You're Standing in Your Pizza

Happy National Poetry Month from this first grader:

We did the soft wind. We danst slowly. We swrld aroned. We danst soft. We lisin to the mozik. We danst to the mozik. We made personal space.

To my loving wife Caroline,

I shit so hard I broke the toilet and I’ve got to say sorry for that.

Following, you will find a bulleted list of what I’ve done:

I forced the shit out of my ass too quickly, which smashed the porcelain.

There was too much shit for the toilet to handle.

The neighbor heard me yelling and wanted to know why.

I should not have done this thing.

I’ve hired a young man to help me transcribe, as the matters here give me a horrible migraine. It is difficult to say with certainty what the order was. I am, however, sure that:

The toilet erupted, which covered the bathroom in my shit.

A lot of my shit collected in my trousers, which were gathered at my ankles. When I pulled my trousers up, the shit that had collected in this place went back into my butt.

I slipped around in my shit, yelling things like, “There’s too much of it!” and “It is stinky!”

If you go into the bathroom now you will see what has happened, but I must tell you not to go. We must neither of us go, for it’s bad to be there now. If you must use a restroom go to the Duane Reade at the corner. Thank you for reading and I will see you at lunch.

All my best,

Intense images and videos show the violence in Baltimore right now 

Violence broke out Monday on the streets of Baltimore as rioters clashed with police officers just hours after the memorial service for Freddie Gray, a black man who died of a spinal chord injury on April 19 while in police custody. 

Step 1: the police created a “credible threat” about some high school students gathering at Mondawmin to start trouble.“

Step 2: the police showed up in force and riot gear before the students got out of school at Mondawmin, which is a major public transit hub, and SHUT DOWN THE TRANSIT, guaranteeing the kids couldn’t leave (students in Baltimore ride city buses so that is their only option for going home)

Step 3: the police started macing people and brandishing tasers.

Step 4: the kids understandably responded to being stranded and maced by throwing rocks.

Step 5: the media starts reporting it as “a riot” and “violent protesters.”

New York City, 1983, Photos by Thomas Hoepker