Wabba lubba dub dub! I'm stand-up Rick!
Yeah that's right I'm a stand-up guy now. I'm a comedian now Morty. I have to show these *buuuurpp* fucking- lame guys how it's really done. Double feature, comedy and science, they're hand in hand Morty. You know, the universe *burp* the universe has a lot of jokes Morty. The universe is very funny. One day you're in your garage, and an alternate version of you comes and kills your wife and daughter Morty. Isn't that fucking- *burp* fucking funny. Can't wait to hear what those idiots in the audience have to throw at me. Jesus, I'm already regretting this.
Alright, let's give these animals some *buuurp* rules.
If youāre gonna ask a question, make it interesting. I don't do 'What's your favorite color'. Iām a fucking *burp* scientist. Ask me about the Orgy Friday Planet.
You can try to roast me, but remember who has a Neutrino Bomb up his ass.
Don't ask me to 'do the voice.' I'm doing the voice right now. This is my voice.
Don't be fucking weird.














