cele ⋆

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 ♡ you ace an assignment you have been working hard on. you love sharing your victories with Ellie because your girlfriend always makes you feel like the smartest girl in the world. she’ll jump happily with you, picking you up and twirling you around before peppering your face with kisses. she’ll also take you out to dinner to celebrate the good grade.

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 ♡ you’re window shopping. even when you don’t want to spend money and just simply look around at what’s new, you miss her the most when she’s not by your side. you love pointing out what’s cute and what you’d like to decorate the both of your’s future apartment with.

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 ♡ you’re crying because of a tv show’s ending. there’s nothing better than your sweet girlfriend hugging you and rubbing your back after one of your favorite tv shows ends..

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 ♡ you’re out with a group of friends and feel a little anxious. you’re not usually super outgoing or like hanging out with people for long periods of time because your social battery depletes very quickly. so, you especially want Ellie whenever you’re ready to go and don’t quite know how to say it. she always notices it though—by the way you look around quickly and squeeze her hand tighter. & she always makes sure to be the one to initiate leaving first so that you don’t feel embarrassed.

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 ♡ you’re about to fall asleep but still feel talkative. in those quiet moments where you two are just facing one another and Ellie watches as your words become slower and more slurred with sleep. how she’ll caress your cheek and your hair, letting you babble until you’re snoring softly against her chest and she’s kissing your forehead lovingly.

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 ♡ you’ve had a very long day and are too tired to take off your makeup. Ellie would do it for you, simply telling you to lay down and that she’d just take care of you. your girlfriend would wipe everything off, wash the makeup away, and apply your favorite skin care—because well, she knows you. & she knows how you do everything since she likes to watch you get ready and unready; she really just likes admiring her baby.

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 ♡ it’s storming outside and you want to watch a scary movie and pretend it’s fall.

𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 ♡ you’ve ordered food and are too scared to answer the door because you don’t want to get kidnapped. yes, you have a fear of this, and for perfectly good reasons. Ellie will always be the one to answer the door and tell you not to answer if she’s there. she’s always aware of what you’re scared about and knows that she would rather make you feel protected than call you a baby about it.

February 13, 6:52 P.M

The snow wasn't stopping.

Jesse had said that approximately forty times in the last two hours, as if repetition might change it, and Ellie had stopped responding around the thirtieth because there was genuinely nothing to say.

She was losing her mind a little.

Sitting with her back against the wall nearest the fire, her old sketchbook was open on her knee. From the outside she probably looked fine, doing her own thing to kill time.

She didn't always decide what she was going to draw. Sometimes her hand just moved like it had a mind of its own, and she'd look down and there it would be, the thing she'd been thinking about without knowing it.

Mia.

From memory, which meant it was slightly wrong — the proportions of a fourteen year old were hard. She kept making her look younger, defaulting to the version of Mia she'd first met.

She'd fixed the nose twice already, adding the slight bump at the bridge that Mia had from her reading glasses. Her cheeks she'd had to redraw entirely because Mia was losing that roundness that Ellie's hand kept wanting to preserve.

The eyes she'd gotten right on the first try, which felt important, because Mia had your eyes, and Ellie had spent enough time looking at yours to have them memorized by now.

She added the hair next, working in careful strokes. Mia wore it long now, past her waist. Ellie drew it loose, the way it looked in the mornings before Mia had fully woken up, when she'd pad downstairs still half-asleep and sit at the kitchen table with her face in her hands.

Ellie tried to capture her in-between state, not quite neutral but not quite anything else either. The resting face of someone who was always thinking.

She stared at the drawing, her pencil hovering the page.

There. That was Mia. Or close enough. The girl who one random day a few years ago had started leaving rocks on Ellie's hands. Just interesting ones she'd found, without giving any explanation. Like a cat bringing offerings.

Ellie had a bunch of them inside a box in her nightstand, and had not said a word about it and neither had Mia and that was their whole thing and Ellie loved it so much it was genuinely a little embarrassing.

It started a few months after you arrived. Just rocks shoved wordlessly into her hands. Here is a thing I found interesting, no further comment.

Around nine she'd started occasionally leaving notes with it. A single word sometimes, like river stone or once, memorably, just old.

At ten, she'd started explaining them sometimes. Not every time, because Mia never did anything every time, but occasionally she'd bring one, hand it over, and say something.

She remembered the first time Mia explained one to her. It was a small and dark rock with a white line running through it like a river on a map.

“What's that line?"

"It means the rock cracked, and then healed."

Ellie had looked at it for a long time.

Cracked and then healed.

She'd held it in her palm, then she'd put it in her back pocket. It was permanently there now, right beside her switchblade.

When she'd mentioned it to you, you'd gotten this look on your face and said sounds like Mia and refused to explain any further.

She'd loved you a little more for that, for not making it bigger than it was.

And you were right, that was just her. Mia. One of the most interesting people Ellie had ever met. It still surprised Ellie a little, how fully formed Mia was. How entirely and uncompromisingly herself, like she'd come out of your womb already knowing something.

The first thing Ellie noticed about Mia was how quiet she was. Not shyness, and not quietness in the way Zoe was quiet—not from feeling too much, but from watching too much. Ellie had learned early that confusing the two was a mistake.

She'd had it at six, still had it at fourteen, and it had only gotten more refined, like a skill she'd been practicing.

Ellie respected it enormously.

It was, in some ways, the quality most similar to Ellie's own and also the quality that was most different because Ellie's watchfulness had always come from wariness and from bracing, the learned habit of reading a room for exits and threats.

Mia's came from something else entirely. Curiosity, mostly. The hunger of someone who found people genuinely interesting and wanted to understand them before she said anything about them.

She was fair, that was it. Mia was fair in a way that seemed almost impossible for a girl so young, and Ellie thought about where it came from sometimes.

It always landed on you. On growing up watching you be fair even when it cost you something. On having a mother who said I don't know when she didn't know and I was wrong when she'd been wrong.

She'd learned it young and made it hers.

Ellie wondered what Mia was doing right now, as she added little hairs and details on the drawing.

Probably reading something. She did that every night, like it was a rule she’d made for herself and never broken.

She'd read anything and everything. She'd finished something and needed to talk about it immediately or not at all, no middle ground, and the immediate conversations were some of Ellie's favorite conversations she'd ever had.

Why do you think he made that choice? Do you think she knew the whole time? What's the point of the ending if it doesn't — I mean, what does it actually mean?

Ellie had started reading whatever Mia was reading so she could keep up.

The relationship between them was hard to describe to people.

Not because it was complicated, because it wasn't. It was actually one of the more uncomplicated things in Ellie's life—which said something—because it didn't fit any existing template she could hand someone.

Just Mia and Ellie. A specific category with a population of two people.

They communicated in books and rocks and silence and the occasional devastating observation delivered flatly and received with laughter. They had an understanding, unspoken and complete, about which things got discussed and which things got processed quietly and which things only needed one person to be in the same room as the other.

She flipped the page, and started again. Her hand cramped slightly because the cold making her fingers stiff, but she pushed through it.

This one came out easier, the way Zoe herself was easier.

Just her, mid-laugh, with her head thrown back the way she laughed when something actually got her.

She could almost hear it now in this silence—that bright sound that always seemed surprised Zoe by its own volume, like she hadn't meant to laugh that hard but couldn't help it.

She added freckles, more than Mia had, scattered across her nose and cheeks. They got darker in summer, lighter in winter, and right now in February, they were be pale but still visible, constellations Ellie had memorized.

Her eyes were green, like Ellie's. Just a little darker. And her hair was a mess, as always. Red and wavy and just wild.

Her girl who was obsessed with cooking and had started whittling with Joel a few months ago. She left her attempts in a pile at the backyard like she was embarrassed by them but also couldn't throw them away.

Ellie had picked one up last week, a lumpy approximate bee, and put it in her jacket pocket and hadn't told her. It was still there, in the pocket of a jacket that was hanging by the door back home.

Back home.

She hadn't noticed when she'd started thinking of it that way.

She’d said it out loud once, by accident, early on. I’m heading home, to someone at the market, and had spent the next ten minutes mildly convinced she was going to vibrate out of her skin.

She hadn't planned any of it. It really got her sometimes, the sheer accidentalness of it. The way a life could just accumulate, without you ever making one big decision.

Ellie had been nineteen when you came to Jackson.

She remembered it the way she remembered anything that turned out to matter, in fragments, the specific details sticking while the rest blurred. The way you'd looked, with two little girls on each side of you, each holding one of your hands, and you hadn't let go of either of them the whole time Maria was asking you lots of questions.

It wasn't like she'd sought you out or something.

Jackson was small, so she'd seen you around a lot. At the Tipsy Bison every morning to pick up breakfast, at the stables when you were learning the patrol rotation, in the clinic once, sitting with Zoe while she got stitches on her knee, talking to her the whole time while Ellie stood in the hallway watching for way longer than she needed to.

She'd helped you with your roof, that was how it started, if it started anywhere.

Your place needed work. It was one of the older houses, and the left corner of your roof had a soft spot that was going to be a problem before winter.

Ellie had been up there on a different job when she'd seen it, and she'd just fixed it for you while she was there. You'd come out and looked up and said you didn't have to do that and she'd said I know and you'd said thank you and she'd said no problem and that had been that.

The next day, you'd left tomato soup at the door of her place.

She'd eaten it standing up in her kitchen, feeling just a little weird about it.

After that, the relationship had happened slowly and then very fast, which she understood was how those things went but had not fully believed until it happened to her.

She'd been down bad like, three months after she saw you.

Not that she'd admitted it at all. She'd been doing this thing where she'd convinced herself that what she was feeling was just neighborly.

Ellie had become community-minded since she got here. So, she was a person who lived near you and helped out sometimes and thought about you a normal amount.

Dina had seen through her bullshit immediately. "Just ask her out."

"Wha— No. It's complicated."

“Suuure…”

"It is. She has kids, Dina."

"Kids you're already... I mean, you're already around them a lot."

"That's different."

"Is it?”

Yeah. The kids were the reason, she'd told herself.

It was partially true. Ellie wasn't an idiot. She understood that you didn't come without them, that they were the whole center of it, that whoever you let in you were letting in next to them too, and that was serious and she'd taken it seriously.

She was also, if being fully honest, a little scared of you specifically. Not of being rejected, because she could handle that… kind of.

Ellie was scared of you saying yes and really meaning it and then having to figure out how to be someone who deserved it.

That was harder to admit than the crushing.

There'd been a long time of just orbiting at first. Being in each other's space, aware of each other in a way that meant something but that she hadn't been ready to name.

So, she'd waited.

Or not waited, stayed. Which felt different. She was just present all the time. Showing up when it was useful, backing off when it wasn't, learning the particular rhythms of your life and slotting herself into the gaps so carefully that she could almost pretend she wasn't doing it on purpose.

You'd waited for her with a patience that said you'd been through enough to know what was worth waiting for. And apparently, Ellie was.

It had taken her four months to do anything about it.

Four months of being so normal about everything, so regular, so not at all a person who was losing her mind slowly in your general direction. She'd fixed things around your place, showed up for dinners and sat next to you on the porch in the evenings and been so normal about it that she was frankly exhausted.

One random day, she just thought: this is already a thing and I'm just sitting outside of it like an idiot.

The next day, Ellie kissed you.

It had been so undramatic. At the end of an ordinary evening, on your porch, you'd just said something that made her laugh and she'd looked at you and just done it, like her body had made a decision her brain was still catching up to.

You'd kissed her back like you'd been expecting it.

A few weeks later, she'd asked if you had been. A little, you'd said. For a while.

She'd felt like an idiot. A happy one.

