ellie just… liked being around you. Liked when she made you laugh, which was a lot, much to Ellie’s own disbelief. Liked the sound of your voice, even on days where everything felt annoying. And she had just… like, never seen that much of your skin before. It was whatever.
“Come on. Like, actually, please? It’s stupid. I should learn. I want to learn, but–”
No, sorry, Ellie wanted to say. Absolutely not, actually.
You stood and stared at Ellie, the water hitting just below your knees. Ellie tried to swallow, but her mouth was too goddamn fucking dry. “Dina can teach you,” Ellie croaked.
“No, I think you should do it, El,” Dina said cooly, maneuvering herself to the same rock that Jesse was lounging on.
“You are such a dick,” Ellie hissed under her breath, giving Dina a sharp glare before she forced herself to face you. “Uh. Fuck. Okay. Okay, sure,” Ellie mumbled, pulling herself up to her feet. She kept her shirt and shorts on before cautiously treading into the water, still keeping a good foot of space between your bodies.
You took a few steps backward, allowing yourself into slightly deeper waters with Ellie now approaching. “When did you learn? To swim, I mean.”
Ellie shrugged, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. She slowly followed your steps, her gaze only flickering between your face or the lake. “Few years ago. Joel taught me.”
You stopped moving through the water once the level hit your chest, your gaze stuck on Ellie’s face as you continued to face her. “How’d he teach you?”
Ellie’s lips faintly twitched, her eyebrows raising as she looked down at the water, taking a step closer to you. “Pushed me in. No warning, or anything. Just–”
She raised a hand to make a pushing motion, causing you to flinch and jerk away from her.
“Do not–!”
“Whoa, whoa. Jesus, I’m not gonna do that to you,” Ellie said, a soft scoff of amusement falling from her lips. Her hands awkwardly fell to her sides, though their submerging in the water did little to prevent the nervous twitch of her fingers.
You narrowed your eyes at her, though your expression of amusement was evident–and enough to cause Ellie to relax slightly.
“I trust you,” you said, almost like a warning. Ellie held her hands up in a surrender as her response.
“Should go just a little deeper,” Ellie muttered, rolling her shoulders back. “Like, just a little.”
You moved backward a bit more, until the water lapped just below your shoulders. “Good?”
Ellie hummed, and gave a jerky nod in response. “You don’t seem… scared.”
“I’m not,” you replied, placing your palms over the lake’s surface, feeling the gentle ripple beneath your skin. “I’m not scared of the water, I’m just not confident about my skill because I’ve never really practiced it. But I know you have to like… trust your body, trust the water, feel the movement…”
Ellie nodded, her gaze flickering over your face as you spoke. “Yeah.” She cleared her throat softly. “Yeah, basically. It’s really just… keeping yourself up? It’s hard when there’s, like, a lot of waves. But this is chill. It’s basically like glass,” she muttered, skimming her fingers over the water.
“Keeping myself up,” you muttered, straightening your posture as you were aware of how much of your body was submerged. “Staying afloat. I can do that. Easy. I just, like, have this weird thing about getting pulled under, and–”
“You won’t,” Ellie interrupted, keeping a tiny space still between your bodies. “This kind of water won’t just randomly suck you under. Plus, it’s like, physics. And–”
“And you’re here, so I’m good,” you finished, your tone soft and quiet as you tilted your head and smiled at her.
Ellie inhaled. Swallowed. “Yeah.”
Your heart did a stupid flutter, so you told yourself that it was nerves. “Let me just float first. Like, feel it. If that’s–”
“Yeah, you can– We can do that.”
“No flailing yet.”
“No flailing yet,” Ellie agreed, the corners of her lips tugging upwards. “If you move onto your back–”
“Feels like setting myself up for failure. Or, flailure.”
Ellie suppressed a snort, her eyes crinkling in amusement as she shot you a glance. “Ha-ha. If you wanna switch to Joel’s method…” she mused dryly.
“No, I’m good. Just… like, don’t let me go, okay? Let me get comfortable with it before anything else,” you said.
