When You’re Ready
Pairing: Akk/Ayan
W/c: 1.1k
“I really want to kiss you right now.”
Ayan ran his fingers through Akk’s hair, beaming at him lovingly. “Then do it,” he whispered.
A wide smile broke out on Akk’s face, a quiet laugh slipping out of his mouth as he pressed his lips to Ayan’s.
“Finally,” Ayan sighed as he gave Akk one kiss after another. “I’ve been waiting all day for this.”
“So have I,” Akk breathed, carding his fingers through Ayan’s hair and pulling him closer, kissing him deeper and deeper.
“I love you so much,” Ayan whispered through kisses to Akk’s cheeks.
Akk nuzzled his face into Ayan’s hair as he whispered, “Can you… say that again?”
“I love you, Akk,” he said, kissing Akk’s ear. “I love you. I love you.”
Akk clung to his shoulders as he practically absorbed Ayan’s kisses. His kisses decorated his neck, slowly making their way along his collarbone and to his sternum. “I love you,” Akk whispered back to him, his eyes falling shut as his head tilted back against the pillow.
Ayan gave him slow, gentle kisses down his chest and stomach, eventually reaching the small area of skin at the hem of his shirt. He slid a finger underneath his shirt, gently caressing the soft skin hiding there. “Can I?”
Akk nodded blissfully, not opening his eyes even for a second.
With a sly smile, Ayan lifted up Akk’s shirt and splayed out his fingers against Akk’s bare chest. He could feel the gentle thumping of his heart against his hand, sending an energy of anticipation up his arm, straight to the center of his chest. “Kiss me,” Ayan said breathily, to which Akk quickly complied.
The two carried on kissing like this for what could have been hours yet could have been mere seconds. Neither of them could be sure.
As they kissed, Akk started to feel that gnawing sense of worry in the pit of his stomach, that feeling he had grown so accustomed to. His breath became more rapid and his heartbeat grew faster, but not in a good way.
“Aye”.
Ayan brought his head up from Akk’s neck and looked into his eyes. He saw the unsettled gaze and instantly backed away a bit. “What’s wrong?” He asked, voice heavy with concern.
“I’m scared,” he whispered, his eyes wide and lips trembling ever so slightly.
“We can stop-”
“No!” Akk interjected strong before reeling himself back in. “No,” he whispered again. “I want to.”
“But?”
“I’ve never…”
Ayan nodded understandingly. “And… are you ready? You can say no.”
“I’m ready. I want this, I’m just…” Akk pressed his lips into a thin line and looked into Ayan’s eyes, his brows scrunching nervously.
“Come here,” Ayan whispered sweetly as he sat up and pulled Akk into a hug. “It’s okay to be nervous.”
“Were you?” he asked timidly. “For your first time?”
Ayan nodded, smiling knowingly. “I was… sitting in bed with this guy that I was totally in love with, and there was nothing that I wanted more than to show him just how much I loved him. I… tried to be cool and collected on the outside, but on the inside, I was terrified because I had no idea what I was doing. But then I would remember who I was with, this gorgeous, sweet man with the cutest smile and kindest heart I’ve ever seen,” he ran his thumb across Akk’s lips, blushing as he did so, “and I realized I had nothing to be afraid of, because if there was anyone I was willing to look stupid with, it was him.”
Akk brought his hand to grasp Ayan’s wrist, feeling his pulse pounding there. “He sounds really special,” he whispered.
“He is,” Akk beamed. “And I would never want him to be afraid to let me down either. He deserves so much more than that.”
“How can you be sure,” Akk whispered, “that I won’t let you down?”
“Why would you?” Ayan exclaimed, eyes wide and earnest. “In what universe would you let me down?” He took Akk’s hands and held them close to his chest. “
“In one where I have no experience,” Akk said ashamedly, smiling self-consciously. “In one where… I’m so new to this that I barely know what I want. And I want to show my boyfriend to the night of his life, but I don’t actually know how to do anything.” He leaned back against the headboard and looked up at the ceiling, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with Ayan.
“Do you know what I want? From our first time?” Ayan said gently, laying on his side next to him. “I want to share something with you that no one else will ever experience. Parts of you that no one else can have, body and soul. I want to hold your face in my hands and look into your coffee-brown eyes and forget about the world. Having it be just you and me in this bed, having a moment. A goddamn beautiful moment, no matter how sloppy or unexperienced. All that awkward stuff, the accidents and the incoordination and bumps in the road, I want that stuff! I want that stuff because it’s real. It’s both of us being new to this and figuring it out together.” He rested his hand on Akk’s waist. “It’s okay if it scares you. Fuck, it scares me too. And if you want to wait and try again another day, that’s fine by me. I don’t want something that supposed to be beautiful to be uncomfortable for you.”
Akk melted a little bit more after each word, tears welling in his eyes. “You know, I fall more in love with you every time you say something like that.”
“Well, it’s the truth,” Ayan said with a soft smile. “Every word.”
~
When Akk woke the next morning, he was curled up in Ayan’s arms.
After last night, he wanted nothing more than to kiss Ayan until he dropped.
They had talked all night, and that was it. Just talking. Just holding each other in bed and telling each other stories. Stories about their lives, their dreams, their fears. Somehow, it had been the most intimate and personal moment of Akk’s life.
Ayan woke up a while later, smiling up at Akk as soon as his eyes got used to the sunlight. “Hey, beautiful,” he groaned as he stretched.
Akk beamed at him, leaning into give him a sweet kiss on the lips, then resting on his side as he watched Ayan, smiling contently.
“What?” Ayan laughed gleefully.
Akk pressed another kiss to Ayan’s lips. “I’m ready.”