You’d just let her in, with full awareness of what you were handing her, and she understood now what that cost. What it took to do that—after everything you went through—to look at someone and decide to trust them with the people you loved most in the world.

Well, not just let her in, that sounded passive.

You'd watched her with them for a long time before you'd said anything. Like, you'd been seriously assessing her. She'd been evaluated.

You loved your kids more than you loved her own ease, and you weren’t going to let just anyone into your home, regardless of how your own feelings.

Ellie had been auditioned, basically. She found that funny now.

Still, you let her become a small part of this family and be near your children and she hadn’t taken it lightly, so she was trying to be worthy of it every day.

Ellie never expected to become a parent. It just hadn't been in any version of any future she'd ever imagined, on the rare occasions she'd imagined one

She'd known early in her life that pregnancy wasn't going to be her path, because, well. Yes. Unless she could magically get another woman pregnant. And that wasn't happening, so, yeah.

It was okay. Family had always felt like a word that belonged to other people anyway.

Joel had cracked that open just a little. He had shown her in his own way that family was something you could build from whatever you had and it didn't require a particular shape.

But even then, even after coming to Jackson and even after she'd started to feel the edges of something like belonging, she'd never extended it this far in her imagination.

She'd been twenty back then.

Jesus, she'd been a mess, honestly. She'd been functional and capable and had the work of staying alive during patrol which had always been clarifying. But underneath all that she'd been a twenty year old who'd lost people and done things and carried a weight inside her that didn't have anywhere to go yet.

And into that walked you and two little girls.

You'd already done so much living by then. So much hard living. Twenty three years old and you'd already been someone's mother for six of them, had already made a thousand decisions she'd never had to make, had already built and lost and rebuilt again and kept going because you had to.

Ellie had been a kid herself, kind of. Well, not really. She'd lost the luxury of that earlier than most, but nineteen was young, despite everything she had gone through. Twenty seven felt different, more like a person who knew things.

She'd gone in thinking that she had nothing to teach them about anything that mattered and everything to learn about how to do this and how to be what they needed.

And that was true. She had learned that. But she had also learnt from them.

From Mia's directness, her refusal to pretend, her absolute commitment to calling things what they were—how to be a little more honest about what she wanted.

From Zoe's open-handedness, the way she gave her enthusiasm without reservation—she'd learned about not waiting to be invited in.

They'd raised each other, a little.

The math was staggering when she really thought about it. Seven years was half her adult life, and half of their lives.

She'd been there for the losing of teeth and the first time Mia read a whole book in one day and couldn't stop talking about it and the phase where Zoe cried every time a dish came out wrong.

She'd been there when Mia had gotten her first real hit of unfairness from other kids and had come home with her eyes bright and furious and hadn't wanted to talk about it for hours.

She'd been there when Zoe had cried, at eleven, over something she'd been embarrassed about crying over. Ellie hadn't made a thing of it, had just sat with her through it and then afterward very casually suggested they go look at the horses.

She'd been there for all of it.

She hadn't been ready at all. Ellie had not been a person who was ready to be anything to anyone's children. She'd had no framework for it, no model that felt applicable–not even Joel's. It took her some time and a few fights to understand that.

She'd been making it up completely, every single time.

All of it improvised, and all of it somehow okay. Better than okay.

Outside, the wind made a sound against the windows like background noise for her thoughts. Just another thing to ignore while she tried to keep her hands steady enough to draw.

Right under where she drew Zoe, she started to sketch you.

You came out in pieces, the way you always did. Ellie could never get you all at once, no matter how much she tried. Every time she drew you, she got something right and something wrong, could never quite nail the whole picture.

She kept trying anyway, kept filling sketchbooks after sketchbook with approximations of you, kept attempting to capture the love she felt for you by portraying your face and your hands and your eyes in graphite.

She tried to draw you the way you'd looked the night before she left, barely awake, trying not to pass out right there after a long day of work and high fever.

She started with your eyes this time, half-closed with exhaustion. She tried to capture the way they looked when you were tired, the vulnerability you only showed at home, letting yourself look that worn down in front of someone.

Then your hand, propped under your chin, carefully sketching the fingers she knew as well as her own, the ones that were slightly calloused from greenhouse work. Your nails you kept short and practical, the small scar on your left thumb from a broken mug (courtesy of Ezra) last summer.

The fire had burned lower while she worked, and she could feel the cold creeping back in from the edges of the room. Ellie's pencil lingered on your face, adding the small details, and then she added the kitchen table beneath your elbow, just the edge of it.

You at the kitchen table of the house you shared, trying to stay awake long enough to say goodnight properly and ask about her route tomorrow despite being incredibly worn out.

The house had been her own idea.

It still surprised her when she thought about it. It had come out of nowhere. Well, not out of nowhere, it had come out of eight months of increasingly obvious gravitational pull. Months of her going back to sleep in her own place and lying there feeling the wrongness of it, the absence of all the things she'd apparently gotten used to without noticing. Ezra at the feet of the bed, Mia snoring, Zoe tossing and turning all night long, your arms around her waist...

She'd found the place first. It needed work. A lot of work. She'd stood in the empty living room for a long time, doing math in her head: what it would take, how long, whether she was insane, whether insane was even the right word for something that felt like the most obvious thing she'd ever done in her life.

She'd asked you on a Tuesday night, casually but terrified, and you'd said yes before she finished the sentence.

And now it was this. This life that had accumulated around her while she was too busy loving you. A beautiful house. A box full of rocks on her nightstand. A fat orange cat. A lumpy wooden bee in her jacket pocket. Two kids and a woman who slept with her leg over Ellie's hip and stole her toast every single morning and looked at Ellie like she was someone worth waiting for.

How did that even happen? Ellie wasn't really sure.

She'd been sixteen when she'd decided that she probably wasn't going to live very long.

Not in the way that would have worried people if she'd told them, which she hadn't. Just a fact. The world being what it was, her being what she was, the shape of her life at that point.

Long odds weren't the same as no odds but they weren't great either, and she'd made peace with it.

You didn't make plans, when you thought like that.

Jackson had helped.

She'd come in braced at first, the same way she came into most things, but Jackson had just absorbed her. She had work that mattered, friends and people who cared about her. She helped with the horses and did self-defense classes that she'd complained about to Joel endlessly but actually loved.

She'd started, cautiously, to think about next year, then the one after that.

That had felt enormous at the time, but this was different from any of that.

It just happened. Just a hundred small choices, each one so reasonable in the moment that she didn't notice what they added up to, until she was already there.

Ellie had not planned any of this. It felt a little surreal to think about it now, sitting in a cold farmhouse, thinking about a family with the ache of someone who knows exactly what they're missing.

And she was so glad she hadn't. Plans would have made her too scared to start, anyway.

She hadn't planned any of it, but she was going to take care of it, because she had people who counted on her now.

She was still getting used to that. It required a kind of consistency she'd had to build slowly, like a muscle.

Being where she said she'd be, coming back when she said she would, actually communicating and not trying to ignore every problem until it just went away like she had learnt to do from Joel.

It had been hard at first, but after seven years, she was getting better at it. Better than she'd thought she'd be.

She was going to come back every single time and she was going to keep being the person who showed up time and time again, until it stopped scaring her.

Ellie suspected it might never stop scaring her.

That was okay. Maybe scared and grateful were supposed to live right next to each other. Maybe the size of the scared was just meant to be the size of the thing you stood to lose, and if so then hers was enormous, bigger than any other thing in her life.

"Ellie,” Jesse, from across the room. Not asleep, apparently. Ellie wondered if he was also up thinking about Dina and JJ. "You good?"

"Fine," she said.

Jesse made a sound that meant sure you are and rolled back over.

The room fell quiet again except for the wind and the dying fire and Ellie's own breathing, and Ellie looked at the drawing one more time before carefully closing it.

One more day. Just one more day to go back home and celebrate Valentine's day all together like she had promised Zoe. With raspberry cookies and lemon chicken and cards.

She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, already accepting the reality of being half-frozen for the rest of the night.

She could wait one more day.

♡𝅦 ̥˚̩̩̥͙ a/n:

ughh the author yearns for motherhood and a wife...

He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to see her without getting sick. Working, acting like this is nothing more than an internship. He knows what she’s doing now; it’s clear as day. Before his leave, she’s been working on a weird, sticky solution and fragments from Tony’s scrapped suits.

The door slides open after FRIDAY’s voice detection. Happy steps in, and it feels like all the energy gets sucked out of the room. Ellie pauses, perking up a little at the sight of him. That’s short-lived, though, after she sees his expression.

Did someone die?

“Morning, Happy…” She murmurs slowly, pulling away from the robotic arm she was just dissecting.

Before answering, Happy stands and stares, arms loose at his sides, hair unkept, mind blank except for the image of her in this same lab just a couple of months ago.

“Hey, kid.” He finally manages to croak out, walking deeper into the lab and finding the log at the very back to see what he missed.

…Wait.

Kid?

Happy and Tony used to call her that all the time. Ellie’s head snaps towards him as she processes it. Minding his own business, completely consumed by his own thoughts and memories.

Coincidence…? Maybe. But it hit her too close to home.

If there’s one word to describe what Happy’s feeling, it’d be grief. Grief of whatever he missed out on in Ellie’s life, what with the start of her years in college and her having to be Spider-Woman presumably all on her own.

“You okay?” Ellie speaks after a beat during which she debates herself to say anything. “You seem tired.”

Again, Happy doesn’t give an immediate response. He turns to look at her, and it is then that Ellie realizes his eyes are bloodshot. He’s either exhausted and depressed or high, and she doubts it’s the latter. He doesn’t seem like the type.

“Never been better,” the man mutters, turning his gaze away from the auburnette before his voice comes out.

Yeah, right. It’s not her place to push, so she just gives him a look before shrugging and reluctantly turning back to the robo-arm. She knocks the welding helmet back down in front of her face.

While using a welding machine, a spark flies onto a sliver of skin exposed under Ellie’s sleeve. She flinches backwards and a hiss escapes from between her teeth.

“Careful!” Happy snaps, shooting her a glare from where he’s sitting. “God, don’t lose your arm, genius. I’m not doing the paperwork.”

She can’t help but stare at him in surprise through the mask she’s wearing. He hasn’t snapped at her like that since… well, since before she started this internship. He usually just reminds her that mistakes are part of progress.

“Jeez, sorry…” She mumbles before resuming her task, albeit tense and a little shaky. She’s not used to Happy being like this. He’s usually… well, happy.

He doesn’t stop scrutinizing her even then. His eyes follow every single movement, every twitch of her finger, every hitch of her breath. She can feel the pair of pupils boring into her, dismembering her very soul into its purest form.

Ellie can’t shake it off. She’s dropped her screwdriver three times now, her hands trembling too much because of the pressure Happy’s silently putting on her. If there’s one thing she hates, it’s being watched. Especially when it’s this intense.

“Mr. Hogan, is something wrong?” Ellie finally cracks under the stress. She turns her head to look at him and pulls her hands away from the machinery.

Happy doesn’t verbally respond. A single, concise shake of the head is all he settles on, chin held up by his palm. His gaze refuses to falter.

Ellie tries to pay attention. Really, she does.

She knows something is up. Her heart knows what her mind wishes not to.

A beat passes, then two.

“You really aren’t gonna tell me?”  Happy finally, finally speaks up. His words come out softer, more pained than it had sounded all day since his return.

“What?” The girl breathes out, putting her tools down and fully removing her helmet as she senses the seriousness of what is beginning to unfold.

“You know exactly what, Ellie.” His voice returns to today’s sharpness, but still, something about it sounds so pained. It hits Ellie right where it hurts. He doesn’t care like that anymore. Can’t.