You puffed your cheeks momentarily as you prepared yourself, before maneuvering your form and adjusting onto your back. The slight dip feeling caused your breath to hitch, but you forced yourself to relax. You shut your eyes, the brightness of the sun just a touch overbearing like this.
In all honesty, you looked quite natural. Ellie’s head tilted idly to the side as she watched you. She bit the inside of her cheek as her gaze flickered over your form, just once.
“I feel like I’m–” you started to speak, a hint of resigned concern lacing your tone.
“No, you’re fine. It feels weird, but you’re fine. You can kinda… tread water with your hands, I guess. Or do slow circles with your arms.”
“I know. Just feels awkward,” you murmured.
“Great teaching, man,” Jesse called out from where he was apparently spectating on the rock. “Very interesting method of just standing and watching.”
Jesse’s words made you jolt, which ended in a small flail of your arms. “Ellie–” you huffed, realizing that she hadn’t truly made a move to assist.
“I gotchu,” Ellie murmured, ignoring the way in which her cheeks flamed due to Jesse’s bullshit. Her hands hovered just briefly–uncertain–before she tentatively moved them to your back, as if to hold you up.
At the steady support from Ellie’s palms, you relaxed once more against the gentle lapping of the water. Ellie, however, felt impossibly tense. It was a simple touch, really–her palms against the skin of your back. But it was also… a lot. Your body–yours–wet from the lake, relaxed against her touch, made Ellie’s fingers want to curl despite how rigid she was currently keeping herself.
Ellie did not look at Jesse or Dina. She did not look at your half-naked form, not really, and instead focused on the spot of water where her arms had dipped to support you. She was not thinking about how this was the most she’s ever seen of you, or that she’s never really felt you like this, a simple hand on the bare of your back should not be enough to turn Ellie’s brain to static–and yet.
You hummed, content with the simple floating under Ellie’s support.
“Still good?” Ellie questioned under her breath, her voice bordering on being slightly hoarse.
“Yeah, still good,” you murmured.
“This isn’t swimming, you know. Just floating,” Ellie muttered.
“I’ll get to it.”
You shifted just a little, resulting in one of Ellie’s hands to instinctively skim up your back, her finger accidentally brushing the band of your bra.
You shivered. Just barely. Ellie’s eyes–much too alert–caught sight of the goosebumps as soon as she felt them, a body’s reaction that can’t be suppressed. Ellie pays too much attention, and it unfortunately did very little to help her already struggling case.
“You cold?” Ellie rasped, her fingers twitching against your back.
“Nope,” you replied softly.
The ripples of the lake shifted you, your form pulling toward Ellie and then away from her–a gentle back and forth–as her hands remained your beam of support–just in case. Ellie’s fingertips skimmed, adjusting their positioning to what felt natural–call it instinct or the comfortability of helping a best friend–one arm slipped to rest under your knees, the other moving to the backs of your shoulders.
Your breath hitched imperceptibly, more goosebumps, but you were calm under Ellie’s touch. It shouldn’t have made her heart feel weird, but it did. Ellie was helping you, pretty much–of course you would be relaxed. You were floating. It was a nice day. But still.
Ellie tried to be careful about these things. Careful about not overstepping, careful about not reading into things. You could be more nervous about the water than you had let on, and maybe that’s why you had goosebumps. You could genuinely be cold. Or, even if it was due to Ellie’s touch, it didn’t necessarily have to mean anything.
Ellie’s breathing started to match your own, because yeah, yours had changed a little, and she had noticed. Her gaze flickered to the rise and fall of your chest–not to be weird–but to try to gauge how you were feeling. She wanted to make some stupid joke about feeling as though she was doing most of the work, but her mouth felt too dry. And the physical contact felt… nice. Admittedly. Nicer than it should, probably.
Ellie’s fingers flexed against you, the goosebumps still jarring her. It was a mixture of things, really, combined with your skin, soft and slippery and so close–
“Fuck–” Ellie hissed, pulling her arms out from under your form as if she had suddenly been burned.
