Kim 🐉✨

Something weighing heavy on me is after watching Episode 2 of House of the Dragon obviously the comments praising Emma’s performance are overwhelming I’ve seen other comments saying it was “too much.”

And it’s hard to tell if that’s rage bait, or an opinion someone truly has but I’ve been trying to figure out why it’s so triggering to me. Because it’s a TV show, it’s not real.

But it felt very real. Watching Emma’s performance brought me back to when I witnessed a mother’s grief alongside my own and her grief was overwhelming, loud, horrific and something that has stuck with me even now nearly 11 years later.

Grief isn’t always the slow tear falling down a cold expressionless face while sitting silent and still. Grief can be loud, and collapsing, and painful. Grief is painful, physically, mentally, emotionally. Your brain is moving a million miles a minute trying to protect you.

Using denial, depression, anger, bargaining all the things they say are true and you’re experiencing them at 1000 miles per hour everyday for months.

Grief is overwhelming, grief is screaming at your loved ones who are just trying to help, grief is collapsing on the floor because it’s too hard to stand, grief is matted hair from not leaving your bed. Grief is ugly.

So when I see comments about their expression being too much, or their hands being too much or it was “too much” I say grief is too much. Loss is too much, death is literally too much. Let alone a mother who grew a child, who knew them before they even knew the world.

So even though it’s “just a TV show” and it’s harmless rage baiting comments their performance IS grief.

Me watching house of the dragon this season:

Azriel only said, "there's a darkness to the dread trove that Elain should not be exposed to" once. That's it. Nothing about his opinion says that he doesn't care about what Elain wants. If your boss mentions his plan to send someone you love to a Iran or Lebanon for example, to collect information, you would have something to say about it even if it's the person's decision whether they want to go or not. That's just what truly loving someone brings out in you.

Sjm knows what she's doing and how she's been building elriel slowly since acomaf. Gwynriel is nothing but a misdirection set up only in the last book.

The author Demi Winters writes much softer main characters than SJM — they spend a lot of their time fearful but strong through it, pushing through their fears with men not only protecting them, but trusting them, pushing them forward. And this is key in a healthy relationship, even in books.

Let’s take Tamlin for example. He was extremely protective of Feyre but was that what was best for her? Did he bring confidence to her? Did he make her stronger? Did he believe in her? No. Which is why he was NEVER the right choice. Hell even Lucien was like…. “We should probably teach Feyre how to use her powers….so she can defend herself” and Tamlin really said…lock her up instead.

We see this dynamic throughout all of her books, Rowan, Dorian, Hunt, Rhysand they ALL BELIEVE in their “mate”, or their partner for the story they’re telling because THATS SEXY. It’s SEXY to have a man who will kill for you, but also will let you kill them yourself, who believes in you, who supports you.

We see this with Cassian, Cassian is hard on Nesta because he KNOWS she can be better, she can be stronger, I mean that’s what he loves about her. HE loves to hate her attitude and her strength, he’s not afraid of her power, he LOVES IT, but he’s protective but enough to know she can handle herself as well and that’s sexy.

This is why Azriel and Elain are not the pair (I DONT BELIEVE) that will end up together. Every turn Azriel is afraid for Elain, he’s saying she can’t do things, that’s it’s a risk she shouldn’t be taking. And whether people want to admit it or not that’s DOUBT, that’s him not believing she’s strong enough and they ALL do it. Feyre, Azriel, Nesta etc. To be honest the only people that don’t underestimate Elain are Cassian,Rhysand and….Lucien.

Lucien isn’t upset when he sees her on the battle field, when he’s covered in gore. The first thing he says is basically “you killed the king of Hybern? That’s sick, are you okay?” LUCIEN is the one who goes after Vassa because ELAIN had a vision and he believed her. He had to right? If he didn’t why would he have gone?? He’s annoyed by Azriel’s advances but keeps it cool, he isn’t a brute like Cassian would have been. Lucien is thinking about his failings for HER, not her failings for him.

Now on the flip side we have Gwyn, a character some people like to minimize but she had more time in the last book then Elain or any of the other “main characters”. And what does Azriel think about Gwyn? How strong she is, admiration POURING from his face. When they’re thrown into the bloodrite it’s AZRIEL who says “we have to believe in them”. They challenge each other.

And as a romantasy girly THATS the biggest difference. We all want a man who will protect us, not shield us, not lock us away but stand with us through the hard times.

Period.