…

He’s only called her ‘Williams’ since she started.

“I don’t,” she manages to mumble, still confused for the most part.

“Don’t do that.”

“—You were at Tess’ funeral.”

The ground might as well have swallowed her whole. In that instant, Ellie felt miniscule yet infinite. Terrified, yet filled with the relief of a thousand soldiers in a winning war. Her mind pauses, actually goes silent for the first time since everything started. Happy’s eyes that felt so scary all day, now hold the answers to everything she’d been asking herself since her entire life collapsed.

“Ellie… Why did I forget you..?” He whispers, leaning closer as his expression contorts with betrayal and sorrow.

“...Happy?” Ellie chokes out, barely. Her eyes redden on their own.

“Ellie.”

“Holy shit…”

“Am… Am I the only one?”

“Yeah. Yeah, you are.” Ellie answers, her voice cracking against her will as it starts to hit her that Happy really remembers.

The man gets up, walks around his desk, and stops right in front of where Ellie’s sitting. She looks up at him, filled with emotions too intertwined to distinguish.

Before she knows it, two heavy arms wrap around her shoulders. She gets up to meet him halfway, holding him with the desperation of a long lost companion.

They stay like that for a while. Ellie lets herself cry a little against his tailored suit, not that he’d care about that right now.

“You should’ve come to me first.” He murmurs, rocking her back and forth while patting her back and trying to calm her down. She doesn’t answer, but she does pull away to wipe her eyes and look at him fully.

After what seems to be him considering something, Happy speaks again.

“I’ll see what I can do for you.”

The three of you sit on the ground, backs against the front of Dina’s couch’s base. Jesse brought the sodas and pizza from that one spot you always ate at during high school. You brought the homemade cookies and microwaved popcorn. Even Dina went out of her way to decorate her dorm for tonight’s movie marathon.

Jesse’s broke, so he planned to only get three. He brought four without thought, and only later did he realize there was an extra can.

“Just in case,” he said.

An 80’s horror movie plays in the background, something about zombies and monsters rampaging through the country. The coffee table is littered with snack wrappers and discarded bags and pizza boxes. The only prevailing consumables on there are the half-full soda cans from before. Jesse ended up drinking the extra one. Fatass.

After chugging the rest of his drink when the credits roll, Jesse suggests. “We should make this a thing. Like, a monthly tradition.”

“Awh, that sounds cute,” Dina chimes in.” Like those sleepovers back in high school with—”

With? Dina pauses. With whom?

“Uh… I dunno where I was going with that.” She murmurs, but the uneasiness that fills the room is undeniable.

You all stay silent, suddenly tense after the collective feeling of grief and longing engulfs all three of you.

“Is it just me, or does something feel missing?” You ask, troubled. “I feel like we’re forgetting something.”

Dina clears her throat, brushing off your mutual concern. “We’re probably just tired… What should we watch next?”

“We’re probably just… not used to free time anymore.” Jesse tries to quip, but it doesn’t land even as you and Dina let out strained chuckles.

Dina puts on some rom-com, but none of you end up really watching it.

It’s late now. You decided to call it a night a few hours ago and brought out the sleeping bags to finally get some shut-eye on Dina’s living room floor. Falling into the oblivion of your subconscious mind, you encounter another one of those weird dreams you've been having. However, like always, it feels realer than your actual days as of late.

You’re laying beside a figure in bed, in your old bedroom, head on their chest. They’re wearing a space shirt and plaid pajama pants, arms wrapped around your waist. When you look up, their face is covered by Spider-Woman’s mask. It doesn’t last long, and the window shoots open with a loud crash against the walls and a violent gush of air and debris enters your room, swallowing everything whole except for you.

You wake up with a sharp gasp, a cold sweat dragging down your temple. Dina groans and turns in her sleeping bag to face you. Her eyes are squinting, barely open as she forces them to lock onto your unusually sickly complexion. Her expression is one of mild concern and curiosity.

You shake your head once, making a show of getting comfortable and shifting positions. You murmur, quiet enough to not wake Jesse too. “Bad dream. I’m okay.”

Too sleepy to push further, Dina nods and shuts her eyes once again. Five seconds later, you hear her faint snores.

Morning comes, and you, Jesse, and Dina have your statistics class together once again. Since you’re already together, you decide to pass a coffee shop and get drinks first. Of course, you offer to make the order because you’re ‘the experienced one’.

“Why the fourth one?” Jesse asks upon your approach with four coffees instead of just three.

“For Ellie. I thought it’d be rude to not get her some since she sits with us…” You answer, cheeks feeling a little warm.

The other two give you a knowing look, smirking like they know what you’re hiding.

“What?” You grumble before handing them their cups and walking slightly ahead on the sidewalk.

They catch up, giggling at your reaction.

When you arrive, Ellie’s already in her seat, typing in her phone as if to avoid making eye contact with anyone.

You take a seat first. Right in front of her just like last time. Her head shoots up when she hears the screeching of a chair. Jesse and Dina shortly follow.

“Morning,” you speak, sliding Ellie’s coffee across the table.

She looks at it, then she looks back at you. She still hates coffee, but to her? Anything you offer is a gift to be sanctified. “Good morning… This is for me?”

“Why else would I hand it to you?” You ask, raising an eyebrow at the silly question. Ellie’s face reddens a bit.

“Sorry about… y’know, ditching class last time and being weird. Rough day, and something came up.” Ellie starts, fidgeting with her pinky and ring fingers as her eyes dart between you and the other two group members.

“Hey, no worries.” You reassure her, nudging the cup closer for her to take.

“Yeah, shit happens.” Dina hums, taking a sip from her own.

As opposed to your last class together, Ellie seems way more willing to actually talk. She asks about the pins on your bag, shares interests with you, and even tells you a little bit about herself.

Her awkwardness is charming, you would argue. It doesn’t get in the way of her making herself clear, but you can tell that she’s into the conversation and not just being nice.

She listens—actually listens. All of the questions she asks are thoughtful and relevant. She keeps saying all the right things, leading you to share even more. It’s easy to talk to her. Jesse and Dina could agree. 

You decide to invite Ellie to come with you and the others to the cafe you work at. You have a shift after class, and they always keep you company during them.

“Oh, fuck yeah, I’ll show you my favorite drink.” Dina adds in, encouraging Ellie to join you. Jesse nods eagerly.

After a bit of not-so-real hesitation, Ellie relents. “Yeah, okay. I’ll come.”

When class ends, you all gather your stuff and head straight to your workplace. You still remember Ellie’s visit there; your first encounter. Neither of you plan to bring it up, though.

While you head into the back room to get your apron and hat, Ellie, Jesse, and Dina find their seats at the counter. Jesse and Dina chat about a few things while Ellie peacefully listens.

You walk through the door and head to the cash register first thing so your co-worker can clock out. She waves bye before leaving and you nod in response. 

The shift is smooth sailing. Not many customers, so you spend most of your time in front of your friends, talking and giggling in between orders and tasks. You make Ellie try a new drink you invented. Thankfully, it’s matcha and not coffee. The girl gratefully accepts it.

“Oh, wow… That’s really good.” She says, licking a bit of foam that got on her upper lip.

“Why do you sound surprised?” You mutter jokingly, leaning closer over the counter.

Ellie’s face flushes, and she sets the drink down. Before she knows it, Dina swipes her drink.

The ravenette tilts her head. “D’you mind if I have a sip? Someone won’t give me another one for free, and I’m on my last twenty dollars.”

Ellie stares at her for a bit. Dina doesn’t share drinks until she really likes someone. Did that change, or does she just… really like her already? Before the prolonged eye contact gets weird, Ellie nods. “Yeah, go ahead.”

“Hey, do any of you have Tylenol? My head’s fucking killing me…” You mutter, trying to gently massage your temples as a crease forms between your brows.

“Now that you mention it, me too.” Jesse sighs. Dina’s already digging for her bag, sure that she has some.

You fill two cups of water for you and Jesse and take the painkiller, hoping for the best.

“Dina, do you remember pregaming prom?” You ask, smiling fondly at the memory as the topic transitions into high school memories.

“Awh, of course I do,” she grins back. “Gave you your first shot that night.”

“Ugh, my mom made us stand for so long to get the photos right.”

“Oh yeah, and Dina almost cried when Jesse wouldn’t pose right,” Ellie chimes in with a quiet laugh.

Three pairs of eyes turn to face her. No words exchanged.

Fuck. Holy fuck.

“I bet. I bet Jesse couldn’t pose right.” She corrects, realizing that she might’ve just screwed the fuck up.

You offer a forced titter, trying to ignore whatever the hell that was. “Yeah, uh, she even gave him the silent treatment in the car.”

The conversation slowly gets back to normal, but you’re not fully into it anymore. You’re having a hard time concentrating with the growing migraine driving you nuts. Why isn’t the Tylenol working?

Jesse cracks a stupid joke, the kind that’s so stupid, it manages to make you react.

In the midst of laughing, your hand lands on Ellie’s shoulder since she’s closest to you. Out of nowhere, your head bangs with pain. It feels like someone struck you with a metal bat and left a screw in your skull. A quiet yelp escapes you as you pull your hand away from Ellie like it burns. Then, you hiss and turn around, holding your head like it can’t stay upright on its own anymore.

The others halt, watching with concerned, wide eyes. Ellie’s a little frozen, seeing how it only happened when you touched her. It’s probably nothing, but the suddenness spooked her a bit.

“Your head?” Dina asks, voice softening as you turn back around, eyes still closed. You nod slowly.

“I’m fine, just.. Damn.” You answer. “Pain just shot up my spine and into my head.”

“Maybe it’s time you clock out,” Jesse adds. You don’t resist, knowing it’d probably be dumb to go through the rest of your shift in this state.

Ellie offers to help you out, but you politely refuse. You call your co-worker to cover you and take your uniform off in the back room.

You go your separate ways, exchanging hugs and making promises to hang out as soon as possible.

As Ellie walks in the opposite direction on the same sidewalk as you, she wonders why you looked so distressed the entire time after your sudden head pain. Maybe it still hurt, but your countenance made it seem like something deeper was going on.

She tells herself she’s just reading into it and focuses on following the right route to her place.

On your way back to your dorm, you think about what you failed to tell the others when you got that headache spike. You don’t tell them about your vision—if that’s what you can call it—of Spider-Woman holding your waist, webshooters propelling the two of you in the sky. You don’t tell them that in the midst of the searing pain and your vision of practically flying, you felt safe. In fact, you felt euphoric. Addictive adrenaline coursed through your veins in that split second before leaving you as quickly as it came.

The first thing you do when you go home is turn your laptop on. You search for footage of Spider-Woman on any social media website you can think of. A plethora of clips show her around New York, no actual tasks. You gather that a large majority of these videos are during patrols or something of that nature.

Who is Spider-Woman? Why do you keep getting visions of her? Does she have anything to do with it?

You write your questions down and search next for video clips of the masked woman during fights. Phone recordings, paparazzi, leaked CCTV recordings… You try to see if there’s anything that could give away her identity, or at least where to find her.