You yelped at the brashness of it, your body flailing as your support had quite literally been pulled out from under you. Splashes washed over Ellie as you kicked your feet and circled your arms to steady yourself, and Ellie was already a few feet away by the time that you had gotten yourself upright.
“Ellie, what the fuck?” you sputtered, water dripping down your face as you whirled around to her, your face scrunched in confusion and mild annoyance.
Ellie’s chest heaved, her hands hovering awkwardly above the water as though she were afraid to touch anything else. The heat of humiliation washed over her face, and the sound of Dina and Jesse’s loud, echoing laughter from the rock didn’t help either.
“Sorry. I– Fuck, sorry. There was– I didn’t– It’s cold. Are you cold?”
You shook your head, wiping at your wet face with your wet hands, doing little to do away with the water droplets. Heart hammering in your chest, you pushed yourself through the water, moving back toward the shallow end anyway.
Ellie stood frozen as she watched, waiting until you were ahead of her before she forced herself to follow, her pulse feeling uncomfortably quick. “Fucking nice, Ellie,” she grumbled under her breath.
𓂃 𓈒𓏸
& thank you to @letmebeurbaby for helping me proofread <3
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lovesick ellie who buys you flowers every other week, keeping the vase on your kitchen table stocked with peonies and roses and daisies and lilacs, a pretty burst of color in your apartment.
lovesick ellie who blushes bright red when you smile at her, her breathing shaky when you kiss her. you’re always endeared by her reactions, your stomach a flurry of butterfly wings.
lovesick ellie who loves to make you feel good. she’s always cracking stupid jokes to make you laugh, always calling you pretty girl so you’ll crack a smile. she does have a favorite way to make you feel good, though.
lovesick ellie who kisses you slow and sweet, lays you out on her mattress and takes her time undressing you. by the time she presses a hand between your legs, you’re already soaked; wet from kissing, wet from the feeling of ellie’s hands on you.
lovesick ellie who tells you that she loves you with her mouth on your cunt. she sinks her fingers into you and it’s all too much; ellie moans against your pussy and you see stars.
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art!student!ellie x music!student!reader
headcannons, a blurb, & a smau all in one <3
college au. loser ellie. pure fluff. no warnings!!
3k words ~ 14 minutes, not proofread
— ♫ when the long awaited acceptance letter from the university of washington arrived on your doorstep, to say you were excited was an understatement — having grown up with nobody to talk to except an empty notebook and a half-filled music sheet, the art of sound soon became your safe place, something you wanted so badly to blossom into a career.
— ♫ you packed your bags feverishly, despite the major upcoming move in your life and the fact that no one you knew was going to end up in washington, and therefore your social life were to end up thousands of miles away.
— ♫ and so the time finally came, you were slowly but surely moving into your first ever dorm.
— ✎ unbeknownst to you, the art student that lived just next door had noticed your appearance, and that mere glance was all it took for her to remain inside of her dorm until she heard your hustle start to die down.
— ✎ neighbor!ellie who decides from there on that if she ever were to interact with you — it would be very intricately planned, every word that would fall from her lips a practiced one. because… as she quoted to dina… “how the hell am i supposed to talk to her?”
— ✎ as expected, a college dorm’s walls are paper thin. ellie’s room has a stagnant smell of acrylic that seeps into yours, and in return your gentle strum of guitar and soothing pressing of keys lullaby ellie to sleep… sometimes.. maybe a lot of times.
— ♫ whilst ellie’s inevitable art block hits, she finds refuge in painting what she sees when she listens to your music. she’s surprised at how it doesn’t bother her — all your mistrums, your untuned instruments, your cacophonies when a piece doesn’t go your way — she sees art in it. whether it’s haphazardly crafted strokes of a paintbrush or a certain landscape she can imagine the song taking place in, she’ll paint it until the pestful block starts to fade.
— ✎ neighbor!ellie who, before she even knows your name, owns a piece of your heart—or, rather, she knows of it—through your songs.
— ✎ neighbor!ellie who very quickly learns your name after dina, her dormmate whom she met freshman year, somehow finds your social media account…s. like all of them.