This rabbit hole you’ve gotten yourself into takes over the rest of your day. You obsessively research everything you can think of, trying so hard to answer the questions you wrote down. You look into spells and witchcraft, magic and Dr. Strange, the Avengers, the universe. Anything that crosses your mind quickly makes its way onto a separate tab on your computer, eating away at the last of your sanity.

dividers by @andromeda-graphics

perm taglist: @jijiisji @isaellie @nyxplanett @wqodwzrd @cordycepskiss @n0t-1t @xx-n3onmxshrxxmkjss @fettywhopper @thatredheadloserlesbian @lesmerri @almadellie

series taglist: @girl-so-gay @leilune @mrtwizz @jinxjinxjinx12 @sillijellifish

a citrusy smell hits ellie the moment she steps into her house for the summer. she scrunches up her nose a little as she sweeps her gaze over the place. everything is mostly white; the walls, the floors and the decor, too. there’s a few pops of color here and there, which she appreciates. otherwise she’d go insane.

the other thing ellie notices is how quiet everything is, although she attributes that trait to the small town she’s in. it’s nice, she decides, a needed contrast to the bustling city of new york, where she’s currently living.

she steps further into the house, eyes scanning her surroundings with curiosity. jesse and dina, her best friends, are close behind her. they’re bickering about something ellie isn’t interested enough in to pay attention to.

the idea of vacationing in italy came from dina, as per usual. “we should totally form a band”, was crazy idea number 27. ellie and jesse vetoed it. “let’s sign in to a cooking class and open a restaurant together”, crazy idea number 28. vetoed. “summer holiday in italy, who’s in?”, crazy idea number 29. vetoed at first.

ellie, with her humble earnings as an artist who had not booked an exhibition in months and jesse, a photographer who had just burned through his savings to buy a decent camera equipment because wedding season was coming, completely turned down her idea without even thinking twice about it.

dina was the most financially stable out of the three. she worked at her mother’s beauty salon doing waxing. not her dream job, but the money was good and she had more freedom than most people do in their workplace — freedom meaning she decided when she wanted to work and not get fired.

the thing is, dina really wanted to go to italy with her friends. the 15% success rate on her previous wild ideas wasn’t encouraging, but she made an effort and came through with a full cost breakdown for the trip. according to her plan, if ellie got a job at the beauty salon, she’d have a stable income. jesse would have to sell some of his nerdy figurines, “do it on behalf of your friendship, even if it hurts,” dina had told him.

the rest of the logistics to cheapen the trip actually made sense, much to ellie’s and jesse’s surprise.

“the best part is—you ready? tell me you’re ready for it,” dina had told them excitedly.

“just tell us,” ellie replied with a roll of her eyes.

“i already found us a place to stay at for free! remember that old lady who comes to the salon and wants to set me up with her grandson? well, i was telling her about the trip and she told me she has a sister who lives in a small town in italy and she’ll come to new york in july to visit her, so her house will be available and she offered it to us!” she explained all in one breath, which was actually really impressive.

“are you sure this isn’t a scam?”

dina waved a hand at jesse’s question, “please, ruth is harmless. she made me facetime her sister and she showed me the house, it’s really nice!” she said. “c’mon, you know what they say: nicely wax a lady’s legs, get a house in italy!”

long story short, dina managed to convince them. flash forward a few months, and here they were.

“nice, huh?” dina says, gloating as she takes in the place. she mindlessly drops her bag near the entrance, making jesse almost trip on it.

“you can hardly smell the old lady scent,” ellie nods.

she hears jesse snort from behind as she goes to inspect the rest of the rooms. there’s a long hallway that leads to the bathroom at the end of it, and two bedrooms on each side.

“there’s only two beds,” ellie tells them.

“there’s an air mattress in one of the closets,” dina says from the kitchen. “go get your bed, jesse.”

“what? why can’t i sleep in one of the actual beds?”

“cause you’re a guy and we’re two ladies.”

ellie enters the kitchen just in time to see jesse roll his eyes. he’s leaning against the counter, arms crossed and with an expression on his face that says he already regrets the trip.

“ladies, she says,” he mutters under his breath.

“don’t be such a wuss,” ellie tells him, going over to the kitchen island to sit on one of the stools. “it’s not the end of the world. what if it’s comfortable?”

“i’m not a wuss, you’re a wuss. you sleep on the air mattress if it isn’t that big of a deal.”

“i won’t, and i’m not a wuss, i’m a lady,” she repeats dina’s words with a smug smile.

jesse shakes his head in disapproval, “i’m more of a lady than the two of you combined.”

“on some level, you’re right. i always felt like you were the lady in the relationship when we were together,” dina tells him, causing jesse to let out an offended gasp. “a real princess.”

her and jesse had dated on and off all throughout highschool and the first two years of college. they decided to end it when they realized it was a dead-end relationship and they always went back to each other out of familiarity and comfort instead of actual love. they agreed they were better off as friends.

ellie still believes they’ll fuck again at least one last time, especially on this trip. they’re too weak to resist their urges, and will probably do it just to be able to say they did it in a foreign country.

“we should buy food,” ellie interrupts whatever dumb fight they were about to get into. “i’m starving,” she says as she opens up the fridge. it’s pretty empty except for bottles of water, a few fizzy drinks and what looks like a bowl of prunes.

“yeah, me too. should we check google maps or go out blindly and get lost in these beautiful, aesthetic streets until we find a supermarket?” dina asks.

“let’s try to pass as locals and then annoy everyone around us with our american ways,” ellie proposes solemnly, and her friends quickly agree with her plan.

it’s hot outside. without the occasional ocean breeze, ellie is sure they would’ve melted away by now. the unbearable heat doesn’t make the town any less beautiful, though.

everything is bathed in a golden light that makes its way even through the leafy trees, not allowing them to cast a full shadow without stubborn rays of sunlight filtering through. there are teenagers biking down the cobbled streets, well-fed stray dogs wandering around and drinking water from bowls people left for them, old ladies chatting from balcony to balcony. it feels magical, in a way.

they walk around for a while, getting familiar with the town while jesse snaps a few shots. they’re mostly of dina, who wants a picture of her in every corner.

“okay, i’m gonna walk over there and turn around at the last second and that’s when you’re going to take the pic,” dina tells him.

“yes, dear,” jesse replies in a mock tired tone. he watches as dina sprints towards the spot for the photoshoot she conjured in her mind. “look both ways before you cross the street! jesus christ—”

ellie, knowing this will last a while, decides to wander off to the shops nearby. there’s a café at the end of the street. it’s small, but charming.

she fishes her phone out of her pocket and opens up the camera as she goes over there. ellie’s social media presence it’s not the best, but she likes taking pictures of everything. her instagram account mostly consists of pictures of paintings, her friends and cool spots she’s seen around new york, with barely any pictures of her face.

dina always gives her shit for it, and insists on ellie posting more selfies. ‘you’re letting it go to waste’ she always says. there’s actually more pictures of her on dina’s and jesse’s accounts than on her own.

once ellie takes a couple of decent photos, she checks them out, ready to favorite the best one to post. it’s only when she’s carefully inspecting picture number that she realizes she captured something other than the café. she zooms in on one of the tables, and that’s when she sees you looking straight at the camera. you’re smiling, and in the following photos you’re waving.

ellie looks up from her phone, and you’re still there sitting at the table, looking at her. her hands move on their own accord, almost dropping her phone in the process of putting it back in her pocket.

“oh—hi, i mean—ciao?” she fumbles with her words as she steps closer. “didn’t see you there, sorry—scusi? is that right? i don’t know how to say that in italian, sorry.”

you smile at her rambling, “i speak english, don’t worry,” you tell her, and ellie frowns as she wonders why you let her babble like an idiot. “how do i look?” you ask, and she doesn’t know what you’re talking about until you gesture at her phone.

right. the pictures.

“oh,” she says with an awkward laugh. “really good, actually.” she unlocks her phone and clicks on the first picture before handing it to you. “i can delete them,” she offers.

“oh, i don’t mind,” you say as you scroll through the photos. “i can move if you want to re-do them.”

ellie immediately shakes her head. not only she doesn’t want to inconvenience you any further, but she also really likes how the pictures turned out. “no, no. that’s fine. these are the ones,” she says, and then clarifies: “only if you’re really sure you don’t mind me keeping them, obviously—”

“i don’t mind” you interrupt her with a laugh. you take a moment to look at her before you speak again. “what’s your name?”

“ellie, what’s yours?”

you introduce yourself, going for a handshake. ellie can tell this is easy for you, meeting new people. there’s a certain confidence in the way you interact, completely relaxed and, clearly, not overthinking about the possible outcomes of the conversation and how you will act in each one, much like she is doing right now.

she isn’t exactly shy, but she’s not as outgoing as her friends. it usually takes her some time to warm up to someone and feel comfortable enough to relax around them.

“are those your friends?” you ask, pointing past her. you had noticed them when they were three blows down, their voices and laughter carrying through the streets and announcing their arrival.

“yeah — dina and jesse,” she says, looking back at you with a half-smile. “we got here today. we’re, uh, trying to get familiar with the town, y’know?”

you hum, and you seem to contemplate something for a moment before you speak again, “i could show you around.”

the offer lingers in the air for a moment, until ellie finally stammers out a reply. “wait, really?”

“yeah, i mean, i don’t live here but i come to visit my grandparents every summer, so i know my way around as well as the locals do.”

“uh, yeah, yes, i mean, if you don’t mind—”

“i don’t mind,” you repeat for the third time, a hint of amusement in your voice. “you’re the first person my age i’ve seen around here in a while, i’m not letting you out of my sight.”

ellie laughs, running her fingers through her hair. nervous habit. “yeah, all i’ve seen are either old people or kids.”

“most people here are over 50,” you nod. “there’s not many people in their twenties who choose to vacation in this town.”

she shrugs her shoulder, “it’s a funny story.”

you pull out the chair next to you and pat the seat, “i’m always in the mood for a funny story.”

that’s how ellie ends up telling you all about how this trip came to be. she has never been the designated story teller from her group. dina knew how to keep people entertained by adding little comments here and there, and jesse’s way of speaking and ability to maintain eye-contact always hooked people in. ellie, on the other hand, has always been the quieter one. she doesn’t exaggerate things, nor does she gesture wildly when speaking. yet, you seem interested in what she’s saying.

you haven’t looked away from her, and, ellie, who’s usually not very good with eye-contact, hasn’t looked away from you either.

you laugh at all the right times and ask questions out of genuine curiosity, which helps you get to know a little bit more about ellie’s life back in new york. she asks you questions, too. stuff like where are you from, what did you study, and what do you do for work.

she finds out you live in boston, you graduated law school two years ago and you’re are currently working at a library in your neighborhood. you’re an only child, just like her, you think cats are out to get you, and you know the waxed lady’s sister. it turns out she’s friends with your grandparents, which doesn’t surprise ellie in the slightest. in small towns like these, everyone knows each other.

“oh, and this café belongs to my grandpa, who’s not really my grandpa but an italian guy my grandmother married ages ago, so he’s, like, my honorary grandpa,” you tell her.

“oh, really? how did they meet?”

“on a cruise to the bahamas,” you say. “they kept in touch afterwards, and about a month later she moved here.”

ellie whistles lowly, “a month? that’s fast.”

you shrug, a half-smile on your face. “when you know, you know.”

she hums, unable to argue against that. love has never come easy to her, and she has already made her peace with the fact that maybe it just isn’t meant for her, but she does believe in it.

“it was so weird,” you continue. “you should’ve seen her when she came back, so painfully in love and giggly. my grandma, a sixty year old woman, giggly. i’d always seen her as this serious woman who had no time for trivial things such as love and having a partner after my actual grandpa died, but there she was — giggly and in love with some italian guy.”

ellie snorts, “and they got married?”

“yeah, about a year and a half later after she moved here,” you smile as you reminisce. “he proposed while my parents and i were visiting—after having already gotten our blessing, obviously— he got on one knee and everything, he still needed our help to get up afterwards, but still,” you laugh, and ellie joins you as she imagines the scene. “he proposed in a field not that far from here, i can take you there. it’s gorgeous.”

ellie’s smile softens, “sure, i’d like that.”

dina and jesse join shortly after, and you already feel like you know them personally by how fondly ellie had talked to you about them. conversation flows easily between the four of you, which doesn’t surprise ellie in the slightest. she knew from the moment you started speaking that you would get along with her friends.

at one point, you offer them free iced coffee to fight the heat, and pastries.

“i don’t really like coffee, so, nothing for me,” ellie tells you when you stand up.

“plain coffee?” you ask to make sure.

“coffee in general, actually,” she says. “never been a fan.”

you make a face, “not even a harmless cappuccino?”

ellie grimaces, and dina rolls her eyes.

“she drinks matcha.”

“oh,” you laugh. “okay, that i can’t offer you, but there might be a starbucks in bari, which is, like, 20 miles from here.”

ellie huffs at your teasing, and mentally curses dina for revealing such a vulnerable thing about her, “i don’t need starbucks.”

“i’ll bring you a soda, then,” you say with a grin.

she watches you go behind the counter, and her eyes stay on you for a moment before looking back at dina and jesse. they have that look, the one they usually give her when a pretty girl exchanges more than two words with her.

she rolls her eyes, and decides to pay attention to you again instead. you catch her gaze, sending her a smile before continuing with your work.

“need some help?”

ellie doesn’t wait for your reply, she stands up and goes over to you, happy to leave her annoying friends behind.

“you can pick the pastries if you want,” you tell her, already preparing the second iced-coffee. “i’m sure you know your friends’ taste better than i would.”

she nods, carefully inspecting the pastries display as if were the most important task in the world. there’s lots of things to choose from, but her attention is caught by a specific one.

“croissant?” she asks you, pointing at it.

you let out a chuckle, “cornetto,” you correct her gently. “plain, chocolate-filled, apricot-filled, custard-filled, or pistacchio-filled, a recent customer favorite.”

“cornetto,” ellie repeats to herself, and grabs three chocolate-filled ones. “did i offend an entire country by calling them croissants?”

you laugh, making the last iced-coffee. “pretty much. you’re lucky my grandpa isn’t here, he’d beat you with a cornetto until you learn the difference between one and a croissant.”

“the difference being…?” ellie trails off with a small laugh of her own, as she grabs the coke-cola you’ve left on the counter for her.

“cornetti are much better than croissants.”

“ah, of course,” she nods with a smile. “so, what, are you in charge of this place during the summer?”

“just today. no one seemed to be coming in so i told my grandparents to go home and that i’d handle it. they’ll be back in, like, twenty minutes, probably,” you say, checking your watch.

she helps you bring the drinks and pastries to the table, where her friends are waiting and pretending not to have been watching your interaction. ellie sends her friends a look, one that clearly means “don’t start”.

it’s hard for dina and jesse not to start. they know ellie better than they know themselves, and they can definitely tell when she’s interested in someone. she gets this particular look on her face, to which dina refers to as the blue moon look, because it’s so rare it almost never happens.

ellie is as picky about people as she is about food. she’s always been the type of person who keeps their circle small with only a few friends she can fully trust. for her, truly liking someone even as a friend is already a transcendental accomplishment. taking a romantic interest in someone? extremely rare. blue moon rare.

fortunately for ellie, dina and jesse don’t make any comments that would make her want to crawl into a hole an die. unfortunately for her, she can practically hear them inside her head going crazy and teasing her relentlessly.

you seem blissfully unaware, which is something she is extremely grateful for.

another thing she is very grateful for is cornetti.

jesus christ.

“you look like you’re about to have an orgasm,” jesse points out before she takes a sip of his coffee.

“honestly, i might just be,” ellie replies with her mouth full, her eyes closing in bliss as she savors the pastry.

you snort, “better than a croissant?”

ellie nods, “yeah, yeah. so much better.”

it’s half an hour later when two elderly people walk in, words that ellie cannot comprehend coming out of their mouths. it takes her an embarrassing amount of time to realize they’re speaking in italian.

the woman beams when you stand up to greet them, immediately opening her arms for a hug. ellie smiles softly at the fact that she can recognize some of your grandmother’s features on you.

as you keep talking to your grandparents, ellie’s phone buzzes in her pocket. she pulls it out, and sends an unimpressed look to her friends when she sees it’s them talking in their groupchat.

dina: ellie on a scale of one to ten how mad would u be if we leave you alone with her

ellie: i’d kill you

jesse: Don’t be a pussy

jesse: We’re trying to do you a favor you know

ellie: i didnt ask for it !!!!

ellie: drop it

dina: blue moon

dina: blue moon

dina: blue moon

dina: blue moon

dina: blue moon

jesse: Blue monk

jesse: *Blue moon

ellie: ENOUGH

ellie drops her phone on the table just as you return, immediately catching her attention. she smiles at you, her previous exasperation quickly forgotten.

“everything okay with your grandparents?”

“yeah, i was just telling them i’m going to show you guys around,” you say, returning the smile.

dina and jesse share an imperceptible look, before she clears her voice. “yeah, about that…” dina trails off.

ellie snaps her head at her, “what?”

“we’re kind of beat,” jesse continues, “we’re gonna go shower and probably nap for a bit. jet lag is crazy,” he chuckles.

“oh!” you say, and you turn to ellie, “what about you? are you tired?”

“she’s not,” dina cuts in before ellie can answer. “energy of a toddler on a sugar high, this one,” she adds with an awkward laugh.

ellie drops her face in her hands in embarrassment, but recovers before you can see her.

“you can totally go with your friends if you’re tired,” you tell her, ducking your head to meet her eyes. “we can exchange numbers and we can reschedule—or not,” you say with a small smile. it had been your idea to show them around, and you didn’t want to make them feel obligated to accept.

“no—yes. i mean, yes, i want to go. i’m not tired at all,” she says quickly. “we should still exchange numbers, though. just in case.”

she surprises her friends as much as herself by her suggestion, not expecting it to come out. she smiles, trying to hide the sudden nerves that had rushed through her and to ignore the proud looks dina and jesse are most definitely giving her.

“yeah, i think so, too,” you say, biting back a smile. then, you look at dina and jesse, who are unblinkingly staring at you two. “i’ll see you guys soon?”

“yes, definitely,” dina replies instantly.

she doesn’t really want to leave, and she’s definitely not tired, but ellie needs the push and be left alone with you. she just hopes her friends gathers up the courage and actually make a move, although with the phone number exchange situation she thinks there might be a higher chance of that happening than she originally believed.

as dina says goodbye to you with a hug, jesse walks over to ellie as she stands up from her seat.

“see you back at the house, williams,” he says, going for a handshake. when their hands break apart, ellie notices he gave her something.

gum.

she arches an eyebrow, “really?”

“just in case,” he shrugs. “you need to be on your A-game, okay? minty fresh at all times. who knows how this little tour might end?”

ellie rolls her eyes, “god—shut up, will you?” she shoves his shoulder as she checks if you’ve heard him. luckily, dina’s keeping you busy by talking your ear off. “wanna get going?” she asks you, to which you immediately nod.

dina and jesse wave at you, twin smiles on their faces that turn into mock teary expressions the moment you turn around. naturally, ellie flips them off.

neither of you notices when jesse pulls out his camera and snaps a picture of two of you crossing the street. ellie’s hand is hovering over your back as she checks both sides, and you’re just looking at your phone as if getting run over isn’t even a possibility.

“you should be more careful,” she tells you.

“what do you mean?” you ask, shooting a quick glance at her.

“you just crossed the street without checking if someone was coming.”

you wave a hand dismissively, "i was just saving your number, i can multitask. besides, cars usually stop when someone crosses the street.”

“key word usually.”

you roll your eyes, amused. “don’t worry about it. people here are really nice to pedestrians, i promise it’ll be fine.”

you lead her through the narrow streets with no particular destination in mind. every little corner of this town is worth seeing, and ellie is realizing it as you keep moving.

there’s a soft smile on her face as she takes everything in, and she thinks she could totally live in a place like this. it’s quiet, but the perfect kind of quiet. she can hear the sound of cicadas in the distance, and she prefers it a thousand times more than the incessant honking of new york.

“it’s pretty, isn’t it?” you ask, noticing the look of wonder on her face. “i didn’t like coming here when i was younger. i found it boring,” you tell her, much to her surprise.

“really?”

“i was fourteen,” you clarify. “i didn’t understand the language, and didn’t enjoy silence as much as i do now. i just wanted someone to talk about one direction, you know?”

ellie snorts, “you were a one direction fan?”

“don’t make fun of your tour guide.”

“i wasn’t making fan of you, i was just asking!”

“with that judgy tone?”

“it wasn’t judgy, i was just surprised—”

“what were you a fan of at that age, huh?” you interrupt her.

ellie laughs at your inquisition, and she takes a moment to think as you both keep strolling down the street.

even though the weather is not as hot as it was before, the heat still classifies as unbearable for a girl like ellie, who usually spends most of her summer days inside her apartment and under the AC. she decides to tie up her hair, a few strands falling at the nape of her neck given its short length. you try not to stare at her biceps as she does so. you barely succeed.

“i was a classic rock fan when i was 14,” she finally replies.

now it’s you who laughs, “of course you were.”

“what?” she chuckles, her eyes quickly trailing over your face before she looks ahead again. “what’s wrong with that?”

“it’s just so fitting. of course you had cool interests at that age.”

“you think that made me cool? i was the resident weirdo. my music taste matched a 50 year old dad’s.”

you shrug, a smile tugging at your lips. “well, i would’ve thought you were cool.”

she just laughs, her eyes crinkling at the corners. the “tour”, as jesse had called it, continues like that—talks about trivial stuff and an embarrassing amount of laughter spilling out from both of you.

ellie isn’t exactly sure how long you walk for, all she knows it’s been a while. by living in new york, she’d grown used to walking long distances, but she’s not sure if she’s ever enjoyed it as much as she’s enjoying it now.

eventually, you slow down and stop in front of a church. ellie shields her eyes from the sun as she looks up, taking in the details. although it’s not as imposing as the typical cathedrals seen around europe, this church has its own charm. her attention zeroes in the asymmetry of the towers that rise on each side. while one looks like it’s an inch short of touching the sky, the other stops abruptly halfway there.

“it’s unfinished,” ellie says, glancing at you before looking at the towers again.

“the architect made it look like that on purpose,” you tell her, following her gaze. “the one on the right represents the soul ascending to heaven, and the one on the left represents mortality and earthly imperfection. our flawed existence, basically.”

ellie hums at your explanation, contemplating the church in silence for a moment.

“looks cool.”

you snort at her ineloquent reply, “yeah, it does,” you agree. “let’s go inside, yeah? it’s really pretty.”

you momentarily grab her hand to lead her to the entrance. the touch lasts an approximate amount of six riveting seconds, but ellie feels it for the next following minutes.

she clears her voice, “it really is pretty.”

the ceiling is a deep blue with golden stars painted across it, which have faded a bit from the passage of time. her eyes move to the walls, then the statues, and finally set in the round, stained glass windows.

ellie stays there for a moment, mesmerized by the way the sun made the colors of the windows pop. it’s then when the artificial sound of a camera shutter makes ellie glance over her shoulder, and she catches you with your phone still halfway up. she raises her eyebrows at you, wordlessly demanding for an explanation.

you sputter for a second, “now we’re even.”

it takes ellie a moment to realize you’re talking about how you met, and the multiple pictures she had taken of you.

“that was an accident!”

she covers her mouth when she hears her own voice echoing, the quietness of the church making it sound embarrassingly loud.

you laugh, loudly, and if ellie’s voice had echoed through the entire church, yours echoes through the entire square.