— ♫ you tend to practice scales when you’re anxious or in your head. one day, your scales become messy and as they restart over and over, ellie knows your having a rough day.
— ♫ you start to become familiar with canvases being leaned against the wall. a simple, hollow, wooden thunk becomes strangely comforting to you.
— ✎ neighbor!ellie absolutely refuses to look directly at you when you pass her in the hallway. she’ll suddenly become very interested in her phone. or the carpet. or literally anything else.
— ♫ meanwhile, you’re thinking: “does my neighbor secretly hate me?”
— ✎ there have been many, many instances where ellie holds the door open for you and you have to awkwardly speed walk before thanking her. ellie will then continue to think about that small “thank you!” for the rest of her day—“she gave me a look dina, i swear to god!”
— ♫ to make matters worse, ellie crowns you as the most polite person to ever grace the earth. you could give her a quick good morning and she will look at you like you just blessed her entire day.
— ♫ you throw away old music sheets all the time, piles upon piles of paper that were once fragments of your own brain. one day, a page slips out onto the hallway. ellie picks it up, and - well - instead of returning it.. she paints over the margins. small doodles touched with hints of watercolor. moths. stars and planets. foliage. after a huge mental dilemma, she quietly slips it back under your door.
— ✎ a soft hum of electricity shutting off wakes you up from your night of rest. your vine lights are dimmed, your lamp that you leave on the bathroom that previously brought you a sense of comfort now completely dark.
you huff an over-exaggerated sigh of annoyance, shoving your pillow over your face in a desperate attempt at blocking the sleep fatigue that threatened to seep into your skull.
you peel yourself from your bed with the unwavering force of a toddler on a tantrum, clad only in short-sleep-shorts and an oversized sweatshirt.
“you’ve got to be kidding me,” your words are swallowed by darkness. you search blindly for your phone, finally grasping onto it only to be met with the unforgiving brightness as the screen displays 1:27 AM. no notifications. no service. no power. fantastic!
you slip on your slippers before braving opening the door.
the hallway is brighter than your room, moonlight spilling through the stairwell windows at the very end. doors crack open one by one as sleepy, disgruntled students poke their heads out, mumbling confused curses to one another before retreating back inside.
someone down the hall dramatically groans, someone else cheers because they “don’t have to finish their paper now.”
you roll your eyes before ultimately deciding to step out into the hallway and lean against your closed door. an unlocking noise brings attention to your left, your neighbor—who you could only describe as sweet and painfully awkward.
you see her step out, wearing an oversized (spiderman?) t-shirt and baggy sweatpants. her eyes appear startled as they catch onto yours and she huffs out a small: “hi.”
”hi, ellie.” you respond. and, in ellie’s mind, you seem as cool and as calm as one could possibly be. in her mind, she wants a sinkhole to miraculously appear beneath her figure and swallow her whole. or—she thinks—an alien invasion can take place and she’ll be ripped from the ground and sent up skywards. just so she doesn’t have to bear with her own self.
”…powers out.” she says, still refusing to look directly in your eyes. she brings a hand up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear before immediately bringing her hand down to her side because, you look like a loser! idiot idiot idiot.
you laugh, ellie notices the way your nose crinkles and makes a mental note of it. “yeah i… hadn’t noticed.”
she laughs along with you before abruptly stopping, and you can tell that she feels stuck in her head. nerves, anxiety, and the fact that it’s the dead of night, can do that to a person. albeit your initial thoughts, you start to worry if it’s you that’s making her feel like this. if she sees you as the annoying neighbor making too much noise—but then you’re pulled back to when she slipped that paper under your door, and you’re met with a feeling of glee that you can and you will continue this conversation, and drive it to a point of meaning.
ellie can practically see the moment she shuts down, pulling on her ring and pinky finger with her other hand as she constantly shifts weight from one foot to the other. “well—“ she clears her throat. “i mean.. there’s never been a good time to,” she finally looks at your face then, stationary enough that you can start mapping out the constellations of her freckles adorning her nose.
“now’s a good time, don’t you think?” she gives a small nod in response, and you pinch your lips together. you never considered yourself an extrovert—far from that, actually—but you figured you’ve heard ellie be holed up in her dorm for far too many hours out of a day, feeling a spark of confidence to get her to actually talk. “what’s your number?”
ellie mentally scolds herself for jumping to the conclusion that your words echoed your actual thoughts. she stammers enough that she abides to just shutting up and grabbing her phone out of her pocket before handing it to you.
“perfect!” you exclaim sweetly, handing the phone back to her.
she takes it and tries not to think about the slight contact between your hands.
her eyes glance downwards at her own phone and she laughs to herself as she gives you a look, as to say ‘really?’. you opt to just smile at her in return.
coming to an embarrassing stop in thought, you no longer know how to drive this conversation.
luckily, as a surge of electricity sounds overhead, you no longer have to. as fluorescent lights begin to shine, you and ellie look around yourselves to see all hallway lights begin to shine. people groan at the blinding lights, while others cheer at the sight of power. you and ellie laugh breathlessly.
“oh thank god,” you mockingly cheer.
“yeah, i know.” she raises her hands slightly to accompany her words. so she talks with her hands, got it.
you come to a slight realization. “hey, you’re a sophomore, right?” she hums. “does this happen a lot?”
“umm,” she starts, in genuine thought. “once or twice, yeah. shitty electricity but there’s always a backup. seattle.. rain.. yeah.”
“mhm,” you raise an eyebrow at her, bursting out in a fit of laughter.
“wha—hey!” she gets angrily defensive once she realizes you’re laughing at her mannerisms.
“sorry, sorry,” the time must have seeped into delirium, must have brought you a high of giddiness as you couldn’t fend off the last dying fits of laughter.
”yeah yeah, keep laughing.” she crosses her arms and pokes her tongue against her inner cheek. the hallway has dimmed by now, replaced by exhausted college students.
“it was nice meeting you, ellie.” her face flushes and yours feels warm in return. “but, um… it’s like two in the morning and my bitch of a past self signed up for morning classes, so..”
“shit, yeah, of course,” she says, coming to the realization herself that all doors are closed and the hallway has been replaced with serenity. “have a nice night.”
you utter a small thank you in response before heading back into your dorm.
— ✎ neighbor!ellie who, now that you have her number, you text often for various reasons. a dorm upstairs blasting music way too loud and way too late in the night is your best option for a conversation starter!
— ♫ you also often text her before you start practicing any sort of instrument, insisting that it’s human decency to warn her and say that if she’s doing anything you can practice elsewhere. without fail, she’ll always let you. she insists that that’s human decency.
— ✎ this slowly turns into a somewhat-friendship with her. texts become more frequent, slowly learning more and more about eachother through your phones—despite only a wall between you two.
— ♫ one evening, the faint smell of weed drifts through your open door. you don’t think, grabbing your phone and using the scent as an excuse to talk to her.
you brave yourself, simultaneously giving yourself a mental pat on the back for actually saying yes. you glance once in the mirror, before deciding that it would be awkward if you actually did fix yourself up considering she’s right next door—and then you decide that you’re thinking way too much of this and you need to quiet your mind.
crossing over a mere doorway, you knock on her door once before it swings open in your face. instead of ellie—you’re met with a shorter brown-haired girl, internally scolding yourself that you’re barging in on someone else hanging out with ellie.
needless to say, you’re introduced pretty quickly and the conversation slews into short small talk whilst ellie stays quiet, having known where you grew up; your family; your dating life (which was a rather fast topic to be brought up by dina); and your music taste from the short time you two were friends.
by the time you three were situated across ellie’s dorm (read: ellie on her bed, your back against it, and dina sprawled on the floor), you’ve begun to feel afloat; senses overloaded yet dizzingly calmer.
it’s been silent for a bit, chatter calming down as the three of you focus on other things. ellie seems to be lost in thought staring at the ceiling whilst dina types vigorously on her phone. it continues, both the silence and her typing, before she aggressively gets up and sighs, “jesse’s giving me shit. i have to go, el, sorry. it was nice meeting you as well,” she waves to you and you smile in return. ellie gives a noncommittal goodbye.
without any thought, you ask ellie, “jesse?”