“that was an accident,” she repeats, this time in a much more appropriate volume as a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. “let me see it, at least.”

you don’t put up any resistance when she reaches over and grabs the phone from you. in the photo, ellie stands in the middle of it with her head tilted back towards the stained glass windows, and her hands clasped behind her back. you can only see her side profile, a particular ray of light shining on her features while everything else is overtaken by shadows.

“huh,” ellie says, still looking at it. she glances at you, and sees you’re closer than expected, looking at the picture over her shoulder. it takes her aback for a moment, but she carries on. “i like it.”

“good, because i was planning on posting it.”

“you wanna post me on your instagram?”

you shrug, acting nonchalant. “i wanna post a good picture on my instagram, you just happen to be in it.”

ellie bites back a bigger smile, and nods. “sure. make sure to tag me, though.”

you smile back, taking your phone back from her hands and immediately open instagram. she tells you her username, and you hit follow before you start going through her account.

she groans dramatically, throwing her head back in despair. “don’t look at my pictures while i’m here. ‘s embarrassing.”

“why? they’re good! very artsy, very good,” you muse, just as you click on a mirror selfie of her with dina and jesse at what appears to be a bar. you like the picture before you keep scrolling down. “a lot of faceless pics, though.”

“oh, not you, too.”

you chuckle, “who else gives you shit about it?”

“dina,” ellie rolls her eyes. “she keeps bugging me about posting more pictures of my face.”

“well, yeah, i agree with her, and i’m gonna help.”

“you’re gonna help,” she echoes, an unimpressed look on her face.

“mhm, c’mon. there’s more places to visit and many, many pictures to take.”

the tour around town continues with cute spots, and, as promised, you take pictures of ellie in every single one. some are candids, which she doesn’t mind, but there are other times where you make her pose.

ellie hates being aware of the camera, and would’ve complained about it if you were literally anyone else, but it was you, and, even though you have just met, she already feels an unbearable desire to please you.

approximately an hour and a half later, you finally take her to the field you’d told her about. the vast greenery welcomes you, and ellie feels how peace settles within her as you two sit down on the sunbleached grass.

neither of speak for a while; you’re with your eyes closed as you listen to the silence, and ellie is busy watching the clouds pass by.

she doesn’t notice when, a few minutes later, you move to pull out your phone and snap one last picture of her. this time, you remember to mute your phone to not let the shutter blow your cover again. you drop it on the grass once you’re done, and lean back on your hands as a contented sigh leaves your lips. ellie looks over at you at the sound, smiling softly.

“thank you for showing me around today.”

“thanks for letting me,” you reply, returning the smile. “i hope i didn’t tire you out too much.”

“nah, it’s fine. i’m not tired at all,” she lies easily, waving a hand dismissively.

in all honesty, she was exhausted. her legs were a minute away from giving up. she’d do it all over again if you asked her, though.

“look,” you suddenly say, snapping her out of her thoughts. she follows your gaze, and she sees two guys laughing as they sit down the shade of a tree. “the blonde one’s blushing so badly i can see it from here,” you murmur, amused. “it has to be a first date, right?”

“looks like it,” she says, and tries not to think about the fact that they’re doing exactly what you two are currently doing. if that’s what you considered a date, does that mean you thought of this as a date, too?

ellie has been on dates before. not as many as the average person might go on, but she has, at least, the slightest experience in the matter.

the dates had gone well — not great, but not terrible, either. none of them prospered into a second one, and ellie felt like she was done trying at the age of 23. hookups? she wouldn’t give that up. but dating? yeah, she has been pretty much over it for a couple of years now.

ellie didn’t feel comfortable. it was as if her awkwardness intensified to an astronomical degree and she couldn’t fully concentrate on what was going on. she tried her best to ask follow-up questions, to appear at least somewhat interested in what her dates were talking about. she barely succeeded.

the girls weren’t the problem — they were interesting, but ellie didn’t click with them. also, she absolutely dreaded the part where the girls expected her to open up, to give them some information about herself. she tried to give them something, but it wouldn’t go further than how her day had been.

she had always struggled with intimacy. physical intimacy she could handle, but emotional intimacy was a whole different story. letting people know what she was thinking, what she liked, what she didn’t like, how she was feeling — she’d rather die.

which is why it’s extremely curious how now, sitting next to you, she comes to the realization that she wouldn’t mind if you considered this a date. she wouldn’t even mind if you asked her something, either. anything. she’d answer it.

she doesn’t seem to realize she’s already been doing that since the moment you met.

“you need to post every single one of these.”

ellie looks at you, and she sees you’re scrolling through the pictures you took of her. she shifts closer, her shoulder bumping into yours as she looks at the photos, too.

there are some that ellie would never in a million years even think of posting, which are, mostly, the ones where she’s smiling. she needs to keep her cool, mysterious persona alive, and those go against it. much to her disgrace, those are the ones you like best.

“this one’s my favorite, though,” you say.

you’re talking about the first picture you took of her back in the church. ellie can agree it’s a nice one, but what she likes the most about it isn’t the picture itself, but the memory attached to it — the sheepish look on your face when the shutter of the camera exposed you and, especially, the way you had laughed afterwards.

“so, should i post that one?”

you shake your head at her question, “this is the one i am going to post, i already told you that. you will post every single one of the others.”

ellie laughs, “every single one? isn’t that a bit much?”

“mm, no. i don’t think so. i think it’s vital.”

“vital,” she repeats, still amused. “okay, you’re the expert.”

your smile turns smug, “that’s good, you’re learning.”

the evening passes slowly under the warm italian sun. ellie is in no rush to leave, and, by the looks of it, neither are you. at one point, you find yourselves sprawled on the grass, shoulders touching as you stare up into the sky.

“i still can’t believe i’m here,” ellie speaks up after a while.

“in italy?”

“well—yeah, actually, but i meant here with you,” she says, and you wait for her to explain. “i’m not usually the type for person to just… tag along to a stranger’s plans. i don’t even talk to strangers,” she adds with a self-deprecating smile. “i mean, most of the ‘wild’ things i’ve done are because dina came up with them and made me do them.”

you hum, “but you still did them, right? that’s what matters.”

ellie tilts her head, “yeah, i guess.”

you roll your eyes, but it’s painfully fond instead of annoyed. “give yourself some credit, ellie.”

“i give myself plenty of credit.”

“i think you’re full of shit.”

ellie’s mouth falls open in mock offense. “you’re rude, did you know that? does your grandma know? i’ll tell her.”

you laugh, “you can try, but you’d have to learn italian to communicate with her — she refuses to speak english anymore. says it’s rude to her husband and this beautiful country that took her in.”

“wow, that’s… kind of romantic, and a little bit insane.”

“it’s what we should all strive to have.”

ellie turns her head to look at you, a hand resting on her stomach and the other mindlessly plucking blades of grass, “a partner who gives up their mother tongue to speak your language?”

“sacrificial love,” you correct her with a gentle smile. “and i don’t mean we should sacrifice something huge that would make us miserable — i mean doing stuff we wouldn’t usually do, but we’d do it for the right person.”

ellie falls silent for a moment, processing your words. she hums, her eyes leaving you to look up at the sky again.

“i think that’s what love is about — willingness to sacrifice your own comfort to do something for someone else. what do you think?”

she isn’t sure what she thinks. her knowledge of love is severely lacking, but the more she thinks about your definition, the more she agrees.

“i’ve never really thought about it, but i like the way you described it,” she says.

silence takes over after that, neither of you feeling the need to fill it. you lay next to each other for another fifteen minutes. no more words are exchanged, just enjoying each other’s company is enough.

“it’s getting dark,” you point out after a while, turning your head to her as she does the same. “we should probably head back.”

“yeah, probably,” she muses, but makes no effort to move at all.

her eyes trail over your face, and she doesn’t care if you notice. you cannot possibly expect her to act normal when there’s such little distance between you.

ellie feels warm all over, and it isn’t because of the summer heat. she feels it inside, a soft feeling spreading through her chest as her gaze flicks between your eyes and your lips.

“do you hear that?” you whisper.

ellie blinks, her eyes flicking back to yours. “hear what?”

“music.”

she pauses, but the only sound she hears is the pathetic thumping of her own heart. she closes her eyes, eyebrows furrowing in concentration as she tries to pick up the sound of whatever you’re hearing.

nothing happens for a moment, until, finally, ellie hears it. it’s faint, barely there, but she can hear it.

“how do you feel about making one last stop before i free you to go back to your friends?”

ellie looks at you, and the smile on her face is already enough of an answer. she loves her friends more than anything, but she isn’t in a rush to go back to them, not when the option to spend more time with you was available.

night has begun to fall, and the streetlights flicker on as you move towards the music. you tell her that, during summer weekends, it’s common for the town to get together in the main square and enjoy an evening of live music.

ellie’s breath catches slightly when you finally arrive at the piazza — fairy lights hang from balconies to balconies, casting warm light over the people dancing.

it looks like something out of a movie, and ellie can already tell she’ll feel nostalgic about this specific moment in the future.

she follows you mindlessly as you step into the makeshift dancefloor, brushing past locals and other tourists who look like they’re having the time of their lives. ellie’s pretty sure she has the same expression on her face, like she has just stepped into an alternate reality where nothing can go wrong.

the band starts playing another song just as you finally find a spot that convinces you enough to stay. ellie recognizes it instantly, it’s alright by jamiroquai.

i need your love, i need your love, i need your love.

“don’t you dance?” you ask her with a small laugh. you’re already moving to the beat, waiting to see if she’ll join you or stay still for the entirety of the song.

ellie grimaces, “i’m not the best at it,” she leans in so you can hear her over the music.

“i’m not asking you to perform the nutcracker or anything, y’know.”

she rolls her eyes, but there’s a smile tugging at her lips. she looks around for a moment — everyone is in their own little world. when her eyes flicker back to you, you’re still smiling at her.

“come fly with me eternally, you and me, we were meant to be,” the guy sings, and ellie loses her train of thought when she notices you mouthing the lyrics.

you don’t wait for her to make up her mind, you just grab her hands and move them to the beat until ellie reluctantly starts dancing on her own with a look of mock annoyance on her face.

yeah, yeah, alright

let’s spend the night together, wake up and live forever

“that’s it,” you say, laughter spilling out. you don’t let go of her hands, you actually pull her closer. “you’re a natural. did you ever think of telling me you were this gifted?”

“shut up,” she tells you, but she’s also laughing.

i see your eyes hold the key to my paradise

summer in your smile

well, it makes me feel so real

the longer she dances with you, the looser she gets. she even makes you spin, and you clumsily try to not bump into the people around you.

“shit, sorry,” you hastily apologize to a woman, who’s definitely too drunk to care about you almost stepping on her toes.

ellie doesn’t realize a lot of things until they hit her all at once; the fact that you’re closer than you’ve ever been before, the way one of her hands had wandered down to your waist and the other somehow ended up cradling the back of your neck.

take my hand, as one we will stand

you know it’s now or never to say hello to forever

she can’t help it, her eyes flicker down to your lips just as they did back in the field. the band keeps playing, everyone around you keeps dancing and singing signing along, but ellie’s not paying attention to any of that.

when she drags her gaze away from your lips, she expects to meet your eyes again. her stomach flips when she notices you’re too busy staring at her mouth.

she takes that as a sign, and, before she can talk herself out of it, she leans forward. you meet her halfway, and ellie can feel you smiling when her lips press against yours.

she can’t hold in the small chuckle that escapes her before she deepens the kiss, bringing you even closer than before. you go willingly, your mind completely empty except for the repeated “oh my god’s” and “fuckfuckfuck’s” echoing through your head.

you don’t know how long the kiss lasts, but, once ellie pulls away, you desperately wish it could’ve lasted even longer. forever, even.

your eyes lock, and her sheepish smile almost disarms you entirely. you can’t comprehend how someone can be so cute and so unfairly hot at the same time.