“mhm,” she says, before realizing that wasn’t any form of an answer. “boyfriend.” she states simply.
“oh.” in all honesty, you thought that maybe ellie and dina were a thing. a thing once maybe—you hadn’t expected dina to have a boyfriend, you thought she seemed like the type to either have a flirty friendship or a secret girlfriend. you can’t really make an assumption on someone when you’ve only seen them high, either, so you push your thoughts backwards.
ellie’s voice pulls you from your head. “m’why’re you down there? come up here, s’nicer and i can see’your face.” she states simply, words rushing together.
without any second thought, you climb up to her bed and collapse beside her, arms and legs touching. as you look up, you start to wonder what part of the ceiling was so interesting to her. or what thoughts occupied her mind—if any of them contained fragments of you.
it seems now you are the one lost in their head. because when you turn to look at ellie, she is already looking in your direction. you are met with verde eyes—yet there is a red hue surrounding the iris that makes her look absolutely gone, and thus you are sent into a fit of laughter.
ellie poses a mock-offended expression, as you explain through a fit of laughter: “dude, you are such a lightweight!”
she stutters and hits you playfully in the arm instead of attempting to string together coherency.
“you had like—two hits and you’re giggling like a fucking idiot so you must be a fucking… lightweight too.” she laughs lightly alongside with you, eyes blown wide.
“god, i have tears in my eyes, holy shit,” you continue.
if you could describe how you felt right now in one word, it would be flying.
you wake with a dry mouth, blaring headache, and a weight pressed down on you—that ellie takes the form of. her head is nuzzled in your neck, body curved awkwardly against your side as she breathes quietly, dead to the world and most certainly in a deep sleep. you bring a hand up to shield your eyes as they adjust to the brightness, trying your hardest not to jostle the girl on top of you awake.
your efforts prove futile, much to your dismay, as ellie wakes with a strong inhale and an arm instinctively wrapping around your waist as she tries to bury herself further into you.
the sun was ellie’s biggest enemy, for it dawned its brutal breath on her sensitive features and stabbed at her retinas. her mind was racing, thoughts barging at the edge of her skull, frantically chasing around—the total opposite of the sluggish feeling of her movements. her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth as the lingering ash settled in the back of her throat.
she fights against her lethargic state, trying desperately to untangle the knot of her body on top of yours; all the while your hand stays planted between her shoulder blades in an attempt of comfort. “fuck—m’sorry, i don’t know when we..” she trails off, looking off in embarrassment.
you wave it off and pull her down towards you again. “no, s’fine. we can sleep, ‘still early,” your words are sluggish, failing to catch up with the spinning room around you.
“what about your morning classes?” ellie asks, slowly blinking herself awake, body snug comfortably in your arms and head resting against your collarbone.
you groan dramatically and whine her name, “don’t wanna think about that right now,” you complain, eyes slipping closed.
“why, rather think about me?” she teases, her grin wrapped around her speech practically audible. all she receives is a muffled sigh of annoyance from you. she slightly shakes you, “come on, you actually do need to get up.”
“says who? can’t even get up—you’re practically on top of me.”
“did you want me to get up?”
“no, i want to sleep—“ she starts backing away from you, “—ugh, ellie—“ you pull her forearm. she nearly topples over you, thighs braced on either side of your waist, face mere inches from yours. a hand reaches up on the mattress beside your face before moving to cup the side of your face. it heats under the weight of her palm.
“say stop and this ends right now,” she mutters, voice merely a whisper.
you glance at her lips, deciding you don’t trust your voice enough. you practically see the thoughts running in her head—her eyes flickering between yours.
you pull her face down onto yours, allowing her lips to fall gently yet impatiently against yours. she smells—tastes of—danger, of weed, of everything you hate and everything you could possibly need. her remaining hand comes down to cradle your head, pulling away for a moment only to gaze at you before she connects your lips again.
flying, you think, is merely an aspect of falling.
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