“i don’t think i wanna let you go back to your friends now,” you say, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

“i don’t wanna go, either,” she admits. “…maybe you could come with me? the four of us can have dinner. we can cook, or we can go somewhere. i don’t care.”

“do you think they’ll mind if i’m there?”

ellie snorts, as if the idea is completely ridiculous. if anything, they’ll be so happy they’ll be bouncing off the walls. “trust me, they won’t.”

she threads her fingers through yours, and smiles gently before leaning in to kiss you again. this one’s shorter than the first, but not any less sweeter.

“let’s go,” she mumbles, barely pulling away from you. “you’re going to have to guide us, though, because i don’t know where the hell i am.”

you laugh, as if guiding her through town wasn’t the thing you’ve been doing all day. you give her one last peck, because why not, before you start leading her out of the crowd.

ellie pulls out her phone with her free hand, and uses the last seconds of her battery to text her friends. she needs to give them a heads up in case they’re doing something she definitely doesn’t want to interrupt.

ellie: coming home

ellie: be nice to our guest

dina replies almost immediately.

dina: GUEST?

ellie: yeah

ellie: please don’t be weird

ellie: PLEASE

jesse: Did you hook up with her

ellie rolls her eyes before she quickly types in her reply.

ellie: who do you think i am

jesse: A. horny lesbian

dina: they definitely made out

dina: i feel my blue moon senses tingling

jesse: Blue monk

jesse: Aha amiright ladies

ellie’s phone dies before she can reply, and she figures that’s for the best. she would’ve gotten tired by typing the amount of insults she wanted with just one hand.

she focuses on you, and the fact that you’re still holding her hand. you keep shooting glances at her, and every single time your eyes meet hers. neither of you has been able to erase the dumb smiles from your faces. it’s embarrassing, but oh-so-good.

then, a thought suddenly hits her, and she’s opening her mouth before she can even process it.

“how far is boston from new york?”

you raise your eyebrows, “thinking of visiting me already?”

she shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. “if i go to boston and you happen to be there, i guess i wouldn’t mind seeing you.”

you shake your head in amusement, “it’s, like, a one hour flight. couple of hours more by train.”

“oh, that’s not too bad—wait,” she interrupts herself. “did you check already?”

“it’s general knowledge,” you roll your eyes, trying to hide the fact that yes, you had definitely checked the distance between your cities earlier while you were at the field.

ellie hums, eyeing you suspiciously. “right, right,” she says, clearly not buying it. “y’know, it’s crazy, i was actually planning a trip to boston after this.”

“were you, now?”

“yeah, it’s crazy,” she repeats. “chose that city randomly, too. don’t know why, i just felt boston calling out to me.”

you try to fight back the smile on your face, but it’s impossible. “you’re a dork.”

ellie shrugs with a lazy smile, not caring one bit about the insult.

“and you checked.”

when all you do is huff and not deny it, ellie’s smile turns annoyingly smug. she’s never been a cocky person, but this information strokes her ego just right, and it causes a surge of new found confidence within her. you don’t have time to process anything when, suddenly, she grabs your face with her free hand and kisses you.

ellie loves that your response to her kiss is almost instant, a contented hum leaving her when your hands come up to tangle in her hair.

“we’re in public,” you mumble against her lips when she backs you up against a wall, but you can’t even pretend to want to stop.

“the street is empty,” she replies, and dives in for another kiss. “everyone’s at that thing.”

“someone could—”, kiss, “—pop up any second,” you say, just to be annoying.

ellie huffs a small laugh, “i don’t think i care, do you?”

you don’t answer, and ellie’s smile widens when you pull her closer. by the back of her neck.

never in a million years she would have guessed that this is how her first day abroad would end. she can’t believe her luck, and the knowledge that she still has six more days of this fills her with excitement, which makes her kisses turn a little too eager. you don’t mind at all, and kiss her back with the same energy.

needless to say, your walk home takes a little more time than originally planned. ellie knows her friends will tease the absolute shit out of her.

These days, Dina and Jesse typically planned the outings, to which Ellie would be roused from her space to join them. Wyoming summers were pleasant, too, for the most part. The nights still got cold, however–so asses would be put into gear before sundown to make it home in time. As long as they were careful, Maria didn’t mind it. Let the younger ones have their fun, reminiscent of a world with carefree laughter and summers that might’ve been spent on beaches. As long as safety was a priority and job shifts were not flaked on–let there be lake! 

This summer in particular wasn’t much different from the others that had happened so far. Ellie was a bit older, and more sure of her swimming skills than she had been at sixteen… but really, not much had changed. Not even the company. 

Except for you, which had been the biggest change so far. 

You had come to Jackson with a winter storm, though you were truly anything but. 

In the midst of the harsh weather, just several months ago, you and your group had essentially been rescued by some of Jackson’s patrol people. The snow storm that day had been unrelenting, your fingers frozen so stiffly that you had genuinely feared potentially losing feeling in them forever. 

Even with chattering teeth, and lips that had started to turn purple, you attempted to greet the people of Jackson with a smile. Your gratefulness went a long way, and if simple manners were all that you could offer in return at the time, then so be it. 

Getting comfortable can be hard. Trusting safety can be difficult. Despite those things, and the other adjustments that come with joining a new community and meeting new people, you had found your place within Jackson rather quickly. 

Found genuine friends, even. 

For that, Ellie was grateful. A little disbelieving, too, that some girl–you–had suddenly shown up and liked to look at comics with her. Didn’t mind listening to the same albums on repeat, either. Your falling into friendship with Ellie had been like the warmth of the sun thawing frosted dew on the grass. 

You fit into the small friend group like a piece that they didn’t realize was missing until your presence just worked. Plus, Ellie loved not having to be a third wheel anymore, despite how welcoming Dina and Jesse had always been with her. Ellie liked a lot of things about you being around, honestly. She wasn’t completely verbal about it, but it was shown in other ways. There was a photo of you–smiling and leaning against Shimmer’s stall–that was tacked to the board above Ellie’s bed. You had joined the visual space of her loved ones after a few months of friendship. 

And now, as it was your first summer spent in Jackson, you were to have your first lake day with Ellie, Jesse, and Dina. 

The four of you were lucky to sneak away alone, without any additional people tagging along or also heading there for their own plans that afternoon. The extra company wasn’t necessarily always minded, but it was nice to have some privacy, sometimes. Guards could be lowered, and all that. Jokes unrestricted. Inhibitions lowered. 

The afternoon had been a good one so far. 

The sun was bright, golden streaks of light reflecting off of the water. Dina had stripped down to her underwear and bra, and was floating peacefully on her back, eyes shut. Jesse idled nearby her, tracing his fingers through ripples on the water’s surface.

You had stripped down, too. Underwear and a tanktop were what had covered your body, though your flimsy attempt at some sort of modesty had been abandoned as you pulled off your top, opting to remain in your bra instead. The feeling of the wet material of the tanktop clinging to your skin had been driving you crazy. Sufficient apparel for swimming would’ve been brought, had any of you known that actually getting in the lake would’ve been feasible on this day. You had figured that the water would still be too cold for a proper submerging, and that the afternoon would’ve been spent lounging in the grass and dipping only your feet in. 

The water was cold, but the sun was warm enough to make you all reconsider. You had hesitated, still. Dina had been the first to suggest it, and then to act on it. Fuck it, she had said with a grin. And then Jesse followed her into the water. 

The lake was most shallow closest to the grassy edge, though you knew that it dropped off to be deeper near where Jesse and Dina were swimming. 

You stayed in the shallow, eyes shut and face tilted toward the sun. Really, you were hardly in the water at all. You sat with your legs stretched out in front of you, leaning back on your elbows. The water lapped over your bare thighs, the tranquil sound mingling with the faint scratching of Ellie’s pencil against pages–taking place just behind you. 

Ellie was on the grass–her choppy, auburn strands only half dried. She was bent over her journal, sketching trees that were in her line of sight. She had been in the water earlier, having had a splash fight with Jesse while very deliberately preventing her gaze from flickering toward your form whatsoever. Now, with you just a few feet in front of her, it was proving to be a little more difficult. 

Well. 

It really wasn’t a big deal, Ellie silently told herself. Over and over. 

She kept her eyes fixated upon her sketched tree, and only her sketched tree. It wasn’t a big deal. Dina was half-naked, too. But… Dina was Dina. And you were… you. 

“Are you seriously not even going to get in?” 

You forced your eyes open, head falling slightly forward so that your eyes could land upon the source of the sudden voice–Dina. She was no longer floating on her back but was instead upright, the water just below her shoulders. 

“I am in,” you called to her, to which Dina rolled her eyes and threw her head back. 

Her hair had been thrown up into a bun, some dark strands slipping free and ending up wet and plastered to her cheeks. “All the way in,” Dina replied, shooting you a pointed look. “You’re practically on all… grass and dirt. I thought you were excited to come.” 

You heard Ellie huff behind you. Your eyebrows pulled together, a slight crease appearing between them as you glanced down at your bare legs. Sure, you weren’t in the water much… but you were still enjoying it. 

“I was, I am,” you said. “I’m good like this, really.” Your sentence had started loud to bridge the distance between yourself and Dina, but had softened as Jesse started swimming a bit toward the shallow end, just so that you didn’t have to raise your voice. 

“Are you sure you’re good?” he questioned, water droplets flying from his hair as he gave a quick shake of his head. “We can head back, you know. If you aren’t–” 

“I’m fine.” You offered a smile–a genuine one. “It’s way too cold to go that deep, you guys are crazy. I’m perfectly fine to stay right here,” you continued, shifting your feet a bit to gently splash them against the shallow water. 

“What about you, huh?” Jesse said, directing his words toward Ellie now. “Sulking because you can’t handle a splash?” 

“Fuck off.” 

A soft snort of amusement escaped you at Ellie’s dry response. You looked over your shoulder to catch a glimpse of her, seeing that she hadn’t bothered to look up from her sketching while quipping back to Jesse. Her pencil was held by her right hand, and she scratched at her chin with her left one–eyebrows furrowed. 

Your lips curved on instinct at the sight of her–a soft, fond sort of look. Ellie caught your smile. Returned it. 

Ellie’s cheeks were tinted a faint pink, a result of the time spent out in the sun. Something about the sight caused a flutter within your stomach, made your heels dig farther into the ground beneath you. The tops of Ellie’s shoulders had gone pink too, though they were now hidden from you. You had noticed it earlier though, after she had gotten out of the water and before she had tugged her t-shirt back on. 

“Whatcha drawing?” you asked, craning your neck slightly to still peer at Ellie from over your shoulder. 

Jesse gave the smallest splash in your direction–to which you didn’t even flinch–before wading through the water to move back toward Dina. 

It was a detail that escaped yourself and Ellie, but everyone else was privy to it… the fact that it was honestly hopeless to try to engage in a conversation with either one of you once the two of you–yourself and Ellie–began speaking to each other. The world seemed to narrow down within an instant, causing scoffs and knowing eyerolls that you both were oblivious to. 

“Mmm, noneya,” Ellie mumbled, giving you a brief side glance before looking back down at her journal. 

“Whatcha drawing?” you questioned again. 

“The trees. You really aren’t gonna swim?” 

You managed a shrug, relieving your neck of the strain as you turned to look forward once more, watching as Dina dipped her hair under the water. 

“You said it was freezing,” you replied, pulling up your knees a little and giving them a sway. “Plus, I’m good right here.” 

Ellie swallowed, her green eyes flickering to the back of your head. She tucked her pencil within the pages of her journal and slowly shut it, recognizing something within you that she had previously been able to identify within herself. 

Within a matter of seconds, Ellie had moved to plop down on the grass next to you. She brought her knees up, resting her elbows upon the tops of them as she peered into the lake. “What’s up for real?” she muttered, hesitating just briefly before deciding against bumping her arm against your own. Normally she would, maybe. But you also didn’t normally have this much skin on display. 

“What’s up with you?” you retorted softly. You bumped your arm against Ellie’s as the words left your lips. Ellie nearly shivered. “You’re being quiet,” you continued, gaze flickering over Ellie’s side profile. “All… contemplative like.” 

“Contemplative,” Ellie snorted, giving a small shake of her head. “You know this doesn’t count as a real swim? I learned that the hard way,” she said, and then mustered up the courage to give your arm a gentle nudge in return. 

You opened your mouth to respond, but all that came out instead was a yelp of protest as yourself and Ellie were suddenly splashed by Dina. She swam closer with a grin, sending another splash in your direction for good measure. 

“Don’t be boring. Come swim,” Dina taunted playfully, steadily meeting your gaze as she raised her eyebrows at you. 

Huffing, you straightened out one leg, leaving the one closest to Ellie still pulled halfway up toward your chest. “I can’t.” 

“You can. The water isn’t that bad. Don’t be a chicken. We’ve waited for this–” 

“No, I can’t swim,” you relented, dropping your other leg to sit up straight. 

“Wait, really?” Ellie’s eyebrows drew together, her gaze flickering over your face. 

“I just never– There was never really a chance– I just haven’t been able to learn. There wasn’t–” 

“It’s no big deal,” Jesse interrupted, using a large rock near the surface to pull himself out of the water. “Ellie can teach you.” 

As soon as Jesse’s words registered in Ellie’s ears, her eyes widened. She was quick to shoot him a look of protest–a silent shut the fuck up. 

“Really?” you asked, your voice pitched with enthusiasm as you focused your attention entirely on Ellie. 

“No,” Ellie scrambled to reply, her limbs going slightly rigid. 

“Sure you can,” Jesse said casually, sprawling his body on the rock to relax as he dried off. 

“No, I actually can’t.” Ellie gritted her teeth, but you were already standing and Dina was beckoning you into the water. 

Ellie’s gaze flickered to your back, to which she immediately regretted. She averted her gaze. Quickly. Not a big deal. Ellie just… liked being around you. Liked when she made you laugh, which was a lot, much to Ellie’s own disbelief. Liked the sound of your voice, even on days where everything felt annoying. And she had just… like, never seen that much of your skin before. It was whatever. 

“Come on. Like, actually, please? It’s stupid. I should learn. I want to learn, but–” 

No, sorry, Ellie wanted to say. Absolutely not, actually. 

You stood and stared at Ellie, the water hitting just below your knees. Ellie tried to swallow, but her mouth was too goddamn fucking dry. “Dina can teach you,” Ellie croaked. 

“No, I think you should do it, El,” Dina said cooly, maneuvering herself to the same rock that Jesse was lounging on. 

“You are such a dick,” Ellie hissed under her breath, giving Dina a sharp glare before she forced herself to face you. “Uh. Fuck. Okay. Okay, sure,” Ellie mumbled, pulling herself up to her feet. She kept her shirt and shorts on before cautiously treading into the water, still keeping a good foot of space between your bodies. 

You took a few steps backward, allowing yourself into slightly deeper waters with Ellie now approaching. “When did you learn? To swim, I mean.” 

Ellie shrugged, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. She slowly followed your steps, her gaze only flickering between your face or the lake. “Few years ago. Joel taught me.” 

You stopped moving through the water once the level hit your chest, your gaze stuck on Ellie’s face as you continued to face her. “How’d he teach you?” 

Ellie’s lips faintly twitched, her eyebrows raising as she looked down at the water, taking a step closer to you. “Pushed me in. No warning, or anything. Just–” 

She raised a hand to make a pushing motion, causing you to flinch and jerk away from her. 

“Do not–!” 

“Whoa, whoa. Jesus, I’m not gonna do that to you,” Ellie said, a soft scoff of amusement falling from her lips. Her hands awkwardly fell to her sides, though their submerging in the water did little to prevent the nervous twitch of her fingers. 

You narrowed your eyes at her, though your expression of amusement was evident–and enough to cause Ellie to relax slightly. 

“I trust you,” you said, almost like a warning. Ellie held her hands up in a surrender as her response. 

“Should go just a little deeper,” Ellie muttered, rolling her shoulders back. “Like, just a little.” 

You moved backward a bit more, until the water lapped just below your shoulders. “Good?” 

Ellie hummed, and gave a jerky nod in response. “You don’t seem… scared.” 

“I’m not,” you replied, placing your palms over the lake’s surface, feeling the gentle ripple beneath your skin. “I’m not scared of the water, I’m just not confident about my skill because I’ve never really practiced it. But I know you have to like… trust your body, trust the water, feel the movement…” 

Ellie nodded, her gaze flickering over your face as you spoke. “Yeah.” She cleared her throat softly. “Yeah, basically. It’s really just… keeping yourself up? It’s hard when there’s, like, a lot of waves. But this is chill. It’s basically like glass,” she muttered, skimming her fingers over the water. 

“Keeping myself up,” you muttered, straightening your posture as you were aware of how much of your body was submerged. “Staying afloat. I can do that. Easy. I just, like, have this weird thing about getting pulled under, and–” 

“You won’t,” Ellie interrupted, keeping a tiny space still between your bodies. “This kind of water won’t just randomly suck you under. Plus, it’s like, physics. And–” 

“And you’re here, so I’m good,” you finished, your tone soft and quiet as you tilted your head and smiled at her. 

Ellie inhaled. Swallowed. “Yeah.” 

Your heart did a stupid flutter, so you told yourself that it was nerves. “Let me just float first. Like, feel it. If that’s–” 

“Yeah, you can– We can do that.” 

“No flailing yet.” 

“No flailing yet,” Ellie agreed, the corners of her lips tugging upwards. “If you move onto your back–” 

“Feels like setting myself up for failure. Or, flailure.” 

Ellie suppressed a snort, her eyes crinkling in amusement as she shot you a glance. “Ha-ha. If you wanna switch to Joel’s method…” she mused dryly. 

“No, I’m good. Just… like, don’t let me go, okay? Let me get comfortable with it before anything else,” you said. 

You puffed your cheeks momentarily as you prepared yourself, before maneuvering your form and adjusting onto your back. The slight dip feeling caused your breath to hitch, but you forced yourself to relax. You shut your eyes, the brightness of the sun just a touch overbearing like this. 

In all honesty, you looked quite natural. Ellie’s head tilted idly to the side as she watched you. She bit the inside of her cheek as her gaze flickered over your form, just once. 

“I feel like I’m–” you started to speak, a hint of resigned concern lacing your tone. 

“No, you’re fine. It feels weird, but you’re fine. You can kinda… tread water with your hands, I guess. Or do slow circles with your arms.” 

“I know. Just feels awkward,” you murmured. 

“Great teaching, man,” Jesse called out from where he was apparently spectating on the rock. “Very interesting method of just standing and watching.” 

Jesse’s words made you jolt, which ended in a small flail of your arms. “Ellie–” you huffed, realizing that she hadn’t truly made a move to assist.

“I gotchu,” Ellie murmured, ignoring the way in which her cheeks flamed due to Jesse’s bullshit. Her hands hovered just briefly–uncertain–before she tentatively moved them to your back, as if to hold you up. 

At the steady support from Ellie’s palms, you relaxed once more against the gentle lapping of the water. Ellie, however, felt impossibly tense. It was a simple touch, really–her palms against the skin of your back. But it was also… a lot. Your body–yours–wet from the lake, relaxed against her touch, made Ellie’s fingers want to curl despite how rigid she was currently keeping herself.

Ellie did not look at Jesse or Dina. She did not look at your half-naked form, not really, and instead focused on the spot of water where her arms had dipped to support you. She was not thinking about how this was the most she’s ever seen of you, or that she’s never really felt you like this, a simple hand on the bare of your back should not be enough to turn Ellie’s brain to static–and yet. 

You hummed, content with the simple floating under Ellie’s support. 

“Still good?” Ellie questioned under her breath, her voice bordering on being slightly hoarse. 

“Yeah, still good,” you murmured. 

“This isn’t swimming, you know. Just floating,” Ellie muttered. 

“I’ll get to it.” 

You shifted just a little, resulting in one of Ellie’s hands to instinctively skim up your back, her finger accidentally brushing the band of your bra. 

You shivered. Just barely. Ellie’s eyes–much too alert–caught sight of the goosebumps as soon as she felt them, a body’s reaction that can’t be suppressed. Ellie pays too much attention, and it unfortunately did very little to help her already struggling case. 

“You cold?” Ellie rasped, her fingers twitching against your back. 

“Nope,” you replied softly. 

The ripples of the lake shifted you, your form pulling toward Ellie and then away from her–a gentle back and forth–as her hands remained your beam of support–just in case. Ellie’s fingertips skimmed, adjusting their positioning to what felt natural–call it instinct or the comfortability of helping a best friend–one arm slipped to rest under your knees, the other moving to the backs of your shoulders. 

Your breath hitched imperceptibly, more goosebumps, but you were calm under Ellie’s touch. It shouldn’t have made her heart feel weird, but it did. Ellie was helping you, pretty much–of course you would be relaxed. You were floating. It was a nice day. But still. 

Ellie tried to be careful about these things. Careful about not overstepping, careful about not reading into things. You could be more nervous about the water than you had let on, and maybe that’s why you had goosebumps. You could genuinely be cold. Or, even if it was due to Ellie’s touch, it didn’t necessarily have to mean anything. 

Ellie’s breathing started to match your own, because yeah, yours had changed a little, and she had noticed. Her gaze flickered to the rise and fall of your chest–not to be weird–but to try to gauge how you were feeling. She wanted to make some stupid joke about feeling as though she was doing most of the work, but her mouth felt too dry. And the physical contact felt… nice. Admittedly. Nicer than it should, probably. 

Ellie’s fingers flexed against you, the goosebumps still jarring her. It was a mixture of things, really, combined with your skin, soft and slippery and so close–

“Fuck–” Ellie hissed, pulling her arms out from under your form as if she had suddenly been burned. 

You yelped at the brashness of it, your body flailing as your support had quite literally been pulled out from under you. Splashes washed over Ellie as you kicked your feet and circled your arms to steady yourself, and Ellie was already a few feet away by the time that you had gotten yourself upright. 

“Ellie, what the fuck?” you sputtered, water dripping down your face as you whirled around to her, your face scrunched in confusion and mild annoyance. 

Ellie’s chest heaved, her hands hovering awkwardly above the water as though she were afraid to touch anything else. The heat of humiliation washed over her face, and the sound of Dina and Jesse’s loud, echoing laughter from the rock didn’t help either. 

“Sorry. I– Fuck, sorry. There was– I didn’t– It’s cold. Are you cold?” 

You shook your head, wiping at your wet face with your wet hands, doing little to do away with the water droplets. Heart hammering in your chest, you pushed yourself through the water, moving back toward the shallow end anyway.

Ellie stood frozen as she watched, waiting until you were ahead of her before she forced herself to follow, her pulse feeling uncomfortably quick. “Fucking nice, Ellie,” she grumbled under her breath.

𓂃 𓈒𓏸